Life Without Us

“I think that going in with something imperfect and running with it is what made the following five years possible, and the following five years had so many great things.” — Karim Rizkallah

Like most founders, Valery and Karim didn’t know what they didn’t know. In the last episode of Season 2 of Life Without Us, they celebrate the five year anniversary of kickstarting the Clarens Commons community through a look back on their experience as founders.  

In this episode:

* Valery and Karim’s reflections on what they’re grateful for, most proud of, and how they failed, as founders

* The perfect timing of their connection as co-founders . . . at a moment when both had a high degree of of readiness to hit 'go' on founding a community

* The accelerated timelines they had to navigate because of their choice to offer on a home first, and find additional co-founders later

* The optimism that left them less prepared than they wish they had of been for community member 'exits' (and new 'entries') 

* The call for ownership models that keep the 'financialization of housing' and 'living in community' further apart

* Valery’s regret around not having a vision statement, and a shared regret around wishing there had been more time for celebration 

* The everyday, week, and month recurring events (from house dinners to movie nights to home improvement days) that stand out as highlights because of their regularity

* Resource recommendations and a Karim and Valery.

Find Karim Rizkallah and Clarens Commons in the Media: 

The Toronto Star

CBC Tapestry

VICE

CBC Now or Never

Supernuclear Case Study 

Find Other Episode References:

The Radish FriendLLC Model Explained

The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict

Finding Co-Founders and Creating Cooperative Culture with Yana Ludwig 

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“In 20 years, we’re going to be much more conscious about the importance of social connection to our health and wellbeing.” — Pete Bombaci


How much human connection do we need? Pete Bombaci is the Founder and Executive Director of the GenWell Project. He joins Valery to talk about why connection guidelines similar to those that exist for food could be one key to happier, healthier lives.

In this episode:

* Why people come together in a crisis — like in the early days of the pandemic, or during the 2003 Black Out — and why it’s a problem that many of us eventually fall back into disconnection

* The more empathetic and compassionate society we can expect to live in 20 years from now if the GenWell Project’s human connection movement is wildly successful 

* The difference that guidelines around how much, and what types of, human connection we need (similar to the guidelines that tell us how to make healthy food choices) could make

* What to expect from GenWell and its partners’ (Institute for Social Connection, the Public Health Agency of Canada, etc.) $760K Canadian Institutes of Health Research grant 

* Lessons from global research on human connection: from Dunbar’s number, to the supposed 200 hours it takes to build a deep, meaningful relationship, to the well-researched fact that loneliness shortens your lifespan

* Why increasing people’s human connection consciousness is about both our own health and the health of others

The simple things folks who are not struggling with loneliness can do to help those at risk.

Find GenWell Project: 

Website

Facebook

Instagram 

Twitter

LinkedIn

YouTube

Find Other Episode References:

Canadian Social Connection Guidelines

Dunbar’s Number

200 Hours to Build a Close Friendship

Loneliness and Lifespan

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

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"We need community now more than ever” — Luc Lalonde

Luisa Ji is a multi-disciplinary creative, designer, and strategist. Luc Lalande is the Innovator-in-Residence at the Rideau-Rockcliffe Community Resource Centre. They join Valery to unpack the topic of ‘Community Futures’ from unique, but complementary perspectives. 

In this episode:

* The barriers to community-building innovation found in many existing institutions 

* Why local, low barrier opportunities to engage in innovation and future visioning through the arts are essential to make sure we imagine the inclusive community futures we all need

* A community-centred vision for the decommissioned high school out of which the Rideau-Rockcliffe Community Resource Centre operates

* The necessary revitalization of “third places” for social and community gatherings 

* Why we need more unglorified “third places” where grandmas and aunties gather to wash vegetables as young children play, and not just cafes, libraries, and other more formal, “clean” places for leisure

* What we can learn from ecological metaphors about the (sometimes messy) ingredients to a healthy ecosystem to help us imagine more inclusive community futures

* Why forces like deepening socio-economic inequality mean we need community now more than ever

* The opportunities and challenges of technology-centred futures: from biased Artificial Intelligence (AI) algorithms to the Free and Open Source Software movement

* What we can learn from emergent communities centring Indigenous ways of knowing such as the Vancouver Urban Food Forest Foundation

* The call into better practices for welcoming difference so that we don’t alienate people who think differently from collaborative futures.

