Leaning Toward Wisdom

Back in May I published a podcast episode entitled Spending Control: How's That Working Out For You?

A recent move required all kinds of seemingly extraneous spending. Okay, maybe not extraneous, but aggravatingly excessive from what I wanted. There's moving, truck rentals, fuel, boxes, landscaping, appliances, window coverings, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I'm currently embarking on getting The Yellow Studio version 4.0 assembled. And with two residences there are just some costs that can't be helped, along with a few that could be helped...but we're trying to be strategic about it. For instance, we've got some furniture at place A and some furniture at place B. When family visits place B we need some things - like a place to sleep for one or more kids - that we may not need when place A and place B morph more into a singular place. Even though we're going to keep a place A and a place B they're not forever going to look like they do now. We knew for a year or so we'd kinda sorta be scrambling, but being a bit of a spreadsheet nerd I can report that we've not spent all that much money in redundant items. But still - there are days when it feels like I just want to cut up the credit cards, unplug from the Internet and see if we can go 6 months without buying anything!

I've spent about $400 in clothing, including some new shoes, shirts and pants. I've spent about that much in the past 6 years total, not including buying winter beanies on sale (I got quite a few $20-30 beanies for $5 a piece once the winter weather went away). I don't budget $100 a year for clothing. Gone are the days of buying suits on sale. Or dress shirts. And ties.

A few hundred bucks on things like vacuum cleaner, mops, brooms.

A few hundred bucks on step ladders and a bigger ladder (for cleaning gutters out).

About $500 on things like a leaf blower, water hose, a nice (world-class) nozzle, a rake, etc.

A few hundred bucks on some outdoor back patio furniture, but it's made of that fancy polywood which doesn’t fade, crack or deteriorate.

On and on it goes - a few hundred bucks here, a few hundred there. Pretty soon, it starts to add up.

Now, we're not spending money we don't have, but that doesn't lessen the pain of it. We're not trying to burn through it as fast as we can. We're just finding ourselves needing some things in place B and some things in place A. And some things we need in both places.

The big ticket stuff has been (in this order): appliances (refrigerator, washer and dryer), landscaping at place B and minor construction work for Rhonda's sewing space and The Yellow Studio 4.0. These involved a few thousand dollars each. But the ROI (return on investment) for these is also among the highest because these things are all long term benefits. We won't likely need to replace any of the appliances within the next 10 years or more. Rhonda's sewing room mods and my studio mods are going to last longer than 10 years.

We've spent about $1000 on fixtures/furniture for her sewing room and The Yellow Studio v4.0. We've likely got another few hundred bucks to go to finish both spaces out. Again, these are long lasting items that we'll certainly get our use out of.

Let's talk about these 3 activities and see what we can learn from our foolishness - and wisdom.

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“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” – John F. Kennedy

Any fool can wish, but the wise plan.

“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” – Peter F. Drucker

“Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.” – Warren Buffett

Today's show was sparked by yet another online article about retirement 'cause I get inundated with them. But in reality, the subject is planning for the future - something every wise person pursues.

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Thank you!

Geoffrey (my dad) and me

I wrote down the title of today's episode on November 22, 2014 at 11:31pm. But that was then, this is now.

It's getting hot here in Dallas.

About a week away from Thanksgiving in 2014. The beginning of the holiday season.

Here in America the annual "holiday season" kicks off, literally on Thanksgiving week. Families will gather around big tables filled with all the usual high-calorie foods, including one appropriately named, "stuffing." And we will stuff.

Here in Dallas, we've got a little football game that has been a tradition since 1966. Every year the Dallas Cowboys host a Thanksgiving Day game. Now college teams are getting in on the action. It's a post-meal tradition that results in a bigger game beyond the one played in the stadium --- seeing who can stay awake to actually watch football.

The day is a celebration. The actual giving of thanks is likely more subtle in most homes. People who may not think of praying to thank God for the food might do it on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day. But I suppose simply being surrounded by friends and family causes even the callous among us to have moments of awareness that whisper, "This is nice." Not all "thank you's" are filled with spotlights and loud public address systems. Some just happen in our head. Quietly.

When you get older and your tribe has increased, you may be more prone to giving thanks. And when I say "tribe," I don't mean Seth Godin's version - those folks who will buy your stuff. I mean family, the only kind of tribe I personally recognize. I'm happy you're here, listening to the podcast but I don't consider you part of my tribe. I consider you a friend.

