Lez Hang Out | Lesbian Life & Queer Culture

Reality dating shows, for when therapy is just too expensive and you want to add a little chaos to your life. This week Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out and process the delightfully dramatic Netflix reality dating show, The Ultimatum: Queer Love. If you haven’t been watching this show or you are not that into #realitytv, buckle up, because this is a wild ride. 

The premise is absolutely nuts- one person in a relationship wants to get married, the other does not for whatever reason. The solution - not couple’s therapy! Nope. The solution is apparently to split up and get involved in a 3 week long trial marriage with someone from another couple in the same predicament. Then, to get back together for a 3 week long trial marriage of their own. At the end of all that mess, everyone can decide to choose their original partner by getting engaged, themselves by walking away single, or their new love ie. the person they spent 3 weeks with in that first trial marriage. 

The issue with the show is mainly the premise itself. It basically throws people into that honeymoon phase and makes them compare those feelings to the less exciting feelings they have for their long term partner. We talk about the reasons The Ultimatum is an incredibly unhinged concept, the bonkers decision to not once tell us a single one of these queer people’s pronouns, and the hate crime that was the finale. Genuinely, we were so relieved to watch the reunion, because watching that finale felt like we had stepped into an episode of Black Mirror. Ultimately, if all the show achieved was freeing Xander, it was worth every second.

Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). 

This #pridemonth don’t forget to support LGBTQ+ creators and small businesses directly. You can support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more. Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon. 

Want to go on a dream vacation and make lifelong memories with a group of amazing queer people? Invest in your own joy this #pride and grab one of the last 4 spots on our #trovatrip to Croatia coming up this September! Get all the details at bit.ly/lezdocroatia.

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“Fate be changed. Look inside. All the gays are out for Pride!” This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with Mexican American story artist and character designer Stephanie Rizo (@steph_rizo) to talk about the 2012 Disney Pixar hit film Brave. This movie is so gay! It is essentially a coming out story for Merida who is struggling to get her mom to understand that her sexuality is not just a phase and she will 100% burn down the country before marrying a man.

We talk about Stephanie’s experience as a storyboard artist and character designer for animation and how she manages to sneak queerness into the backgrounds wherever she can. Then, we delve deeper into everything that makes Brave the gay masterpiece that it is. Merida’s entire personality revolves around breaking free from the heteronormative ideals that her mother is desperately trying to instill in her. We love that this movie ultimately respects who Merida is and does not try to force a love interest onto her in the end like Disney does with so many of its princesses. Not a single one of those male suitors was serious about pursuing marriage and honestly, they don’t exactly come off as straight either.

Merida’s own father is a great example of how much internalized homophobia can mess someone up, because that man is 1000% obsessed with bears. He may claim to hate them, but he spends pretty much the entire movie talking about Mordu and his castle is basically a shrine to bears. This man is so bear for bear and he does not even realize it. He also is very supportive of Merida and her distaste for heteronormativity, giving her a bow of her own and not minding one bit about her ‘unladylike’ manners. Elinor, Merida’s mother, takes longer to come around after having forced herself to adhere to her own compulsory heterosexuality. This woman is so bisexual it is almost painful. When she is trying to convince Merida to go through with the marriage, she explains that she too had a defiant ‘phase’ where she did not want to get married. We see you Elinor and you are not fooling anyone.

We know one thing for sure, Brave Should’ve Been Gay. Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). 

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

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What if you met your wife for the first time in Paradise? This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) talk about the 2016 episode of Black Mirror - San Junipero for this Lez-ssentials episode, a recurring segment on the essential movies and TV shows in the lesbian canon. If you haven’t seen this episode of Black Mirror yet, go watch it! It’s only an hour long and unlike most episodes, it is less horror, more sci fi romance. 

This story is unique because it both does bury the gays and also doesn’t. All things considered, it actually has a very happy ending for our sapphics, if you just ignore that they’re technically dead and have had their consciousnesses uploaded to a digital afterlife. It’s the sort of bittersweet happiness that we absolutely eat up, or as Ellie says, “It’s giving Notebook vibes.” 

