Leaning Toward Wisdom

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. —Mark Twain

Rhonda and I went on our first date on July 2, 1975. On January 2, 1978 we were married. This coming January 2, 2024 will mark our 46th anniversary.

Today, let's talk about marriage. More accurately, let's just dip our toe in the water of conversation about marriage.

Enjoy this old Vince Gill song about old love.

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So we can take full advantage of what they know. Their insights, experience and wisdom need to be more easily passed on.

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Critics are men who watch a battle from a high place, then come down and shoot the survivors.   -Ernest Hemingway

I was 11 when I learned how men will clamor for power and authority. Sitting along side my father I watched men wrangle, argue and get worked up. Cooperation was absent. Collaboration wasn’t even an afterthought. The only objective was, "Who is in charge?" And it was apparent to me that more than more man wanted the role. Hence, the wrangling.

Life rolled on and as a young teenager working in a stereo store I saw more of the pecking order. I'd grown up seeing it so it wasn't new. First appearance was likely on the playground as we'd all try to figure out what we'd play. Invariably somebody installed themself as the contrarian - the person who would go against what everybody else wanted. I quickly realized it had nothing to do with preference and everything to do with control. Power. Authority. Hoping to gain an advantage that might be imposed on the rest of us. Thankfully, I grew up in an American that wasn't yet awakened. #Woke Mostly, such tactics didn't work because we refused to cooperate. Lemmingitus would arrive later in America. It's now a global epidemic.

Bullies almost always ran up against a tougher opponent. Or a group of people who figured together they could conquer a single bully who might have a few buddies hanging on. I was still in elementary school when I learned a verbal punch to the mouth could back a bully down. Quickly. It didn't hurt that I wasn't a shrimpy kid. I was tall and husky. Husky was once a size of boy's clothing. ;) True.

Bravery to confront the bully wasn't hard for me. Watching, listening, paying close attention taught me mostly there was substantially louder barking than actual biting. Besides, I wasn't terribly afraid of being bitten. Justice and rightness were more important to me. And peace.

By the time I was in 6th grade I was a world-class peace keeper. Experience will do that. I've no way of knowing how many fights I broke up. Or how many arguments I shut down. Enough that it taught me lifelong lessons in how to do it successfully.

Mostly, I didn't want to be in charge, but I didn't want anybody else to be either. That is, I knew my parents were my authority - and God. But we're all out here in the yard playing and why did we need somebody to be in charge? Seemed best that we all just work to some agreement so we could get on with the business of playing before it got dark and we all had to go home. Playing was way more fun than arguing or fussing.

I grew up. And increasingly saw men (I'm excluding women only because as a boy growing up my experience was mostly with other men) willing to behave poorly as they fought for positions of power. Or esteem.

Pride goeth before a fall.

I'd learned that from the Bible. Heard it preached at worship services. Knew Bible stories that illustrated it well.

Ecclesiastes 10:6 Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones.

I believed it.

I confess I've never had a day where I thought I was the smartest person in the room. Or the playground. Or at work. Or in the classroom. Rather, I knew I was not. Always dissatisfied with current knowledge and understanding I sought to learn more. Curious enough to ask the stupid question, I'd blindly ask without much thought to how ridiculous it might make me look. I figured I looked and sounded ridiculous anyway, so I might as well know and understand whilst looking and sounding ridiculous!

As with most episodes, I've given this subject considerable thought for a long, long time. Mostly because my curiosity continues to grow on the subject of power, authority, control and tyranny.

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Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.      - Thomas A. Edison

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Thank you!

During my first few months at a brand new job - my first job where I wasn't working for my dad - I had a routine. I'd get out of class, drive to work and within minutes of walking into the stereo shop I would make my way to one of the sound rooms (yep, we had actual rooms with various stereo equipment set up; each room had sliding glass patio doors). I'd slip the vinyl out of the jacket, put the record on the turntable, grab a record cleaner called DiscWasher and clean it. Then, I'd lower the tonearm, turn up the volume knob on the amp and enjoy listening to Earth, Wind & Fire sing their famous song, "Shining Star." The beginning (and middle and end) of that song continues to be among my all-time favorites. It was a terrific record.

"You're a shining star, no matter who you are. Shining bright to see what you can truly be."

 

Let's get the obvious out of the way. Not everybody has the same brilliance in their shine. Truth is, some of us are quite dim with no shine at all. Dull. The wasted lives are visible proof. Too many lifeless eyes and emotionless expressions thanks to alcohol, Fentanyl and other narcotics.

