Life's Dirty Little Secrets Podcast | Breaking Silence Around the Secrets We All Carry

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• Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova
• Secret #57: Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Dr. Joel Salinas
• Secret #74: The Cost of Pretending with Jonathan Kanter

We’re often warned about the dangers of TMI, but Leslie John’s research suggests we may be overlooking the costs of TLI—too little information. Leslie explains how under-sharing can affect our wellbeing, relationships, and even our effectiveness at work, and why we tend to remember the immediate cringe of saying too much while barely noticing the opportunities we lose by saying too little. 

Together, Leslie, Emma, and Chris explore what it takes to reveal ourselves well: knowing what we’re feeling, paying attention to reciprocity, understanding why we want to share, and recognizing that the line between openness and TMI changes with context. They also discuss intimacy, disclosure at work, psychological safety, and why occasionally feeling a little uncomfortable about what we’ve shared might actually be a sign that we’re expanding our capacity for connection.  

Key Takeaways

•  Under-sharing can cost us connection, trust, and opportunities. 
•  Feeling truly known requires allowing other people to know more of who we actually are. 
•  We tend to overreact to the immediate discomfort of oversharing and under-react to the quieter costs of saying too little. 
•  Reciprocity is one of the best clues for knowing whether to share more or pull back. 
•  Before disclosing, consider why you want to share and what you hope it will accomplish. 
•  At work, transparency can provide many of the benefits of openness without requiring deeply vulnerable disclosure. 
•  Occasionally experiencing a little “TMI cringe” may simply mean you’re practicing sharing beyond your usual comfort zone. 

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame with Dr. Carolyn Allard
• Secret #47: Living a Meaningful Life with Jenna LeJeune
• Secret #30: Wise Effort with Dr. Diana Hill

Dr. Carolyn Allard returns to Life's Dirty Little Secrets to continue her conversation with Emma and Chris about guilt and shame, this time exploring how these difficult emotions can help us identify what truly matters. Carolyn explains how getting stuck in guilt and shame can lead to avoidance, self-punishment, and overcompensation, pulling us further away from the life we want to live.

Together, they explore how to reconnect with our values, navigate competing priorities, and distinguish values from goals. They also discuss why living according to what matters isn't always comfortable, and how slowing down to examine our guilt and shame can help us make more intentional choices.

Key Takeaways

•  Guilt and shame can provide useful information about what matters to us. 
•  Avoidance and overcompensation can pull us away from our values. 
•  Values are directions, not destinations. 
•  Prioritizing one value doesn't necessarily mean violating another. 
•  Living according to our values is often difficult. Avoidance is usually easier. 
•  Our values can change as our lives and circumstances change. 
•  Small increases in values-based activities can improve wellbeing.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

What happens when you want to parent differently from the way you were parented—but the old patterns still show up?

Clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Emma and Chris for a conversation about emotional maturity in parenting. Lindsay explains how emotionally immature parents struggle with self-reflection, emotional intimacy, stress tolerance, and taking responsibility—and how those patterns can leave children believing their feelings and needs are simply too much.

But becoming a more emotionally mature parent doesn't mean never losing your temper or getting parenting "right." Lindsay explores the importance of noticing our reactions, tolerating difficult feelings like shame, repairing ruptures, and remembering that children's behavior is a form of communication. The conversation also tackles limit-setting, gentle parenting, yelling, and why being kind and emotionally attuned doesn't mean being permissive.

Ultimately, Lindsay offers a hopeful message for parents who didn't receive the emotional connection they needed growing up: emotional maturity can be learned. What matters isn't perfectly understanding your child every time—it's being genuinely interested in understanding who they are.

Key Takeaways

• Even emotionally mature adults can become emotionally immature when they're stressed.
• Children's behavior is communication, even when they can't put their feelings into words.
• Emotional maturity requires self-reflection and a willingness to notice our own reactions.
• Repairing after a parenting mistake can strengthen connection.
• Shame becomes less powerful when we're willing to experience it rather than immediately avoid or defend against it.
• Being a kind parent doesn't mean avoiding limits or consequences.
• Children need to be recognized as individuals with their own inner worlds, perspectives, emotions, and needs.
• Emotional maturity means allowing emotions to become trusted advisors rather than letting them become our masters.
• Parents don't have to understand their children perfectly—the effort to understand matters enormously.
• We can learn new ways of parenting even when healthier patterns weren't modeled for us.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #67: Living with Death - An Existential Conversation with Dr. Manuela O'Connell & Dr. Robyn Walser
• Secret #54: The Reign of Pain (Lies Mainly in the Brain) with Howard Schubiner
• Secret #5: Body Shame with Emily Sandoz

We spend enormous amounts of time thinking about our bodies: how they look, whether they're healthy, what hurts, what needs fixing, and whether they're performing the way we want. But how often do we actually experience life through our bodies?

