Like a Mother

 

Yes, it is true: Rich women have issues, too. Molly Ward, CFP, should know. One of the most successful financial advisors in the country and a single mom, Molly is one of those rich single women. 

Molly was raised in one of the most affluent families of Houston, the granddaughter of the CEO of a Fortune 500 country, whose Depression Era work ethic and humble values Molly assumed — even if she was expected to be a housewife and stay-at-home mom.

Fast-forward to today, and Molly is just one of five members (out of 5,000 of her peers, and the only woman) of the global financial services firm AXA’s Elite Producer Group Steering Committee Board. Translation: She is a badass. She is also a passionate divorced mom of three whose practice, Well Lived Wealth, helps affluent women (with investible assets of more than $2 million, or annual income of at least $1 million), navigate the fears and fears of having money as an unpartnered woman. 

In this Like a Mother episode, Molly shares:

• Why so many successful women with thriving businesses are lousy with their personal finances. 
• The secret to how Molly finds guilt-free time to be a very engaged single mom who rides bikes to school each morning with her grade-school aged son and the neighborhood kids, hosts Fajita Fridays weekly (margaritas served at 5 p.m. sharp!), maintains an intense fitness routine (17-mile paddle boarding, anyone?), prioritizes volunteering, and leads an enviable dating life.
• How affluent moms can avoid raising children who are spoiled brats (Molly's teenagers drive older, non-luxury cars, work part-time jobs, have daily chores and are required to pay for their own travel programs). 
• Molly's advice to financially independent women worried about attracting men who are mooches — or scaring off men intimidated their money.
• How to get over your fear of being broke (which is far more common in affluent women than you may guess).

 

Dr. Susan O'Malley is pretty awesome. With her thick New York accent, this lifelong underachiever, secretary with no more than a high school diploma, set out at age 30 to become a physician.

She did it.

In this interview, I interview this amazing, charming woman who did not let her age, marital or family status or the zillions of naysayers hold her back from her mid-life dream of medicine.

 

Dr. Susan O'Malley shares about:

• How she got over her low-self image to preserver through rejection from every medical school in the country, and eventual acceptance and matriculation at 35
• Romantic disappointments
• Powering through one of the most rigorous academic paths as a single mom of a newborn to become an emergency room physician.
• Her eventual move to cosmetic medicine and entrepreneurship with the opening of Sonas Med Spa in Connecticut
• The power of physical beauty
• Dating as a single mother
• What she does with her money
• Her daily schedule while in medical school while raising her tiny son

Listen to her gush about the 15-year romance with her husband (hear what she said when I asked how the sex was after all those years, and now in her 60s).

Dr. Susan O'Malley is the author of Tough Cookies Don't Crumble: Turn Set-Backs into Success, on Amazon.

 

 

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Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

Really excited about this episode! Media mogul, political pundit, single mom and Forbes' 'Most Powerful Woman,' Arianna Huffington joins me on this awesome episode to talk about her New York Times bestselling book, The Sleep Revolution: Transform Your Life, One Night At A Time.

After the show, Arianna emailed to say our conversation "felt like talking to an old friend" — and I agree. In this Like a Mother episode, the Huffington Post co-founder and editor-in-chief and I dish about:

• The indisputable, powerful, cannot-ignore science quantifying why sleep is really key to health, wealth and happiness.
• How we could all save so much money and energy on beauty treatments if we just chilled out and got regular Zs (Jane Fonda and Jennifer Anniston told Huffington sleep was the key to their ageless looks).
• Huffington's own rock-bottom of sleeplessness— waking in a pool of her own blood, having passed out in a bout of extreme exhaustion.
• The expensive professional mistakes Huffington made as a result of lack of sleep.
• Huffington's personal connection between rest, intuition and spirituality.
• 3 easy, 100% free, and life-changing moves everyone can make now to dramatically improve your sleep— and life.
• What Arianna Huffington wears to bed.
• The high priestess of sleep calls me out on my secret bad bedtime habit (despite my proclamations of great sleep hygiene. Busted!)
• Why the prioritization of sleep really is a revolution— one requiring a paradigm shift in our attitudes about work, success, wellness and even science — and what everyone from executives to politicians to workers to moms can do to push the revolution forward.