Find Luisa Ji: 

Ground Work Instagram

Ground Work Website

UKAI Projects Instagram 

UKAI Projects Website

Nomadic Labs Website

Find Luc Lalande:  

Medium

Rideau Rockcliffe Community Resource Centre

Find Other Episode References:

Every One Every Day

Vancouver Urban Food Forest Foundation

Free and Open Source Software

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"The things that our members and participants share with us, we consider all of those things to be really sacred. So we're not going to share people's teachings and knowledge, cultural knowledge, with just anyone.” — Indi Madar

As the Communications and Community Engagement Lead with Brown Girl Outdoor World (BGOW), Indi Madar knows first hand the barriers to outdoor adventure that many of the women of colour in the BGOW community experience. She joins Valery to talk about what ‘intentional’ needs to look like when building community at the intersection of race, gender, and the outdoors.  

In this episode:

* The glowing passion, and glaring gap, that led Brown Girl Outdoor World founder, Demiesha Dennis, to starting the community 

* What it means to be a member of the Brown Girl Outdoor World community 

* The joy of learning to downhill ski and ice climb as an adult (alongside other newbie women of colour adventurers!)

* The barriers that keep many racialized people from finding their way to outdoor adventure

* Where the myth of ‘Outdoors equals white people’ came from, and how Indi and BGOW are changing the narrative and the place assigned to Black, Indigenous and People of Colour (BIPoC) communities in outdoor adventure and recreation

* Why corporate partners interested in building sustainable, long-term partnerships are the only partners BGOW will consider in order to create a safe(r) space for community members 

* From breaking down transportation barriers to co-creating self-organized outdoor adventures, how the relationships that started at BGOW events are deepening over time. 

Find Brown Girl Outdoor World: 

Website

Facebook

Instagram 

Twitter

Find Other Episode References:

Support BGOW’s GoFundMe

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

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"I wish people would start talking about their friendships with their friends" — Tanya Cothran

Tanya Cothran is a friendship animator and writer of the newsletter, Platonic Romance. She joins Valery to talk about how to navigate the impact of major life changes on friendship, like one friend becoming a parent or another one moving, and what models of conscious friendship can look like.

In this episode:

* The (literal) moves that led Tanya to centring friendships in her life.

* The positive and touching reactions to Tanya’s newsletter about friendship, Platonic Romance

* How Tanya (child-free-by-choice) and her good friend Clara (a new mom) navigated the shift from two-of-us to three-of-us through dialogue and dedicated friend time. 

* Why the answer to so many friendship related questions is “talk about it,” and Tanya’s tips on how to do that well

* Different types of friendships (and why we need all of them)

* How to show up for people in big life moments, like bereavement, in order to have more lasting friendships in your life

* What can happen when you and one of your besties are both moving, and you have an honest conversation about the fact that if you live more than a 10 minute walk apart you probably won’t see each other as much

* How some flyers and a group chat were the keys to Tanya making friends in her new condo building. 

Find Tanya: 

Platonic Romance       

Find Other Episode References:

The Friendship Files (series in The Atlantic)

The Friendship Renaissance 

The Friend Who Got Away 

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

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"This didn’t feel like much of a community when we moved in. And now everybody says ‘Ah, this is such a great place to live!’" — Steve Fick

Steve Fick has lived at Terra Firma, one of the Ottawa-region’s only cohousing communities, for more than 25 years, and is one of its founders. From shared meals, to shared tools, to neighbourhood-wide street parties and art tours, his insights from a lifetime of centring community are the inspiration we all need to seek more “us” in our lives!

In this episode

• The organizing journey that allowed the Terra Firma co-founders to build enough faith and trust in each other and the concept that one couple bought into the project site unseen when the right property surfaced
• How Terra Firma’s residents turned six residences into seven, plus a common space, and an oasis of a shared backyard right in the middle of an existing single-family home neighbourhood in Ottawa, Ontario 
• The benefits for parents, children (and later grandchildren!) of raising a family in a cohousing community 
• Insights on managing conflict in a manner that balances quick, effective repair with the human need for pause using skills like non-violent communication and compassionate listening, and having a budget for a mediator 
• How an entire neighbourhood joined together in a street party to celebrate Terra Firma Cohousing’s 25 year anniversary. A gathering that Steve describes as “a little piece of heaven.”
• Steve’s latest co-created community project: The Old Ottawa East Art Tour
• Why there’s no room for new members in Terra Firma (hint: because all the original founders are still there!)