The holiday season wraps up with the New Year's Eve celebration. Generally, people go from eating more than they should on Thanksgiving Day to spending more than they should for Christmas to drinking too much on New Year's Eve. For quite a few, it's more about excess and over-doing-it than anything! But no matter what you do, or how you choose to live during this time of year, it's universally a time spent with friends and family. And if Thanksgiving Day is a day to consider what we're most thankful for, then New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are days to reflect on the previous year and ponder what a new year may bring. Some are hopeful. Others, not so much.

Ironically, New Year's Day is the time when many people "resolve" to make some improvement. Studies report that most fail. And rather quickly. Less than 3% of all resolutions ever come to fruition. And that might be generous.

As I sit here sweating in June, thinking of cooler times and family, I think of the people who surround me. The ones who call me Dad, or Pappa. We don't need to wait until "the holidays" to realize the responsibility we have to our tribe, that clan of people with whom we're related, either by blood kinship or by marriage. When you're a father, it's mostly the responsibility you feel toward your children, their spouses and their children --- your grandchildren. If you think about it too much the enormity of the circumstance might weaken your stance. Or, it might give you greater resolve and purpose. Oddly enough, it might even do both at the same time.

I was almost 21 when I became a husband. I was 23 when I first became a father. That was almost 43 years ago. It was August 17, 1980 - the hottest summer on record for consecutive 100 degree days in this part of the world. Rhonda was miserable that summer. We had a son, Ryan.

Four generations (2017)

Over 10 years ago my son had a son, his first. And just like that, there were 3 generations of us. My father is 99. That makes 4 generations alive simultaneously. 99. 66. 42. 10. It's an average span of 30 plus years between generations that runs from 1922 to 2023.

My fatherhood is now a generation away four times over. I've got five grandchildren. It's an odd thing for which one can't fully prepare. Not so different from fatherhood in that regard. Very different from fatherhood though in a practical sense. It's a different burden of responsibility.

I began thinking some years ago when the first Cantrell grandson was born that our family name, generationally, was deepening. Until some of us fade from view. Odds are my father will fade first. He's healthy and doing well. Come September he'll celebrate his 100th birthday, Lord willing. About 5 years ago he lost two siblings - the only surviving ones, leaving him as the lone survivor among 7. His brothers and sisters didn't pass based on their ages. So he never figured he'd be quite literally "the last man standing." Time marches on. With or without us. I'm happy he's still marching along. Even if the pace is considerably slower. So is mine.

This isn't about preferences. Of a son versus a daughter. It's merely the namesake reality of a family name and how the generations of a family are viewed. I've got family - members of my tribe - none of whom share my last name, but they're still family in every sense of the word.

My youngest grandson is Cason Randy Cantrell. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance. He had my sleep habits the first week of his life (about 8 years ago). That is, he didn't sleep. Much. Thankfully, he got past it. Otherwise, I'm not quite sure what else we may have in common. But as the youngest of these generations, I'm sure time will tell.

But this isn't about my family so much as it's about fatherhood. Mostly fatherhood as you get further down the line. Or up the road. Or maybe it's down the drain. ;)

The view is very different 42 years later. My son will turn 43 later this summer.

As a dad, few things are better than seeing a son do well. Last Father's Day - June 18, 2023 - there were the usual conversations about dads and sons. Talk about how sons were better than dad at something dad used to be pretty good at. Some dads don't handle that so well. Me? That's been the objective all along. Besides, I've never held myself as the standard for my son. Instead, I hoped to provide him a solid example to follow, one that he could (and hopefully would) build something much, much better! Learning from my life has always been the goal - the good, the bad and the ugly. That's why open communication and lots of candid conversations have been my way of life in the family. My son grew up hearing me say, "I'm not going to be the dad who died having left things unsaid. I'm gonna die probably having said too much!" ;) I've never wanted others - especially family - to wonder what I meant, or what I might be feeling, or how much I care about them.

Ryan trying to herd the hellions for a Mother's Day photo. In the background, Road Rash Roy being uncooperative.

It's hard, even for a self-proclaimed wordsmith, to put into words how I feel about the growth, improvement and successes of my son. Now that we're well into our 4th decade together it's even more special.

When A Son Eclipses A Father

The satisfaction - the happiness - is extraordinary.

I've lived my entire life as a son. I've lived almost 46 years as a husband. I've lived almost 43 years as a dad. I know what I'm talking about.

Dads watching their kids play sports is where dads want their kids to excel. Too many see themselves through their kids. So if their son isn't among the best players on the team - that kid that makes a positive difference - then dad ain't happy. Usually, the rest of us see and hear it when he incessantly coaches his kid from the stands. Or in between innings goes to the fence to push (I'm being kind) his son. I see it in 6 and under sports. Dads pressuring kids to perform well.

