This topic is designed to challenge basic norms we’ve held sacrosanct for centuries. These are the four control models described in this episode as widely promoted means to cultivate good citizenship in homes, schools, churches, and workplaces; really everywhere. This episode helps listeners to recognize these as the impediments they are and that they need to be dismantled and replaced with new models.

“‘Spitting in the soup’ was developed by the renowned therapist Alfred Adler. Adler recognized that stirring up change can be difficult. Spitting in the soup is a memorable metaphor. It reminds us that sometimes it is necessary to spoil the fun in order to alter negative patterns and create positive behavior change. Add spit to the soup and it is ruined. “Spitting in the soup,” takes the joy out of the negative behavior patterns of others.”

Adam Kirk Smith, Author

I remember a leader yelling at me, “How can you tell us to stop using rewards!? You’re leaving us with nothing to motivate people! How could incentives be wrong - they work!?” Eventually he came around but it was not easy. He’d been in leadership for 31 years. He didn’t want to go out of his way or consider something he’d used for years, was actually counter-productive. And that’s not the half of it. Incentives and rewards are just one of four control models common and at the root of many bad outcomes. That’s why in my work, I constantly ‘spit in the soup.’ What soup you ask? The soup of using control models. I take something that looks wholesome and healthy to many and make it so unappealing so that people begin to want something better.

People are always motivated. It’s not anyone’s job to motivate others. People can control themselves. They can do what’s right and don’t need approval or shaming to do so. They don’t need to be enabled. The problem is we don’t have faith in people nor do we know how to effectively teach them to pick up responsibility for things that are theirs to own. When we learn to do so, others can become accountable, caring and fully engaged, making a positive difference in your business.

The notion of dismantling control models and learning how to create a responsibility-based, purpose-based company is your way to everything you desire. In order to dismantle them however, you must consider first how they are cause terrible impacts:

* They reinforce limiting beliefs about people: “People can’t be trusted. People are selfish and lazy. People aren’t as wise as the one in charge. People can’t do”

* They reinforce domination: ‘I’ must manage, motivate, judge and pamper people to get them to be decent and caring.

* They reinforce co-dependency: “Just do what I say (because I’m the boss!) Just meet my goals! Just please me! Just let me do it! (you can’t)”

* They cultivate poor behaviors: rebellion, resentful compliance, selfishness, competition, brown-nosing, disgust, win-lose, mediocrity, confusion, anger, distrust and entitlement.

People are powerful and yet have not been given honoring guidance for how to use their power, how to set intentions, live by purpose and values and enjoy creative collaboration and mutual respect. Because of control models, they act out and then their bad behavior reinforces in the minds of many, the continued use of control; a vicious cycle right under our noses that is difficult to recognize and stop.

No one is more important than another. No one deserves to be dominated. No one should be bribed and no one should be given up on. I see the correlation between control models and poor behavior, yet so many others do not until they reflect upon this. They rely on the very systems designed to manipulate desired behavior. They are hard to stop using, because control is widely endorsed, seems to work (and quickly), and make those in charge feel powerful when they otherwise would not.

In all the years I have worked with people to help them understand how to create high performance, I realize meaningful change cannot occur without dismantling control models and adopting a responsibility-based model instead.  This is no small feat. People everywhere are steeped in control and they can’t see these very systems ARE the problem. I hope you will look at this soup long and hard and consider th...

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Abraham Lincoln

 

The leadership style that starts in childhood is at the heart of why 55% of people are disengaged and 16% are actively disengaged. What do you need and want in order to enjoy a successful, thriving business? Most of all, you need employees who are proactive, creative and personally responsible regardless of who’s observing. You need people of character, who use their power in service. So…how do you accomplish this when 71% of the American workforce is predominately disengaged?

 

55% of the workforce is regularly doing mediocre work delivered with resentful compliance (“Ugh, it’s Monday and I have to go to work”) proven to bring no additional revenues to their company.

 

16% are actively rebelling and resisting cooperation (“No I won’t and you can’t make me!”), sabotaging people and projects and costing companies a documented $16,000 a year according to a Gallup survey of 700,000 U.S. Workers. Why? The origins are in family, educational and corporate cultures we still uphold despite new priorities and information.

 

Up until recently, the vast majority of parents, educators and employers believed it their duty to provide all rules and incentives as well as dictate and motivate “appropriate” thoughts, emotional reactions and behaviors of those they lead. Our workplaces, originally designed to control employees, still mirror our educational systems designed to cultivate conforming, conventional, and compliant factory workers; maintaining a culture in which a few managers at the top externally motivate people.

 

As a result, many children became adults who learned to reluctantly bend to expectations of their authority figures, behaving like victims, while others reacted by rebelling and resisting; all costly choices, as Gallup data illustrates. You may be like most business owners who realize that in order to nurture and encourage the kind of people you need, you must re-evaluate your management styles and change your culture. You may be wondering, “How do I make necessary changes and still run my business?”

 

In Michael Gerber’s book The E-Myth, he asserts business owners must take time to “work on their business, not just in their business.” You may agree with this conceptually but believe yourself inadequate to the task of developing systems needed to implement healthy culture change affordably, efficiently and effectively.

 

Transformation of your culture occurs when social interest and intrinsic motivation are cultivated. When people learn how to be trustworthy, align their actions with meaningful purposes and shift from passive compliance to proactive self-management, real positive change occurs. Your primary task is one in which managing, motivating and evaluating employees, is replaced by effective transfer of responsibility to them as a top priority. In my work with clients, I have successfully provided the structure and systems needed to make this an easy, profitable transition. But first, you must determine your readiness and then understand the necessary steps to succeed.

 

Key questions to determine your readiness

* Am I committed to partnering with my staff and cultivating leadership in each and every employee?

* Is a responsibility-based culture a high enough priority to ensure I devote sufficient time and resources to bring it about?

* Will I give others ample opportunities to think about and discuss ideas? Solutions?

* Am I prepared to share power? Control?