Livd Divorce Stories

Moses had the staff of God in his hand, and his arms still got tired. So sis, what makes you think you can do this alone?

Welcome to the very first BA Side, the faith based Bible study companion to Livd Divorce Stories podcast. BA stands for Biblical Application. We take a Livd Truth from the podcast, open the Word of God, and talk about what it means for real life. Not church talk. Real life talk.

Last week Tonya Poindexter told us to stop being so strong and stop keeping people at arm's length. Liv takes that truth to Exodus 17, where Aaron and Hur hold up Moses' arms until sunset, then to the garden of Gethsemane, where even Jesus asked His friends to stay near, and then to 7th Avenue and 27th Street, where she had a meltdown the day she knew her marriage was over. And above every person on her Board of Directors, she has the ONE who knew all her stuff and died for her anyway.

3 Key Takeaways

Tired is not the same as failing. Moses didn't fail. He got tired. Aaron and Hur didn't fight his battle or take his staff. They gave him a rock to sit on and held him up.

Isolation is the enemy's strategy. A lion doesn't charge the whole herd. It waits for the one who wandered off alone, tired, thinking she's got it.

Getting help is not weak faith. A therapist, a doctor, medication, the friend who answers at 2:34am. Those are your Aaron and your Hur too.

#LivdTruth: "You can't do battle by yourself. You were never designed to. You need community. You heal in community."

- Liv Lewis

Your assignment: ask yourself who your Aaron and Hur are, then text them today. Not when you're drowning. Today.

This episode talks about depression. If you're in crisis, call or text 988 in the US.

Scripture in this episode (NLT)

• Exodus 17:8 to 16: Aaron and Hur hold up Moses' arms at Rephidim

• Matthew 26:38: Jesus asks His friends to keep watch in Gethsemane

• Luke 22:43: an angel strengthens Jesus in the garden

• 1 Peter 5:8: the enemy prowls like a roaring lion

• Ecclesiastes 4:12: a triple braided cord is not easily broken

Also mentioned: Exodus 5 to 12, Exodus 14, Exodus 33:11

Missed Tonya's episode? Go back and listen, then pick up her book, ⁠The Aftermath: What Nobody Tells Black Women About Life After Divorce

For additional support:

• Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

• IG: @livdstories
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/⁠⁠

She qualified for the house on her own. She paid the mortgage on her own. The judge still told her to sell it and split it fifty fifty.

Liv sits down with Tonya Poindexter, author of The Aftermath: What Nobody Tells Black Women About Life After Divorce, two decades of federal service behind her, chamber of commerce chair, mother of three, grandmother of five. The woman everybody else leans on. And the woman who, by her own admission, has never told this story out loud until now.

Tonya takes us to the closing table, where the title company asked her twice if she was sure about putting his name on the deed. Her gut said no. She said yes anyway, to keep the peace. She calls it the biggest mistake of her life. Liv gets real right back, on paying spousal support, on the friend who said “girl, pay him, you make more,” and on walking down the aisle already crying and calling it joy.

Two different marriages. Two different states. Same landing place.

This is not a conversation about who was wrong. It is about what stayed attached after the judge was done, and what it costs a woman to find out too late. Expect laughter and some tears, Sis. Both are welcome here. You’re going to want to sit with this one.

3 Things You’ll Take Away:

1. Your Name on the Mortgage Did Not Make It Your House

You qualified on your own. You made every payment on your own. You assumed that meant something. Tonya assumed it too, right up until a judge told her to sell the house she had been holding for her children and her grandchildren, and hand over half. What she learned about how her state actually treats property will make you go read your own paperwork tonight.

2. The Pause Was Trying to Save You

They asked her twice at that closing table. Are you sure. Something in her said no, and she overrode it to avoid an argument she did not feel like having. She calls it betraying herself. If you have ever gone along to keep the peace in a room full of documents, this part of the conversation will sit on your chest in the best way.