Others are so bright others have a hard time even looking at them (or listening to them). Most have overcome adversities few fully know or understand. People determined to find a path forward. Resolved to reach a higher orbit where only the shining people reside.

Notice the lyric isn't "I'm a shining star, no matter who I am." Well, that doesn't quite have the ring, but I notice pronouns. You're - you are isn't the same as I'm - I am. But the "no matter who you are" is inclusive, right?

In our heads, we don't often think or feel like shining stars. It's easy to see others as shining more brightly than we do. Just like it's easier to focus on what we don't have, than on what we do. Or to focus on what we can't do versus what we can. It's like we're always doing exactly the opposite of what's good for us.

I've noodled around with this particular episode for over 3 years. The draft beginning has sat here inside my Wordpress dashboard that long. I'd come to look at it, think about it, write a little bit, then abandon it. Don't know why.

It's not because I didn't like the topic. I guess I got distracted by other things. The likely explanation is that it's just too upbeat and positive. :D

Rhonda's last birthday - this past summer - provoked a revisit of today's show idea. I used to whip her with a letter on every birthday. I don't mean the letter R or some other letter, but a hand-written or typed out letter. I haven't done it the last couple of years because I know it beats her down. She's not nearly as sappy or sentimental as I am. ;)

I can't quite remember what prompted the beginning of this episode. Maybe I was thinking about Rhonda being the foremost shining star in my life. And now, as we're nearing the end of another year, maybe that provoked some ideas.

Then there's all this talk about mental health and the recent suicides in the news.

Then there's the rampant disease of comparison-itis where so many folks let other people determine their level of satisfaction or happiness. It's especially rampant during the summer, vacation months where people Instagram their exotic vacation photos. And others view them with envy wishing they could afford a single night at a local fancy hotel. Envy is a bitter thing.

As I am wont to do, I was thinking of these, and a variety of other things when I came back to this post.

A person you love very much. Let's start there. In my case, my wife of over 40 years. Who celebrated a birthday last Sunday. Our family is officially celebrating this coming Sunday. We do things like that. Delay celebrations to match a more convenient time for everybody.

I was playing that Earth, Wind & Fire record - That's The Way Of The World - as soon as it came out in January 1975. Rhonda and I wouldn't go out on our first date until July 2, 1975. I'd been listening to that record almost daily for half a year. I didn't listen to this in my car - 8 tracks were the musical form factor at the time. I only listened to this record on a good home stereo system. I still don't know why. But funk wasn't part of the musical mix deployed while driving.

That's only important because during our first dates music by Jackson Browne and Pure Prairie League were the default go-to artists. I learned rather quickly that her musical tastes and experiences were fairly limited and not terribly congruent with my own. No matter, I fell in love with her quickly despite the fact that I owned no Beach Boys' 8-tracks. I figured I wouldn't impose Lou Reed, Led Zepellin and Little Feat on her right away.

Earth, Wind & Fire were on break during that July 4th holiday of 1975. But they dominated the rest of the year. Going back to class and work at the hi-fi shop were made easier thanks to this song. Uplifting, funky and the kind of tune to make your toes tap and your shoulders sway. It still has that power.

Rhonda was (and still is) a shining star. You've got one I suppose. I hope. It's important stuff.

I slapped the headphones on and listened to this song about 3 times in a row while preparing for today's show. Toward the end of the song, when the instruments go quiet and all you hear is the vocal harmonies...it dawned on me that a big part of what drives us is to BE a shining star to somebody else.

It's more of that wonderment of us doing exactly the opposite of what's often good for us. Not that finding somebody who is our shining star is bad for us. It's not. But it can dominate our thinking, preventing us from better understanding and learning how we can be a shining star for somebody else.

I'm hopeful that with Rhonda I killed two birds with one stone. She's my star and I'm hoping I'm hers. Some days I figure I'm more like space trash, but so it goes. You have to earn your star every day, right?

Speaking of being discouraged. ;)

I'm always keenly aware of people who are suffering. Trouble attracts me. Like a magnet. It's who I am. Coach, counselor, service provider, helper...pick some other description you prefer. They all apply to me. I have Spidey-senses for it. My intuition is always on full alert for folks needing a leg up. I'm quick to respond. It's like a reflex. Almost automatic.