Find Steve: 

 Facebook        

Find Other Episode References:

Old Ottawa East’s Terra Firma Celebrating 25 Years

Cohousing is a potentially key way to combat loneliness — but it's difficult to get off the ground

Non-Violent Communication

Canadian Cohousing Network 

Old Ottawa East Art Tour 

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

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"It's not possible in this day and age with the challenges we're facing to say ‘No,’ and try to keep neighbourhoods preserved in amber." — Craig Ruttan

Public policy leader and co-home owner Craig Ruttan returns to the podcast to talk about how reality is stacking up against the vision for his cohousing community that he shared with Valery a year and a half ago. On the doorstep of the October 24, 2022 province-wide municipal elections, they also talk about the path to the missing middle and the system ambition needed in face of a worsening housing crisis.  

In this episode:

• How Craig and his three co-owners’ community vision and reality are lining up, a year and a half after their move
• Advice to Craig’s past self: what he wished he had known sooner about co-buying and founding a cohousing community 
• How to get courageous with your neighbours, and the City of Toronto Committee of Adjustment, in pursuit of community expansion and urban densification via laneway house construction
• What to say to the subset of homeowners dedicated to defending their single-family home neighbourhoods from the missing middle and other forms of density (often referred to as NIMBYs) at a critical moment for wealth inequality in our cities, provinces, and country
• Why more neighbours (and groups like @MoreNeighbours and @HousingNowTO) representing future residents who can’t currently afford to live in Toronto are needed to help address the housing crisis
• Policy insights on the path to densification as the de facto reality in a growing city taking too long to end exclusionary zoning

Find Craig: 

Twitter

Find Other Episode References:

Toronto’s Laneway Suites Program

Meeting in the Middle: A Plan to End Exclusionary Zoning and Tackle Ontario’s Housing Crisis

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

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A year after the conclusion of season one of the Life Without Us podcast, Valery introduces “Time” as the theme of season two while sharing a tribute to her greatest community- and connection-building influence: her mom, Sandy.

 In this episode:

* Why so much time passed between seasons one and two of Life Without Us

* What loss can teach us about the importance of having more “us” in our lives

* Guests and topics to look forward to as season two episodes are released each Tuesday this fall

* Lessons from a lifetime of connecting from Valery’s mom, Sandy.

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

Thank you for listening, rating, reviewing, and sharing!

Inspired by the stories of the Life Without Us podcast’s season one guests, host Valery mics up with a surprise special guest to reflect on what we loved, learned, and are looking forward to as we wrap up the show’s inaugural season.  

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com 

 In this episode:

* Which stories of community and connection inspired the most reflection

* Which guests most nudged us towards change . . . and what might that change look like?

* Moments of discomfort on what it means to show up well in community 

* Bringing back the classic unplanned phone call to stay connected


* Boundaries: why we need them and how to manage them

* What’s next for the Life Without Us podcast.

Find Other Episode References:

Prentis Hemphill’s Quote on Boundaries

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“I think part of the heartbreak is that we actually think friendships are going to last forever . . . You just think: why wouldn’t we be in each other’s lives forever?” — Hima Batavia

Hima Batavia is a writer, artist, and cultural designer based in T’karonto. Her practice focuses on rewriting and weaving narratives for our collective liberation, and exploring aesthetics of care and well-being, across conceptions of time / space through collaborative processes and performance-based works.

Inspired by an edition of Hima’s weekly newsletter called “the friendship renaissance is here (Which gives me all the hope),” Valery and Hima mic’d up for this double episode unpacking the role of friendship in our lives, and in our concepts of community. Why double? Our convo was just too good to stop sooner!

 In this episode:

* Friendship in the age of COVID-19 

* Yes, healthy conflict in friendship is possible (and conflict avoidance is not it)

* The profound pain of friendship breakups (and what a healthy one might look like)

* Are your friends your community? Can you have a community without friendship?

* Normalizing not having friends (meeting your needs for connection and intimacy > having a long list of ‘friends’)

* How to friend with the neurodivergent

* How might we build better friendship infrastructure?

* Friendship and relationship hierarchies

* Friendship futures. 

Find Hima: 

Instagram (@hima_batavia)

himabatavia.com 

afternoon dreams Newsletter (himabatavia.substack.com)

the friendship renaissance 

Find Other Episode References:

Big Friendship 

Call Your Girlfriend 

Friendship in the Age of Loneliness  

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

Thank you for listening, rating, reviewing, and sharing!