Little Feet Community

You and your husband decide to get a divorce, how do you tell the kids? We spoke to Dr. Andrew Rosen PHD, ABPP, FAACP to find out how to tell your kids you are getting divorces, how to get divorced without hurting your child and much more. Dr. Rosen founded the Center for Treatment of Anxiety and Mood Disorders.

Diversity Equity & Inclusion is under attack, so we spoke to Dr. Iheoma Iruka about why it is important, in early childhood education, especially in predominantly white communities. If your classroom is mostly white, we talked about how to raise children who will be allies. Iruka also addresses the challenges faced by white teachers in diverse classrooms and suggests strategies for building relationships and fostering empathy. She highlights the significance of Head Start, which supports children and families holistically, and advocates for inclusive curricula and materials.

Dr. Iruka is a tenured professor in the Department of Maternal Child Health at the University of North Carolina Gillings School of Global Public Health. Dr. Iruka is adjunct professor in the Department of

Public Policy and the founding director of the Equity Research Action Coalition at the Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute at UNC. Dr. Iruka is an applied developmental psychologist who is focused on ensuring that racially minoritized children and children from low-income households thrive through anti-bias, anti-racist, and culturally grounded mixed methods approaches. Dr. Iruka is co-author of We Are the Change We Seek and Don't Look Away: Embracing the Anti-Bias Classroom.

Running a classroom in a predominantly white community, educators have the ethical and moral responsibility to educate their white students to be global citizens who embrace diversity, equitable practices and inclusive behaviors. Educators can achieve this through diverse and equitable curriculum and classroom environment choices, such as:

Variety of color in human representation such as baby dolls, toy figures, classroom decorations and books.

Go further and ensure that the people of color are not in subservient roles. For example, not the servants for the kings and queens. Instead in roles of import such as the pilot and the train driver rather than the porter and the mechanic.

With gender equity in mind, have female figures as police officers, mechanics, doctors. Linguistically, dont gender these roles with terms such as fireman; use firefighter instead.

Consider transportation and vehicle exposure Are tractors common in the child's environment? Perhaps taxis and buses are more common. Ensure that the child's community is represented but that other, more diverse, communities are also represented.

Consider home dwelling types Is there a dollhouse in the classroom? Is the family presented there a more traditional composition or more in line with our modern society? When communities are built in the block area, are apartment buildings created or only suburban dwellings?

Do not read books that stereotype People of Color and women. Alter the words if a book is beneficial in other ways but has an element or two that is no longer appropriate. For example, many books featuring vehicles use the male pronoun for most, if not all, the vehicles. This can be changed while reading aloud.

During play, use names and words that do not fall into the traditional English category. For example, if seeking to use an N name in an example to the children, choose Nakima or Norleys over Nicole.

Music…where possible, play the original version of a popular song for children rather than the Kid-version. Oftentimes the kid version strips the song of its important ethnic qualities and culturally representative instrumentation.

Immigrant families live under a tremendous amount of stress in the United States of America, especially right now. In this episode, we speak with Bolivian American licensed professional counselor Yesseinia Arias and Dominican American Ana Victoria Morales, both daughters of immigrant parents. Morales shares her history with ICE and offers advice for families currently at risk of separation and deportation. Together, Arias and Morales make a case for stress management and open communication within the family unit.

Our podcast featuring advice for helping kids navigate difficult current events: Talking to Kids about Tough Subjects with Little Feet Community

Resources for Immigrant Families and their Allies:

• United We Dream
• Know Your Rights
• Preparedness Packet
• Immigrant Legal Resource Center
• Immigrant Defense Project
• ACLU Planning Kit
• Brooklyn Defenders
• National Immigration Law Center (NILC): Visit the National Immigration Law Center (NILC) website for information on immigrant rights.
• New York Legal Assistance Group (NYLAG): Visit the New York Legal Assistance Group (NYLAG) website for information on what to do after a loved one is detained by ICE.
• Freedom for Immigrants: Call Freedom for Immigrants at 385-212-4842 or visit their website for more information.
• ICIRR's Family Support Hotline: Call ICIRR's Family Support Hotline: 1-855-HELP-MY-FAMILY (1-855-435-7693).
• ICE ERO Detention, Removals and Information Line (DRIL): Call 1-888-351-4024.
• ICE Website: Visit the ICE website for more information on detention conditions.