Last week we talked about how some folks relish having a bad day...and make it who they are. I usually steer pretty clear of such folks. I’m talking about the folks who quietly suffer and endure. There's a vibe I get knowing somebody is going through a hard time. I can't explain it. I don't even fully understand it. Best I can tell, from all my study and observation, is that we all have these micro signals we give off. Some people are like me, we pick up even the most subtle signs. Others don't even notice.

I've learned not to intrude or impose. Instead, I politely inquire. That's usually all that's required to break the dam and begin the conversation because I've also learned that such people crave somebody they can confide in. Safe harbors are inviting. Rare, but inviting.

When you're a no-talent hack, you have to lean hard into the one-trick you've got. This is my trick. Without it, I might just be space trash. But with it, I can be a shining star for a few.

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I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.

The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I'd like you to see.

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Thank you!

Many motivational speakers talk about having had a bad day. Most go on to share how they lost it all, or how life crushed them down below the ground level. Or left them homeless and destitute. But...

The Phoenix will always rise back up.

Never mind that quite a few stories we hear are fabricated. But not all of them.

Let's talk about truth though. True stories. Your story. My story.

Reality.

 

"You had a bad day."

Pain is a common topic for many people. I'm not talking about physical, injury-based or sickness-based pain. I'm talking about victim-based pain. "You hurt me," kind of pain. "You did me wrong," kind of pain.

The Internet has increasingly become a place where people enjoy airing out all their dirty laundry and pining about how much trauma they've experienced. For those inclined to see themselves as victims, the Internet is boomtown! A thriving place to enjoy feeling sorry for oneself. And for blaming others for one's lot in life.

In spite of Tik Tok influencers who want to blast the boomers (my generation) for failing to understand things like work ethic, or why we have no clue about life in the world today, or a host of other complaints which every younger generation makes about the older generation (read your history and you'll find many of those hippies who attended Woodstock went on to become quite successful on Wall Street and other places associated with financial success). Every generation thinks it's the smartest one to ever come along until they get old and realize how wrong they were. ;)

I don't care about where anybody is on the timeline of life because there's nothing we can do about it. I didn't have a say in being a baby boomer. I just was. My kids had no say in being Gen X or Millennial. By the way, if you're as confused as I am about these labels I found this chart to be helpful.

Until I saw that chart I didn't know there were 2 distinct groups of Boomers. It's such a big group I suppose they figured it deserved to be split up. Generation Jones Boomers are those, like me, who were too young to be drafted into military service because of the war in Viet Nam. Our parents were mostly those Post War folks, people whose dad served in World War II.

Times Are Always Changing

And with it, language. Words like trauma.

For my generation trauma, suffering and pain denote something very different than they do for a Gen Z person. Being slighted by somebody, snubbed or even ridiculed isn't any of those things for me, but they're common among Gen Z. If you were write a mean, hateful review of this podcast for Apple Podcasts I would not think much of it. I certainly wouldn't be traumatized by it. It would likely cause me no discomfort. I might be puzzled by it, but my viewpoint would have a lot more to do with the author of the review than me. I'd likely wonder what's happening on somebody's life that might compel them to use such a platform to air their grievance. And it'd be likely that the person to write such a review would have never reached out to me because that's not how these things tend to go.

But take that same scenario and apply it to a podcaster half my age and it could devastate them. Might even cause them to quit podcasting. A single hateful review.

A complete stranger wielding that kind of power seems strangely weird to me, but I see it constantly. Podcasters (and anybody else doing something) consider themselves traumatized by some unjust critic. The trauma is only possible because we give others permission. We say YES to whatever it is we think is happening. Or we reject it and move on with our life, which is what I choose to do.

A person has a bad day. They take it out on me. And that affects me how? It doesn't if I don't let it. It can cause me to have a day, too - IF I permit. IF I decide I'm going to be negatively impacted by some ninnie who has no clue about me, or my life, or what's going on with me - some stranger who happens to click PLAY on my podcast - then that's on me, not them. By the way, no such thing has happened so I'm only speaking fictitiously because I'm so well-loved nobody would dare be ugly about me. Certainly not in public. :D

Did my generation grow up learning to care less what others thought? Maybe.

Did my generation grow up not clamoring for approval? Likely.

Did my generation grow up working for tyrants and "the man?" Absolutely, but there were exceptions (even though they may have been few)

Did my generation learn work ethic worked and benefited our life? Of course.

Did my generation get it all right? Nope.

