Each year, over 1 million American children suffer the divorce of their parents. Mounting evidence demonstrates that the devastating physical, emotional, and financial effects that divorce is having on these children will last into adulthood, according to the Heritage Foundation. For Mental Health Advocate Monson Flake: “My life has been a series of challenges and lessons. At the age of 2 my parents were already deep into the divorce process. Being the youngest of 8 children at the time, I grew up through what I call, "the great divide". Half the family wanted to live with mom, and half the family wanted to live with dad. This left me wondering where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to think. It caused a number of challenges within our home and left me as a young boy, confused and lost.
The years following this were very hectic. Several of my siblings developed severe drug addictions and have taken many trips to different jails and prisons. Unfortunately, every one that chose to live with my mom at some point or another ended up at least one time in some form of confinement.
So this was my childhood. One half of the family was religious, while the other have was living a more wild life style. I was the youngest, and growing up through this was unique. It taught me things that some people never learn, and it helped me view the world the way that I do now.
Eventually, when I was in the 4th grade, my father re-married my step mom and I gained two younger siblings. Unfortunately, nobody could mesh with my step mom. She caused so many challenges and trials in our lives, that my two older siblings that lived with her couldn't handle it and moved out while still in high school. She was very emotionally abusive and manipulative. She treated her kids very different from the way she treated us. She withheld money and privileges from us that she wouldn't from the others.
Learning from my siblings, I actually made it through high school while still living with her, however, that was not without issues. I was kicked out several times and forced to apologize time and time again, even when I was not in the wrong. The first time I was kicked out of my home I was probably 14 years old. My entire life knowing my step mom, I never heard the words "i'm sorry" come out of her mouth. Not once. She would hold grudges from childhood that nobody should hold.
That statement remained true until recently, when she got really sick. She developed tinitis which is an intense ringing that remains in your ear. It brought out everything form her. I truly believe that years of anxiety, depression, anger, grudges, and hatred came out all at once. She slowly began losing her mind and attempting suicide. She was a completely different person and her behavior was something I'd never seen in her or in anyone.
During this process, for the first time in my entire life, she apologized. Shortly after apologizing to me and my siblings, she committed suicide.
This took a tole on everyone especially my father. I"m not the type to hold a grudge so I use it to learn from it and to grow from it.
All these challenges may seem hard and tough, but they are only lessons for me. They were hard at times, but in the grand scheme of things, they have brought me joy beyond anything I can comprehend. They have molded me into who I am, and they are still molding me into who I want to be.
My life goal is to help others learn from their challenges the way I have learned through mine. Not everyone is as positive as me, so I will do my part to help them get there.” He joined me this week to tell me more.
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