Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast

Ringing the bell doesn't mean the journey is over; it means a different, harder, quieter one is just beginning.

In this episode, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Harriet Cabelly, licensed clinical social worker, speaker, and author of two books, including Light Through Darkness: Miracles Along My Cancer Journey, to talk about what actually happens after treatment ends, and why the support so often disappears exactly when survivors need it most.

Drawing from Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, her own Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma diagnosis, and decades of clinical work with people navigating critical life transitions, Harriet unpacks post-traumatic growth, the grief that lives inside illness, and why rebuilding a life after cancer is nothing like resuming the one you had before.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why the end of cancer treatment is often when emotional support vanishes, and why that timing couldn't be more wrong.
2. How to tell the difference between post-traumatic growth and toxic positivity, and why one requires you to hold the hard feelings instead of bypassing them.
3. What supporters can actually say and do for survivors post-treatment, beyond the casserole, and long after the bell.

Tools / Frameworks Covered:

1. What's Working Well: A single-question daily practice for finding one moment of gratitude without bypassing pain helps break through stuck negative spirals, one small thing at a time.
2. The Power of “And”: Harriet's framework for holding grief and joy simultaneously helps survivors and supporters resist toxic positivity without abandoning hope.
3. Grief First, Vision Second: The two-step process of acknowledging what was lost before building what comes next helps survivors move forward without skipping the emotional work that makes rebuilding real.

Timetamps:

(0:00) Introduction and Welcome

(1:20) How Harriet Got Into Mental Health

(4:44) Defining Post-Traumatic Growth

(7:17) Post-Traumatic Growth vs. Toxic Positivity

(9:23) What to Do When You're Stuck in the Bad

(11:24) When Harriet Got Her Own Diagnosis

(12:01) Having the Tools Doesn't Mean You Don't Need Them

(12:53) Why Support Disappears at the Worst Moment

(17:00) What Supporters Can Do Post-Treatment

(19:00) The Fine Line Between Checking In and Overwhelming

(21:22) Rebuilding a Sense of Self After Cancer

(23:44) What Survivors Grieve Most

(25:43) Grief Before the Rebuild

(28:47) Paying It Forward as a Survivorship Framework

(29:21) From Both Sides of the Couch

(30:46) Harriet's Books

(31:45) Comfort Food Close

(32:59) Closing Thoughts

#cancersurvivorship #posttraumaticgrowth #askingforhelp #emotionallabor #giftwellsoon

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Nobody hands you a roadmap when a parent gets diagnosed with cancer, and nobody tells you there's a free, magic-filled summer camp waiting for your kids.

In this episode of the Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Ashley Borniger, Camp Kesem advisory board member, camp parent, and triple-negative breast cancer survivor, to talk about what it actually looks like to parent through a cancer diagnosis, and what happens when your kids finally get a space that's entirely their own.

Ashley shares the full story: diagnosed at 40, two kids in kindergarten and fourth grade, four months into a new city, and a daughter old enough to Google her oncologist's credentials before Ashley had even processed the news herself. She didn't find Camp Kesem through a resource list. She found it while hooked up to chemo, laptop open, because her mom heard about it on the radio.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why kids process a parent's cancer diagnosis so differently from each other, and why both reactions are normal
2. What Camp Kesem actually is, how it works, who's eligible, and why it's completely free
3. What Ashley wishes she had known earlier about giving herself permission to ask for help

Tools / Frameworks Covered:

1. The Kesem Model: A national network of university-affiliated, counselor-run sleepaway camps exclusively for kids whose parents have been affected by cancer.
2. Empowerment Night: A mid-camp circle where campers can share their cancer experiences voluntarily.
3. Asking as Agency: Ashley's own turning point as a real-life example of what it looks like to ask for help without framing it as failure.

Timetamps:

(0:00) Meet Ashley Borniger and Camp Kesem

(1:05) Ashley's Diagnosis: 40th Birthday, Two Kids, Brand New City

(4:35) How They Found Camp Kesem

(6:44) Ashley's Daughter: The Old Soul Who Googled the Oncologist

(9:36) What Camp Kesem Actually Is and How It Works

(13:08) The Surprises Nobody Warned Her About

(16:47) Were the Kids Hesitant?

(20:07) Who Is Eligible and How to Find Your Local Chapter

(24:25) How Kesem Fundraises

(26:32) Ashley's Advice to Newly Diagnosed Parents

(28:03) Comfort Food: The Meatloaf That Changed Everything

#CommunityCare #AskingForHelp #EmotionalLabor #IllnessRealTalk #CampKesem

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Most support shows up at diagnosis and disappears by month two. But ALS caregivers are in it for years. In this episode of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, hosts Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Tanya Hageman and Dawn Delaloye from ALS Family of Faith.

