Like a Mother

This interview is a from the archives, and my admiration for Tiffany Aliche grows. We have become friends and she recently hosted me in her Live Richer Academy, which is part of her seven-figure business that has grown to include more than 300,000 women. I am constantly inspired by Aliche's passion, business brilliance and true activism to change the world. 

+++

Man, I love Tiffany "The Budgetnista" Aliche. The financial educator was really really ticked off that the financial industry ignored people of color -- especially women. She looked around and saw countless brilliant, successful doctors, lawyers, architects and MBAs -- who were in debt and with little financial literacy or foundation.

In this hilarious and inspiring interview, Aliche tells me how she set out to change that.

Within a single year, Aliche recruited nearly 20,000 women of color into her Live Richer Challenge, a free program and community that helps members take control of their finances. To date, the challenge participants collectively paid off $400,000 in debt and saved $3.5 million.

Best yet? Despite her proven power, financial services companies mostly still ignored her, so Aliche found a way to take financial services completely out of the equation while growing her following. She estimates 500,000 women of color will be part of her financial empowerment revolution within the next couple of years.

Aliche and Yahoo! Finance correspondent Mandi Woodruff (upcoming Like a Mother guest!) also recently launched a podcast, on iTunes Brown Ambition, "a weekly podcast about career, business, building wealth and living in this brown skin."

Have a listen as Aliche and I talk about her philosophy of making change in the world, and the ironing board that has changed tens of thousands of lives.

Women are really bad about investing. Statistically, we are less likely to invest, and more likely to invest less than we should. While there are some great studies that show that women are actually BETTER at investing than men, we still have a long way to go. In this Like a Mother episode, my single mom entrepreneur friend Shannon McLay, founder and CEO of The Financial Gym, explains step-by-step how women can get over their investing and saving hangups, and get started with a financial plan for their futures. Below is a break-down of how to do just that, whether through an employer plan, or on your own. 

A common theme we see at the Financial Gym is an overall lack of investing by women. Most women say, “I don’t invest because I don’t want to lose my money.” Those are words I can assure you a man never says; and if you’re saying them, what you’re really saying is, “I don’t want to make money.” The reality is that leaving your money in a checking or savings account and not investing means you’re actually allowing yourself to lose money. On average you earn less than 1% in a bank account while inflation is 2-3%, which means your money loses 1-2% of value sitting in the bank.

I’m not going to lie, investing is scary and if you’re afraid of it, the fear is real but like any fear, if you have better knowledge, you can overcome it. You work hard for every dollar you earn and when you invest your money, you’re allowing your money to work hard for you in return. Don’t let investing stay the boy’s club it’s been for decades, here’s some quick steps to get started.

Tanai Bernard was famous for her blog Four Deep Around the World, in which she chronicled living in the Middle East with her three kids, teaching school, and traveling the globe. Today she is stateside, teaching and raising her kids in Houston. When Hurricane Harvey struck, she and her family took refuge at her mother's Dallas home. But news of devestation in her hometown of Beaumont, Texas brought back memories of her own loss during Hurricane Rita in 2005. "To watch people you knew (on TV) being evacuated by helicopter put a fire in me," she said in this Like a Mother episode. "I didn't even know what was going on with my own home. I just knew I had to help these people."

Pulling on her Facebook community, Tanai put out a call to action, and within 16 hours, friends and strangers from around the globe had made donations through Walmart's 'Ship-to-Store' feature. Tanai loaded up a rented cargo van and drove through scary flood waters and barricaded roads the blankets, diapers and bottled water to a church in Beaumont. That run inspired more donations, and eventually Tanai rented and hauled a  half-dozen 26-foot trucks and an 18-wheeler to Harvey victims in Houston. Today, she continues her work, posting requests and updates on Facebook, focusing on supporting displaced families and getting kids back to school — all while working fulltime and taking care of her own three kids, whom, thankfully, have a safe and dry house. 

In this episode Tanai and I discuss:

• Why moving across the globe in the middle of her divorce was the best thing for her and her kids.
• Her favorite moment when traveling internationally.
• What it was like to date in a Middle Eastern country.
• What she thought and felt when she delivered supplies to stranded Harvey families.
• The magic that transpired to support her efforts
• What keeps her motivated to keep supporting and serving Harvey families.
• How her global travel prepared Tanai for the service she does now

Naama Bloom is best know as the founder of HelloFlo, the mail-order feminine product platform that shot to viral fame with its hilarious videos like 'Camp Gyno,' 'First Moon Party,' and 'A Vistit from Aunt Flo.' On one hand, we should all be so grateful that Bloom and her startup got us talking, laughing, learning and sharing about our bodies in a healthy way. On the other? It was 2014, and shouldn't we be beyond all that? But we weren't, and Bloom helped us get there, and forever she'll be immortalized as an women's activist.