 

When Tiara Caldwell gave birth to her twins, she was distraught when hospital staff kept the newborns from her for more than 11 hours. Nurses assumed that she didn't want to nurse. She felt she was discriminated against because she is African American, and she was a young mom. "They assumed that because of my age and race, I wouldn't want to nurse," she said.

Caldwell, now 28, had her fight daughter at 19, and twins three years later, used her anger and heartbreak over the negatives in her birth experience to become a doula and lactation consultant. Today, no longer in a relationship with her kids' father, and on top of her staff job at a hospital, she is launching her own doula, birth education and lactation consultation business, Crowned and Cradled (LOVE THAT NAME!). The business aims to serve millennial moms, especially low-income and minority women. Her business plan includes a mentorship program to support other, new doulas and lactation consultants. 

This service is sorely needed. More U.S. women are dying of pregnancy-related complications than any other developed country. Each year in the U.S., 700 to 900 women die from pregnancy or childbirth-related causes, and about 65,000 come close to dying — the worst record in the developed world, according to the CDC. The United States is the only developed country where has the rate of women who die related to childbirth been rising. Black women are three times as likely to die in childbirth as white women. 

Breastfeeding rates among African American newborns trails babies overall. In 2008, the percentage of women who initiated breastfeeding was 75 percent for white mothers, and 59 percent for black mothers. 

Caldwell's passion to help young, minority moms is also fueled by her own big entrepreneurial goals, which she is growing while she works a fulltime staff job. She plans to use the 

"I can't let a company tell me what my dreams are," Caldwell said. 

Have a listen. You'll love her as much as I do. 

 

 

A few months ago I was thrilled when the lovely woman I was chatting with at an industry event introduced herself as Loretta McCarthy managing partner, Golden Seeds. I knew about Golden Seeds, which was the first angel-seed network that exclusively supports women-lead companies, founded 12 years ago in 2005. 

McCarthy, former executive VP and CMO at Oppenheimer Funds, and VP of Marketing at American Express, knew first-hand how sexist the corporate world was, and saw this play out in startup world. 

While half of businesses in the United States were started by women, just 17 percent of startups that get funding are led by a woman, and Bloomberg found that just 7 percent of companies that received $20 million or more in funding between 2009 and 2015 were owned by women. Companies founded by women also get an average of $77 million compared with $100 million for male-led startups. The startup paygap is real. 

Golden Seeds is changing that. In its 12 years, the organization has grown to 300 investors who have invested $96 million in 90 female-led companies. 

In this interview, Loretta McCarthy explains why this investment gender gap exists, why men are as big of champions as women when it comes to sinking their own investment dollars in female-led organizations, and what you can do to close this investment gap! 

 

I do yoga. Believe in therapy (in some cases. Lead a horse to water, you know?). Try to eat organic and have had my sanity saved by acupuncture. I pray, try very hard to make ecological decisions at every opportunity, and respect most practices that help you on your spiritual journey. However, despite knowing and accepting the value of medication, I have never really done it. Except for those last 10 minutes vegging in yoga class, the benefits of quieting one's mind. 

Then, I read Rebekah Borucki's new book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life: Simple 4-Minute Meditations for Inspiration, Transformation, and True Bliss.

Tall order, that title. But it works. This book is one part memoire, in which Rebecca, founder of the wholistic lifestyle blog Bexlife.com (with whom I share a book agent, the lovely Wendy Sherman!), digs into her early life, including a childhood wracked with poverty and fundamentalism that discouraged her spirituality for years, bad relationships and a life of general chaos.

These stories lend to Bex's message of the power of meditation. She breaks down the practice into steps that are entirely practical, like how to sit, how to hold your hands and body, and specific scripts you can borrow during your own mindful practice. The approach is digestible without being condescending or cheesy. In other words, it is just another tool to get you on your way.

Have a listen to this awesome interview, in which Bex shares about her own journey, and guides you through a meditation (might not want to try it while driving). 

 

 

On this Like a Mother episode I interview film maker Ginger Gentile, whose latest project is called Erasing Family, a documentary about parental alienation, focused on the now-adult children who grew up without knowing a parent, siblings, or extended family thanks to the wishes of another parent, and likely the motions of a court system.