They walk through what an ALS diagnosis actually looks like and what it means to be the person doing the caregiving when the endpoint is not recovery. The conversation gets honest about caregiver burnout, the moment when friends stop showing up, what it looks like to ask for help across a five-year journey, and why “let me know if you need anything” is the one thing that doesn't cut it.

Things You Will Learn:

1. What an ALS diagnosis typically looks like, including the diagnostic limbo period and what the prognosis conversation actually sounds like.
2. Why caregiver burnout in terminal illness is categorically different from burnout in acute illness and what makes ALS caregiving especially demanding.
3. How to show up specifically and consistently for someone on a multi-year caregiving journey, when the community support has long since faded.

Tools / Frameworks Covered:

1. Anticipatory Grief Framework: Understanding that ALS caregivers are grieving in real time before their loved one has died. Helps normalize the emotional complexity of long-term caregiving.
2. Specific Ask Model: Replacing “let me know if you need anything” with a named offer, a specific task, and a proposed time. Reduces emotional labor for the caregiver and makes help actually land.
3. Long-Term Presence Model: How ALS Family of Faith stays with clients past the death of their loved one and what that continuity means for grief that doesn't arrive on a predictable schedule.

Timetamps:

(0:00) Introduction and Welcome

(1:07) Origin Stories: How Tanya and Dawn Found This Work

(2:40) What Is ALS Family of Faith and How Does It Work?

(6:30) Staying Light in a Heavy Space

(8:06) What an ALS Diagnosis Actually Looks Like

(11:58) Long-Term Support: Staying With Families After Loss

(14:40) Caregiver Burnout in Terminal Illness

(17:54) Navigating Communication Between Patient and Caregiver

(20:39) How to Show Up for the Long Haul

(23:31) Asking for Help Is Not a Burden

(26:02) Comfort Food and Closing Thoughts

#CommunityCare #AskingForHelp #CaregiverBurnout #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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Most of us were never taught how to grieve. And it turns out, that's not an accident. In this episode of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, Amy, Kristen, Kristen Beck and thanatologist Michelle Desmond dig into the science behind grief in ways that are grounding, validating, and genuinely useful for anyone navigating illness, caregiving, or loss.

Michelle left a 15-year career at Starbucks to get her master's degree in death, dying, and bereavement because her own concentrated experience of loss made her realize how little any of us actually know about the thing that will happen to all of us. She breaks down anticipatory grief, disenfranchised grief, and why the phrase “at least” quietly tells someone their pain doesn't measure up. She also explains why we became a society that doesn't talk about death, what corporate leaders consistently miss when supporting grieving employees, and why grief is about integration.

Things You Will Learn:

1. What anticipatory grief is and why caregivers experience it: understanding the loss that starts at diagnosis, not death, so you can name what you're already carrying and stop feeling guilty for it.
2. What disenfranchised grief is and who it affects: recognizing the grief that goes unacknowledged because of stigma, complicated relationships, or losses others don't take seriously (including pet loss, job loss, and grief after suicide).
3. What to say instead of “at least”: replacing the most quietly damaging grief phrase with language that actually acknowledges someone's loss and creates real connection.

Tools / Frameworks Covered:

1. Anticipatory Grief (Grief Theory): Names the loss caregivers and loved ones experience from diagnosis forward, helping listeners recognize what they're carrying before a death occurs and stop measuring it against an arbitrary standard of what grief is supposed to look like.
2. Disenfranchised Grief (Dr. Kenneth Doka): A framework for identifying grief that goes unrecognized or stigmatized, covering pet loss, job loss, suicide, complicated relationships, and more, so people can name their experience and seek support without shame.
3. Grief Integration Model: The reframe that grief is not something to complete or get over, but something to integrate over time, giving caregivers, survivors, and sidekicks permission to stop measuring their recovery against a three-day bereavement leave.

Timetamps:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:43) Michelle's Career Shift: From Starbucks to Grief Science

(5:01) What Thanatology Actually Is

(6:08) Why Evidence-Based Grief Work Matters

(9:10) What People Used to Ask Michelle Before She Had Credentials

(11:47) Anticipatory Grief: Grieving Someone Who's Still Alive

(16:53) GiftWellSoon Sponsor

(17:09) Disenfranchised Grief: When Your Loss Goes Unrecognized

(20:06) How to Create Safe Space for Hidden Grief

(22:26) Grief in the Workplace: What Leaders Get Wrong

(25:34) Why We Were Never Taught to Grieve

(30:04) What Michelle Wants Leaders to Know

(33:05) What Michelle Is Hopeful For in the Field

(36:16) Where to Find Michelle and Her Book

(36:52) The One Thing Never to Say to Someone Grieving

(38:05) Comfort Food and the Lasagna Vindication

(39:52) The Starbucks Order

#grief #anticipatorygrief #caregiving #communityCare #giftwellsoon

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The hardest part of cancer isn't always the treatment. It's what happens after everyone stops asking.

