Most of us were never taught how to grieve. And it turns out, that's not an accident. In this episode of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, Amy, Kristen, Kristen Beck and thanatologist Michelle Desmond dig into the science behind grief in ways that are grounding, validating, and genuinely useful for anyone navigating illness, caregiving, or loss.

Michelle left a 15-year career at Starbucks to get her master's degree in death, dying, and bereavement because her own concentrated experience of loss made her realize how little any of us actually know about the thing that will happen to all of us. She breaks down anticipatory grief, disenfranchised grief, and why the phrase “at least” quietly tells someone their pain doesn't measure up. She also explains why we became a society that doesn't talk about death, what corporate leaders consistently miss when supporting grieving employees, and why grief is about integration.

Things You Will Learn:

1. What anticipatory grief is and why caregivers experience it: understanding the loss that starts at diagnosis, not death, so you can name what you're already carrying and stop feeling guilty for it.
2. What disenfranchised grief is and who it affects: recognizing the grief that goes unacknowledged because of stigma, complicated relationships, or losses others don't take seriously (including pet loss, job loss, and grief after suicide).
3. What to say instead of “at least”: replacing the most quietly damaging grief phrase with language that actually acknowledges someone's loss and creates real connection.

Tools / Frameworks Covered:

1. Anticipatory Grief (Grief Theory): Names the loss caregivers and loved ones experience from diagnosis forward, helping listeners recognize what they're carrying before a death occurs and stop measuring it against an arbitrary standard of what grief is supposed to look like.
2. Disenfranchised Grief (Dr. Kenneth Doka): A framework for identifying grief that goes unrecognized or stigmatized, covering pet loss, job loss, suicide, complicated relationships, and more, so people can name their experience and seek support without shame.
3. Grief Integration Model: The reframe that grief is not something to complete or get over, but something to integrate over time, giving caregivers, survivors, and sidekicks permission to stop measuring their recovery against a three-day bereavement leave.

Timetamps:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:43) Michelle's Career Shift: From Starbucks to Grief Science

(5:01) What Thanatology Actually Is

(6:08) Why Evidence-Based Grief Work Matters

(9:10) What People Used to Ask Michelle Before She Had Credentials

(11:47) Anticipatory Grief: Grieving Someone Who's Still Alive

(16:53) GiftWellSoon Sponsor

(17:09) Disenfranchised Grief: When Your Loss Goes Unrecognized

(20:06) How to Create Safe Space for Hidden Grief

(22:26) Grief in the Workplace: What Leaders Get Wrong

(25:34) Why We Were Never Taught to Grieve

(30:04) What Michelle Wants Leaders to Know

(33:05) What Michelle Is Hopeful For in the Field

(36:16) Where to Find Michelle and Her Book

(36:52) The One Thing Never to Say to Someone Grieving

(38:05) Comfort Food and the Lasagna Vindication

(39:52) The Starbucks Order

#grief #anticipatorygrief #caregiving #communityCare #giftwellsoon

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The hardest part of cancer isn't always the treatment. It's what happens after everyone stops asking.

In this season two opener of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck get personal about survivorship: what it actually means, why the medical system tends to drop patients the moment treatment ends, and why the silence that follows a bell-ringing celebration can be its own kind of loss.

Amy shares her recent melanoma diagnosis, the psychological gut-punch of reading bad news through a patient portal, and what it feels like to have your body image completely transformed with almost no one willing to name it out loud.

Kristen opens up for the first time about her own health scare, her atypical lobular dysplasia diagnosis, five years on Tamoxifen, and the scanxiety that quietly runs in the background of her life every six months.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why the emotional and physical wreckage of cancer doesn't end when treatment does, and why the medical system is only beginning to catch up.
2. What scanxiety actually feels like from the inside, and why “the alternative could be worse,” is not a helpful response to someone living with it.
3. How to show up for someone in survivorship, including how to walk through the door when they open it, instead of changing the subject.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Cancer Rehab Model: A framework borrowed from cardiac rehab that Amy argues should be standard post-treatment care for cancer survivors.
2. Scanxiety Naming: Giving language to the anxiety cycle around follow-up appointments so survivors and their support people can recognize and talk about it instead of absorbing it alone.
3. Open the Door, Walk Through It: Amy and Kristen's practical guidance for sidekicks if someone in survivorship brings up the hard stuff, follow them in instead of redirecting to the seven iron.