Children's Books:

Here are some titles that can help families address the subjects of immigration as well as stress. Some titles recommended courtesy of Mai Storybook Library on Instagram

Dreamers by Yuyi Morales

The Arabic Quilt by Aya Khalil

Gibberish by Young Vo

Words Between Us by Angela Pham Krans

The Interpreter by Olivia Abtahi

Not Far From Here by Nydia Armenia-Sánchez

Watercress by Andrea Wang

Rostam's Picture-Day Pusteen by Ryan Bani Tahmaseb

Homeland by Hannah Moushabeck

I Dream of Popo by Alivia Blackburne

Eleven Words for Love by Randa Abdul-Rattan

A Boy From Mexico by Edwards Dennis

Islandborn by Juno's Díaz

The Worry Monster by Dr. Catherine Cook-Cottone

Ruby Finds A Worry by Tom Percival

Something Happened to My Dad by Anna Hazzard

I Wish I Knew by Jackie Azúa Kramer and Magdalena Mora

What to Do When the News Scares You: A Kid's Guide to Understanding Current Events by Jacqueline B. Toner

There are many ways to parent a child. What do you do if your style is at odds with others? In this episode we speak with Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Perinatal Mental Health Counselor (PMH-C) Kate Kripke. Kripke has worked supporting mothers and families for more than 20 years in various organizations and settings, most recently as the founding director of the Postpartum Wellness Center in Boulder, Colorado. Kate Kripke is author of Reinventing Supermom:Support and Strategies for New Mothers Who Feel Lost and is the host of Motherhood Uncut, a weekly unscripted podcast where she candidly explores all facets of motherhood.

In this episode, we have a conversation about different parenting styles, acknowledging that there is overlap between styles and that parental stress can lead you away from the style you may prefer to fall into. Kripke also offers some advice for what to do when your family dynamics vary greatly from others in your life.

Takeaways:

• There are four basic parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, neglectful and authoritative.
• Authoritative is widely considered the most healthy parenting style, featuring a combination of warmth, boundaries and flexibility while still making it clear that the parents are in charge. Children of authoritative parents know what is expected of them. Their parents explain reasons for the rules and consequences for breaking them. Parents also listen to their child's opinions, but the parent remains the ultimate decision maker.
• If parents are not taking care of themselves, they will be easily triggered in hard parenting moments. Periods (or even days) where you find yourself stressed and depleted can lead to a more authoritarian or neglectful parenting style. Self care is essential to ensure you are showing up as the best parent you can be for your children.
• Authoritarian parenting can come from a place of fear or perceived threat. It is oftentimes not a conscious choice of style.
• Speak openly with your children about experiences where a different parenting approach may have led to your child feeling uncomfortable or uncertain. Open communication can help them work through those feelings and experiences.
• It's a good idea to have a conversation with the other parent in your life if you feel truly uncomfortable with the choice they have made. For example, "Hey, I just have noticed that we parent our kids differently, and I want to make sure you know that these are the choices I'm going to be making with my kiddo, and it may be different than yours. Do you have any questions?"
• The more comfortable and accepting we are of the decisions that we're making for our children and our families, the less likely we are to judge other parents for their choices or practices.
• The kids that do the best in life are children who are raised by parents and families where there's A focus on values rather than rules. So saying, "Our family really values kindness. So when we're talking to people, we say please and thank you, and we look them in the eye."

Have you ever referred to your kid as the shy one, what about the bossy one? In this episode of Little Feet Community podcast, we will discuss personality types with psychotherapist, best-selling author and national media commentator Niro Feliciano. We discuss personality tendencies present at birth and how experiences, as well as nurturing, influences how a personality evolves. Niro is the author of the TODAY.com column "Is This Normal?" as well as This Book Won't Make You Happy: 8 Keys to Finding True Contentment. Her second book, All is Calm…ish will be released for the 2025 holiday season.

Takeaways:

• While some personality traits are present at birth, external factors influence their development throughout stages of life.
• Avoid labeling your child with negative personality definitions such as shy, bossy, and moody. Help your child identify the positive aspects and nurture your child's emotional growth.
• If you find you feel triggered by one of your child's personality traits, reflect. Work to ensure that your own unhealed traits are not impacting how you nurture your child.
• Physiological traits can influence personality development. Recognize and nurture these traits.
• Some facets of a personality trait will prove to be challenges in your child's life, but the same trait is also going to be a strength.

In this episode of Little Feet Community podcast, we speak with author and clinical physchologist Dr. Emily Edlynn about critical areas of child development that impact self confidence. We discuss Dr. Edlynn's publication Autonomy Supportive Parenting, a user friendly guide that offers easy to implement action items and techniques that will help support strengthened confidence and autonomy for your child (and your students). Her book is a must read for all those working with children. She is also one of the hosts of Psychologists Off the Clock, a podcast about the science and practice of living well.