3. Being Strong Will Not Protect You From the Aftermath

She did not cry. She did not turn up. She felt numb, and she spent a long time thinking that meant something was wrong with her. Tonya names what the aftermath actually is: not who you were before the marriage, not who you were inside it, a whole new person you have to build from scratch. Six months, six years, or the rest of your life. There is no calendar, and nobody hands you one.

For additional support:

• Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

• IG: @livdstories
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/⁠⁠

Connect with Tonya Poindexter

• The Book: The Aftermath: What Nobody Tells Black Women About Life After Divorce

• LinkedIn: Tonya Poindexter
• Instagram: @writer_queent
• LinkedIn: Write Touch Publishing
• Instagram: @writetouchpublishing
• Facebook: Write Touch Publishing

You listened to Amanda's episode. And maybe something in you recognized her story as your own.

This is the bonus you didn't know you needed.

After wrapping that interview, Liv had one more thing to say. Not to everyone. To the specific woman sitting with the question: can I do it?

If you know you need to exit but haven't found the courage yet, this short and honest message is for you. No fluff. No pressure. Just truth, love, and a reminder that the strength you're looking for? It's already yours.

Takeaway:

The tension between knowing you have to leave and actually leaving is real, it's common, and it doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. And when you get to the other side, Liv promises you this: it won't even feel like it was as hard as it felt in the moment. Because you'll be standing in a completely different life, knowing you chose yourself.

What happens when the healer needs healing? This episode is one for the archives, fam.

Liv sits down with Amanda Thomas, licensed psychotherapist, TikTok truth teller, and woman who spent 20 years in a marriage quietly disappearing into it. Amanda gets breathtakingly honest about what it means to be the one who studies relationships for a living and still miss every sign happening inside her own home. She wasn't being hit. Nobody was cheating. What she was navigating was something far more invisible and far more common: marriage death by a thousand cuts.

This conversation goes deep into the places we don't always name. The body holding what the mind won't admit. The jaw clenching at night. The neck that never stops aching. The moment you realize you've been living in the dark just to love someone who wasn't choosing you back. Amanda opens up about her silent retreats, the message that changed everything ("the healer needs healing"), and what life looks like now that she has finally, fully chosen herself.

If you've ever felt that pressure in your chest and told yourself it wasn't that bad, this episode is your exhale. This is not a conversation about whether to stay or leave. It is about having enough information to make an informed decision, and knowing that whatever that next step is, you are not alone in it.

You're going to want to sit with this one.

3 Things You'll Take Away:

1. Your Body Has Been Trying to Tell You Something

You've been pushing through, holding it together, keeping it moving. Amanda did too. But years of stress, emotional suppression, and navigating a difficult marriage had a plan of its own. What happened to her body once she finally reached safety will make you rethink everything you've been calling "fine."

2. It Doesn't Have to Be Dramatic to Be Real

No affair. No violence. Just a slow, quiet erosion that took 20 years to name. Amanda calls it marriage death by a thousand cuts and the response from women across TikTok says everything. If you've ever minimized your pain because there was no single moment to point to, this conversation gives language to what emotional neglect actually feels like from the inside.

3. She Said She's Better Than She Ever Imagined

Not okay. Not surviving. Better than she ever imagined. Amanda is a licensed therapist, a community builder, and a woman who spent two decades choosing everyone but herself. Hear what healing after divorce, reclaiming your identity, and finally choosing yourself actually looks and feels like on the other side.

For additional support:

• Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

• IG: @livdstories
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/⁠

Connect with Amanda Thomas

IG:@audaciousblackgirl

TikTok: @.just_manda

SubStack: Marriage Death By A Thousand Cuts

What does it actually look like to do the work after leaving? Not the leaving itself, but the long, unglamorous, necessary process of figuring out who you are, what you want, and why you kept choosing the wrong thing in the first place?