Here's the difference. Because Boomers are older, we've endured more bad days. We've had to figure more out because we lived longer. Experience matters.

It also means we've experienced more mistakes. Found more things that didn't work. And hopefully, we've figured out a few things that do work.

True value is from the self-reflection on those experiences though. The passing of time isn't where the magic is found. It helps and it's necessary, but it's only valuable if we learn from it. Learning demands self-reflection and sober thinking about what we've experienced.

Perspective matters when it's based on accumulated wisdom. Accumulated wisdom only happens when we learn, grow and improve.

Parents get it. As we're teaching our kids certain things that we learned long ago, it's disconcerting whenever they behave as though they've already figured it out when we see them clearly struggling to learn it. But with youth comes a degree of insecurity manifested as arrogance.

Well, permit some clarification. Some of us who are older parents get it. ;)

Just this week I was listening to a couple of podcasts whose hosts were between 30 and 45. One told the story of being down on the beach and his 4-year-old daughter refused to come in. The family had been at the beach all day and it was time to retreat back to where they were staying. The little girl didn't want to leave and began to pitch a wild-eyed fit. Dad picked her up and she started screaming, "You're hurting me, you're hurting me." Followed by, "I hate you, I hate you." He had to carry her about 150 yards he said with her yelling those things the entire time. During the podcast he's lamenting, "There's just nothing you can do."

They get to their room and he's trying to clean the sand off of her in the shower, but she's continuing her rebellion. This continues, according to him, for 15 minutes while inside the bathroom. Again, he repeats, "There's just nothing you can do. You're stuck."

I'm listening to this thinking, "Oh, yeah. There's plenty you can do." In fact, there's so much you should do as a parent.

The other podcast a mom is talking about her daughter going ice skating for the first time. The daughter has never skated and doesn’t know how, but she's screaming at her mom to let her go. Like the other little girl, she's screaming how the mom is hurting her even though mom is simply attempting to hold up so she can stay on her feet. "What do you do?" asks the mom on the podcast. Her co-host, another mom, says there's just nothing you can do. "You don't want people to think you're abusing your child."

And I'm thinking, "...but you are abusing your child by not correcting them and disciplining them." Spanking is political suicide because people stopped listening to God. We think leaving children to themselves is wise, but God sees it as a source of shame for parents. Society used to see it that way, too. But we outgrew God and His wisdom.

The Bible has a lot to say about what we owe our children in order to serve them. 

"The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."  - Proverbs 29:15

So many parents have a bad day because they're unwilling to correct and serve their children. Now both parent and child are having a bad day. That bad day grows into a bad month, a bad year and may result in a bad life. All because the child deserved to learn what's right and what's wrong. What's acceptable and what isn't. Good or great behavior versus bad or poor behavior.

Political correctness has created so many bad days for so many people. And thankfully, the tide is now beginning - just beginning - to turn.

I avoided so many bad days because my parents and other adults in my life delivered a bad moment to me. A moment when I was spanked. A moment when I was scolded. A moment when I was warned - not threatened - that if I didn't behave differently, then I'd suffer a consequence. Thankfully, I grew up in an era when parents warned. The difference between a warning and threat is a warning will most certainly have consequences if it's not followed. A threat is empty. There's much less certainty that there will be a consequence.

Bad Days Are Compounded When There Is No Correction

I was a pre-schooler in a small Oklahoma town where my dad had a service station and garage on Main Street. I enjoyed the smell of new tires, oil and all the other odors associated with that business. Mostly, I enjoyed the pinball machine that was inside the showroom area. I loved hanging around the place.

A preacher was coming to town, due to arrive at the bus station some blocks away. My dad was to pick him up.

This preacher was a fixture in my life. I loved hearing him preach and tell stories sitting in our home. But I was scared to death of him because he was an old man who didn't suffer foolishness. Any kid who was unafraid of him was an idiot. If he scolded you, you snapped to.

I'd been lying. My mother's attempts to correct this bad behavior had evidently fallen short. Knowing this preacher was mere moments away, and knowing how fearful I was of him, my mother warned me what would happen. Scared, I ran into the men's room of my dad's garage and locked the door refusing to come out. No screaming. No pitching a fit. Just fear knowing that I now had to face the conseq

During a recent summertime hike we approached the bridge. A recent storm had blown through and knocked down a tree that fell across the bridge. Not a big deal. We just stepped over it carefully. Thankfully the bridge didn't suffer any major damage. Neither did we. It was an obstacle that wasn't there the last time we trekked through the area. It only slowed us down slightly.