Takeaways:

So, research shows that it's important to support a child in three essential categories:

• helping your child develop autonomy
• helping your child develop competence and a feeling of agency, (I love Emily's quote, "Competence breeds competence.")
• helping your child feel truly connected, valued, with a sense of belonging in their relationships.

Remember, by implementing practices that strengthen autonomy, you can enable your child to feel confident making choices, confidence embracing their freedoms, agency to to explore new things and take on challenges and confidence to live in a manner that aligns with their own personal values. Here was another great Emily quote: "Do less so that they can grow more."

Three good techniques through which to develop these goals is

• helping your child develop a healthy relationship with mistakes, accepting that they are a part of learning and growing.
• use language that validates their misgivings, feelings and experiences while also communicating your confidence in their abilities, and
• employing scaffolding techniques to meet them at their current skill level and then nudge them gently beyond that level.

If you are like me, you benefit from real world examples of what these techniques look like. Part 2 of Dr. Edlynn's book, Autonomy Supportive Parenting is chock full of such examples. And, if you order the book through the link we've included in our episode description, a small percentage of the sale will go to the creation of more podcast episodes like this one.

Book link: https://amzn.to/4kmmzfP

Mental health challenges are common and chances are, you or someone you care about lives with this challenge. In this episode, we spoke to Leslie Cohen-Rubury, a psychotherapist, LCSW and podcast host of, "Is My Child A Monster", about how to support your child and educate them about mental health as well as address mental health concerns in the family. Cohen-Rubury discusses strategies for parents to support their children when exposed to unhealthy mental health episodes, the significance of teaching emotional intelligence, modeling healthy behavior, and fostering connection and how to have a relationship with a family member with a mental illness.

Here are some takeaways

• Include age appropriate mental health discussions as you teach your child about emotional intelligence, using developmentally appropriate language and resources.
• If your child is witness to unhealthy behavior, validate the child's feelings and provide emotional support. Studies show that having an ally during bullying or potentially traumatic experience has a positive impact. Put your arm around the child, let them know you are their ally.
• Work to see the positive intention in the person's behavior, also known as dialectic thinking or perspective. Leslie said, "I want to teach my child that there can be two opposing ideas, perspectives or thoughts that can coexist."
• An experience can leave a lasting traumatic response if we avoid facing the impacts of the experience and if we do not process the impact of the experience. Watch for your child avoiding places or people as signs that they may be experiencing some unresolved feelings about experiences. To support your child, try to foster communication techniques so they feel comfortable sharing the experiences, such as the game Roses and Thorns. Most importantly, when your child is sharing, try to listen, rather than react.
• When should a parent share a personal or familial history of mental illness? It's okay to have everyday language around emotional intelligence and mental health challenges from the start. As your child gets older, you can ask if they would like to learn and understand more. For example, "Do you want to know why you can't wear your shoes in their house?"

Kids who practice self care have fewer meltdowns, more giggles and are more likely to grow up to be emotionally intelligent adults. Self-care practices can be taught and modeled to young children. Nora Painten, Director of the Abigail Lundquist Botstein Nursery School at Bard College in New York's Hudson Valley, speaks with host Patty O'Connor about ways to teach self-care at home.

Little Feet Community is an online resource for parents, caregivers, and educators seeking to support healthy growth in young children.

Takeaways:

• It is vital to intentionally care for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
• Self-care is essential for adults and children. Parents should model healthy self-care to kids and understand that it's okay to set boundaries with your kids.
• Self-care is a learned skill. You learn to read your body's responses and your body's needs. Consider using a feelings chart to help kids learn to identify emotions. You can learn what practices are best for relaxing, replenishing your body, and strengthening yourself.
• Daily relaxed dialogue around self-care in the home is recommended. Using "I" messages and "I wonder" phrases such as, "I see you're drinking a healthy drink of water. Water is so good for our bodies."
• Building routines into the day will help children understand their physical needs, i.e., if trying to go to the bathroom before a nap is routine, they will learn to go to the toilet by themselves before napping.
• What works is unique to each child,
• The seven senses are an excellent place to start when looking for activities that will feel nourishing for your child.
• While many think of five senses, sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste - two less-considered senses are related to muscle application and balance. These, too, are critical.

Suggested Tools

Sight

• Find It tube
• Nature walks
• Magnifying glass with a basket of natural objects
• Puzzles
• Painting
• Lava bottles

Sound

• Music
• Rainstick
• Listening to a story
• White noise

Smell

Empty bottles of vanilla extract are a low-cost way to share soothing aromas.

