Recently, I celebrated that universal holiday enjoyed by each of us who sports a belly button, reminiscent of our entry into this world. My birthday was nothing special. After all, each of us experiences that phenomenon on an eerily regular basis as the calendar pages turn ever-so quickly from year to year. But this year, I tried to imagine that first birth-day, the day I was born. I can envision a few characters in the cast who played out my birth story. My mother and father were there, as was

Parenting is a task focused on the future. The very nature of raising children is to launch their future lives. Parents want their babies to learn so they can succeed in preschool and get into Harvard so they can live happily ever after. Even in the short term, conscientious parents focus on the future. In the spring, parents plan for their children’s fall school enrollment. In February, they decide about summer plans for their kids—camp, child care, activities, and maybe a family vacation.

An old friend visited me recently. She’s raising a lovely 18-year-old son who I’ve known since he was an active toddler. During our conversation she shared enthusiastically about her son’s serious commitment which has led to his becoming a violin virtuoso, participating in an outstanding youth symphony with many performance opportunities. He’s currently auditioning for several universities and hopes to attain a scholarship to pursue his musical studies. As I noted the stars in this proud mom’s

One morning, four-year-old Devon watches as big brother Andrew prepares to leave for school. Andrew realizes his backpack isn’t where he left it and races around the house frantically, desperate to find the supplies he needs for his school day. The whole family engages in the search, checking anywhere he might have accidentally left it. Watching the clock, Dad announces they simply have to leave or Andrew will be late for school. Frustrated, Andrew wipes his eyes, trudging to Dad’s car without

He’s in the advertising business and she’s a nurse. But in truth, there is for both of them a different role that is never out of their focus, 24/7. They are parents to three pretty wonderful children, and those kids lie closer to their parents’ life purpose than any job that results in a paycheck. One recent day, they were concerned about their oldest child’s recent sports injury. His knee still wakes him at night. Walking to the bus stop is painful, so they take turns driving him to and from

It was a truly lousy day at the Osman house. Every member of the family was at a different stage of whatever bug had infested itself in their respiratory tracts. After a long day of sniffling and whining, bedtime had finally arrived. Just as Mom and Dad were tucking the little ones into bed, the doorbell rang. Dad ran to answer it but was perplexed to find no one standing there. About to go back inside, he glanced down to find a Get Well Basket left on the porch. Amazed, he carried it back

While their exhausted parents could fall asleep standing on their heads, frustrated four-year-olds and sobbing seven-year-olds fight bedtime to the death. What is it that kids have against sleeping? Most parents have faced this night-time frustration at least once, and the reasons it happens are as complicated as the children they love. First, young children are determined to establish autonomy and don’t like for adults to make decisions for them about anything. Sometimes, kids are worried about

Nowadays, we expect everything to be fast. Technology has enable us to expect our every effort to be met with an immediate result. And then we become parents. When we’re raising children, no effort is met with immediate results. Are you working to train your baby to sleep through the night? Several months from now, your efforts will pay off. Have you decided to toilet train your toddler? Hope you’re not planning for dependably dry underwear for a few weeks. Children are complex creatures who—at

A family I know faces a significant health challenge with their daughter. This typically strong student is underperforming at school on account of her health. Her grades have suffered, adding to the stress for this family in an already tough situation. Recognizing the impact this illness has had on the girl’s school performance, her mother made an appointment to see her daughter’s school counselor and also requested that her teachers attend if possible. When the meeting began, the mother thanked

When we become parents, we bring all the experiences of our prior lives into our work with our children. These stories quietly influence our decisions and patterns of behavior as we raise our kids. Some memories are of joyous occasions, but a few are of times of heartache or disappointment. Dr. Selma Fraiberg, a 20th century psychologist, recognized those painful memories as “Ghosts in the Nursery,” and wrote about their power to negatively impact a parent’s experience of raising children. A man