There is just something so sweet about watching Yorkie get a first shot at love after her incredibly traumatic accident and Kelly getting a second chance at a love that she never really envisioned herself having after losing her husband and daughter. Yorkie is such a relatable baby gay and honestly between her sheltered homophobic upbringing and the car accident happening the same night she came out, we are just so happy to see her get to experience the lesbian life that she could never have even imagined was possible for herself.

With Kelly, she is a little more hesitant to allow herself to fall in love as she is not planning to stay in San Junipero. We get very little good bisexual representation on our screens and Kelly is top tier, hands down. She was married to a man and very much in love with him for over 40 years, but that does not in any way invalidate her bisexuality or stop her from dating and hooking up with both women and men in San Junipero. So often society writes off bisexual women as soon as they marry men and it is really important to show the world that getting married does not suddenly erase a person’s sexuality. 

The fact that we get to see Yorkie go from completely missing out on life due to homophobia to regaining her freedom and chance for love through gay marriage is amazing. She was hesitant to even dance with Kelly at first, because she thought it would be improper for two girls to be seen dancing together and within the span of a few short weeks she is literally married to her. We love to see it!

At the end of the episode, stick around to hear our original song based on San Junipero titled “Paradise” written by Leigh Holmes Foster and produced by Ellie Brigida. Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon for mp3 downloads of all our original songs or find us on Bandcamp to purchase songs individually.

Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod).

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You know who else falls in love after just a kiss? Lesbians. This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out to talk about the classic 1978 musical romcom, Grease. We really wanted to talk about this movie, especially with the recent release of the spinoff tv series, Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies, which we honestly both really enjoyed! 

Grease is, at its core, a deeply unserious campy coming out story for Danny Zuko. Over the summer he is out and free being his best gay self dancing with his guy friends and flexing his wrists to and fro. He’s somehow both a himbo and a herbo all at the same time. But as soon as school starts back up, he’s back to trying to be Mr. Tough Guy to reassure everyone about how manly he is. Danny falls for Sandy so fast, and then when he sees her again at school he panics like a typical useless baby gay. There is just something distinctly queer about Sandy and Danny’s relationship.

Danny Zuko is far from the only gay in this movie. Literally all of the Pink Ladies have a little something extra going on with one another. Marty is pretending to have boyfriends all over the world (we get it Marty, we totally believe that your penpals are totally real boyfriends), while Rizzo is faking having sex. They are always looking at each other in a deeply sexually charged manner and we know what’s going on ladies, you can’t fool us. Then we have the T-Birds. That’s a dance troupe of gay men if we’ve ever seen one. Danny and Kenickie have absolutely got something going on or at least did in the past and you cannot convince us otherwise. 

We know one thing for sure, Grease Should’ve Been Gay. Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). 

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

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It’s time to process some trauma together, buckle up as we bring you therapy with Lez Hang Out. This week Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with comedian and actor Liz Glazer (@lizglazer) to discuss processing and sharing #grief through the lens of storytelling and comedy. Liz’s debut comedy album, A Very Particular Experience, releases on May 12th and can be pre-ordered on iTunes now!

Liz’s album shares truths about grief (with punchlines!) and is a way to bring people together to commemorate the day that her wife gave birth to their stillborn daughter, Leo. Acknowledging her daughter’s existence and the trauma her and her wife experienced through this album is not only cathartic, but important as a means to remember Leo and to spread awareness about the common nature of stillbirth. 

Queer people tend to be more open about discussing trauma, as the simple act of living as a queer person in a heteronormative society is a shared trauma experienced by us all. We will often unload our entire coming out journey on the first date as a means of forming connections. Liz shares that as a descendent of Holocaust survivors it is important to her that she be LOUD and not hide any parts of herself from the world. Her ancestors had no choice but to hide themselves and be extremely cautious with their true identities, and she feels she owes it to them to not waste any opportunity to speak her truth. 

Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod).

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon. 