Parental alienation affects millions of families, with one third of children whose parents divorce or separate losing all contact with one parent. But parental alienation goes beyond missing out on a relationship with one parent. Parental alienation means lost relationships with siblings, extended family and friends. The reasons for this human rights travesty are complex, and unfair court systems, unstable, angry parents can be blamed. 

But to stem parental alienation requires a drastic paradigm shift in this country, one that stops celebrating mothers as the default better parent, a stopping of upholding stay-at-home mothers as superior to working mothers, and gets away from outdated and sexist assumptions that in times of separation, it is best for kids to have one primary home (with the mom), and occasional visit the other parent (the dad, who pays the mom). On all fronts, science has time and again obliterated these notions:

 

Children benefit from bonding with fathers just as much as mothers. 

Stay at home mothers are bad for kids, moms, marriage, the pay gap and economy. 

Working moms are good for mothers' physical and mental wellbeing, marriage, and children. 

Non-custodial parents, who are relegated to "visits" with their children by courts, in 40 percent of cases lose contact with their kids. 

Father absence is associated with a long list of emotional and psychological affects on children. 

Shared parenting, in which children spend at least 40 percent of the time with each parent, is ideal, according to 50 peer reviewed research papers. 

Whether you like it or not, shared parenting, which receives a 70 percent public popularity rating, split equally among men and women, conservatives and progressives, democrats and republics, is quickly being adopted by courts. 

Since 2012, South Dakota, Arizona, Utah, Missouri and Kentucky have passed shared-parenting laws, that start custody negotiations with the presumption of equal time, and this year, 25 are considering bills that would do the same. 

In other words: The world is changing, and if you're not on board with shared parenting, and recognizing the systematic atrocity that is parental alienation, time to get over it. Because faced with it in your own life, you are likely to lose in the face of a court, and if not, but judging society. 

Ginger Gentile produced and directed Erasing Dad, a similar project in Argentina, and herself is the victim of parental alienation at the hands of her parents' divorce.

You can learn more about Erasing Family here, and support this important projecT 

I connected with Ginger through our mutual colleague Terry Brennan, the advocate from Leading Women for Shared Parenting, for whom you can thank for all that incredible legislation taking place around the country.

If you are in New York City, on Wednesday, June 7, I am speaking at Erasing Family's fundraiser event, where you can learn more about the issue and meet Ginger (and me!):

 

                 

 

 

The Kickass Single Mom Grant is a $1,000 gift awarded monthly to a single mom doing something incredible — whether large or small, in her career, business, family, community. The goal is to support women doing amazing things, and share their stories to inspire others. 

June's Kickass Single Mom grant winner Sheri Hopkins, a 35-year-old mom of three daughters, who saw the potential for the black-owned business community in her hometown of San Diego. 

"Even though San Diego is such a diverse city, I felt like there wasn’t a community that my daughters could say looked like them," Hopkins wrote in her grant application. "Speaking to business owners, they stated no one supported them and eventually their business failed or they were struggling to hold on." Last year, she founded the business association, Black San Diego.

With a friend, Hopkins started compiling a list of local businesses owned by African Americans, and hosting networking events that attract more than 200 people, and a Facebook community, that today has more than 2,600 members. Sheri's 15-year-old daughter helps run the events, where she meets and is sometimes mentored by members. 

Hopkins, an accountant, realized that many of her peers struggled with the basics of entrepreneurship, like bookkeeping, getting business licenses and insurance. She plans to use the grant to create binders and a website with this information, and checklists that business owners can use to establish and grow their enterprises. Future plans include related seminars, and eventually a co-working / incubator for black-owned San Diego businesses. 

"I want my daughters to grow up seeing that they can be anything," Hopkins says. In addition to working fulltime as an accounting director for a property management firm, Hopkins works out daily (rising at 4:15 a.m.!), being active in her church, chauffeuring her daughters to sports and other activities, and her favorite stress-relief activity: roller blading.