#survivorship #scanxiety #askingforhelp #communityCare #giftwellsoon

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Survivorship does not begin when cancer treatment ends. It begins at diagnosis and continues through every step that follows.

In Season 2 of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, we are creating space for honest, compassionate conversations about navigating treatment, adjusting to life afterward, and all the ways cancer can affect your physical, mental, emotional, social, and financial well-being.

We will talk about the hard parts, the unexpected parts, and the experiences that do not always come up in the doctor’s office—so that wherever you are in your journey, you can feel a little more seen, understood, and less alone.

Because survivorship is not simply about being alive after cancer. It is about learning how to live through everything that comes with it.

Season 2 begins tomorrow with our first episode. Follow the show and join us as we start this next chapter together.

#CancerSurvivorship #LifeAfterCancer #CancerSupport #CancerCommunity #SurvivorStories #CancerAwareness #LetMeKnowIfYouNeedAPodcast

What happens when two podcast hosts decide they've been too serious? They put on snuggies, make up fake listener questions, and tell the story of the stolen Fruitopia bottle that almost got them suspended in high school.

Amy and Kristen cover dog voices performed for strangers, Kristen's secret death doula ambitions, why big tech sucked the life out of her, and the exact components of a proper charcuterie situation. No guests, no frameworks, no emotional labor. Just two friends in fleece who think you've earned a laugh.

Tune in and let us be ridiculous for a while.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why stealing an inflatable four-foot Fruitopia bottle from a high school cafeteria is, in retrospect, a friendship cornerstone.
2. The exact correct dog voice etiquette when meeting new neighbors, and what to do when nobody laughs (spoiler: do it again, louder).
3. Why Kristen left big tech and what she'd actually be doing instead if this podcast didn't exist.
4. The proper components of a charcuterie situation, broken down with the seriousness the subject deserves.
5. Why a snuggie is, in fact, appropriate professional attire for a podcast recording.
6. How to host an AMA when nobody has sent in any questions yet.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. The Snuggie Defense Mechanism: When the work gets too heavy, fleece is a valid coping strategy and a legitimate aesthetic choice.
2. The Fake AMA Framework: If listeners haven't sent in questions yet, you make them up. The audience never has to know. Until you tell them, at the end, on purpose.
3. Dog Voice Persistence Doctrine: When you commit to a bit and the room goes silent, you escalate. You do not retreat. You ask if their dogs talk.
4. The Charcuterie Breakdown: The exact ratio of cheese, meat, and weird little jams that constitutes a proper board, according to two women who care about this deeply.

#letslaugh #askingforhelp #podcasthumor #afterdark #emotionallabor #giftwellsoon #snuggie #caregiverlaughs #realconnection

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Most people assume that having health insurance means having access to healthcare. Kay Hsu is here to dismantle that assumption with receipts, rage, and a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist on speed dial.

In this episode, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Kay Hsu, a stage four metastatic breast cancer patient, ten-year survivor, Canadian-born tech and creative executive, and one of the most quietly ferocious patient advocates you'll ever hear. Kay shares the full arc: a diagnosis at 35 that arrived during a work dinner, a whirlwind year that included getting engaged, harvesting embryos, and starting chemo, and a decade of navigating a healthcare system that keeps moving the goalposts.

The conversation turns sharp when Kay describes the moment that changed everything: a medical director at her insurance company told her she wasn't eligible for a standard PET scan because she'd been stable. She was a stage four cancer patient. She was furious. And she did something about it.