Counter that with the dad whose son performs well, doing far better than anything dad could do at that age. While many are proud, you sometimes see a dad who struggles to understand his new place in his son's life - a place where your coaching is no longer needed (if it ever was). An area of life where the son is just better - and already knows more.

It happens. It's happened to me in so many different areas of life because my son isn't me. And I'm blessed because of it. He's his own person. His own man. But he's my son and I'm as proud as I can be of who he is, who he has become and who I'm optimistic he'll grow to be. My son has passed me by numerous times. What could be better?

I frequently encounter dads whose sons are failing to progress on multiple fronts. Their angst is easy to feel even though it's isn't my own. I grow quiet during those conversations because it's not my experience as a dad to my son.

In my coaching practice - GrowGreat.com - the reality is my client's success is my success. In fatherhood, it's the same goal. My pride in a client's growth, my pride in my son's success is a similar feeling for me. Both include a high personal investment that only has to do with how I may be able to influence and impact them in their journey to figure things out. We're separate, but connected.

I Was Happy Then. I'm Happier Now!

A kid's perspective versus an adult's perspective - they're often quite different. A young dad's perspective and an old dad's are, too. With 5 grandkids now I have a viewpoint I didn't always have. As I should. It means growth. Increased self-awareness. Wisdom. The very point of this podcast.

Happy is a word that conjures images of gleeful pleasure. That's not how I mean it. For me, a better - more accurate term - would be contentment, but that word - for most - doesn’t quite bespeak how I feel. People think contentment's translation is "it's all fine." No, for me, it's way better than just being fine. It's really good. Fulfilling. Deeply satisfying.

I'm far happier now - as a father of this son - than I was then. Mostly because then it was hopeful, but unknown. I was hoping to get it more right than wrong. I was hoping this little boy would grow up and understand what I was trying desperately to accomplish for him....

I'm going to take a few weeks off from LTW, but first...let's talk about a few things, including podcasting, podcasting stats and the future (and the past).

Thank you for giving me a chunk of your time and attention.

Links:

Ask The Podcast Coach (Dave Jackson)

The Average Guy TV (Jim Collison)

Earthworks ETHOS mic

RodeCaster Pro 2

My other podcasts are GrowGreat.com and HotSpringsVillageInsideOut.com

Some favorite YouTube channels include...

Peter Santenello

Soft White Underbelly

Frank Watkinson

Rick Beato

Real Stories

Tim Pierce Guitar

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

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Wanna help me get a video setup?

I'm planning to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.

If you'd like to help, click the image below to donate a B&H Photo E-Gift Card (use [email protected]).

Thank you!

Clayton M. Christensen died back in 2020. He was a 67-year-old Harvard Business School professor and management guru. He authored books, “The Innovator’s Dilemma” and “How Will You Measure Your Life?" Clayton had leukemia.

The title of today's show was taken from a Wall Street Journal article about him. He was a man of faith, a Morman. While attending Oxford University, where he also played basketball, he refused to play in a championship basketball game (he was 6' 8"). Wrote Clayton, “Had I crossed the line that one time, I would have done it over and over in the years that followed."

Professor Christensen observed that in the next life God wouldn't likely ask him about being a Harvard professor, but would instead inquire,

Can we just talk about the individual people you helped become better people?

His 2012 book, "How Will You Measure Your Life?" bespoke how he was driven by faith...not just business. Evidently, he believed helping others was a large component of living a good life. That's our topic in this episode of Leaning Toward Wisdom.

It's also on my mind because today is June 10th - my wife's birthday. She's the single most important person in my life and has definitely helped me become better.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May the sun always be in your eyes. ;)

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I'm biased.

In favor of superior customer service. I'm fanatical about it. Always have been.

I've spent my professional life operating retailing companies so delivering extraordinary customer experiences has been a top priority for me. And I know a secret - it's not that hard once you make up your mind to deliver it. The problem is very few companies or professionals have made up their mind that they'll excel at it.

Today's world isn't much different than when i started selling stereo gear back in the 70s. Doing what you'll say is still a major advantage.

So why don't more people do it? Because it's a commitment to something most aren't committed to.

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I cry every day.

I laugh out loud every day.

Until or unless we feel something...nothing changes. Feelings can drive our actions and behaviors. I've never known a person embark on growth or self-improvement until they first felt something that compelled a change.

What are you trying to help people feel? What feelings do you hope you're provoking others to have toward you?