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Will you take the red pill or will you take the blue pill? This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with trans author and screenwriter Tilly Bridges (@heckyeahtillybridges) to talk about the trans allegories and queer characters of The Matrix. Tilly is a Matrix expert having written an entire book on the topic - Begin Transmission: The Trans Allegories of The Matrix which releases this June! While we do touch a little bit on each movie of the series, we focus primarily on the iconic first movie that sets everything into motion. Don’t worry though, Tilly goes much deeper into the rest of the movies in her book!

We talk about how the entire series is one overarching allegory for the trans experience. From the very beginning we watch Neo start his transition journey by choosing to take the red pill, which stands for truth and is what breaks him free of the matrix, ie. the heteronormative binary world. While nowadays this ‘red pill’ concept has been hijacked by the exact opposite of the people it was intended for, back in the day, the estrogen pill was quite literally red. (Funnily enough, it’s blue now). 

While outside the matrix, Neo leaves behind his dead name, takes on a new identity, and meets others who represent parts of himself. Each character is actually a manifestation of a different side of Neo that guides him along his transition. As Neo begins to live as an out-trans person, he starts to be attacked by those still within the matrix. This can be difficult to watch when you consider that it is an allegory reflecting the attacks made against trans individuals and the LGBTQ+ community at large by those dedicated to protecting their heteronormative world from what they perceive as a threat but is literally just trans and queer people existing. 

Further into the series, we even see Neo choose to detransition, going back into the matrix and resuming the Mr. Anderson identity, which he had left behind to become Neo. In the final movie, he re-transitions, finally accepting himself as a trans person and reaching one final layer of transition to become Trinity, the person he was always meant to be. Each time we see Trinity and Neo kiss throughout the series, it never really feels romantic- and for good reason. They are the exact same person, and the kisses are an allegory for self-love and self-acceptance. 

We know one thing for sure, The Matrix Should’ve Been Gay. Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). 

If you’re interested in diving deeper into the trans allegories of The Matrix series, pre-order Tilly’s book, Begin Transmission: The Trans Allegories of The Matrix wherever books are sold!

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

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Have you ever had an experience that you did not consent to but that was enjoyable, transformational, or even pleasurable? This week Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with Dr. Avgi Saketopoulou (@avgolis98), queer psychoanalyst and author of Sexuality Beyond Consent: Risk, Race, Traumatophilia, to discuss queering consent. As part of our discussion, Avgi shares stories of times when clients experienced events outside of their consent, including in sexual situations. 

Consent is a very nuanced topic, but it tends not to be talked about that way. We do not live in a vacuum and as such consent can be messier than people tend to want to consider. For example, think about our favorite, Teenage Bounty Hunters. When Sterling gathers her courage and kisses April, she doesn’t ask for her consent first, and knowing April it probably would not have gone over too well if she had. Even though April may not have consented to this kiss, she finds that she enjoys it. This is a transformational experience for the two of them, and it happens outside of the realm of consent. 

As queer people, we have quite a good amount of experience of running opposite to societal norms. We step beyond our comfort zones just to exist in a heteronormative world. As such, we tend to better understand that many transformational experiences rely on our willingness to step beyond safety. Even so, we tend to still prize consent in a way that is more fantasy than reality. It is just not nearly as cut and dry when applied to real life situations. 

Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod).

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

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Dana Scully, causing the lesbian rate to skyrocket since 1993. This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with Ashley Ray (@theashleyray), Black, bisexual and polyamorous tv writer, comedian, and host of the podcast TV, I Say w/ Ashley Ray to talk about the science fiction television classic, The X-Files. If watching 9 seasons of Gillian Anderson strutting around in power suits was your gay awakening or bonus points, you have a tattoo of Gillian Anderson’s face on your leg, you’re in the right place.

This quintessential #scifi show is about fun loving lesbian Dana Scully and her twink best friend, nonbinary icon Fox Mulder, solving alien mysteries together at the FBI. We talk about Leigh and Ashley’s shared childhood experience of watching a super scary 'monster of the week' episode at way too young an age and blur 9 seasons of episodes into a mishmash of memories while trying to explain the plot to Ellie. 