You'll also hear an honest, grounded conversation about what it actually feels like to keep working through chemo, how depression can accumulate slowly over six years of medication side effects without anyone naming it, and why the healthcare navigation gap doesn't just make people's lives harder; it makes people die.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why a diagnosis doesn't come with a roadmap and why Googling “best oncologist” is a genuinely terrible starting point.
2. What the difference is between fully insured and self-funded employer plans, and why does it matter more than most patients realize?
3. How to request a medical director's name and license when a claim is denied, and why insurance companies don't want you to know you can.
4. Why keeping your cancer staging in context matters more than the number itself.
5. What happened when Kay went to the press, and how one Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist turned a single tip into an ongoing NBC/MSNBC investigative series.
6. How long-term medication side effects can accumulate so slowly that neither the patient nor the people around them see it happening.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. The Navigation Gap: The problem isn't that resources don't exist; it's that patients have no reliable path to find them. Knowledge access is a survival issue, not a comfort issue.
2. Advocacy Escalation Model: How Kay moved from denial to press contact to public apology and what each step required.
3. Sidekick Energy: The colleague who kept her OBGYN appointment. The coworker who connected her to Cancer Care. The journalist who answered a cold message on vacation. Community care that shows up without centering itself.
4. Clarity Over Vague Kindness: Applied to the medical system, vague answers and buried information function the same way vague kindness does. People can't act on what they can't see.
5. Permission Slips: Naming what patients are actually allowed to ask for: the medical director's name, their license, their specialty, and whether they're licensed in your state.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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When Julie Rudman was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2023, she quickly realized something unsettling: even with strong support, medical access, and privilege, finding practical help was still harder than it should have been.

In this episode, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck talk with Julie about how that experience led her to create The Breast Cancer Club, a Kansas City-based nonprofit built to make breast cancer support more accessible, practical, and local. Julie shares how one survivor’s advice to ‘pay it forward’ became the spark for everything that followed.

They talk about the real gaps people face during treatment, from transportation and language barriers to the cost of recovery items, bras, groceries, and everyday support. Julie also reflects on privilege, post-traumatic growth, and why building community matters just as much as building resources.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why a breast cancer diagnosis can expose support gaps even for people with strong access and privilege.
2. How Julie turned one survivor’s advice to ‘pay it forward’ into the Breast Cancer Club.
3. What practical support people actually need during treatment, from bras to recovery supplies to grocery discounts.
4. Why local, in-person connection still matters even in a digital support model.
5. How breast cancer survivors experience post-traumatic growth and shifting life priorities.
6. Why gratitude can be more useful than guilt when you realize you had advantages others don’t.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Pay It Forward Support Model: Receive support, then turn that experience into something usable for the next person.
2. Clarity Through Access Gaps: Looking closely at where support breaks down for people without time, money, language fluency, transportation, or networks.
3. Sidekick Support Infrastructure: Practical support that helps people move through treatment with more dignity and less friction.
4. Post-Traumatic Growth: The idea is that hard experiences can reshape priorities, relationships, and life satisfaction in lasting ways.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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Alex Owens found a lump in the most normal moment: brushing her teeth, hand under her arm, and then that sharp, hard marble feeling you can’t un-feel. In the span of one appointment, a manual exam became a mammogram, became an ultrasound, and then a doctor walked into a dark room and said the sentence out loud: You have cancer.

In this conversation, Amy, Kristen, and Alex get honest about what support actually looked like: friends flying in for a week, deep one-on-one time that strengthened relationships, and the practical truth that ‘let me know if you need anything’ can feel like homework.

Alex shares the language shift that helped most: specific offers with a timeframe, and options that don’t require someone in crisis to manage your helpfulness. DoorDash gift cards. Frozen meals. A clear ‘I can do X this week.’

Things You Will Learn:

1. What it’s like to get ‘you have cancer’ in a dark ultrasound room alone.
2. How young motherhood changes the logistics and the guilt math.
3. Why vague offers create emotional labor, and what to say instead.
4. Support that lands: time, presence, and people who don’t make you direct traffic.
5. The ‘you before cancer’ and ‘you after cancer,’ and why they’re not the same person.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Clarity Over Vague Kindness: Replace “let me know” with specific, time-bound offers that don’t force someone to do emotional admin.
2. Sidekick Support: Help that supports the person’s agency (meals, rides, childcare, gift cards) without centering the helper.
3. Permission Slips: You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to not perform strength.
4. Support That Reduces Emotional Labor: DoorDash / food gift cards, frozen meals, and “I’m available this afternoon” support.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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Most people think donating clothes is automatically helpful. Mia Space is here to complicate that, in the best way.