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PNC.com has these 10 recommendations in a post entitled, How To Stop Spending Money.

Create a budget.

Visualize what you're saving for.

Always shop with a list.

Nix the brand names.

Master meal prep.

Consider cash for in-store shopping.

Remove temptation.

Hit "pause."

Think reusable.

Keep at it!

There are probably millions of lists like this. Some are just as profound as this one. ;)

I intentionally used the phrase "spending control." It's impossible to stop spending money unless you're dead. But it's very possible to get a better grip on our spending if we want to.

Why This...Why Now?

In early March we sold our house of 25 years and moved. Clearly, it had been 25 years since we'd done it so we weren't exactly in game shape. Lots of things have changed since the late 90s. Our age tops the list. The economy is right up there, too. Our life circumstances, too. Back then we were a family of 4 with two high schoolers. Now we're an older couple with almost 20 years experience in being empty nesters.

Then there's the practical realities associated with our selling our house. We had a built-in refrigerator so there was no refrigerator to move. We included the washer and dryer with the sale of the house...so no laundry to move. That's great on the front end, but when you move you need a refrigerator and a laundry pair. So you have to buy them.

Then there's the impractical realities associated with selling our house and moving. We moved into an apartment just a few miles away from our old house. Refrigerator, washer and dryer included. Great! But we had an opportunity to really disrupt life so we took it. We bought a house miles away and we moved into that. Wait a minute, what? You heard me. We moved twice at the same time. About 90% of our stuff was moved to the house and the other 10% went to the apartment. All at the same time! My body is still paying the price.

Thus began the outpouring of cash. That's why this is currently top-of-mind. And that's why I'm discussing this now.

It's Always A Good Time

Is there ever a time in our lives when it wouldn't be profitable to re-examine our spending? No. It's always wise to be more thoughtful about where our money goes.

John Prine's classic song, Sam Stone, includes the line: There's a hole in Daddy's arm where all the money goes. Dad came home from the Vietnam war injured, physically and emotionally. Now he's a junkie and that's where all the money goes. Where does all your money go? Do you know?

Here's the lead sentence in a recent news story about the United States government spending - specifically, the debt our government enjoys elevating:

As talks over raising the U.S. government's $31.4 trillion debt ceiling intensify, Wall Street banks and asset managers have begun preparing for fallout from a potential default.

Do citizens take their cues from their national government? Or does the government reflect the habits of their citizens? It's a chicken or egg thing. I'm sure somebody smart has studied it. Here in America we love debt because we love spending. We hate saving. More than anything, we hate waiting.

The average American holds a debt balance of $96,371, according to 2021 Experian data, the latest data available.

Anti-capitalism folks blame it on consumerism driven capitalism. I blame it on lack of individual responsibility and low self-discipline. We're bombarded with advertising and marketing urging us to buy. Right now! We mostly listen. And do as we're encouraged because we want to. Nobody is forcing us. We're burying ourselves because we want what we want and we want it now.

Cash Flowing Life Means Living Within Your Means (every month)

Calculate your monthly income and discipline yourself to not spend any more than that. That's cash flowing life. It doesn't mean you must spend that amount, but it does mean you won't exceed it unless it's an exception - and you're prepared with a strategy to pay it off with no or minimal interest. For example, we had to buy a refrigerator, a washer and a dryer for our new house. Rather than write a check and cover the full amount out of savings, we opted to put it on a newly issued credit card from the store in order to take advantage of 6 months same as cash. Simply put, we're paying monthly payments (1/6th of the total) for six months and it isn't costing us anything. Meanwhile, our savings account continues to earn 3.75% (not much, but better than nothing).

If these appliances last 10 years, then it's easy to calculate their annual upfront cost per year. That makes spending money on something like a major home appliance very different than buying something that we might use for a brief period, then store it away never to look it again. The ROI on a new refrigerator is much higher than the ROI on a set of patio furniture. Or a new shirt.

During our move my 10 year old Apple computer died prompting me to buy a new one about a year before my plan. I'd been preparing to ready myself to buy a new Apple Macbook Pro, but I wasn't planning to do that until 2024. It was now March 2023, but I was now without a computer. My work - my life - depends on a working computer so I had no choice. So I pulled the trigger and again, since it was a major purchase (like those appliances), I bought it at Apple taking advantage of 12 months same as cash (that means 12 equal monthly payments with no interest as long as I pay off the entire balance before the one year anniversary of the purchase). If this new computer lasts as long as my previous computers, then I'll have it 8-10 years. Again, that's different math than buying a pair of shoes that may last 2-3 years. And I took advantage of using Apple's money instead of my own upfront.