Returning guest Dr. Manuela O'Connell joins Emma and Chris to explore what we've lost by treating the body as something we have rather than something through which we experience our lives. Manuela shares how her own experience with chronic illness and dance led her toward somatic approaches and a deeper understanding of embodiment. She argues that psychology itself has often privileged thoughts and language while overlooking the information carried through sensation, movement, emotion, touch, and other forms of bodily awareness.  

Together, they explore how culture, puberty, shame, body image, technology, and social media can disconnect us from embodied experience. They also discuss what it actually means to "listen to your body" and how slowing down, noticing sensations, and reconnecting with our senses can help us develop a richer relationship with ourselves and the people and world around us. 

Key Takeaways

• Western psychology has traditionally emphasized thoughts and language while paying far less attention to embodied experience. 
•  As children, we experience the world through our senses and bodies, but culture and language can gradually teach us to regard the body as an object we possess. 
•  Listening to your body isn't necessarily intuitive. Manuela argues that noticing and discriminating physical sensations is something we can actually practice and learn. 
•  Our bodily responses are shaped by learning and experience, particularly when it comes to detecting safety and danger. 
•  Social media can intensify the tendency to reduce the body, and even the whole person, to an image. 
•  Becoming more embodied starts with slowing down and paying attention to sensations and senses we routinely overlook. 
•  Reconnecting with the body doesn't have to become another self-improvement assignment. Manuela encourages approaching it with curiosity, exploration, and even a sense of adventure. 

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

• Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver
• Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch
• Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold

What conversations are we avoiding that could change the way we live, connect, and care for one another?

Recorded live from the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS) World Conference in Lyon, France, Emma and Chris invite several respected leaders in psychology to answer one deceptively simple question: What conversations should we be having that we're not having enough? The result is a collection of thoughtful reflections that stretch far beyond psychotherapy and into everyday life.

Tom Szabo explores how we can better train clinicians to create meaningful change instead of relying on self-report. Niklas Törneke wonders whether there are universal qualities of conversations, poems, and experiences that transform people regardless of where they occur. Rikke Kjelgaard reflects on authenticity, kindness, and our tendency to rush in and fix one another instead of simply being present. Kelly Wilson closes with a powerful challenge to our modern obsession with efficiency, inviting us to ask a question we rarely consider: Efficient for what?

This special episode is an invitation to slow down, become curious, and reflect on the conversations that may matter most.

•  The conversations we avoid often reveal what matters most. 
•  Better clinician training requires observing behavior, not just self-report. 
•  Meaningful change can happen through therapy, art, nature, or everyday conversation. 
•  Authenticity requires making space for vulnerability instead of rushing to fix it. 
•  Kindness often looks like simply staying present with another person's pain. 
•  The modern attention economy rewards outrage more than hope. 
•  Before optimizing everything, we should ask: Efficient for what?

View Extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

• Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary
• Secret #77: The Paradox of the Overwhelmed with Kerry Makin-Byrd
• Secret #50: Happy High Achievers with Dr. Mary Anderson

Why does becoming a parent make us so anxious?

For many parents, anxiety begins the moment a child is born and never truly disappears. Every milestone, school trip, sleepover, driver's license, and overseas adventure can trigger a flood of "what if" thoughts that invite us to protect, rescue, or accommodate our children. But are those instincts always helping?

Chris and Emma welcome anxiety educator and bestselling author Dr. Jodi Richardson for a thoughtful conversation about the relationship between parent anxiety and child resilience. Together, they explore why anxiety is a normal part of caring deeply, how avoidance unintentionally strengthens anxiety, and why some of the most loving parenting moments require us to tolerate our own discomfort instead of eliminating our child's.

Drawing on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), personal parenting stories, and decades of experience supporting anxious families, Dr. Richardson offers practical guidance for helping children develop confidence, independence, and resilience while also teaching parents how to respond wisely to their own anxious minds.

•  Anxiety is a normal consequence of caring deeply about our children. 
•  Parent anxiety does not automatically create anxious children. 
•  Avoidance makes anxiety stronger for both parents and children. 
•  Small challenges build lifelong resilience. 
•  Parents often need to manage their own discomfort before rescuing their children. 
•  Independence develops through age-appropriate opportunities to struggle. 
•  Supporting children is different from protecting them from every uncomfortable experience.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

• Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary
• Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver
• Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to sleep?

From sleep trackers and wellness trends to headlines warning us about the dangers of poor sleep, many of us have come to believe that sleep is something we should be able to control. But according to behavioral sleep medicine expert Dr. Sue McCurry, that's one of the biggest myths about sleep.

