Recently, I was a guest on Nisha Mody’s podcast MigrAsians. Unfortunately, MigrAsians is no longer releasing new episodes, but Nisha was kind enough to let me share that recording on our Fierce Authenticity Podcast. We dived deep into topics of supremacy conditioning, generational trauma and healing the system from within. 

And that’s what you’ll hear today!  

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• The story behind Fierce Authenticity  

Quotes 

[00:15:48] I still have family that talks about someone being fair or light in relation to their worth, and it's just really unfortunate, but it's a fact. It's a fact of the culture and the socialization as well. 

[00:25:24] We really can make a difference as individuals. I do think that systemic change needs to happen, but the more people bring stuff up and start examining themselves, that can potentially push for a systemic change and potentially shift power dynamics. 

[00:38:55] Systems out there will change once the people who make up that system change. This is an internal work. As a Trojan horse, this is how the work has to be done - in a really sneaky way from the inside out. Because it's not going to come from the outside in. 

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As I am recording this, I am moving through the loss of a loved one. 

The feelings that come up are so complex. That's what grief, loss and death bring up - complexities of emotion.  

But, it can also stir up all of the anger, all of the resentment, all of the stories and all of the feelings that we have…and it can feel so conflicting because they're still our loved ones. It’s okay to can hold that the duality where on one hand, you know they were a good human with a generous heart, but on the other hand, parts of your experience with them fu*king sucked.  

Today, I want to speak with you about this thought that came up for me as I was moving through all of this grief, anger, resentment and the complexities of all of the human emotions: One's spirit knows so much more, and has so much more wisdom than one's limited human form could have access to. 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Complexity of emotions when you lose a loved one 

Quotes 

[00:04:06] One's spirit knows so much more, and has so much more wisdom than one's limited human form could have access to. And that was a thought that arose for me as I was sitting with the grief and sitting with the mourning and sitting with the complex feelings. 

[00:13:39] To be fair, I do believe that this person really was doing their best when they said to me: Never be alone with such and such person or never be alone with men. I truly believe that that was the story that they believed. And so that is the story that they passed on. 

[00:15:11] These legacies are going with them. They will not continue with me, I will not allow for them to be perpetuated and I will not allow for this abuse to be experienced in my family ever again. Because I am the ancestor who is creating a new legacy. I am the ancestor who is working towards dismantling all of the ways that systems of supremacy and oppression have been internalized within me and all of the harm that they have done. 

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Today’s episode is another loving truth bomb from my heart and soul to yours. 

Do you deserve to rest only because you've worked yourself to pure exhaustion and are completely burnt the f*ck out? Do you deserve that raise or that promotion because you've been putting in all the extra hours and working yourself to the bone? 

Supremacy has conditioned you to believe that your value and your worth come from external things when in reality you're inherently worthy and deserving simply because you exist. When you place your value and your worth on other people, places, experiences, achievements and things, you are putting a lot of power into the hands of others, instead of where it rightfully belongs - inside of yourself. It’s time to take that power back! 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Why you don’t deserve nice things 

Quotes 

[00:05:42] When you say: “I deserve that bag” or “I deserve those shoes”, or “I deserve that thing because I accomplished this other thing”, what you're saying is that your worthiness and your deservingness only resides in that which you are capable of doing.   

[00:11:24] When you have placed your value and your worth on these worldly other people, places, experiences, achievements and things, then you sure are putting a lot of power into the hands of everyone and everything else, instead of where it rightfully belongs, which is inside of yourself. 

[00:11:58. ]Living under systems of supremacy culture, supremacy has conditioned you to believe that your value and your worth does come from these external things because then you will continue to strive, you will continue to hustle, you will continue to do, you will continue to be overworked, you will continue to be exhausted, you will continue to be burned out. And as long as you continue to do that, then you are not a threat to supremacy. 

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“But Shirani these episodes are so deep and sometimes they stir up a lot of sh*t.” 

If you ever have that thought while listening to this podcast, then I invite you to keep listening, because we are going to address that in today’s episode! 

Today, I want to share with you some of my thoughts around what has come up and what I've heard from others as it relates to the podcast and the episodes that you hear here, how they might impact you, and ways to actually take care of yourself. 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Exorcizing and extracting the lies and the conditioning  

Quotes 

[00:08:06] It's because the writing and what's being shared and the stories that are being told, are taking us into some of the deepest depths of the shadows in our human psyche. All of those things that we have shoved into the deepest, darkest reaches of our brain because they're too painful, too traumatic, too tragic to look at and to deal with, with the tools that we've had in place. 

[00:09:39] I'm kind of like an agitator in terms of I am going to agitate those things in you that are lying there unaddressed but waiting for your attention. 

[00:13:24] I encourage you to take it slow. To let these words really sink in. To let the messages land. To let these messages speak to parts of you that haven't been spoken to before or that haven't been given voice to. To allow what I'm saying here on the podcast, what I share on my Instagram and other social media channels, what I share in my newsletter, to let it all land and give voice to all of the things that you yourself have experienced or sensed or felt and you didn't have words for. And just allow yourself to be with it. Because that is how this process works. 

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People don't need fixing.  

Why? Because people are not broken. 

Supremacy culture has created a system of standards, what things "should" look like or “shouldn't” look like. When we're operating under that system and if we're not meeting the exact standard in the exact way it was set, we're going to feel that there's something deficient in us.  

This pattern is created by design, very specifically, to keep you thinking that there's something wrong with you, that you're not enough. Join me in today’s episode and lift the veil of supremacy to see the beauty in you and those around you.  

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• A system of standards created by supremacy culture 

 Quotes 

[00:03:25] When you don't show up to the standards, which supremacy culture has set based off oppressive, manipulative practices and tactics, you then have a tool to beat up on and oppress yourself because you think there is something deficient in you, when you are not meeting the standards that were set by that system. 

[00:10:29] When we're in that place of greater love, and when we can understand that we aren't broken, and that the people that we love, or the people in our lives, aren't broken, then we can actually invite ourselves and them into remembering who they are at their highest expression of themselves. And as each and every single one of us begins to do that little by little, we invite every single person we come across to rise with us. And then we're not being something we're not, or at least trying to be something we're not. And then we're not fixing anything, because again, we're not broken. We are simply inviting others to remember the truth of who they are - perfect, whole, and complete. 

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People pleasing is a form of manipulation. 

Yes, you read that right - people pleasing is actually a form of manipulation. 

Today's episode is going to be one of those truth bomb-uncomfortable-ouch feeling type of episodes. Go ahead and brace yourself because today we’re going to talk about how people-pleasing is a form of manipulation. Join me in today’s episode and learn how you can stop engaging in people-pleasing tendencies and reclaim your authentic self.  

In today’s episode, we cover: 

People-pleasing and codependency 

Trauma responses in relational traumas 

Please and appease as a form of manipulation 

Reclaiming your authentic self  

Quotes 

[00:13:40] These were all super, super, important defenses in order to help us survive these painful and traumatic childhoods. What happens however, is that when we continue to carry these patterns into our adult lives and in our adult relationships, it can become really, really problematic. 

[00:16:10] When you're not showing up in your relationships with who you authentically are, because you are trying to get something from someone else, then you're not in an authentic connection. You're not having authentic communication; you are not engaging in authentic relationships. Instead, you're showing up the way you think others want you to be. Or you're showing up the way that you think others want you to be. 

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My guest today is Sherika Chew. Sherika is a prayer counselor, inner healing coach and transformational speaker. She's co-host of the In Between Podcast and founder of Well Ministries. She helps men and women of faith address unchecked heart wounds that have the potential to completely derail their purpose.  

Sherika is also the woman who planted the seed in my mind that the framework that I had been speaking about on the podcast, was actually a book. So, Fierce Authenticity 2.0 is happening mostly because of this amazing woman. Today, she is here to talk about finding your purpose and true joy through her H.E.A.L. method! 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Why do we get off track?  

Quotes 

[00:06:51] She and I are truly parallel in the work that we're doing in the world, and how we are helping people to really heal their hearts so that they can stay in alignment with who they are and who God wants them to be. 

[00:13:37] I really, truly believe that true joy happens when you're on the track you were designed for. So, we get discontentment because we're just not in the right place, we're just not where we're supposed to be. We're trying to make something happen. 

[00:16:08] As Brown people, we tend to feel like we need someone to tell us, just history has done that to us, you know, tell us which way to go, how to behave, how to look, how to fit into "what society is". And so, you can't fault our grandparents for the conditioning that they have, or the fear that they have when we decide we're breaking free of this. And we're just going to explore who we are and how we feel. 

[00:29:58] All bodies of culture experience this fear of” what’s going to happen.” And so, it's not just contained to our home, it happens out there too. I know for me it has been leaning into and knowing that God did not create all the awful things that happen here. God did not create these systems and these structures, God did not create this fear, that is not of God, because to me - God is unconditional love. 

[00:33:50] That bitterness comes from something, there's a root there. And when we're dealing with our heart wounds, if we find the fruit it will trace ourselves back to the root of that. And we can stop that fruit from growing, we can stop that bitterness from cycling over and over and passing down to our children and be free from that. 

[00:55:41] But I've learned that I have to forgive myself for yesterday's me, the things I did with the tools I had, and the understanding that I had. I have to let go and grow into what God is calling me to do, and to be able to walk that track that it was designed for me. 

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If you'd like a different alternative to New Year's resolutions, then this episode is for you. 

Welcome to the final part of our three-part mini-series on how to get through the holidays, Fierce Authenticity style. Today’s episode is all about those New Year's resolutions aka additional lies that supremacy culture teaches you.  

New Year - New You…ugh, that just irks me.  

Most of us don’t get beyond the first 60 to 90 days of these “New Year's resolutions.” And here's why - because those are some of the additional lies that supremacy culture teaches you to keep you further oppressed. So, join me in today’s episode and start the new year as authentically yourself. 

In today’s episode, we cover:

• Here’s why New Year - New You doesn’t work  

Quotes 

[00:06:47] It wasn't until, of course, years after I quit doing the whole New Year's resolutions thing that I realized, and it clicked and it dawned upon me: “Oh, my gosh, this is because it's another way for me to beat up on myself, and feel bad about myself, and be little and berate myself, to judge myself and criticize myself, to compare myself with others.” That's all it was. 

[00:08:18] You have to actually, intrinsically, inside of yourself, believe that whatever it is that you want to experience, you want to experience it for you. Not because someone outside of you told you how you had to look, behave, what your house should look like. 

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If you'd like a different alternative to New Year's resolutions, then this episode is for you. 

Welcome to the final part of our three-part mini-series on how to get through the holidays, Fierce Authenticity style. Today’s episode is all about those New Year's resolutions aka additional lies that supremacy culture teaches you.  

New Year - New You…ugh, that just irks me.  

Most of us don’t get beyond the first 60 to 90 days of these “New Year's resolutions.” And here's why - because those are some of the additional lies that supremacy culture teaches you to keep you further oppressed. So, join me in today’s episode and start the new year as authentically yourself. 

In today’s episode, we cover:

• Here’s why New Year - New You doesn’t work  

Quotes 

[00:06:47] It wasn't until, of course, years after I quit doing the whole New Year's resolutions thing that I realized, and it clicked and it dawned upon me: “Oh, my gosh, this is because it's another way for me to beat up on myself, and feel bad about myself, and be little and berate myself, to judge myself and criticize myself, to compare myself with others.” That's all it was. 

[00:08:18] You have to actually, intrinsically, inside of yourself, believe that whatever it is that you want to experience, you want to experience it for you. Not because someone outside of you told you how you had to look, behave, what your house should look like. 

Links:

Shirani on PayPal

This holiday season, let’s talk about boundaries! 

Welcome to part two of our three-part mini-series on how to get through the holidays in a different way this year. Today, we're talking about boundaries.  

One of the biggest misconceptions that we have when it comes to boundaries is that boundaries are for other people. We create our boundaries; we communicate them with other people and then we get upset when they do not adhere to our boundaries. Do you know what that is? That’s participating in supremacy culture’s behavior of control. So, join me in today’s episode and learn how to break free while staying in alignment with your fierce truth! 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Your boundaries are for you 

Quotes 

[00:03:24] If you are trying to set boundaries and hoping that other people will follow through with them and then getting resentful when they don't, do you know what you're doing? You're actually participating in supremacy culture’s sneaky behavior of control. That is what you're doing; you are trying to control another person and how they engage with you. You're trying to tell another person who to be in order to be in a relationship with you. And when you do that, you are putting yourself in a position of superiority, the other person in a position of inferiority. You are elevating yourself to the status of some holier than thou type and you are dehumanizing the person that you are in a relationship with.  

[00:06:20] Clear is kind. It is kind for you to be clear with yourself about what your boundaries and your parameters are when you are considering how you're going to do the holidays. It's kind to be clear with yourself what you will and will not accept when it comes to this season. Even if that what you will and will not accept relates to what you will and will not accept from yourself. And it is also kind for you to very clearly communicate what it is that you need to others and then let go of any expectations or any outcomes, because when you hold on to expectations and outcomes you fall into the behavior of “control is unkind”. So, remember that - clear is kind; control is unkind. Especially when we are directing it outwards towards another person or another outcome or something outside of us, because the reality is we are not God and we're not in control of other people, places and things around us. We are not in control of how other people choose to show up. 

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