Some obstacles are like that. At first glance we may exclaim, "Oh no!" --- only to realize, it's not that bad. Or tough.

Some obstacles are worse. That tree could have collapsed the entire bridge forcing us to improvise by adjusting our course over the creek below. The trek would have been slightly more difficult. The path wouldn't have been as straight-forward or smooth, but we could have followed the path forward. Mostly, it would have been an inconvenience.

Life has shown me that's how most obstacles are. An inconvenience.

We often make them out to be worse than they really are because they're unexpected. They make us spend more time lamenting their existence than we may in figuring out how to effectively navigate past them.

Other obstacles are different and those are the ones I'm most focused on today. The obstacles that present themselves because we're intentionally forging a new path. A better path. One we believe will take us further. Or faster. And because it's a new path things appear like obstacles, but we really have no way to know because we've never ventured this way before. I wonder if we're seeing things correctly.

For the past year plus I've spent considerable time analyzing a podcast that I began in June 2021 - Hot Springs Village Inside Out. I started the show with a co-host, but a year in we both got COVID and I had a whole lot going on. I remained very active behind the scene doing all the production work, including posting the shows and all that mundane but necessary work required to get a podcast out in the ether. I lost interest in co-hosting for a variety of reasons - mostly because it was a podcast about a specific community and I wasn't there as much as I wanted to be. My co-host lived their full-time. It just made sense to me to step away, clear my head - and my deck of all the stuff going on and figure out a path forward. A different, new path.

In March 2023 I moved forward from The Yellow Studio v2.0 to v3.0. Then by May I moved forward some more by going to The Yellow Studio v3.1. You should know that when I built/assembled The Yellow Studio, I'd never done anything like that before. I started from scratch and had to learn. A lot! Over 20 years ago things were much more difficult and complicated. The technology for podcasting didn't easily exist. For a podcaster to do what I most wanted to do - operate using a broadcast workflow - it was hard and expensive because it required hardware. I wanted to hit RECORD and have my sound be as good as being on a Skype call. Yes, Virginia, we were once relegated to making Skype calls because all these other services like Zoom didn't exist.

This meant lots of hardware and even more cabling. Routing those cables was a major obstacle when once conquered left you staring in the face of yet another monster, adjusting the hardware so it'd sound just right. No sooner had I hurdled one obstacle, then I'd be facing a higher hurdle. Or so it seemed. Mostly because the learning curve was steep. But...

Once the obstacles were overcome - and they all were - then it was easy. I simply fired up the machinery, got behind the mic and hit RECORD. Only if a cable or connector failed - or forbid, a piece of equipment failed (yes, it happened a few times), I had a very predictable workflow that...well, it just worked.

Every path forward will most certainly have obstacles, if only your need to learn something new. Usually, there'll be other obstacles brought about by the result of traveling an unknown path. It's why forward progress is such an individual and personal journey. I can benefit somewhat from somebody else who took a similar path, but it's not going to be the same. We're different people. We're on the path at different times. We've entered the path at a different spot. We've got different people in our traveling party who are helping or hindering us. We're going to believe different things about the path. We're going to see the path and the obstacles through a different perspective. Similar paths can result in extraordinarily different experiences and outcomes.

It may explain, in part, why so many people don't dare to venture out into unknown territory. It's filled with risks. Rewards, too perhaps, but it's just so easy to think about what might go wrong. Look and listen to the news media if you dare to challenge that idea. Remove fear mongering from the media and you'll be left with very little.

"Be afraid. Be very afraid."    - line from the movie, The Fly

No. Don't.

Instead, be thoughtful, purposeful and intentional. Believe in things that are true. Believe in your ability to figure it out.

Permit me to use the evolution of The Yellow Studio to illustrate. 

I went from not even thinking about having a podcasting studio to saving, investing and creating one. Prior to 1997 I wasn't thinking of using the Internet for much except email. The novelty of the Internet was captivating, but I wasn't visionary enough to see what it would or could become. It was magical, but cumbersome. Nothing was easy, including connecting. Slow modems. Slower loading times where we'd anxiously watch a web page appear from the top down, often taking many seconds before we could see the entire page. It was all new! Unknown to me and most people.