She is also an activist on behalf of girls, with her new book  HelloFlo: The Guide, Period.: The Everything Puberty Book for the Modern Girl (Penguin, October 17, 2017). As you will hear in this episode, it won me over with its first lines, devoted to the fact that every woman, every day, will have crust in her panties. I have spent my whole life — all of which was seeped in feminism — feeling a little bit or a lot weird, ashamed and gross for this reality. This doesn't need to happen any more!

The book also covers: the history of the styles of pubic hair, breast size and shape and eyebrows. Lots of anecdotes from women who share how they feel about their bodies and puberty. It is smart, frank and real in a way no other book for girls — or women for that matter — is. "Full bush," is the name of a chapter.

Don't tell her, but I ordered a copy for my daughter for Christmas, and I think you should, too. The new classic, coming right to you.

I recently met Jeanie Ahn at Yahoo! Finance, where she interviewed me for her show "The Payoff" (catch it on book launch day: Oct. 17!). Afterwards, we chatted about New York City schools, motherhood and work. Some of her comments struck me as remarkable and universal, and worthy of a whole podcast episode. In this Like a Mother episode, we hear from Ahn:

• The origins of her working-mom guilt (a mom who laid on thick the reminders of the professional and artistic sacrifices she made for her children)
• How she harnessed her mom-guilt to take big risk in her career 
• The steps she took to break out of the traditional TV producer career to forge a path that works for her, her family, and her career goals
• The magic that transpired when Ahn established what she wanted in a new job, including nice people, a family-friendly work schedule, and a higher-profile, on-camera role 
• How her spirituality enforces her work (I love this)

Sarah Shaw is a normal woman — Colorado single mom of two — who has spent her career dressing, collaborating and selling fabulous handbags to the most famous people in the world. Her secret?

"I never take no for an answer." 

Career highlights, that you'll hear about in this Like a Mother episode:

Worked in the film biz after college for 11 years as a costume supervisor. Started two costume companies, that did huge manufacturing jobs for the movies like "Wind Talkers," "Matrix 2&3," "Out of Sight," "The Postman." 

In 1997 started handbag company Sarah Shaw Handbags, available in Nordstrom, Sak’s 5th Ave, Barney’s NY, Bergdorf Goodman, Anthropologie, Fred Segal and 1200 other boutiques across the United States, that grew to a multiple 8 figure business thanks to press in magazines like ELLE, INStyle, “O” List, Marie Claire, and being on Access Hollywood, and getting products to celebs like Jennifer Aniston, Oprah, Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Sarah Jessica Parker, Hallee Berry and 70 others, and getting her bags in the movies Oceans' 11, Legally Blonde, & America’s Sweethearts, and on TV shows Friends & Will and Grace. 

2003 I patented a closet organizer for handbags. Had an online company selling it and other brands that didn't have online stores. Got into People magazine 2 years in a row by getting products to Jennifer Aniston and sold 2000 units each time. Made lots of money. 

2006 I launched my own company "Simply Sarah" (alone at last) and in 2 years did $500K from my garage with my one patented product in 12 colors. I finally had it down!

Today, with Sarah Shaw Consulting, she teaches women how to grow brands quickly and make millions.

Her new Podcast, Get a Street Smart MBA, has featured Venus Williams, Daymond John, Barbara Corcoran, Marcus Lemonis, Rebecca Minkoff, Authors Ryan Blair and James Alutcher, Bill Blass designer Chris Benz, Erin Flett and Sarah Buscho...and many more (including me!). 

Coming out of her own marriage, Erin Williamson, 39, of Seattle, realized that because she did not have equal income in her marriage, she did not share equal power. So she set out not only to change her own financial autonomy, but committed to ensuring that women around the globe also have equal access to financial capital — typically for work they are already doing, but are not paid for.

"Direct access to money can mean power, freedom, choice, and for those being oppressed by domestic violence, a woman's access to money can mean life," the mom of two told me. Erin is the founder of Pier Coffee, a cold-brew coffee company that buys 100 percent of its beans from women-owned farms. She is also the founder of Engendered International, a non-profit organization that provides certification to companies that prove:

• Percentage of supply-chain workers who are women
• Percentage of supply-chain companies owned by women
• Work within countries that do not place legal restrictions on economic opportunities for women and advocacy to change laws in countries that do
• Proof of payment directly to female workers along a supply-chain
• Charitable donations or support of organizations fighting against domestic violence
• Wage parity between men and women in the companies along a supply chain
• Proof of investment in education and training for women and girls

In this Like a Mother interview, Kickass Single Mom Grant winner Erin Williamson shares with me:

• How she launched her cold-brew coffee company Pier Coffee in her laundry room, and why she committed to only buying coffee beans from women-owned farms. 
• Her advice to moms who feel broke, lost and no idea how to launch their own passion company. 
• Where she found the energy to launch a non-profit at the same time she struggled to grow a new business.
• What Erin learned about money, power and romance through her marriage, divorce and single motherhood. 
• How she feels about men and dating today. 
• Where she finds her support network. 