To learn more:

Black San Diego 

The Kickass Single Mom Grant 

 

 

 

 

Hundreds of non-profits and government agencies have struggled to permanently turn around rates of sexually transmitted diseases — with little lasting success. But a new startup headed by two female Millennials may be the answer.

MyLabBox is an at-home diagnosis testing that promises accurate testing for sexually transmitted infections for the anonymous privacy of your own home — and for the same or lower cost than going to a physician's office or laboratory. Co-founders Lora Ivanova and  Ursula Hessenflow have raised more than half a million dollars in seed funding to bring to market what it says is the most comprehensive home STD testing service in the United States — a service that could move the needle on a massive public health issue, as well as tap into a profitable market. 

Last year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's STD surveillance report announced that the rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis — the three most commonly reported STDs in the nation — jumped between 2014 and 2015, reaching an all-time high. During that period, syphilis rose by 19 percent, gonorrhea by 12.8 percent, and chlamydia cases rose by 5.9 percent — all diseases treated by antibiotics.

Meanwhile, nearly half of Americans between the ages of 18 and 59 are infected with genital human papillomavirus, or HPV, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, which notes that high-risk strains of this sexually transmitted disease are carried by 25 percent of men and 20 percent of women, and cause about 31,000 cases of cancer each year. Genital herpes affects one in six U.S. adults under age 50, and while HIV diagnoses overall are down, they jumped dramatically between 2005 and 2015 for black and Latino gay men — and youth in particular. Overall, it is estimated that half of the U.S. adult population will be infected by at least one STD.

Failure to stem these infections includes lack of sex education, the cost, shame and inconvenience of regular testing, that sexually transmitted disease still carries great taboo. Plus, the sudden prevalence of online dating means that people are sleeping with people far outside their natural social circles, and disease follows. MyLabBox addresses all of these issues.

"Most people are not talking about STDs, and if we're not talking about it, we're not getting tested," said Ivanova, who points out that about 80 percent of people infected with STDs do not display symptoms. "Today, in 2017, this part of our lives is so far behind. It is time we catch up with the advances of technology and e-commerce."

MyLabBox tests for individual diseases start at $79, and go up to $399 for a full schedule of STD tests — rates Ivanova says are about half of what you would pay for in a doctor's office, without insurance. "Not only is going to a doctor's office more expensive, but it also takes more time, and people can feel embarrassed," she says. "Plus, if you're tested in an office, it is less private since your diagnosis is shared with the Insurance Information Bureau, which can affect your rates in the future — all of which prevents people from getting tested." MyLabBox tests require users to collect samples by either urine, a swab, or a small finger prick of blood wiped on a paper. Mail in the kit, and receive an email with a link to a secure portal within eight days. The fee includes shipping, a specialized physician consultation and referral, if needed, as well as a prescription when appropriate — none of which come with the co-pay that are typica in a traditional physician-office experience.

Despite the seemingly obvious business opportunity and positive initial sales results, MyLabBox has faced its unique challenges, Ivanova says. Potential investors (male), have made inappropriate comments to the female co-founders, such as, "So, which of you is infected?" ("We learned to laugh about it," Ivanova says.), as well as being temporarily blocked from Google Adwords for being a sex toy vendor when an early promotion included sex lube. Twitter banned the company because, Ivanova says, it flagged the startup as a being a sex company, since MyLabBox did not fit into its categories or nonprofit organization, nor medical laboratory. "Public platforms have the power of sensorship, and can decide what messages can reach the public, and in some cases, the public suffers," Ivanova says. 

Is MyLabBox, based in Los Angeles, that can turn the tide, and change the conversation around sexually transmitted infection, and, ultimately culture around routine STI testing?

"Routine testing is not part of our culture because it is not easily accessible," says Ivanova, who says that most people should test every six months, including those in monogamous relationships, since infidelity is so common. "It is like teeth brushing — it only became part of our culture when it became easy and affordable to do it at home. If you had to go to the dentist every time you wanted to brush, it would never happen. By making things more comprehensive and accessible is how culture changes."

Ladies!! I am two months in to the Kickass Single Mom project (I grant $1,000 monthly to a mom who is doing incredible things — whether in business, community service, her family, politics, the arts ... essentially a mom who is awesome and inspires me). I am honored to have received more than 1,600 applicants, heard so many amazing stories from 1,600+ gorgeous moms, I have to tell you — I'M OVERWHELMED! Talk about Sophie's Choice ...