The path forward had a ton of obstacles. Each of those obstacles created an industry - a solution. Sometimes a number of solutions. Thinking back to 1997 and the industries that didn't even exist startle me back to reality as I hear people today pine about how A.I. is going to eliminate jobs. It'll change 'em, that's for sure...but if it follows the obstacles and problems of the early Internet, it'll spawn a boatload of things we've yet to experience. Innovations do that. It was true with the printing press, cars, planes, electricity, telephones, tractors, and most everything else that has come along to change life.

Thoughts of creating a setup where I could engage in live Skype calls - which I could easily record - and where I could record audio for documenting things for the future of my kids (and family) sparked me to figure it out. I was starting from scratch.

Nothing was easy. It was all problematic. But doable.

Time was wasting so it never dawned on me that I might be better off just waiting until the tech got easier. One obstacle is not knowing the present or the future. I never thought, "You know, one day this won't be so hard." Somebody else may have been thinking like that, but not me. I just knew what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it.

My path forward focused on a workflow that I knew needed to fit how I life. I was disinterested in making major adjustments to the way I most enjoy working. Being creative was at the heart of it all. I wanted to communicate. Mostly, I wanted to document thoughts, ideas, feelings, beliefs, experiences and insights. I didn't want to spend hours cobbling things together after the fact. I didn't want to edit after I recorded. I wanted to edit as part of the preparation because for me, that happens during creation.

A friend put language to it by asking me, "Do you want the recording workflow or the broadcasting workflow?"

Recording is like musicians making a record. They lay down tracks, add things...add more things, then some engineer puts it all together to produce the final product. There's a lot of live recording followed by intense editing to get it just right.

Broadcasting is like radio talk shows. The hosts prepare their show and go on the air. It's live and there is no editing. If their show airs from 6 am to 10 am, then it goes out during those 4 hours and it's over. Done.

I was familiar with both workflows because I was always into music and I had gone through broadcast journalism in college. Broadcasting workflow was my only consideration. Again, I wanted to spend time creating before recording, not afterward. It wasn't about the tech for me. It was about what I wanted to say and document. The message always took priority, but the tech was the obstacle. How could I do what I most wanted and do it in a way where it didn't dampen my enthusiasm? My biggest hurdle was fear that if I didn't get it right, I'd wreck what I most wanted to do.

The details of the broadcast workflow tech don't matter except to reiterate that the tech required hardware, which required dollars. Recording workflow was much, much cheaper, but I knew that was a dealbreaker for my purposes. So the obstacle of money was apparent and couldn't be overcome unless I was willing to compromise what I most wanted. I wasn't willing so I began to save and save and save some more.

Patience was a virtue. While I was saving I was scouring the universe for the best deals. The heart of The Yellow Studio were microphone preamps that were $1,000 each (I wanted 2 because I wanted a 2 microphone set up so I could have a guest, even though I knew that wouldn't happen regularly). I found 2 brand new units, from an authorized retailer for $499 each. Turns out it was below dealer cost, but I snagged two of them because it afforded me to literally have 2 for the price of 1.

Months and months of saving, preparing and diagraming how this would all be assembled started paying off. It was slow and arduous. When the gear was in place it got even more daunting because the signal chain - the way to connect all this stuff - was confusing. I just thought the money was the hurdle.

Paying for all this stuff was only the beginning.

During this time I was helping a young married couple....

I launched my webcam, put on headphones and sat behind the microphone to record "An Oral History." Parts 1 and 2 were recorded on March 11, 2011. Part 3 was recorded on January 16, 2017. Part 4 was recorded on June 23, 2022. I gave my children copies of Parts 1, 2 and 3. I haven't yet shared Part 4.

Fifteen to twenty years ago I first crafted a document I named, "When I Die." In it, I outlined, in some details, what I most wanted to happen when I die. I would regularly change and edit the document, often driven by the death of somebody. The deaths of close friends would spark greater editing. Life events then began to dramatically impact the document. As my life changed I'd edit the document. I changed the document drastically in the fall of 2018 when I went through some dark times. Since then I've changed it more slightly - tweaking it. I just finished making minor refinements to it this morning, sparked mostly because of the death of "the last man standing."

I made this post on Facebook on July 10, 2023...

The Last Man Standing

He was among a select group of older men who helped shape, influence and challenge me to become better. Always better.

Johnny Elmore, Ronny Wade, Barney Owens and Don King were the giants in my life. Trusted advisors I could call about anything. Everything. And I did call them. I leaned on them because they were stalwart men I could count on.