In Part 2 of this two-part episode, Rhona Vega picks up where she left off and takes us deeper into the healing side of her story. After two marriages, two divorces, and a cross-country move to safety, Rhona finally sat down with a therapist and started peeling back layers she did not even know were there. What she found was not weakness. It was a woman who had never been taught how to date, never been given a checklist, never been shown what a healthy relationship actually looked like, and who had been quietly assigning meaning to trauma and calling it normal her whole life.

This episode gets into the real work of post-divorce healing and what it takes to break generational patterns in relationships. Rhona talks about joining a community that introduced her to self-worth and self-value in a way no one had before. She shares what it felt like to meet a man who was genuinely kind and why that scared her. She opens up about her daughter asking why he was so nice to her mother, and what that question revealed about the damage that had quietly been done.

Rhona also shares the unexpected discovery at 50 that reframed her entire sense of identity, why she still considers herself a work in progress, and what boundaries, self-care, and grace have come to mean to her now.

If you are somewhere in the middle of starting over and wondering when the hard part ends, this episode is your permission slip to go slower, go deeper, and choose yourself first.

If you have not listened to Part 1 yet, start there. This story is even more powerful from the beginning.

Key Takeaways:

1. Healing has to go backward before it goes forward. Rhona's therapy work required revisiting childhood images and experiences she had normalized. Until she understood where her relationship patterns were rooted, she could not stop repeating them.
2. You cannot attract what you have not become. A community Rhona found in New Jersey introduced her to the idea that the person you want to attract requires you to first do the work of becoming that person yourself. That shift changed everything.
3. Kindness can feel threatening when control has been your norm. When Rhona met her third husband, his consistency and gentleness felt foreign. Her daughter even asked why he was so nice to her mother. That question was a window into how deeply the previous relationships had shaped what felt safe and familiar.
4. Boundaries are not a personality trait, they are a practice. Rhona did not arrive at boundaries naturally. She built them intentionally through therapy, community, self-reflection, and a commitment to stop caretaking everyone else at the expense of herself.
5. Your story is not a collection of failures. It is a map. Rhona closed with the reminder that every low point carried a lesson, and that grace, not bitterness, is what allowed her to look back at two difficult marriages and say she left, took her power back, and is still here to talk about it.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 (or your local emergency number). Additional resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 confidential support and safety planning): ⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠
• WomensLaw.org (state-by-state legal info on restraining orders, custody, divorce, and more): ⁠https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse⁠

For additional support:

• Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

• IG: @livdstories
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/⁠

What does it actually look like to leave a marriage when leaving feels impossible and dangerous?

In Part 1 of this two-part episode, Livd Divorce Stories host Liv Lewis sits down with Rhona Vega for a raw, deeply personal conversation about surviving emotional and verbal abuse, escaping a controlling marriage, and the quiet, strategic work it takes to get out safely.

Rhona was 20, pregnant, far from home, and surrounded by "stay married" messaging when she first found herself walking on eggshells. What followed was years of survival mode, two marriages, and a hard-won education in the tools she never had growing up, including boundaries, self-worth, and learning how to vet who you let into your life.

This episode covers what so many people are afraid to say out loud: how faith communities can keep women stuck in unhealthy marriages, how shame and isolation silence survivors, and why leaving an abusive relationship is statistically one of the most dangerous moments.

Rhona shares the exact steps she took, saving money quietly, securing documents, creating distance, and why her daughters' wellbeing became the catalyst to finally break generational patterns of abuse and control.

She also gets honest about repeating the cycle in a second marriage, the unexpected wake-up call that came through her daughter's therapist, and what it meant to finally start asking: what do I actually want?

If you are currently in an unsafe relationship, supporting someone who is, or rebuilding after divorce and still trying to understand how you got there, this episode is for you.

