Live Well and Flourish – Episode 132: Agency Defines Character

Host: Craig Van Slyke

In this thought-provoking episode, Craig kicks off a new series presenting his personal collection of 35 axioms for living a flourishing life. Today’s focus: “Agency defines character.”

What You’ll Learn:

• Craig shares a personal story about overcoming his habit of being an angry driver. When he noticed how his reactions affected his wife, he consciously chose to change, demonstrating how agency—our capacity for choice—shapes who we are.
• Listeners are reminded that while many things in life lie outside our control, our reactions, emotions, and choices remain ours to direct. Drawing from Stoic philosophy (especially Epictetus), Craig highlights the importance of controlling what’s truly within our grasp: our opinions, desires, and, most crucially, our actions.
• Aristotle’s idea of habit formation is explored, emphasizing that character is built through repeated, conscious practice. Small, everyday choices—like how we respond in traffic—accumulate and eventually define us.
• Craig introduces Buddhist mindfulness as a practical tool for creating space between stimulus and response. By practicing “the pause,” we give ourselves the opportunity to make better decisions that align with the kind of person we strive to be.

Key Takeaways:

• Our circumstances do not define us—our responses do.
• Every choice, big or small, is an exercise in defining character.
• Building good habits transforms positive choices from conscious effort into second nature.
• Mindfulness practices help us cultivate the agency needed to become our best selves.

Craig’s core message is that flourishing starts with recognizing and embracing agency. By making choices rooted in who we wish to become, we steadily build the character necessary for a rich, fulfilling life.

If this episode resonates with you, Craig encourages you to share it with someone who might benefit. Find more resources and previous episodes at livewellandflourish.com.

Start flourishing today: pause, choose, and act in line with your best self.

No sponsorships. No requests for donations. Just a mission to help you flourish.

Excellence isn't something you achieve—it's something you live. After 120 episodes exploring what it means to flourish, I've distilled the core insights into The Flourishing Manifesto, a philosophy of life built on agency, virtue, mindfulness, and purpose.

This manifesto emerged while planning my upcoming book, Live Well and Flourish: Axioms for Living an Excellent Life. Though the words were crafted by ChatGPT from over 125,000 words of podcast transcripts, the thoughts are mine—years of conversations, research, and personal exploration about creating the conditions for excellence to emerge naturally in our lives.

Flourishing isn't about wealth, status, or fleeting happiness. It's about how you live, love, and grow. It's found in the ordinary moments most people overlook, guided by daily practices of virtue, and oriented by purpose that serves as your North Star.

The manifesto reminds us that flourishing is reciprocal—your growth uplifts others, their flourishing enriches yours. A better world is built one choice, one moment at a time.

These aren't just philosophical ideals; they're practical guideposts for daily living. What matters most isn't just understanding these principles, but living them. Start small. Choose one area to exercise your agency today. That's how flourishing begins.

Takeaways:

• Flourishing is not a mere destination, but rather a continuous way of being in the world.
• Excellence in life is cultivated through the deliberate practice of virtues such as courage, justice, and kindness.
• Mindfulness and reflection are essential for transforming experiences into meaningful wisdom that enriches our lives.
• To flourish, one must engage in daily acts of compassion and purpose, nurturing both oneself and others around them.
• The journey toward a flourishing life begins with small, intentional choices that align with one's values and aspirations.
• Ultimately, the pursuit of eudaimonia requires a commitment to live with virtue and a deep appreciation for the ordinary moments in life.

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Email Craig at: [email protected]

All episodes are available online at the Live Well and Flourish website: https://www.livewellandflourish.com/

The theme music for Live Well and Flourish was written by Hazel Crossler, [email protected].

Production assistant - Paul Robert

[Note: This is an updated version that corrects the audio file.]

Patience serves as a formidable act of rebellion against the pervasive demands of our hyperconnected world, which incessantly encourages immediate gratification. In this discourse, we delve into the notion that cultivating patience is not merely beneficial for individual well-being, but a crucial strategy for resisting the algorithms that seek to dominate our attention and dictate our emotional responses. The incessant interruptions from our devices, designed to capture our focus and provoke irritation, contribute significantly to the erosion of our capacity for patience, thereby hindering our pursuit of a flourishing life. Through conscious efforts to manage our technological engagements and to recognize the early signs of impatience, we can reclaim control over our emotional state and foster a deeper sense of tranquility. Ultimately, the practice of patience emerges as both a shield against the incessant demands of modernity and a pathway to enhanced eudaimonia.