The Lord's work was always their top priority. My spiritual best was unquestioned. For wise counsel, caring challenges, or correction, I found none better than this group of men. They knew God's Word and how to apply it to our lives. They hopefully saw me at my best, but most importantly, they helped when things were at their worst.

Loving the Lord and His Church was THE common bond, but all four shared a wit, wisdom and humor that resonated with me since I was very young. They were fun. Funny. And it mattered. Men who could laugh at themselves, and others. Men who were slow to "should" me ("you should do this or that"). Instead, they were men open to question. To question the answers we may have thought we already knew. To answer the questions we may have not yet dared to ask. Truth seekers, each one of them. Truth tellers, all of them.

I loved them all very much. For their knowledge, experience, insights, wisdom and candor.

Don was the last man standing in my small, but vital circle of influence. At Ronny's passing I told him so. We talked about how as life rolls along we lose our mentors. I told him I may have to "get younger at that position." But there's no getting younger at that position. There's only the acknowledgement and gratitude that I had them for as long as I did. And I tried to make the most of it without being too intrusive. I came of age under the tutelage of these men. They were watchful protectors over every significant event and decision I made.

In just a matter of months three of them were gone. Barney. Johnny. Ronny. I told Don I hoped we'd have many more years together in the journey. I said, "I'm unprepared to go it alone without at least one old man in my life...tag you're it!" We chuckled...unaware of how little time we had. But in spite of his health challenges in recent years as his outward man began to perish, I was confident that Don's inner man was being renewed day by day. That's a confidence I had in all four of the old men in my life. It's why I was always anxious to hear their wisdom, listen to their counsel and make my decisions accordingly.

I'm thankful to have sat in the presence of these four giants who each helped me stand when I might have crumbled. Men whose influence is sure to outlive them. I loved them all. And felt loved back by each of them.

The following audio was recorded in my house on Friday afternoon, April 19, 2013 when Don and I recorded a conversation about building a good Christian home - a recording I made for a handful of young men I was hoping to serve at the time. This is a snippet I'm happy to share publicly. I pray Patsy, Kris and Lance - and all of Don's loved ones - take comfort in knowing that by sharing their beloved husband and father, many of us were made so much better. I share his sentiment in this audio clip - I didn't want to disappoint any of these giants in my life.

Pictured in the video: Ronny F. Wade and Don L. King

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"Thank you" is not just a complete sentence, but it's a complete prayer. Not comprehensive, but complete.

Today's special, unscheduled episode addresses the fear mongering, the pessimism, the mayhem, the poor (pathetic) behavior worldwide and why we ought to intentionally exercise gratitude, optimism and fight!

Something or somebody will have dominion over you. You get to decide. Sadly, many are allowing media, culture, government or opinions of others to rule their lives. Jerry Van Amerongen, my all-time favorite cartoonist, created this humorous approach to dominion. But it's a serious matter, deciding whom you'll serve.

 

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I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.

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Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers only played this song 60 times. Tom played it by himself just once. I guess after writing the song Tom figured it really was time to move on. At certain points in life, a song like this could serve as a theme. We reach a point where we need a change. Or where we want one. Sometimes, a change is kinda sorta forced on us by circumstances. We need to leave something behind and start something different. Something new, hopefully, better.

The older we get the more we encounter the need to move on. Sometimes it's a physical need. It's always psychological. Emotional (that just means we have feelings about it - it doesn't mean we're necessarily dramatic about it).

Our lives are largely defined by routines. Okay, sometimes our routines become ruts, but mostly our routines serve us. They keep us sane and on track. They prevent us from having to add a million little unnecessary decisions, giving us the opportunity to do many things on auto-pilot without much thought. They help us combat anxiety. Routines are wise tools.

Until they no longer serve us.

Or until they're detrimental.

A routine can be different than the morning rituals you may be thinking about. A routine can be the current state of your life. The ways things are - and the way they have been for a while. There's no time limit required to qualify something as "routine."

Nothing lasts forever. Well, to be more accurate - most things don't. That includes the circumstances of our life, which are part of our routines. It's the current state of things in our life. Current is a description that would indicate the present, which implies there's a past and a future. Things change. Sometimes we move on. Or we should.

How can we know when it's time to move on?

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Help Me Reach My $1,000 Goal

I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.

The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I'd like you to see.

To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate

Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use [email protected]).

Thank you!