Self-criticism is a natural response to divorce. But it’s not particularly helpful.

In fact, it’s harder to learn from a place of shame and judgement, whereas self-compassion helps us cope more effectively and make better choices moving forward.

A pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff currently serves as Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is the author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself and coauthor of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. Dr. Neff’s new release is Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Neff joins Katherine to explain how self-compassion helps us navigate painful experiences like divorce. She walks us through the three components of self-compassion, describing how the practice allows us to cope with the hurt and take responsibility for our mistakes. Listen in as Dr. Neff shares what she learned about self-compassion in her own divorce and learn to treat yourself with kindness and improve your wellbeing in the process of divorce.

Topics Covered

The 3 components of self-compassion (mindfulness, self-kindness and common humanity)

Why people who are self-compassionate about divorce cope more effectively than those who beat themselves up

How self-compassion helps us take personal responsibility for our mistakes

How mindfulness allows us to acknowledge the pain of divorce without getting lost in it

The power in realizing that challenging relationships are part of being human

Giving yourself honest, constructive feedback around how to make wiser choices moving forward

What Dr. Neff learned about herself and self-compassion in her own divorce

How self-compassion can help divorced parents navigate the holidays

How being compassionate to ourselves gives us the resources to be more compassionate to others

How self-kindness activates the parasympathetic nervous system and improves decision-making

Connect with Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion:

https://self-compassion.org/

Dr. Neff on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion

Dr. Neff on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/self_compassion

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Take the Self-Compassion Test:

https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/

Self-Compassion Guided Practices:

https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations

Center for Mindful Self-Compassion:

https://centerformsc.org/

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061733520/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0061733520&linkCode=as2&tag=selfcompassio-20&linkId=88965173bdbb2bdb51563a0f2da026b4

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1462526780/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=selfcompassio-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1462526780&linkId=0ef7d4127d25166a4c010cb49ec1b047

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive by Dr. Kristin Neff:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006299106X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=selfcompassio-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=006299106X&linkId=72510bb0e43a8507025d9e3713f047e2