Join Tara and Jess well they sip some delicious apple cider, that has a kick (thanks to Jess!) and talk all things Halloween. From their most memorable costumes, to their experiences with ghost stories, to some thoughts on recent spooky movies and documentaries.

As always, Tara and Jess hope you enjoy this episode! It was probably the most fun to record yet.

Here's a list of all the spooky, seasonal, or scary movies we mentioned, if you feel like getting in the spirit! Tell us your favourite October movies in the comments ♥

• Hocus Pocus
• Practical Magic
• Casper
• The Craft
• The Craft: Legacy
• Winnie the Pooh: Blood & Honey
• Halloweentown
• The Woman in Cabin 10 (movie & book - Ruth Ware)
• Talk to Me
• True Haunting: Eerie Hall (documentary)

This episode is a milestone episode because it's our 20th! We are thankful to have wonderful listeners who continue to support us and stream our episodes every week. Thank you for being here!

Please send us any episode requests to [email protected]

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#sharingspookystories #ghosts #costumes

#halloweenspecial #ghosties #hauntedhouses #funnyepisode

#comeforthelaughs #comeforthestories

Join us for an episode request about marriage! Thank you to the person who submitted this request! If you would like to submit your own anonymous episode request, visit our linktree here: https://linktr.ee/lettersforgirlspodcast or send us a message on Instagram: @lettersforgirlspod

Quotes from this episode: 

"Values are the foundation for our relationship." - Tara

"Choose to be on the same team." - Jess

We start our chat with Frank Sinatra’s Love and Marriage swirling in our minds (AKA the theme to Married... with Children), and making the discovery that Tara has never seen The Princess Bride!

We discuss making the choice to grow with another person throughout life changes and challenges, and the ways we've done this in our own marriages.

What about continuing to date your partner? We share our favourite ways to date throughout different phases of life. At this stage, Tara loves finding opportunities to dance together or get some movement (like joining local pick-up basketball). Currently Jess is loving making time for lowkey but intentional hangs at home, with no need for baby-sitters!

How about navigating conflict? How can we process changes as individuals and as a couple? Tara shares some of the changes she's been experiencing in recent years, and how it's impacted her marriage. Jess shares her perspective that it is also okay to still love someone, and decide not to stay together. Do what's right for yourself, and your partner.

Tara mentions her obsession with Jefferson Fisher, a communication expert. His Instagram page @jeffersonfisher and his podcast: The Jefferson Fisher Podcast. She also shares the concept of checking in with yourself and others, to know if it is a safe time for a difficult conversation. 

***Tara mentions reading about being in fight or flight mode. In the episode she says "parasympathetic" but it is "sympathetic".

References for fight flight mode: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-happens-to-your-body-during-the-fight-or-flight-response

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMFhqbfnIfQ *In this podcast episode Dr. K talks about fight or flight mode, among many other great subjects.*

Tara thinks understanding others should be considered a kind of love language… Jess brings up that knowing and truly seeing someone is the best way to love them, in ways big and small (like knowing how your partner takes their coffee). 

Round up of strategies for finding joy & resolving conflict, and additional topics referenced in this episode:

-Ben Platt's song "Grow as we Go" about the ebb and flow of relationships

-Alphabet dates 

-Journal prompts together each day as a reflective practice

-Be a thermostat not a thermometer (set the temperature in the room, rather than simply reading & reacting to the temperature)

-Blaming "Susan"

-Come up with the silly pet-names for each other when you ask for something

-Emma Watson’s recent interview on Jay Shetty's “On Purpose” podcast (intimacy is revealing deeper and deeper truths to somebody about yourself over time)

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#marriage #relationships #dating #exercise #fun #hobbies #navigatingmarriage #navigatingrelationships #fighting #intimacy

*Episode Malfunction Alert!: We had an accidental re-release of our first ever episode, our introduction, yesterday on September 22. Feel free to delete it or ignore it. Thanks for your understanding.*

On todays mini.chat, we're discussing some unconventional life tips pulled from a graduation speech. Jess loves a commencement speech once in a while, for a generous dose of idealistic motivation. Today she shared a few points from Tim Minchin’s 2013 speech at the University of Western Australia (linked below if you would like to listen or read the speech in full).

Points discussed: 

• • “You don’t have to have a dream” 

We discuss the idea of being micro-ambitious and our own approaches to living in pursuit of big dreams or the little things in between. 

• “Be hard on your opinions” (opinions are like arse-holes)

We chat about the importance of acknowledging nuance. Tara mentions how it's important to her to be introspective and to acknowledge biases and privilege when considering world-issues and different ways of living. Jess brings up the the value in also being open to perspectives that are different from your own.