Looking at these major purchases gave me pause anyway because I don't usually buy these things. It had been many years since I got any new appliances. It had been about 10 years since I got a new computer. These are exceptional purchases with long life spans (hopefully).

That's not where the troubles usually are found. It's mostly in those impulse buys of things that just don't matter. Buying unnecessary stuff because we like having new things - different things.

I began to examine my spending because moving is expensive. Much of it is part of the process. I wouldn't consider it extraordinary or wasteful.

Here's a list of a few things that were one-off type expenses associated with moving. These are in no particular order.

a. Moving expenses (truck rentals, help to load and unload trucks, packing material, specialty boxes) - once and done

b. Appliances

c. Blinds at new house (for just 2 rooms; blinds were already in the house elsewhere) / black out drapes for apartment

d. Staple supplies (this was necessary because we have an apartment and a house so we needed some things in two different places, hardly normal)

e. Landscaping at new house (it's a once and basically done ordeal because it's an Arizona yard, meaning mostly rock) this is not an inexpensive endeavor but like my computer and the appliances, it'll hopefully have a multi-year benefit

f. The Yellow Studio gear (I mostly owned everything I needed, but now I was going to have version 3.0, which quickly became 3.1 and I was also going to be working to get version 4.0 up and going) this included desks, chairs and other gear that based on my history would last for many years

g. Mid-longer Range Stuff (do you like that category label? :D) it includes things like ladders, leaf blowers, lawn chairs, storage tubs and things that will have a long life...but it also includes things like favorite shoes that go on sale so I buy 3 pair, favorite pants on sale so I buy 2 pair, and other things that will last at least 2-3 years or longer

h. Short Range Stuff includes food, household items like paper towels, detergent, toothpaste, razorblades and that kind of thing

i. Gifts - we mostly try to gift things that will last (for example, our most recent gifts to each other were these awesome "camping" rocking chairs that we can take to the kids' ball games or use wherever we want...we're currently using them inside our apartment 'cause they're that comfortable...and yes we got two crimson 'cause we're OU Sooner fans ;)

I began to examine this stuff - all of it - and realized that we're currently going through an extraordinary circumstance that's got upfront expenses. The danger is failure to realize that and falling into a habit of spend, spend, spend. Take the landscaping of the new house. It started out estimated at one price, which didn't last long. It climbed. And climbed some more. And kept climbing. Not because we were changing our mind and adding more stuff, but because estimated amounts of rock were inaccurate. We decided to add some bigger rock in one area where rain water run off is greater. That drove up the cost, but just slightly. The climbing costs weren't dramatic, but more like a dreadful creep.

Our biggest spending (by a wide margin) include:

Appliances

My computer

Landscaping

Household stuff like blinds, ladder, leaf blower, step ladder (the new house had ginormous ceilings and Rhonda still feels like a Smurf), bar stools, chairs (those gifts we got each other), Yellow Studio stuff (desks, chairs, video lights, Rodecaster Pro 2 (I'm using the original RCP 1 in one location), Rhonda needed some shelving installed at the new house (it looks pretty terrific and gave her so much more linear shelf space)

The only consumable items have been food, paper products (plates, paper towels, toilet paper), detergent and cleaning products. While those add up, they're a small fraction of those larger ticket items. And the majority of the big ticket items were financed using somebody else's money without costing us any interest. That includes some podcasting stuff that I got using 12 months same as cash or 6 months same as cash....

I'm blitzed with online articles about health, wellness, retirement, insurance and other things befitting an old guy. After all, I AM an old guy.

Some days ago I saw an article that prompted today's show. It was yet another article about retiring happy. A man working to prepare for his eventual retirement asked his financial planner for examples of people who were happy in retirement. At the crux of the matter is self-discipline. Retirement success is largely about how well people can deprive themselves of spending more than they earn - and who have the ability to save more than they may want to.

 

And there it is - the elephant in the room - our willingness to sacrifice, to avoid rewarding ourselves with the very thing we may want most - especially when that thing isn't the best thing. The flip side is our willingness to do those things we might otherwise not want to do, but we know it's the wise thing to do.

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Will people mourn? Or throw a party?

Will we have regrets about how we spent our time with others...when they're gone?

Stanley was my lifelong best friend. He died on Sunday May 12, 2013. It'll be 10 years tomorrow. Ten years that I've been on the planet without him. I remember him fondly. If I had died first, I'm certain he'd be missing me, too. And I know he'd have remembered me fondly.

Not all relationships work that way though. Sadly.

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