Light and Shadow: the podcast

In this episode, we dive straight into step two of the healing journey - uncovering the truth. After a brief overview of what we covered in step one, figuring out what’s broken, we explore how learning and gaining greater insight can better help us troubleshoot the core issues of our lives. By becoming curious about attachment theory, emotional attitudes, past traumas, family dynamics, the cycle of addiction, cognitive distortions, etc., we can gain information to help us make practical and lasting changes in our lives. We are essentially educating ourselves on the different facets and moving parts of ourselves and our lives - present and future - in order to guide us to the direction we want to go, and interrupt any cycles in an opposing direction. If sailing is the objective, uncovering the truth is the manual, while step three - interrupting the cycle - is actually learning to sail. In this case, everything we learn and glean from this uncovering the truth stage will effectively inform how we approach the next step of healing - interrupting the cycle. The goal of this step is not just to gain information, but to gain insight to inform the practical actions we need to take in our life to bring us back to balance, regulation, and, thus, recovery. While we focus mostly on step two, uncovering the truth, we are all setting up for step three to happen naturally and most effectively.

This episode is the continuation of the “Mapping Healing” series I began in episode 02. While episode 02 is the overarching look at the healing process and a brief look at each stage, this episode looks specially at the first step, which I’ve titled, “figuring out what’s broken.” In the episode, I discuss the differences between what’s genuinely going on behind the surface of symptoms. While symptoms may be trying to show you there’s a problem, it may not actually be the root problem. I talk about the benefit of looking at your life as a series of cause and effect to try and analyze what might have gone awry. I also speak to step two, uncovering the truth stage, to help gain information - but more largely, perspective - to help diagnose what might really be going on. I talk again about cycles of addiction, introduce attachment styles, coping mechanisms, and defense mechanisms. Emotional attitudes and behaviors passed down from parents is also explored. Please note that this is the second episode in a seven part series.

When it comes to healing, we may find ourselves pushing toward the light, but also find the dark pushing back. I promised to be a friend in both, so here I am - in the dark with you. In this episode, I talk about the feelings that come up when comparing my traumatized life to the life of someone I found to be extraordinary and healthy. I talk honestly about the loss of this friendship, as well as my struggles with slipping back into eating disorder behavior. As I look back, I find it hard to see all that I’ve missed out on - seeing trauma, bad relationships, and disordered behavior rule my life for so many years - but, ultimately, I don’t decide to stay there. Come with me as I take you into the shadows of my mind, with the hope that showing you my way, will help you find your way too.

We’ve all heard someone say, “Trust the process,” or “it’s all part of the process,” or some variation of these. When I was younger, I used to wonder, “what does that even mean?!” Life can seem to give you mixed signals, and depending on who you ask, you can end up going in infinite different directions. In this episode, I really wanted to break down my version of what trusting the process really means. I broke down the healing journey into six key steps, which I’ll be exploring in this mini series “Mapping Healing.” Before I get into each step on a deeper level, I wanted to provide a general overview of what the healing journey can look like for so many people. While what each step will entail and what work needs to be done will differ from person to person, I have found that most people who have found their way to freedom have trudged along this loosely defined path in some way. Come along with me as I show you the way through the darkness by illuminating step-by-step what’s to come. **side note** I realized I mistakenly said “behavioral sensations” in place of “bodily sensations.” The latter is correct!

In this episode, I dive into what procrastination really might mean for someone who has mental health struggles. It may seem that we’re lazy or unmotivated or whatever narrative our thoughts have generated to us, but sometimes there’s a part of the picture we’re not fully seeing. Fear - and seeking relief from that fear - can often be more at the heart of the matter than the defectiveness of self. Often, we’re too quick to blame ourselves because it’s what’s comfortable, but upon further examination, there’s another need we might need met. We may seek refuge from that fear in all different kinds of behaviors, which are close cousins of self-sabotage and addiction. This is a judgement free zone as we dig into how these three arenas might be more closely linked than we think. We’ll also explore some strategies to overcoming these hurdles.