You'll walk away understanding:

• Why leaving an abusive marriage is a process, not a single moment, and what safety planning actually looks like.
• How childhood exposure to domestic violence shapes what feels "normal" in adult relationships.
• Why support without judgment can be life-saving for someone not yet ready to leave.
• How controlling relationships and emotional abuse can hide behind church involvement and a "good family."
• What happens to your nervous system when you finally create space from chaos.
• Why patterns repeat without boundaries, standards, and self-awareness, and how therapy can change that.
• The truth about what your kids sense even when you think you are protecting them.

Stay tuned for Part 2, where Rhona continues her story and the strength it takes to begin again, again.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 (or your local emergency number). Additional resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 confidential support and safety planning): https://www.thehotline.org/
• WomensLaw.org (state-by-state legal info on restraining orders, custody, divorce, and more): https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse

For additional support:

• Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠⁠
• Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠⁠
• Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

• IG: @livdstories
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/⁠

Anyone else have a really tough December and struggle to find the strength to start again, again? Well, if this is you, take a listen to this episode.

Welcome to Season 3 of Livd Divorce Stories. We're kicking off 2026 with raw honesty about what it really takes to begin again when life leaves you feeling stuck, frozen, and overwhelmed. December was hard, and instead of powering through with forced resolutions, this episode is about acknowledging when you're paralyzed and finding the courage to take even the smallest step forward.

This isn't a pep talk. It's a breath. An exhale. A reminder that beginning again starts with a quiet mental decision, not a dramatic movie montage. Whether you're recovering from a relationship shift, an unexpected diagnosis, a deferred dream, or just the weight of life life-ing, you'll find practical tools for getting unstuck. From the power of a simple shower to the wisdom of half steps, this episode walks you through how to move forward when you don't have the strength for giant leaps.

You'll hear about the mental decision that sparks change, the importance of motion (even when it's just a crawl), and why kindness to yourself isn't a luxury, it's a strategy for survival. Because starting over isn't about strength. Sometimes it's just about remembering what carried you through before and going back there, one gentle step at a time.

3 Key Takeaways:

Soft Decisions Still Count: Beginning again starts with a mental decision, even if it's just a whisper. You don't need a dramatic breakthrough, just a quiet recognition that you can't stay where you are. That decision, even when shaky, is movement.

Half Steps Are Holy: Progress doesn't have to be perfect. A shower, a journal entry, crying in the car but still showing up, being honest when someone asks how you are, these aren't small wins, they're THE wins. Motion, even slow motion, creates momentum.

Kindness Is a Strategy, Not a Luxury: Giving yourself grace isn't weakness, it's wisdom. When fear gets loud, call it out, but don't let it keep you stuck. Avoidance strengthens the fear circuit, but gentle forward motion sets you free.

Books Discussed In This Episode

• The Bible
• Make Room For Joy

Join the Livd Community:⁠⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠⁠

Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠⁠

Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

IG: @livdstories

Website: ⁠⁠https://www.livd.co/⁠

What happens when everything you built your identity on—your marriage, your title, your carefully constructed life—falls apart? In this raw and transformative conversation, host Liv Lewis sits down with Monique Carkum Edwards, Esq., corporate attorney, pastor, and author of "The Snatchback," to explore the messy middle of separation, divorce, and life transitions.

After experiencing her own divorce in 2020 and a career-shaking layoff in 2024, Liv knows firsthand what it means to lose your anchor. Together, Liv & Monique dismantle the illusion that our worth is tied to roles like wife, mother, or executive, and reveal the dangerous equation society teaches us: do the right things, check the boxes, achieve happiness.

This episode tackles the uncomfortable truths about identity crisis, grief without timelines, and why the people who broke you aren't coming back to fix you. Monique introduces a groundbreaking framework distinguishing purpose (what you can't help doing), calling (the container for your purpose), and assignment (the temporary role or title)—explaining why your purpose is portable, even when everything else falls away.