You can also put essential oils in a diffuser. Lavender is very calming.

The smells of baking are as soothing as the smell of homemade play dough.

Aromatic natural objects like pine needles and cones.

Touch

• Soft dry brush
• Massage rollers
• Nature objects
• Fuzzy blankets and toys
• Finger painting
• Fidget Toys

Taste

• Lollipops
• Textural foods or smooth foods
• Seasonings

Proprioceptive (muscle pressure/ regulation)

• Peeling oranges
• cracking open nut cases
• cutting cucumbers using child safe knives.
• Heavy work like carrying groceries
• Stretch bands
• Pillow fights
• Stilt shoes (also great for balance)

Vestibular (balance sense)

• Playground equipment
• Yoga balls
• Tire swings
• Balance board
• Wobble cushion
• Obstacle courses: Stepping stones, more Stepping stones, Balance beam

How do you talk to kids about difficult current events, like the LA Wildfires? How do you field questions about news children may hear discussed around them? How can a parent or caregiver offer appropriate levels of reassurance using words a child can understand?

In this week's episode of Little Feet Community, Dr. Suzanne Button, Clinical Psychologist at The Children's Home in Poughkeepsie, discusses strategies to address complex current events with their children aged three through adolescence.

Dr. Button advises simple, factual explanations and reassurance for young children (3-5 years). She suggests soothing routines and open conversations about fears for slightly older children (6-10 years). Notably, tweens and younger adolescents (10-14 years) benefit from "North Star" questions to develop coping mechanisms. Teenagers (15 years plus) need honesty and validation with collaborative discussions.

Dr. Button also recommends delaying smartphone access and using community support to navigate these challenges, emphasizing the importance of managing one's emotions and seeking help.

Takeaways

When considering what to say to your child about current events, consider three things: I. Your child's developmental level (which may vary from their chronological age), II. Your knowledge of your child's personality and temperament, and III. How close is the event, and how does it impact your child, their family, and their community?

• 3 to 5 years old. Remember that children aged 3-5 still dwell within the age of magical thinking. This means they will believe they have more control over events and outcomes than they do. Therefore, it's imperative to keep your explanation simple and factual and not overshare.
• 6-10 years old. At this age, worry and fear become more normal. Therefore, continue to keep things simple and factual. Don't overshare. However, do leave the door open and listen if the conservation veers towards concerns, questions, or worries. At this age, children tend to worry about their safety. Remember, this is an age where information can easily be misunderstood - so do listen carefully to clarify salient points. Enable them to understand facts and empower them to take appropriate action. At the same time, finding ways to reassure them that they are protected is ideal, as best you can.
• 10-14 years old. It's essential to be honest when speaking to tweens and early teens. This is crucial in maintaining their sense of trust. Give them many choices: how they want to talk and when they want to talk to an adult. Author Mary Pipher sees real value in North Star questions - questions that help the children seek inside themselves for coping mechanisms, challenging them to ponder what they would do if they had to manage a big flood.
• Teens 15+. At this point, young adults have passionate opinions and can smell a lie a mile away. Avoid intense one-off one-on-one conversations that are just about the current topic. Alternatively, broach the topic over routines like doing the dishes or riding in the car. Listen to your teen. They tend to have lots of intense opinions, and they get some of those opinions from social media. Don't dismiss their views. Instead, ask, listen, and validate - then further the conversation. (Dismissing their views will immediately shut down the conversation.)

Finally:

Consider Fred Rogers, who said, "If it's mentionable, it's manageable."

Assume your child knows about the event or news and seek to guide and support their navigation. Exposure to complex topics with guidance and support builds resilience. (Gentle reminder we can all use - repeated, unguided, unprocessed exposure builds numbing trauma and burnout. Also, remember that your stress levels will impact how your child processes their stress. Be mindful of this and model healthy self-care.)

Empower your child to take action to stem anxiety (among other benefits). Gretchen Rubin said that action is the antidote to anxiety. Encourage your child to make actionable choices about supporting or participating in the event's aftermath—for example, collecting aid for those directly impacted or becoming involved in an organization that seeks to prevent such events.

In Closing:

Smartphones: It is highly recommended to delay giving a child a smartphone for as long as possible and to attempt to structure a social community where all agree to Wait Until 8th. Once a child has a Smartphone, make sure you know your child's passwords, make sure you put on screen time controls, make sure that that phone does not charge in your child's bedroom at night, and always set a rule for yourselves and your children that there are no smartphones in dedicated family times such as celebrations. Model limited phone use for your child. Ensure they see you relaxing, reading, and playing in other ways, not just on your phone.