Have you ever heard a man say he feels guilty for going to work?

[har har har]

However, I guarantee you have felt guilty as woman for working. 

Whether or not you are a mom, caregiver, mom to a fur baby. Single or married, gay or straight.

The message is the same to all of us about who you should be as woman: Married to a rich guy, 2.2 kids, and a house. 

Even if your own upbringing was progressive. Even if we almost had a woman in the White House. Even though women are the majority of undergraduate students, and 40 percent of families are headed by breadwinning women. 

These pressures to be June Cleaver affect all of us. And they hold you back.

Don't believe me?

A few years ago, I attended a casual cocktail party in New York City, where I live. The guests were all professionally successful women in various fields: a global head of marketing for a luxury car brand, a tech startup founder, a pianist who came to the event right from a Carnegie Hall performance, the founder of an international women's aid organization. Most of us were mothers, and as I flitted from the conversations percolating around the room, one voice stood out:

The woman, a married mom of a 5-year-old, who heads diversity efforts for a Fortune 500 company, described the social ostracization she feels as the only working mother in her affluent Manhattan co-op building, which happened to be populated by several dozen elementary-aged kids who often played together, and whose parents regularly socialized. She sensed snubs in the elevator, and she and her husband weren't invited to play dates or dinner parties the rest of the families enjoyed.

In recounting this scenario, this woman became increasingly, visibly upset — and defensive. "My daughter is thriving in every sense!" she said to the half-dozen other, working moms who in no way called for an explanation about her life. "She is doing great at school! She is a leader! She has lots of friends!"

It broke my heart — not just a little, but a lot. This woman, who had put herself through Ivy league undergraduate and business schools, who was by far the breadwinner in her family (her husband is an academic who earns a fraction of her income, she said), who clearly is passionate about a career focused on gender and race equality, felt the need to defend why she, as a mother, holds a paying job outside her home.

This woman’s challenge is similar to that of a childhood friend of mine, who I visited recently. My friend spent her first 10 years of motherhood working part-time in retail, a field that doesn’t interest her, and focused instead on raising her two children while her husband was the primary breadwinner. Recently, as we sipped coffee in her kitchen while our kids played outside, I was in awe of how much she lit up with excitement as she told me about returning to school to earn a master’s degree in music education, with the plans to launch a new career in teaching. But then her tone turned hushed, and her excitement muted. “I know my kids should be enough, but they’re not,” she said with unabashed shame. “I need something for me, too.”

Why is it these women are so full of shame about pursuing paying work — and careers they’re passionate about?

In this episode of Like a Mother, I drill into where all this guilt comes from, how it affects you, and specific steps you can take to shed the June Cleaver complex, and not only thrive and grow yourself, but support other women around you, too. 

Alaina Shearer faced sexism throughout her media career.

In her early radio jobs, male co-hosts complained when she didn't laugh at their sexist jokes. Then she was fired without cause.

In an interview, a hiring manager at a big radio station asked if she planned to get pregnant soon. Why? Because pregnant hosts got great ratings, he said.

The big boss at a marketing agency came on to her — then asked via email that she stay silent. HR did nothing — despite the documented transgression — and Shearer was required to keep working under the man. Then she was demoted.

A couple years after founding Columbus, Ohio digital marketing agency, Cement Marketing (which will do $3 million in business in 2017, Shearer says), Alaina's husband Seth Gray urged her to apply for Women Owned Business status from the Small Business administration. She refused. "'I don't need it!' she recalls arguing with her husband. "I wanted to build this business on my own merits." Her husband pointed out how often she was discriminated against by potential clients.

She started bringing a tall, handsome male colleague to pitch meetings. Close times were cut in half. Sales rose 40 percent. "I know how to sell — I've been in sales my whole life," says the Ohio mom of four. "But when I'd be doing my presentation, the client would be looking at my male colleague and looking for his affirmation."