5 Livd Truths for the Journey

1. You Are Not Your Job Title: Your purpose isn’t your position. Your assignment may change, but your purpose travels with you. Know the difference between your purpose, your calling, and your role—and don’t confuse any of them with your identity.
2. Be Your Own Hero: Waiting for an apology or a rescue? Don’t. Healing begins when you decide it’s time. The people who hurt you won’t fix it. You can—and you will.
3. Grief Doesn’t Clock Out: Grief moves in spirals, not straight lines. You’ll loop back before you leap forward. Let yourself feel it all. And find those who can sit with you in silence, not rush your healing.
4. Soul Work Before the Next Chapter: Before you jump into “what’s next,” tend to what’s now. Your soul needs care—journal, pray, cry, breathe. The glow-up starts inside.
5. You Weren’t Fired—You Were Launched: Sometimes the shake-up is divine. That “loss” was an induction into your next level. Disruption can be delivery in disguise.

Books Discussed In This Episode:

• The Snatch Back: Reclaiming Your Life One Truth
• A Hand To Hold

Connect With Monique:

• IG: @moniquecarkumedwards

Join the Livd Community:⁠ https://www.livd.co/membership⁠

Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: ⁠https://www.livd.co/newsletter⁠

Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: ⁠https://www.livd.co/coaching⁠

Connect with Livd Stories:

IG: @livdstories

Website: ⁠https://www.livd.co/

What do you do when staying in your marriage feels like losing yourself? Jaye Wilson knows that breaking point intimately. Behind what looked like a stable marriage was emotional abandonment, isolation, and a woman slowly disappearing. In this powerful episode, Jaye shares the moment she stood at a crossroads—literally contemplating stepping into traffic—and chose herself instead.

This isn't just a divorce story. It's a roadmap for women who feel trapped, unseen, and questioning if they'll ever feel whole again.

🎧 In this episode, Jaye reveals:

• The red flags she missed (and why hindsight showed her the marriage was doomed from the start)
• How emotional neglect shows up in everyday moments—and why it's a valid reason to leave
• The turning point: When her kids told her "Mommy, you glow different now"
• Practical steps for planning your exit when you feel stuck financially or emotionally
• How divorce became her rebirth—not a failure, but the beginning of her real life
• Finding your worth beyond wife and mother: Jaye's journey to building Melanated Moms and reclaiming her identity

This episode is for you if you're:

• Feeling emotionally abandoned in your marriage
• Struggling with the guilt of wanting to leave
• Worried about how divorce will affect your children
• Searching for divorce support and healing resources
• Ready to choose yourself but don't know where to start

Jaye reminds us: Your starting point doesn't determine your destination—you do.

Resources mentioned:Melinated Moms community: melanatedmoms.com

Connect with Jaye:

IG @melinatedmom

Join the Livd Community: https://www.livd.co/membership

Subscribe to the Livd Newsletter: https://www.livd.co/newsletter

Need Guidance? Learn about coaching packages here: https://www.livd.co/coaching

Connect with Livd Stories:

IG: @livdstories

Website: https://www.livd.co/

What if your deepest heartbreak cracked you open to the love you never thought you deserved?

In this no-filter conversation, love coach Shilpa Cacho gets radically honest about her journey from a rule-following “good Indian girl” to a woman who walked away from the marriage, family expectations, and identity that once defined her. After infidelity, shame, and hitting spiritual rock bottom, Shilpa rebuilt everything—starting with herself.

She moved across the country, faced the silence of disconnection, did the deep healing work most people avoid, and came out the other side in a soul-level love with a man eight years younger—and zero family approval. This isn’t a fairy tale. It’s a gritty, gorgeous reminder that it’s never too late to start again.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re too broken, too complicated, or too late for love—this episode is your permission slip to hope again.

Takeaways

• Why healing your inner child and nervous system is key to attracting emotionally safe love

• How detachment makes you magnetic in dating (hint: it’s not about “not caring”)

• The difference between chasing validation and receiving devotion

• How to spot (and stop repeating) your relationship karma
• Why your shame doesn’t make you unlovable—it makes you human