This month's winner jumped out with her candor, remarkable story, and positive attitude. She wrote:

My name is Shawnta Creech and I'm a kick*ss mommy! In 2009, I was a homeless mother of two, living in the one of the worst shelters in Washington, D.C. That year, after being homeless and not receiving proper treatment for severe asthma, I went into complete respiratory failure and underwent emergency tracheostomy surgery. Doctors told me I would be in the hospital for six months before they even began to consider taking me off life support... but this momma is a fighter. I had to get back to my babies. After only ONE month, I was released from Washington Hospital, and I have been fighting ever since.

With God at the head of my life, and my support system by my side (my daughters), I have managed to pursue my dreams of becoming a chef, and will successfully complete the culinary arts program at Carlos Rosario International Public Charter School here in DC. Serving and blessing people through food is a true passion of mine. I have a following of people who have fallen in love with a delicious chipotle salad dressing/marinade that I have developed. Even my chef instructor and his chef wife who co-own a successful delicatessen are in love this my dressing. He truly believes in me and has suggested that I look into getting my dressing bottled and in production, as well as granted me use of the school's commercial kitchen for production.

My goal is to see my dressing in stores. I would use this blessing to apply for the necessary trademarks, and licensing from D.C. Then, if there was anything left over, I would take my babies out for a "fancy" meal. Those two little princesses have had to sacrifice sooo much because of my health issues, and they never complain. I don't have the monetary funds to buy them the newest or the most expensive things, but they genuinely appreciate what they have. They are my BIGGEST cheerleaders, this legacy I am building is for them. The day the doctors had to give me this trach, it was their little faces I saw, it was them that I held onto. They believe in me, and I know that this dressing is our ticket to a better life.

BAM! You get $1,000!

Have a listen to the podcast interview in which Shawnta tells me about how she went from a middle-class government worker, to homeless single mom of two babies, first living with relatives, then in shelters, for years before her near-death health crisis snapped her into action to making a better life for her family. Today Shawnta and her daughters live in safe apartment, she will graduate with her culinary degree next month, scoring 97 percent and higher on all tests, and missing only one day of class. I love how she speaks so passionately about the people along her journey who supported her in small and large ways, and most especially about how passionately and lovingly she speaks about FOOD!

I asked her by email to share about her kids. This is what she wrote:

Niya, 12, is so creative and helpful. Her confidence is amazing! I can remember being so insecure in middle school, especially 7th grade, but not her. Unlike most girls her age, she actually acts like a 12 year old, lol. She isn't into being grown or acting "fast," as we call it. She loves writing music, she wants to learn piano, loves creating fashionable clothes for her dolls. She likes Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Princess movies and she will read almost any novel she can get her hands on. She is doing great... thriving. She's a tough cookie, a kickbutt kid.

Kira, 11, is my outspoken songbird. She has the most amazing singing voice. Her teacher overheard her singing and suggested she tryout for the upcoming talent show. She did, and yesterday we found out she made it! She is such a sweetheart, and she wears her heart on her sleeve. She is so caring, even those "$0.40 a day can save a child" commercials can sometimes bring her to tears. At the same time, she is so spunky. She loves STEM, and Legos are LIFE for her. My love for cooking has rubbed off on her also, she aspires to be a chef/singer/veterinarian/meteorologist, lol. She's doing great, full of life. She too is a tough cookie, a kickbutt kid :)

In the application, Shawnta said she "would ultimately like to open a restaurant where I can offer meaningful internships to young culinarians, helping the future generations of chefs get their foot in the door."

In the application, Shawnta said she "would ultimately like to open a restaurant where I can offer meaningful internships to young culinarians, helping the future generations of chefs get their foot in the door."

 

You can see some of her amazing culinary creations on her Instagram feed, or her website for Gifted Hands Catering.      Interested? Apply for the Kickass Single Mom Grant.      Learn about Kickass Single Mom Grant winner Jennifer Little, founder of the Little Hands Book Bank in Texas.