Little Feet Community

How do we talk to kids about death? Unfortunately death is inevitable and when a pet or a grandparent dies your child will have questions. To answer these questions Patty O'Connor spoke to David J Schonfeld, MD, FAAP. Schonfeld established and directs the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement, located at Children's Hospital Los Angeles For over 30 years, Dr. Schonfeld has provided consultation and training to schools on supporting students and staff at times of crisis and loss in the aftermath of numerous school crisis events and disasters within the United States and abroad. Schonfeld is also a Professor of Clinical Pediatrics at Keck School of Medicine.

Key Takeaways:

Don't wait for the "right" moment to discuss death with a child. Do discuss death when an opportunity presents itself organically. If/when the moment presents itself (a pet dies or a child raises a question related to mortality), talk about it then.

Do use words like "death" or "dead". Don't confuse children by saying that the dead person or creature is "sleeping."

When talking about death with kids:

• Use repetitive language
• Use short sentence structure

Four KEY concepts that kids need to understand:

1. Finality. Death is irreversible.
2. Bodies stop. All life functions stop. (This way, a child won't worry about the dead person being hungry or cold in the coffin.)
3. Causality. Children need to understand why people die, which ties into the 4th concept:
4. Inevitability - all living things must die.

Above all:

Know this: It's okay to tell kids if you don't have all the answers and it's okay to get emotional when talking about death.

Jon J Muth is beloved all over the world for his seven books featuring Stillwater the Panda. We spoke to Muth about AI, what led him to write and illustrate his famous children's books like the Stillwater series and his interest in Buddhism. Jon's cat, Hex, was very vocal during the interview.

Muth's many enchanting picture books include his Caldecott Honor Book Zen Shorts, Addy's Cup of Sugar, Stone Soup, and The Three Questions, which the New York Times Book Review called "quietly life-changing." His books have been translated into more than 23 languages and are cherished by readers of all ages. Muth is also renowned in the world of graphic novels. He won an Eisner Award for his paintings in the graphic novel, The Mystery Play by Grant Morrison. He lives in New York State with his wife and their four children.

As we listened to Muth, we were struck by how many things in his youth have led to this beautiful life of creativity and all the literary and artistic gifts he has shared with us.

From an education and parenting viewpoint, we'd like to highlight some takeaways for our listeners to consider.

Muth spoke of how his mother supported his creative exploration.

1. Muth was given art materials with which he was free to create. This type of open-ended exercise in creativity is great for a child. While there are merits to coloring and craft projects with a finished product in mind, the open exploration of materials allows the child to follow their own path of creativity. This empowers the child to believe that they are capable of dreaming up interesting ideas and problem solving how to create them.

2. Muth also said that his mother gave him the freedom to make mistakes. He was given the space to try things out and rework them independently. There was no set idea of what constituted a successful end product.

3. Language is also important as you seek to support the creativity of your child. When Muth showed his work to his mother, she asked questions like "What is this about?", welcoming Muth to describe his work and further consider what he was working to create. Oftentimes, grown ups say phrases like "Good job." We all do it! Yet, by using that phrase we are communicating our approval of their efforts without welcoming them to chat about it and explain what the process was like. It is recommended that, when possible, you respond with questions that will lead to dialogue. For example, when looking at a child's painting, "I see that you chose to put red at the top. And then I see a long line of blues that goes all the way to the bottom. Tell me about that line!"

4. Muth also noted that his mom didn't interfere with his creative process. She held back commentary, allowing him to draw his own conclusions as to what he was working to create.

5. We also love that Muth's' mother exposed him to the work of artists through trips to museums. For Muth, this had a significant impact, leading him to the exploration of other cultures. His mother could not have known which painting, if any, would impact her son. Yet, she made an effort to expose him to it.

6. Muth clearly had time to create and explore his curiosities in childhood. He had ample unscheduled time to explore his interests. In these hurried days, it's a good reminder to slow things down whenever possible.

We sincerely hope you enjoyed this episode with author and artist Jon J Muth.

You are in the supermarket when your two-year old has a meltdown and all eyes are on you, what do you do? Healthy emotional intelligence contributes to resilience, social connection, and empathy. Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Play Therapist Rebecca Lewis speaks with host Patty O'Connor about ways to support little children in managing big feelings.

Little Feet Community is an online resource for parents, caregivers and educators seeking to support healthy growth in young children.

Here are some of the takeaways we discussed in our episode.

• Be mindful of the stage of development your child is in, and consider that while
• managing them.
• Use active and reflective listening techniques, using phrases like "I see" and "I
• wonder."
• Voice modulation: if you are an adult, think about the tone of your voice.
• Sometimes, parents offer a choice when there isn't one. If no option exists, avoid
• the impulse to add "okay?" at the end—this might imply that dialogue is possibly
• an option.
• Be consistent.
• Set a good example with personal self-care.
• Reading books together can facilitate conversation between you and your child, here are some book recommendations:
• When Sophie Gets Angry
• Pip's Magic
• Ruby Finds A Worry
• The Rabbit Listened
• Create a coping "toolkit" of strategies - i.e., deep breathing, blowing bubbles,
• fidgets. Find what works for your child. For example, drinking through a straw can
• calm some kids down. For more active kids try wall push-ups.
• There are no "bad" emotions.
• When a child is in an emotionally dysregulated state, don't attempt to reason with
• them.
• Use play scenarios to help kids work out issues.
• Have a feelings poster.
• Reflect with your child on what happened afterward – when they are calmer.

Join us as we help children navigate their emotions, teach self care, and learn how to address tough subjects with your kids. Ms Patty will help you to trust your parental ability to enable your children to see miracles - as imaginations unspool.

Join the conversation with therapists, educators, artists, and more.