In contemporary society, where the allure of instant gratification reigns supreme, the notion of employing patience as a form of resistance emerges as a compelling counter-narrative. The dialogue, expertly orchestrated by Craig Van Slyke, delves into the significance of patience within the context of our hyperconnected lives, dominated by technology and the incessant demands for attention from myriad devices. Van Slyke posits that the very fabric of our existence has been altered by algorithms that exploit our psychological vulnerabilities, fostering a culture that prioritizes immediacy over mindful engagement. Through a series of poignant observations and personal anecdotes, he elucidates the insidious ways in which our patience is eroded, provoking listeners to reflect on their own experiences with impatience and irritation in the face of technological delays.

The episode further examines the detrimental impact of this impatience on our overall well-being and flourishing. Van Slyke articulates that cultivating patience transcends mere resistance; it is a vital practice that contributes to a more fulfilling life. By expounding on practical strategies—such as disabling unnecessary notifications and fostering an acute awareness of one’s impatience—he empowers his audience to reclaim their agency in a world rife with distractions. The overarching message resonates profoundly: each act of patience serves not only to mitigate daily irritations but also to reclaim one's autonomy from the relentless grip of technology. Ultimately, the pursuit of patience can be envisioned as a pathway to eudaimonia, where one flourishes amidst the chaos of modern existence.

Takeaways:

• In a society increasingly characterized by the demand for instant gratification, cultivating patience can serve as a profound act of rebellion against the prevailing norms.
• The act of slowing down is not merely beneficial for one's well-being, but it also serves as a powerful countermeasure to the algorithms that incessantly vie for our attention.
• Practicing patience in our hyperconnected world not only mitigates daily irritations but also empowers us to resist the culture of immediacy that pervades modern life.
• The algorithms that govern our digital interactions are designed to exploit our psychological vulnerabilities, thereby conditioning us to expect immediate rewards and instant gratification.
• By consciously managing our device notifications and alerts, we can reclaim our attention and foster a more patient approach to life.
• Awareness of our impatience, particularly recognizing early signs of irritation, enables us to exercise control over our responses and enhances our overall flourishing.

Patience serves as a formidable act of rebellion against the pervasive demands of our hyperconnected world, which incessantly encourages immediate gratification. In this discourse, we delve into the notion that cultivating patience is not merely beneficial for individual well-being, but a crucial strategy for resisting the algorithms that seek to dominate our attention and dictate our emotional responses. The incessant interruptions from our devices, designed to capture our focus and provoke irritation, contribute significantly to the erosion of our capacity for patience, thereby hindering our pursuit of a flourishing life. Through conscious efforts to manage our technological engagements and to recognize the early signs of impatience, we can reclaim control over our emotional state and foster a deeper sense of tranquility. Ultimately, the practice of patience emerges as both a shield against the incessant demands of modernity and a pathway to enhanced eudaimonia.

In contemporary society, where the allure of instant gratification reigns supreme, the notion of employing patience as a form of resistance emerges as a compelling counter-narrative. The dialogue, expertly orchestrated by Craig Van Slyke, delves into the significance of patience within the context of our hyperconnected lives, dominated by technology and the incessant demands for attention from myriad devices. Van Slyke posits that the very fabric of our existence has been altered by algorithms that exploit our psychological vulnerabilities, fostering a culture that prioritizes immediacy over mindful engagement. Through a series of poignant observations and personal anecdotes, he elucidates the insidious ways in which our patience is eroded, provoking listeners to reflect on their own experiences with impatience and irritation in the face of technological delays.

The episode further examines the detrimental impact of this impatience on our overall well-being and flourishing. Van Slyke articulates that cultivating patience transcends mere resistance; it is a vital practice that contributes to a more fulfilling life. By expounding on practical strategies—such as disabling unnecessary notifications and fostering an acute awareness of one’s impatience—he empowers his audience to reclaim their agency in a world rife with distractions. The overarching message resonates profoundly: each act of patience serves not only to mitigate daily irritations but also to reclaim one's autonomy from the relentless grip of technology. Ultimately, the pursuit of patience can be envisioned as a pathway to eudaimonia, where one flourishes amidst the chaos of modern existence.

Takeaways:

• In a society increasingly characterized by the demand for instant gratification, cultivating patience can serve as a profound act of rebellion against the prevailing norms.
• The act of slowing down is not merely beneficial for one's well-being, but it also serves as a powerful countermeasure to the algorithms that incessantly vie for our attention.
• Practicing patience in our hyperconnected world not only mitigates daily irritations but also empowers us to resist the culture of immediacy that pervades modern life.
• The algorithms that govern our digital interactions are designed to exploit our psychological vulnerabilities, thereby conditioning us to expect immediate rewards and instant gratification.
• By consciously managing our device notifications and alerts, we can reclaim our attention and foster a more patient approach to life.
• Awareness of our impatience, particularly recognizing early signs of irritation, enables us to exercise control over our responses and enhances our overall flourishing.