Of course, because it is the #90s, the writers are convinced that Scully and Mulder are straight and give them that ‘will they, won’t they' dynamic that just drives the heteros wild. Even after they finally get together, get married, and have a child, they continue to have zero chemistry. But that’s okay, because there are other people to ship with Scully, like the controversial Monica Reyes. 

We know one thing for sure, The X-Files Should’ve Been Gay. Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). 

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

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Raise your hand if you were also a teenage witch with an unhealthy, obsessively close female friendship that completely took over your life. This week Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with Maggie Lalley (@magslals), standup comic, writer, and performer of the one woman show, Sex Witch the Musical, a comedy show based on her real life journey spanning 2 years in a 2 person teen witch magic sex cult. Maggie talks about her experiences through humor so we had a lot of fun recording this episode, but we want everyone to be aware that we discuss situations of teenage sexual trauma and abuse throughout.

We do a deep dive into the weeds of Sex Witch the Musical and the fascinating, and disturbing, real life story behind it. As a quick overview, sweet, innocent 13 year old Maggie was totally entranced by a 14 year old girl from Albania that she refers to as Bethany. Bethany was not only slightly older, but also a lot more worldly and sexually experienced. She built her friendship with Maggie for 6 months before dropping the biggest plot twist of Maggie’s 13 years of life. Bethany was a witch, and so was Maggie. She convinced Maggie that she could train her to develop her powers so that she’d be able to bilocate to a parallel universe and access a place called the House.

The House was extremely cool because it was where nearly every A list celebrity of the time period was also hanging out, apparently just chilling and being secret witches and warlocks as one does. In addition to being able to bilocate, Bethany claimed to be able to channel the celebrities into her own body so that Maggie could speak with them. Then she took it a step further, convincing Maggie that she should begin a sexual relationship with one of the celebrity warlocks using Bethany’s body as a conduit. Maggie began dating and hooking up with who she truly believed to be Rupert Grint of #HarryPotter movie fame and fully considered the relationship to be a heterosexual one at the time.

Maggie’s severely cult-like experiences with Bethany stretched from 2005 to 2007 and are captured in her old journals, which served as a vital reference for her to write the musical comedy. We talk to Maggie about why she decided to create a show based on her life and how it has helped with processing the things that happened when she was a teenager. 

Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod).

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

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When you’ve got a drive that can kill the world, who you gonna call? 5 lesbians! This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out to talk about the 2022 action movie, The 355. 

This movie has an amazing cast including Jessica Chastain, Penélope Cruz, Diane Kruger, and Bingbing Fan. With a cast like this, we really had higher expectations. We love the Ocean’s 8 vibes, but it really could’ve and should’ve been the lesbian James Bond movie we deserve. As it is, the movie is almost comically feminist in the way it makes every man a complete monster, moreso even than usual. You’ll be happy to know that no women at all are killed in spite of several attempts made on their lives. 

The plot centers around fighting over possession of a drive that can basically destroy humanity. Mace, a CIA agent, has to join forces with her enemy Marie, a German agent. Mace and Marie bicker like a married couple. They hate each other, or do they? They sure flirt a lot for two people who hate one another. We think they are set up to be the perfect enemies to lovers couple. Mace thinks Marie got her partner killed in a job gone wrong; and honestly even if Marie had gotten him killed it would’ve done everyone a huge favor. They have to team up and work together to save the world, is that not the gayest plot possible? 

We like hot women running around shooting bad guys as much as the next gal, but the movie overall falls flat and is not nearly as entertaining as it could have been. Now, add in a good gay love story and maybe it would hold our attention better.

We know one thing for sure, The 355 Should’ve Been Gay. Follow along on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay at the end of every episode. Leigh Holmes Foster (@lshfoster) and Ellie Brigida (@elliebrigida). You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow along on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). 

Want to support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord community, monthly bonus episodes, weekly ad free episodes, exclusive merch and more? Join us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices