Life Answers: A Complete Audiobook Reading of Sri Nisargadatta Maharajah's I AM THAT

Is Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj a kind of "father to the soul" of his followers? Is he a father to your soul? In what way? [Comments welcome!]

“Who am I, finally, when I’m not playing? A poor orphan left out in the cold among sensations, shivering on the street corners of Reality, forced to sleep on the steps of Sadness and to eat the bread offered by Fantasy. I was told that my father, whom I never knew, is called God, but the name means nothing to me. Sometimes at night, when I’m feeling lonely, I call out to him with tears and form an idea of him I can love. But then it occurs to me that I don’t know him, that perhaps he’s not how I imagine, that perhaps this figure has never been the father of my soul…”

-Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)

“An episode chiefly inspired by a 10 second piece of animation by Alyssa ⁠on her YouTube channel⁠.

Check out the full TWELVE SECOND video (plot-twist?)⁠ ⁠here⁠⁠.

Also, if you enjoyed the vid version of this on Spotify, please consider subscribing to my new YouTube Channel Living The Book of Disquiet, for more of these 🙏🏼

--

This episode is also inspired by the following quote from fragment 32 of Fernando Pessoa's Book of Disquiet:

Underlying everything, the hushed night was the tomb of God (and my soul felt sorry for God).”

OTHER TOPICS THAT CROP UP: 

-Lucid Dreaming: Rob’s experiences with lucid dreaming and the techniques he used to achieve it (counting backwards, repeating a phrase while falling asleep).

-Finding Beauty in the Mundane: the concept of cultivating a "waking dream" mentality, where one finds wonder and beauty in everyday experiences. Cf. Eckhart Tolle/Nisargadatta.

The Yearning for Connection: Lost loves, and the desire to recapture those feelings of connection and shared experiences. The possibility of finding a similar connection through lucid dreaming.

-Techniques for Lucid Dreaming: dream journaling, sensory deprivation, and meditation.

Life as a Waking Dream: living one’s life as a lucid dream state, rather than feeling trapped in our waking nightmares.

-In The Forest of Estrangement: A text written in 1912 and forming the initial foundations for TBOD according to a letter to João de Lebre e Lima, in which FP talks about his new project. Read both the letter, as well as In The Forest of Estrangement ⁠here⁠.

"Sadly, or perhaps not, I recognize that I have an arid heart. An adjective matters more to me than the real weeping of a human soul. But sometimes I’m different."

-Fernando Pessoa

--

I'm taking a bit of a break from Nisargadatta for a while. Heading off to do a bit of communing with another of my gurus (Fernando Pessoa) who I think still has a fair amount to teach me.

If you'd like to keep in touch, please consider joining us on Spotify (or iTunes) for more of this kind of soul-searching.

Thank you, friends.

🙏🏼🦋

M: In my world love is the only law. I do not ask for love, I give it. Such is my nature. 

Q: I see you living your life according to a pattern. You run a meditation class in the morning, lecture and have discussions regularly; twice daily there is worship (puja) and religious singing (bhajan) in the evening. You seem to adhere to the routine scrupulously. 

M: The worship and the singing are as I found them and I saw no reason to interfere. The general routine is according to the wishes of the people with whom I happen to live or who come to listen. They are working people, with many obligations and the timings are for their convenience. Some repetitive routine is inevitable. Even animals and plants have their time-tables. 

Q: Yes, we see a regular sequence in all life. Who maintains the order? Is there an inner ruler, who lays down laws and enforces order? 

M: Everything moves according to its nature. Where is the need of a policeman? Every action creates a reaction, which balances and neutralises the action. Everything happens, but there is a continuous cancelling out, and in the end it is as if nothing happened. 

Q: Do not console me with final harmonies. The accounts tally, but the loss is mine. 

M: Wait and see. You may end up with a profit good enough to justify the outlays.

Q: What is necessary?

Q: Do you advise shunning pleasure and pursuing pain? 

M: No, nor pursuing pleasure and shunning pain. Accept both as they come, enjoy both while they last, let them go, as they must. 

Q: How can I possibly enjoy pain? Physical pain calls for action. 

M: Of course. And so does Mental. The bliss is in the awareness of it, in not shrinking, or in any way turning away from it. All happiness comes from awareness. The more we are conscious, the deeper the joy. Acceptance of pain, non-resistance, courage and endurance — these open deep and perennial sources of real happiness, true bliss. 

Q: Why should pain be more effective than pleasure? 

M: Pleasure is readily accepted, while all the powers of the self reject pain. As the acceptance of pain is the denial of the self, and the self stands in the way of true happiness, the wholehearted acceptance of pain releases the springs of happiness. 

Q: Does the acceptance of suffering act the same way? 

Q: Must I not examine the teacher before I put myself entirely into his hands?

--

It's early morning, no one is awake
I'm back at my cliff, still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make on their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
I Imagine what my body would sound like slamming against those rocksAnd when it lands
Will my eyes be closed or open?I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with youI go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with youI go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with youSafe up here with you
Safe up here with you
Safe up here with you
Safe up here with you
Safe up here with you
Safe up here with you
Safe up here with you
Safe up here with you

Q: I find it hard to grasp what exactly do you mean by saying that you are neither the object nor the subject. At this very moment, as we talk, am I not the object of your experience, and you the subject?
M: Look, my thumb touches my forefinger. Both touch and are touched. When my attention; is on the thumb, the thumb is the feeler and the forefinger — the self. Shift the focus of attention and the relationship is reversed. I find that somehow, by shifting the focus of attention, I become the very thing I look at and experience the kind of consciousness it has; I become the inner witness of the thing. I call this capacity of entering other focal points of consciousness — love; you may give it any name you like. Love says: 'I am everything'. Wisdom says: 'I am nothing' Between the two my life flows. Since at any point of time and space I can be both the subject and the object of experience, I express it by saying that I am both, and neither, and beyond both.

[INT. LARRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY]

Larry David sits across from an enigmatic, serene guest, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, who's unfazed by the trivialities of Hollywood. Jeff, curious, joins with a sandwich in hand.

LARRY: (Confused) So, you're saying when someone dies, it's all about what they believe? What about afterlife specials?

MAHARAJ: As life before death is imagination, so is life after. The dream continues.

Jeff nearly chokes on his sandwich, bewildered.

JEFF: (To Maharaj) And what about you? You just... don't die?

MAHARAJ: The jnani never dies because he was never born.

Larry and Jeff exchange looks of utter confusion.

LARRY: (Sarcastically) Oh, great, so you're just floating around, not being born or dying. Must be nice.

[CUT TO: INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY]

Larry tries to explain Maharaj's philosophy to Leon, who's more interested in his coffee.

LARRY: He says we're all just consciousness. No birth, no death.

LEON: So, what, we're just in a big-ass dream? Man, I've had some messed up dreams. No way this is one.

LARRY: Exactly! And apparently, I'm building walls by thinking we're different.

LEON: Larry, you build walls with everyone. That's your thing.

[CUT TO: INT. LARRY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY]

Larry, now more agitated, confronts Maharaj again, with a group of friends gathered, including Ted Danson.

LARRY: So, if we're all just dreaming, why bother with anything? Why not just... float around?

MAHARAJ: You are the world, and the world is you. When you see the world in yourself, you see it as it truly is.

Ted nods, pretending to understand, while sipping his drink.

TED DANSON: (Trying to sound profound) It's like we're all part of this big, cosmic soup.

LARRY: Cosmic soup? We talking about soup now?

[CUT TO: INT. GOLF CLUB - DAY]

Larry attempts to share his newfound "wisdom" with Richard Lewis who's having none of it.

LARRY: It's all about awareness, Richard. I'm trying to broaden mine.

RICHARD LEWIS: Larry, the only thing you're aware of is where your next "issue" is coming from.

LARRY: (Frustrated) No, it's about seeing the fiery point of awareness. Like an incense stick burning down.

RICHARD LEWIS: So, what? Now you're going to set the club on fire to find your inner spark?

[CUT TO: INT. LARRY'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING]

A final meeting with Maharaj, Larry's frustration peaks.

LARRY: So, let me get this straight. We're all just part of this... awareness , and nothing really matters?

MAHARAJ: In essence, yes. But understanding your true self is what matters.

LARRY: (Exasperated) I'm more confused than when we started.

MAHARAJ: That confusion is also part of the dream.

LARRY: Great, so I'm dreaming. Maybe I'll dream myself into a world where people don't park in two spaces.

MAHARAJ: (Smiling) That would be a dream indeed.

[CUT TO: EXT. LARRY'S HOUSE - DAY]

Larry, inspired yet bewildered by Maharaj's teachings, decides to live life more "aware." He immediately trips over his own feet and sprains his ankle.

LARRY: (To himself) So much for awareness.

ChatGPTChatGPT

For the episode inspired by Maharaj's teachings, here are the Hindu philosophical terms explained:

In the vibe of Lil Baby, let's drop it:

Yo, Maharaj speaks, droppin' wisdom, deep and tall,

'Bout a state where he feels nothing, nothing at all.

No stepping into minds, no shared scenes in his view,

Just knows the grain, like a dealer, through and through.

"Are we in Brahma's mind?" the questioner probes,

Nah, Maharaj says, that's not how it unfolds.

Universal don't care 'bout the personal plight,

It's all 'bout the absolute, beyond wrong and right.

What links us together, you ask, tryna find,

Maharaj's like, "Dreamers, in their own mind."

The real link's the seeker, in search of the truth,

In your own mind's maze, find the proof.

Supreme Reality, what's its role, what's its part?

Maharaj laughs, says it's the art that makes all start.

Without it, nothing moves, nothing stands,

Yet in daily grind, it lends no hands.

"Why seek the Supreme if it brings no gain?"

'Cause holding on's the root of pain.

Let go, give up, and you'll find,

In that nothing, everything's intertwined.

Your world's a dream, fleeting, light,

Realize that, and end the night.

Let dreams unfold, don't hold them tight,

In awakening, you'll find your might.

Love in dreams, it binds, it clings,

But real love, it frees, it brings

A love for all, beyond the strings,

In true self, love's wings.

No need for time, for past, for lore,

In now, find what you adore.

Let go, be free, explore,

In being, find your core.

Lil Baby style, Maharaj's teaching,

About letting go, true freedom reaching.

In dreams or life, the lesson's clear,

Find yourself, and you'll have nothing to fear.