• “Define yourself by what you love” (be pro-stuff, not just anti-stuff) 

Instead of jumping to all the reasons you don’t like something, Jess is trying to work on asking questions about what other people love. (AKA: Don’t yuck someone’s yum!) Tara brings up the longing humans feel for finding a community of like-minded people. 

We hope you enjoyed todays chat - talk, soon!  

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Content Warning: This letter and episode focuses on women' s intuition, but pregnancy loss is mentioned and discussed.

*Here’s a time stamp to skip the parts of this episode that mention pregnancy loss:

16:00 - 18:56 (A portion of the letter)

20:19 - 32:59 (Tara and Jess’ discussion about pregnancy loss and grief)

What do you do or say when someone you know experiences pregnancy loss or grief? How and when to reach out, or when to give someone space? 

Is déjà vu a form of intuition? What about dreams, clairvoyance, and coincidences? We discuss our own perceptions of these concepts and how we interpret them. 

Tara shares her experiences with feeling the intuitive need to connect with a friend in a moment they were struggling.

Tara reads an article based on a study about the science behind women's intuition.

Some topics the article mentioned:

-Women's corpus callosum is thicker which allows for better & faster access between the left and right hemisphere of the brain

-Gut acts as your "second brain" 

-There are neurotransmitters in the gut

-It's possible to confuse strong emotions for intuition 

Jess confronts her own struggles with knowing how to trust her intuition in moments of uncertainty. When is fear of the unknown disguising itself as intuition? 

Risky play as a tool for practicing trusting your body... And in turn, a tool for practicing listening to your intuition. 

What are other ways we can practice noticing & listening to our intuition? Do we tune out our intuition as we age?

Tara shares how she listens to, and trusts, the signals her body sends her.

We chat about deciding when to defer for input from others, and when to make choices without any outside noise.

Asking your mind, heart and then gut (known as The Head-Heart-Gut Check In) is a helpful exercise that Tara has used several times. Find the link below for that information.

Thank you to Shell for writing this letter.

Miscarriage Information: https://www.jogc.com/article/S1701-2163(24)00545-0/fulltext

Women's Intuition: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-genius-of-empathy/202406/the-neuroscience-of-womens-intuition/amp

The Head-Heart-Gut check in: https://melliobrien.com/the-head-heart-gut-check-in/

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This episode is the first topic request from a listener!

Please send your topic requests to [email protected]

**Tara and Jess will be on holiday for the month of August, 2025, so episodes will be paused for the month. Tune back into the podcast in September. We have some exciting things coming!**

Are you new to parenting? Expecting? Or just want to know more about Tara and Jess' thoughts on parenting in the early days?

You're in the right place.

Tara and Jess received their first topic request via email from a listener who is expecting with their partner. They share their experience and knowledge on the subject, a long with some research and personal preferences.

Topics surrounding babies in the first year that they talked about:

-Tickling

-Touch

-Being soothed by dad/ hearing dad's voice too

-90's TV shows for infants and young children are slower paced, less stimulating than today's cartoons

-Jess' favourite 90's TV shows are: The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Little Bear. When they're a little bit older Franklin, Miss Rachel (very educational for both parents and kids, but can be stimulating. Jess likes to watch with her kid and interacts during the show!) Mr Rogers, Sherry Louise and Bran. Things with music are great.

-Books: Welcome Baby by Barbara Reid, Welcome to Your World. Jess has a goal to read 1,000 books before age 4.

-Continue reading with your kids for years! Tara used to read to her kids every night at bedtime, they started reading to her and her husband and today they still read to their teenagers periodically. When they get to the age they can read to you, they have so much pride! Content in books sparks a lot of conversation as the kids get older.

-Bedtime routines are important! Kids often like to open up and have conversation at bedtime. So starting those routines when they're really little is helpful to cultivate that safe space for kids.

-Making time for one-on-one connection with your kid(s)

-Talk to your infants even though they don't respond, they can hear you and it's good for their little brains and hearts.

-Bath time: Introduce babies to water slowly, get a little water on their face to prevent fear of water later. Be mindful of temperature, check temperature thresholds online. You can also get a water thermometer for baby bath time.

-Don't be afraid to ask professionals questions for things you're not sure of. No question is stupid.

-Talk with your partner before the baby comes about night time feedings, changes and night time routines so that everyone is on the same page.

-There's only so much you can plan with a baby. Things change and everyone has to adapt.