Finally convinced of institutional sexism, Shearer launched in February Womenin.Digital, a member community for women in the digital marketing industry. Since then, she has hosted launch events in 15 cities nationwide, attracting 340 members. Membership costs $40 per month, or $430 per year, and includes access to the group's Slack, local events, discounted ticket to the annual conference, and participation in 'peer circles' — smaller breakout groups similar to masterminds that Shearer benefited from earlier in her career. Some tenants of the organization include sharing income and salary numbers, a regimented 'ask/give' practice, in which each member is required to both ask for something they need for their business, and a specific offer of something they can give — such as an introduction. Shearer also promotes the practice of tracking your hours, to truly understand how you spend your time and energy. After doing so herself two years ago, she realized she was spending 20 hours weekly caring for her long, dark mane. Today, she wears her hair in a salt-and-pepper chic, layered bob. Members include Nina Lassam, director of Ad Product at The New York Times, Kristi Daraban, Abercrombie & Fitch head of social media, Breonna Rodriguez, lead digital designer at Sesame Street, and Shannon Coulter, Grab Your Wallet cofounder — all of whom are speaking at the first Womenin.Digital Conference Oct. 25-27. Just 4 percent of tickets are available to men — a figure representative of the the number of female CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. "I thought it would be controversial to exclude men from Womenin.Digital, but the women to attend the meetings can share their stories openly when there are only women in the room," Shearer says. 

Womenin.Digital is a for-profit organization, aimed at offering quality services and events. Shearer is unabashed about her desire to pay herself and other women on staff high salaries. Once WomeninDigital is up and running, Shearer plans to replicate the community in other industries. "I want every woman who experienced the discrimination that I experienced  to have a network she can instantly tap into for help," Shearer says. "The crazy part is, we're almost there already."

Learn more about Womenin. Digital here.

The Kickass Single Mom Grant is now six months old, and as it has grown, has featured women with blatantly activist missions: Give books to kids in need, promote healthy births and nursing to minority women, support a formerly homeless mom building a new life. 

But being kickass, and being an activist, can come in man forms — often quieter and more private. That is what drew me to Teri Teves, a Portland, Ore., single mom of one, who switched careers from advertising to cosmetology, specifically lash extensions. Her new career gave Teri the time flexibility and high income that she craved. But making women feel comfortable, cared for, listened to, and beautiful is how Teri found she had the greatest professional contribution.  The $1,000 grant supported a continuing education course so she can offer more services, which helps her grow her business and bottom line. She wrote in her application:

Four years ago, after being laid off, I changed careers to become a licensed esthetician and lash tech. January 2017 I left my hourly/commission based position to go on my own and lease a room in a salon. My life has improved since because I now make slightly more money but more importantly have more time with my son. 

I love my job because I help to enhance a woman’s greatness. We all want to feel beautiful. Paying it forward is already in the works. I know I’m where I’m at because of other’s kindness and generosity. Lash extensions are a luxury, so I provide free lashes to the women I feel need a little lift in their life. The confidence to face the world. I am currently training a girlfriend in lashes so she may have her own business which will enhance her family’s life. I plan on helping her with the cost of esthetician education and watching her kids when she needs it. I hope one day she would pay it forward to another woman who needs that extra lift, guidance and support. The ultimate goal is build the tribe and create that sort of support over and over again.

Listen in this episode about how Teri built her business, how her tribe of women have supported her and her family, and how she gives back by supporting other women through her small business. 

Other Kickass Single Mom Grant winners:

Kickass Single Mom Grant winner Jennifer Little, founder of the Little Hands Book Bank in Texas.

Shawnta Creech went from homeless to culinary school graduate with a salad dressing business in the works.

Sheri Hopkins started Black San Diego. “I wanted my daughters to grow up seeing strong leaders who looked like them.”

A doula for low-income new mothers. “I wasn’t going to let a corporation tell me what my dream was.”

Every month I give $1,000 to a single mom committed to building a positive life for herself, her family and contributing to the world in a productive way.

The Kickass Single Mom Grant supports endeavors that show promise for success — whether it is a career, business, nonprofit, charitable, creative or family project that is already underway and could use a financial boost.

This might include paying for formal education that will advance your career (or launch a new career!) that makes you happy and proud, propels you to financial independence and makes you a great role model for your children and others whose lives you touch.

You might seek to use this money to build your dream business — one that lights your passion, contributes to the world in a positive way.

Maybe you have a volunteer or nonprofit project that is blossoming.

Perhaps it is a personal project that you want to describe to me.

One part of this grant is to support incredible single women doing amazing things.

The other part is to highlight incredible single moms to inspire and uplift others who may not see in themselves what is possible.

No income maximum (or requirement). All nationalities welcome. Winners are announced the first of every month.

Apply now!