In this season two opener of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck get personal about survivorship: what it actually means, why the medical system tends to drop patients the moment treatment ends, and why the silence that follows a bell-ringing celebration can be its own kind of loss.

Amy shares her recent melanoma diagnosis, the psychological gut-punch of reading bad news through a patient portal, and what it feels like to have your body image completely transformed with almost no one willing to name it out loud.

Kristen opens up for the first time about her own health scare, her atypical lobular dysplasia diagnosis, five years on Tamoxifen, and the scanxiety that quietly runs in the background of her life every six months.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why the emotional and physical wreckage of cancer doesn't end when treatment does, and why the medical system is only beginning to catch up.
2. What scanxiety actually feels like from the inside, and why “the alternative could be worse,” is not a helpful response to someone living with it.
3. How to show up for someone in survivorship, including how to walk through the door when they open it, instead of changing the subject.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Cancer Rehab Model: A framework borrowed from cardiac rehab that Amy argues should be standard post-treatment care for cancer survivors.
2. Scanxiety Naming: Giving language to the anxiety cycle around follow-up appointments so survivors and their support people can recognize and talk about it instead of absorbing it alone.
3. Open the Door, Walk Through It: Amy and Kristen's practical guidance for sidekicks if someone in survivorship brings up the hard stuff, follow them in instead of redirecting to the seven iron.

#survivorship #scanxiety #askingforhelp #communityCare #giftwellsoon

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Survivorship does not begin when cancer treatment ends. It begins at diagnosis and continues through every step that follows.

In Season 2 of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, we are creating space for honest, compassionate conversations about navigating treatment, adjusting to life afterward, and all the ways cancer can affect your physical, mental, emotional, social, and financial well-being.

We will talk about the hard parts, the unexpected parts, and the experiences that do not always come up in the doctor’s office—so that wherever you are in your journey, you can feel a little more seen, understood, and less alone.

Because survivorship is not simply about being alive after cancer. It is about learning how to live through everything that comes with it.

Season 2 begins tomorrow with our first episode. Follow the show and join us as we start this next chapter together.

#CancerSurvivorship #LifeAfterCancer #CancerSupport #CancerCommunity #SurvivorStories #CancerAwareness #LetMeKnowIfYouNeedAPodcast

What happens when two podcast hosts decide they've been too serious? They put on snuggies, make up fake listener questions, and tell the story of the stolen Fruitopia bottle that almost got them suspended in high school.

Amy and Kristen cover dog voices performed for strangers, Kristen's secret death doula ambitions, why big tech sucked the life out of her, and the exact components of a proper charcuterie situation. No guests, no frameworks, no emotional labor. Just two friends in fleece who think you've earned a laugh.

Tune in and let us be ridiculous for a while.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why stealing an inflatable four-foot Fruitopia bottle from a high school cafeteria is, in retrospect, a friendship cornerstone.
2. The exact correct dog voice etiquette when meeting new neighbors, and what to do when nobody laughs (spoiler: do it again, louder).
3. Why Kristen left big tech and what she'd actually be doing instead if this podcast didn't exist.
4. The proper components of a charcuterie situation, broken down with the seriousness the subject deserves.
5. Why a snuggie is, in fact, appropriate professional attire for a podcast recording.
6. How to host an AMA when nobody has sent in any questions yet.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. The Snuggie Defense Mechanism: When the work gets too heavy, fleece is a valid coping strategy and a legitimate aesthetic choice.
2. The Fake AMA Framework: If listeners haven't sent in questions yet, you make them up. The audience never has to know. Until you tell them, at the end, on purpose.
3. Dog Voice Persistence Doctrine: When you commit to a bit and the room goes silent, you escalate. You do not retreat. You ask if their dogs talk.
4. The Charcuterie Breakdown: The exact ratio of cheese, meat, and weird little jams that constitutes a proper board, according to two women who care about this deeply.

#letslaugh #askingforhelp #podcasthumor #afterdark #emotionallabor #giftwellsoon #snuggie #caregiverlaughs #realconnection

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Most people assume that having health insurance means having access to healthcare. Kay Hsu is here to dismantle that assumption with receipts, rage, and a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist on speed dial.

In this episode, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck sit down with Kay Hsu, a stage four metastatic breast cancer patient, ten-year survivor, Canadian-born tech and creative executive, and one of the most quietly ferocious patient advocates you'll ever hear. Kay shares the full arc: a diagnosis at 35 that arrived during a work dinner, a whirlwind year that included getting engaged, harvesting embryos, and starting chemo, and a decade of navigating a healthcare system that keeps moving the goalposts.

The conversation turns sharp when Kay describes the moment that changed everything: a medical director at her insurance company told her she wasn't eligible for a standard PET scan because she'd been stable. She was a stage four cancer patient. She was furious. And she did something about it.