In this episode, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Mia Space, Founder of The Mia Space Project (formerly The Fabulous Purge Project), to talk about what support actually looks like when someone is leaving abuse, homelessness, or a situation where starting over is urgent.

Mia shares the origin story behind her work: a fashion-school thesis that paired senior students with a women’s shelter, and a childhood memory that never left her. She remembers her mom sweeping her and her sister up in the middle of the night, fleeing in the dead of a Chicago winter, and arriving at a shelter where the donation room offered scraps. Not comfort or dignity. Just leftovers.

That’s the gap Mia’s been trying to close ever since: moving support from anonymous drop-offs to a curated, hand-to-hand experience that feels like a boutique.

You’ll also hear a raw, honest conversation about why asking for help feels embarrassing even when people would actually show up, how ‘strong woman’ culture can become a trap, and why clear support beats performative kindness every time.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why ‘just donate it to Goodwill’ can miss the point when someone needs dignity, not leftovers.
2. What curated support looks like in real life: asking shelters what they actually need, and building donations around that.
3. How shame, failure narratives, and fear of judgment keep people from asking family and friends for help.
4. Why social media perfection makes asking for help feel riskier than it should, and how honesty creates connection.
5. What Mia is building next: a brick-and-mortar model that blends free shopping access with a sustainable funding approach.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Hand-to-Hand Support Model: donation as direct dignity
2. Curated Needs Matching: ask partner organizations what’s needed first, then collect intentionally.
3. Sidekick Energy: support that restores agency instead of spotlighting the helper.
4. Clarity Over Vague Kindness: support that reduces emotional labor.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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Ever been hit with “look on the bright side” when life was falling apart?

Amy and Kristen unpack toxic positivity, from “at least it’s not stage four” moments to why “I’m fine” is emotional camouflage. With help from Brené Brown and Susan David, they show how real empathy beats forced optimism every time. Healing starts with honesty, not hashtags.

Tune in and laugh your way to emotional maturity.

Timetamps

(0:00) Introduction

(0:40) What Is Toxic Positivity?

(3:54) Expert Insights: Dr. Susan David and Brene Brown

(5:14) Personal Experiences of Toxic Positivity

(9:54) Timing and Delivery: When Positivity Hurts

(13:23) Our Sponsor: GifWellSoon

(13:38) Why We Default to Toxic Positivity

(16:46) Practical Alternatives to Toxic Positivity (and Robert Redford)

(20:10) Final Lessons and Finding Your Sidekick

#toxicpositivity #askingforhelp #caregiverburnout #emotionalagility #realconnection #brenebrown #susandavid #healingwithlaughter #giftwellsoon

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A lot of people want to show up during cancer and still end up making it heavier. In this episode of Let Me Know If You Need A Podcast, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Keith Hardeman, author of The Shadow of Trepidation and Don't say "Everything happens for a reason", to discuss the unspoken dynamics that make support feel performative, exhausting, or accidentally blameful.

Keith shares what it was like to become ‘permanent residents of the cancer community,’ why listening beats fixing, how specific offers actually reduce emotional labor, and what to avoid when fear turns into ‘helpful’ commentary. You’ll leave with clearer language, a Sidekick-not-Savior mindset, and real ways to take something off a cancer family’s plate without putting yourself at the center.

Things You Will Learn:

1. How to replace vague kindness with clarity that actually helps
2. What to say when you don’t know what to say (without reaching for platitudes)
3. How to show up after treatment ends, when survivorship emotional labor is still real

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Sidekick Support Model – helps you support without slipping into savior energy.
2. Permission Slips – helps set boundaries without guilt or apology.
3. Beyond the Casserole – helps translate care into usable support.

Check out Keith’s books:

Book 1: https://a.co/d/04R3aOsn

Book 2: https://a.co/d/00AmCbSY

Keith's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keith-hardeman-504169289/

#AskingForHelp #CancerAuthor #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk

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