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Chris and Melissa talk about people tweeting "thoughts & prayers" and someone calls Melissa to offer her a cruise!

Chris and Melissa are over everything and only want to talk for 15 minutes about life being terrible.

We're back after a 2-week hiatus! Chris talks about his time in China, and the multiple women (who were surprisingly not prostitutes) that washed him. Melissa talks about her flight to Michigan with a cat, the upcoming Pistol Shrimps documentary, and the speech she gave to a Mormon college in Utah. 

Chris and Melissa talk about sugar daddy dating websites and whether or not Melissa would be on one. They also discuss if Amy Schumer is a joke stealer, and Melissa reminisces of the days when Amy followed her on Twitter. 

Chris tells us about his time in Texas, almost buying crack via credit card, hanging out with a girl who got arrested for stabbing someone, and his philosophy on never going home with townies. Melissa talks about the documentary being made about her basketball team.

Chris and guest Adiamond start off the show without Melissa, because she couldn't find her keys. She eventually shows up and they discuss how important Instagram is, and play a new game "If you get Blackjack you don't have to answer the question." Only one of us gets a Blackjack.

Chris and Melissa discuss Making A Murderer and find the lost voicemails of Teresa Halbach's ex-boyfriend, the terrible screeners SAG sent them, crazy bitches, Tyga is a pedophile, Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, and all the D-list actors Melissa dated.

Chris and Melissa discuss Jim Carrey's gf's suicide, a girl who faked being dead to break up with Chris, Melissa's 3 weeks in Scientology, and old dudes dating teenagers.

Chris & Melissa discuss stealing organic bananas via self-check-out, the highs and lows of being an entertainer, texting PRESSED JUICE GIRL NOOOO, hanging out with Melly Mel, why teenage Vine stars will become alcoholics, and Melissa helps Chris fix his computer.

Chris & Melissa discuss comedian Steve Rannazzisi's lie about being in one of the towers on 9/11, their stocks, Nicole Arbour, Melissa's video of Taylor Swift possibly doing coke, and a PRESSED JUICE GIRL UPDATE!