You'll also hear an honest, grounded conversation about what it actually feels like to keep working through chemo, how depression can accumulate slowly over six years of medication side effects without anyone naming it, and why the healthcare navigation gap doesn't just make people's lives harder; it makes people die.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why a diagnosis doesn't come with a roadmap and why Googling “best oncologist” is a genuinely terrible starting point.
2. What the difference is between fully insured and self-funded employer plans, and why does it matter more than most patients realize?
3. How to request a medical director's name and license when a claim is denied, and why insurance companies don't want you to know you can.
4. Why keeping your cancer staging in context matters more than the number itself.
5. What happened when Kay went to the press, and how one Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist turned a single tip into an ongoing NBC/MSNBC investigative series.
6. How long-term medication side effects can accumulate so slowly that neither the patient nor the people around them see it happening.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. The Navigation Gap: The problem isn't that resources don't exist; it's that patients have no reliable path to find them. Knowledge access is a survival issue, not a comfort issue.
2. Advocacy Escalation Model: How Kay moved from denial to press contact to public apology and what each step required.
3. Sidekick Energy: The colleague who kept her OBGYN appointment. The coworker who connected her to Cancer Care. The journalist who answered a cold message on vacation. Community care that shows up without centering itself.
4. Clarity Over Vague Kindness: Applied to the medical system, vague answers and buried information function the same way vague kindness does. People can't act on what they can't see.
5. Permission Slips: Naming what patients are actually allowed to ask for: the medical director's name, their license, their specialty, and whether they're licensed in your state.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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When Julie Rudman was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2023, she quickly realized something unsettling: even with strong support, medical access, and privilege, finding practical help was still harder than it should have been.

In this episode, Amy Steinhour and Kristen Beck talk with Julie about how that experience led her to create The Breast Cancer Club, a Kansas City-based nonprofit built to make breast cancer support more accessible, practical, and local. Julie shares how one survivor’s advice to ‘pay it forward’ became the spark for everything that followed.

They talk about the real gaps people face during treatment, from transportation and language barriers to the cost of recovery items, bras, groceries, and everyday support. Julie also reflects on privilege, post-traumatic growth, and why building community matters just as much as building resources.

Things You Will Learn:

1. Why a breast cancer diagnosis can expose support gaps even for people with strong access and privilege.
2. How Julie turned one survivor’s advice to ‘pay it forward’ into the Breast Cancer Club.
3. What practical support people actually need during treatment, from bras to recovery supplies to grocery discounts.
4. Why local, in-person connection still matters even in a digital support model.
5. How breast cancer survivors experience post-traumatic growth and shifting life priorities.
6. Why gratitude can be more useful than guilt when you realize you had advantages others don’t.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Pay It Forward Support Model: Receive support, then turn that experience into something usable for the next person.
2. Clarity Through Access Gaps: Looking closely at where support breaks down for people without time, money, language fluency, transportation, or networks.
3. Sidekick Support Infrastructure: Practical support that helps people move through treatment with more dignity and less friction.
4. Post-Traumatic Growth: The idea is that hard experiences can reshape priorities, relationships, and life satisfaction in lasting ways.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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Alex Owens found a lump in the most normal moment: brushing her teeth, hand under her arm, and then that sharp, hard marble feeling you can’t un-feel. In the span of one appointment, a manual exam became a mammogram, became an ultrasound, and then a doctor walked into a dark room and said the sentence out loud: You have cancer.

In this conversation, Amy, Kristen, and Alex get honest about what support actually looked like: friends flying in for a week, deep one-on-one time that strengthened relationships, and the practical truth that ‘let me know if you need anything’ can feel like homework.

Alex shares the language shift that helped most: specific offers with a timeframe, and options that don’t require someone in crisis to manage your helpfulness. DoorDash gift cards. Frozen meals. A clear ‘I can do X this week.’

Things You Will Learn:

1. What it’s like to get ‘you have cancer’ in a dark ultrasound room alone.
2. How young motherhood changes the logistics and the guilt math.
3. Why vague offers create emotional labor, and what to say instead.
4. Support that lands: time, presence, and people who don’t make you direct traffic.
5. The ‘you before cancer’ and ‘you after cancer,’ and why they’re not the same person.

Tools & Frameworks Covered:

1. Clarity Over Vague Kindness: Replace “let me know” with specific, time-bound offers that don’t force someone to do emotional admin.
2. Sidekick Support: Help that supports the person’s agency (meals, rides, childcare, gift cards) without centering the helper.
3. Permission Slips: You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to not perform strength.
4. Support That Reduces Emotional Labor: DoorDash / food gift cards, frozen meals, and “I’m available this afternoon” support.

#AskingForHelp #CommunityCare #Caregiving #IllnessRealTalk #EmotionalLabor

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