CONFESSIONS UNTOLD (REVISED)

I remember the cold nights,

when the wind howled louder than my voice, curled tiny in corners, fleeing a hero-predator 
turned rogue. The one who praised
my silence for being my best act as he pressed
his manhood against my innocence, leaving bruises I hid but wore like battle scars.

I remember the sharp blades and blunt
needles on those blurred days,

passed out wasted from an exhausting pain,
lost in alleys where my haunted mind lurked,
numbing emotions, clawing to forget, sinking
deeper into an endless pit, ghosts
of his touch grinding against my spine

Like the jagging of a million dust pieces of glass!

I remember when he cast me out, branding me- not like the other “normal” ones; when he 
squeezed my hand in public to watch me flinch,
when they lit fires meant to hollow me
from the inside, demanding quiet tears,
denying rights, denying me the chance to be woman,
and whole of life.

I remember the cuffs of pain and anger,
binding my will to death’s doorway, rage
coiling in my throat on days
I could barely breathe, yet whispered I’m fine.
and When they laid me to rest, I wailed 
not in surrender ,

but from an aching
for silence they could nolonger dictate,

And a story they held no plot to.

But HEAR me now!
Sad as is,

that all I do is reminisce, listening
to their false regrets, their sorry fate speeches- claiming it could have been different if I spoke, if I listened and submitted,
though they stitched forced silence into my tongue,
watched me drown in anguish,
until death felt like mercy and release.

Somehow,

my story lives in every woman’s throat,
no longer soft,

no longer still.
My final plea is not for peace
but for a reckoning,
for the echo of our rage
to shake the world awake!

~ Ndiba Kellen~

💜💜💜

OH DEAR OCTOBER

Oh, dear October,when autumn’s breath delivered meboth beauty and beast,you taught me to love,

Carefree and wild,like the winds tormenting cherry blossoms.

You held me with grace,and I melted at winter’s first crack of ice.You brewed me a love,and I drank the poison of a thousand years.

You commanded the game,and I spun the Russian roulette without thought.You whispered forever,and I clung to each promiseuntil the last leaf fell,

its thud louder than truth.

The world you painted with beautyhas now rotted beneath the willow treewhere I weep, hope, bleedfor one moment of relieffrom the winter you broughtto my heat-stroked August.

Oh dear October,how you have scammed me of a grace once true,of a love once beautiful,of a beast once precious.

And now all I can do is hopethat your heart remembers meand in my tides of forever silenced tears,you might find meworthy of your affection again.

~Ndiba Kellen~

A whole lot of delicious, YUM!

There is a hush that follows her words,
the kind that settles into thought rather than silence,
where meaning lingers, rich and calmly

like honey finding its shape on the tongue.

Her beauty is obvious, yes!
the kind that light cannot help but chase,
but it’s her mind that undresses the world
and paints it new each time she utters.

Every idea she births feels like an echo
of something I have always known but never mastered to name,
And mid her pauses, and sweet shrugs,

even there, 
I hear the rhythm of understanding,
the art of someone who listens to existence itself.

If brilliance had a scent,
it would be her quiet laughter between philosophies, and tokens of passions so alive,
And if thought could take form,
it would rest in the curve of her stunning smile.

Because she is not just beautiful, 
She is a bloom of thinking,
and that is the most exquisite thing of all!

~Ndiba Kellen ~

I have a friend who is not quite
“My friend” yet, or so we claim it.
Their smile hides a secret stamina
I’ve yet to touch,
and my hands itch at the thought of a spark
that flares up my little throbs.

There’s a light burning alive in their eyes
that keeps me fascinated;
I hold my breath, relentlessly,
convincingly,
on the possibility of “friend?.”

For what am I to do with this beauty
embodied in a frame too sexy?
Laugh? Blush?
Fuck?
Friends?!

I tell myself,
if I settle for “friends,”
I miss my mark,
I miss my chance.
Yet I can listen for hours on end,
even as the night wears me thin,
whilst their voice mends every shredded fiber,
turning my “why” into deep red wine,
making me high on thought
from the mention of my name lingering on their perfect dental.

They bud my desires
on an earth almost barren of love.
So how do I love them
and get to keep them?

Eat my cake and have it!

Friend, lover, or foe?
Until time feels like 
a forever just long enough

~Ndiba Kellen~

YEARNING FOR A MUSE

I’m not asking for the world,

only you!

Come to my doorstep soaked in rain, muddy footgear and a tangled mane, invade my quiet heart with everything YOU are, because meeting you feels like stepping into a bath of sensuality, yet the depth that your aura whispers compares to thunder behind silk.

Your silhouette carries a harmonious ambiance, drooling into your creativity, seeping beneath my doorway, and clasping itself in my ribcage.

There’s security in your demeanor,and conviction in your vastness, a light house holding steady against a storm,

Like riding a Vespa through crowded Sicily, dualities folding into a third dimension, three selves balanced like constellations drawn on wet skin on starless nights,

So come in,

leave dripping footprints across my floors, I’ll buy carpets in your favorite color, just to map where your energy wandered/where certainty paused to breathe.

because you embody effortlessly what others spend whole lives mastering.

I’ll bruise my heart again if it means standing in the doorway,

watching you bloom under storm-cloud hair, watching your aura hum like electricity,

watching assurance sit on your shoulders like a crown no one taught you to wear.

So please,

Come soaked, come unfiltered,come heavy with the weight of who YOU ARE,and I shall have everything I PRAYED FOR

Ndiba_Kellen

This is not an attempt to get bedded, but trust me , the thought has legs and they open wide 😌