Chris and Emma sit down with Dr. McCurry to explore what actually drives healthy sleep, why waking up during the night isn't always a problem, and how anxiety about sleep often becomes the very thing that keeps us awake. They discuss the history of human sleep, common misconceptions about insomnia, the science behind Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), and practical ways to create the conditions for better rest without trying to force it.

Whether you're struggling with insomnia, navigating menopause, parenting young children, or simply wondering if you're getting enough sleep, this episode offers a reassuring and evidence-based perspective that may completely change the way you think about sleep.

•  Sleep cannot be forced, only supported. 
•  Waking during the night is more common than many people realize. 
•  Anxiety about sleep often becomes the biggest barrier to sleeping well. 
•  Consistency is more important than chasing a perfect number of hours. 
•  Sleep trackers can sometimes increase stress rather than improve sleep. 
•  Good sleepers still have occasional bad nights. 
•  CBT-I focuses on changing habits, thoughts, and behaviors rather than forcing sleep.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard
• Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch
• Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver

Why are we so much harsher with ourselves than we are with the people we love?

In this episode, Holly Yates and Shawn Costello-Whooley join Chris and Emma to explore the powerful role of the inner critic. Together, they unpack where self-critical thoughts come from, why they often masquerade as protection, and how they can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, and sense of self-worth.

Drawing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), compassion-focused approaches, and their new book The Inner Critic Workbook, Holly and Shawn explain how self-criticism often develops as an attempt to keep us safe, connected, and accepted. The conversation explores shame, belonging, perfectionism, social comparison, parenting, and the courage required to respond to ourselves with kindness rather than cruelty.

This episode offers practical tools for recognizing your inner critic, understanding its function, and developing a healthier relationship with the thoughts that tell you you're not enough.

Key Takeaways

•  The inner critic often develops as a misguided attempt to protect us. 
•  Shame thrives in secrecy and disconnection. 
•  Self-compassion is not self-indulgence or letting yourself off the hook. 
•  Values can help distinguish between a helpful coach and a harmful critic. 
•  Responding is different from reacting. 
•  Connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to shame. 
•  We can learn to relate differently to self-critical thoughts without eliminating them.

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #12: Imposter Syndrome with Dr. Jill Stoddard
• Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold
• Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary

Why is asking for help so hard?

For many people, needing support feels like failure. Whether it's therapy, medication, weight loss surgery, or asking others for assistance, we often carry the belief that we should be able to do everything on our own.

In this candid conversation, Dr. Jill Stoddard shares her lifelong struggle with body image, dieting, and shame. She discusses the decision to pursue weight loss surgery, the judgment she faced afterward, and why society often labels support as "cheating."

Together, Chris, Emma, and Jill unpack the complicated intersection of weight, identity, appearance, values, and cultural expectations. They explore the role of uncertainty, discomfort, self-compassion, and psychological flexibility in creating lasting change.

Ultimately, this conversation isn't really about weight loss—it's about giving ourselves permission to ask for help, challenge shame, and pursue the life we want without needing anyone else's approval.

Key Takeaways

•  Asking for help is not weakness—it is often wisdom. 
•  Weight loss tools, medications, and surgery are not "cheating." 
•  Shame often drives unhealthy relationships with food and body image. 
•  Values provide a more sustainable path than willpower alone. 
•  Learning to tolerate discomfort is essential for long-term change. 
•  The goal isn't perfection—it's psychological flexibility. 
•  We can support others without judging the choices they make for their bodies. 

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Recommended Episodes

• Secret #50: Happy High Achievers with Dr. Mary Anderson
• Secret #57: Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Dr. Joel Salinas
• Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold

What if anxiety isn’t the enemy we think it is?

In this episode, Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary challenges the modern belief that anxiety is something to eliminate, suppress, or “fix.” Instead, she reframes anxiety as an essential human emotion that helps us prepare for uncertainty, pursue meaningful goals, and navigate life with courage and hope.

Chris and Emma explore why we’ve become increasingly intolerant of discomfort, how avoidance fuels chronic anxiety, and why emotional resilience requires learning how to move through difficult feelings rather than around them. The conversation also explores parenting anxious children, performance anxiety in athletes, social support, and the powerful difference between fear and anxiety.

This episode offers a compassionate and practical framework for understanding anxiety differently and for building a healthier relationship with discomfort, uncertainty, and emotional struggle.

Key Takeaways

• Why anxiety is essential for growth and resilience
• The difference between fear and anxiety
• How avoidance fuels chronic anxiety
• Why emotional discomfort builds psychological flexibility
• How the “3Ls” framework helps manage anxiety

View extended shownotes here

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)