-Post partum Depression

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519070/

-Purple crying

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25134950/

Tickle/touch resources: https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/young-infants-have-no-clue-whos-tickling-their-feet

https://research.gold.ac.uk/id/eprint/7309/1/AJBremner_accepted.pdf

https://theconversation.com/do-babies-feel-tickles-in-a-different-way-to-adults-49256

https://www.memorialcare.org/blog/what-happens-babys-brain-when-theyre-getting-tickled-experts-explain#:~:text=As%20a%20parent%20you%20should,tell%20you%20when%20to%20stop.

Thank you to the lovely human who sent Tara and Jess an email asking for this episode!

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Welcome to our mini.chat. Today Tara shares about a psychic experience when she was pregnant over fifteen years ago with her first child.

Jess and Tara talk about psychic matters and ghostie experiences.

Have you ever had a psychic or ghostie experience? Write us about it! We'll read it on the pod: [email protected]

Also, let us know: do you think the psychic was right with his guesses/predictions about Tara's baby or do you think it was all just a coincidence?

Comment on this episode, we'd love to hear from you.

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Have you experienced questions or comments on your life-choices from family, friends, or even strangers? External pressures have likely impacted all of us at some point.

Our letter writer is 37, a homeowner, single, and childfree. She is happy with where her life is, and has faith that her life will go the way it’s meant to. She shares her feelings about getting repeatedly questioned on her choices, dating life, and future. 

How do we decide which experiences we want to have in life? What do you consider to be truly living a fulfilled life for yourself?

Remember: Just because you're not living the way people expect you to, doesn't mean you're not living a meaningful life. 

Jess & Tara share some of the unsolicited questions they have received throughout their adult lives. 

How do you know when to ask certain questions? How can we practice not answering questions that make us feel uncomfortable? 

Jess recommends considering how well you know someone when asking questions about life & future plans.

Tara considers the difference between a question, and a judgement.

Is it okay to ask specific questions if someone has already opened up the dialogue about their plans?

Topics touched on:

-The movie "The Invention of Lying" with Ricky Gervais

-Being a stay-at-home mom

-Feeling like we have to justify our choices and circumstances, and expecting pressure and certain questions, because it has become the social norm

-If someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer, or makes you uncomfortable, you do not have to answer. Have tools and responses in your back pocket to respond to questions that you don't like. (Check out @dannah_eve to learn about “lie to survive”) 

-Online dating, and dating in general. What do we look for when we first meet someone? Attraction? Connection? Laughter? (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10481040/)

-Social anxiety & making meaningful connections

-Is laser-focusing on something you want, causing you to miss out on some great opportunities?

-How can we be more open to joy? Try naming the things that you like in your immediate space, or look for hearts around you (Mel Robbins - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZ-ibdmAXVp/?hl=en)

*Take whatever you personally find helpful here and leave the rest.*

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Have you ever felt like being an adult that has it all together is an illusion?

You'd be right.

Our letter writer shares how when she was a kid she thought she'd have life all figured out as an adult, but now as an adult she definitely doesn't. And neither do Jess and Tara.

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-Being an adult and having responsibilities and obligations every day is a challenge.

-Jess shares her childhood fantasy of her family being whisked away to be royals. She would gladly accepted the role of princess.

-Tara shares her current adult fantasy is that when her kids grow up and move out of the house that they want to come around!

Other topics touches on:

-Having a social circle is important for your mental health

-Meal planning

-Using google and Pinterest for recipes

-Looking at chores and household tasks as an on-going to-do list that is never complete (known as the cycle theory)

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_uyqd2hViGE

https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-99/#10:14

- Tara mentions @beautys.library (Selena's bookish/reader account on Instagram) she started calling her TBR list her hopefuls to take off the pressure of getting to every book on her list every month.

-Jess is working on being more present, taking time for more rest and leaving her phone in a different space.

-Malteesers on popcorn

Tell us your favourite toppings to put on popcorn in the comments!

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Have you ever struggled with anxiety or fear at bedtime?

Our letter writer shares about her experience with this as a kid.

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This week's letter writer shares about her experience with anxiety and fear at bedtime when she was a kid.

Things we discuss within this episode:

-Jess shares about her own struggles with lack of sleep as a mom, and fear of the dark as a kid with an overactive imagination.

-Tara mentions an experience with anxiety and fear at bedtime when she was sick with a concussion as an adult

-Did we watch too many scary movies way too young?

-Are we still scared of the dark as adults? Definitely when we're outside (werewolves out during a full moon are always a risk).

-Jess thinks her stress manifests in her sleep and dreams and she therefore limits watching scary movies now

-Tara thinks she has a super power at night time

-Both hosts share some tools they use to get to sleep at night

-What about using devices before bed? We share our tips for managing our smartphone use to avoid disrupting sleep.

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