What if I told you that true resilience isn't about climbing mountains or weathering storms, but about handling the countless paper cuts that life deals us every day? In this episode, we're diving into an unexpected source of wisdom about resilience: the Grateful Dead's "Touch of Grey." Together, we'll explore why those daily annoyances—from traffic jams to critical colleagues to that scratch on your favorite watch—might actually be your best teachers in living well.

Think about it: while we're all waiting for the big challenges to test our mettle, it's actually the small stuff that often breaks us down. But here's the thing: accepting these daily hiccups isn't just about "dealing with it"—it's about thriving despite them. Join me as we unpack how embracing life's persistent "touch of grey" might be the key to genuine resilience.

In this episode, we'll explore:

• Why the small stuff might matter more than the big challenges
• How the wisdom of the Grateful Dead applies to modern-day resilience
• Practical ways to handle life's daily irritations without losing your cool
• The surprising connection between acceptance and flourishing

Plus, I'll share a personal story about a scratched watch that taught me more about resilience than any self-help book ever could.

Takeaways:

• The essence of true resilience may lie not in grand victories but in daily perseverance against minor adversities.
• Acceptance of life's daily challenges is crucial for developing resilience and achieving a flourishing existence.
• The concept of impermanence, as conveyed in Buddhist teachings, is vital for coping with transient problems.
• Embracing the minor irritations of life can transform our perspective and enhance our overall well-being.
• Practicing non-attachment to our problems can alleviate unnecessary distress and contribute to a more fulfilling life.
• The wisdom embedded in the phrase 'C'est la vie' underscores the importance of maintaining equanimity amidst life's inevitable challenges.

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Grateful Dead
• Touch of Grey on YouTube: https://youtu.be/mzvk0fWtCs0?si=tGnz7_E06FYVBEbF

At the heart of today's conversation is a simple but powerful idea: logic alone isn't enough to live a truly excellent life. The most important decisions we face require more than just logical thinking—they need to be guided by our virtues, our sense of purpose, and our connections with others. When we combine these elements, we make choices that align with what matters most to us, leading to a life of real meaning and fulfillment. Craig draws on Aristotle's wisdom here—he understood that living well means living in harmony with our nature and using reason as our guide. But he knew that logic by itself falls short. As we explore how logic and reason work together, think about how these ideas might light the path toward your own flourishing life.

In this episode, Craig talks about the difference between logic and reason, and why it matters for living well. While logical thinking is certainly important, it's just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to navigating our complex lives. Making good decisions—decisions that lead to a life of excellence—requires us to consider more than just cold facts. We need to bring in moral wisdom and emotional understanding, areas where pure logic often falls short.

Aristotle called this kind of flourishing life "eudaimonia"—a life of excellence lived according to our true nature, with reason as our guide. I've found it helpful to think about four pillars that support this excellent life: virtue, reason, connection, and purpose. These pillars help us figure out the right thing to do in all kinds of situations. Virtue should be our compass, pointing us toward actions that reflect the kind of person we want to be. When things aren't clear-cut, our sense of purpose can help guide us. And our connections with others—they enrich every choice we make.

Craig encourages you to approach your decisions thoughtfully, with both ethical considerations and meaningful relationships in mind. The good news? This journey toward excellence isn't something you have to perfect overnight. It's an ongoing process that gets easier with practice. Over time, making decisions in line with your virtues and purpose becomes more natural, even intuitive. Craig's hope is that these ideas don't just make sense to you intellectually, but that they empower you—giving you the tools to build a life that's truly rich in meaning, connection, and fulfillment.

Takeaways:

• Logic, while precise and structured, may lead one astray if followed exclusively.
• To achieve an excellent life, one must transcend mere logic in decision-making processes.
• Virtue, purpose, and connection are essential elements that enhance logical reasoning in life.
• The pursuit of excellence is a continuous journey that necessitates ongoing reflection and action.

The salient point of this discussion revolves around the assertion that the choices we make, both trivial and significant, fundamentally shape our existence and ultimately dictate our capacity to flourish. As I delve into the complexities of life’s overwhelming nature, I invite listeners to contemplate how their own decisions influence their well-being. Through a candid exploration of my personal experiences with exhaustion, I elucidate the importance of recognizing the agency we possess in sculpting our lives. By advocating for a mindful reassessment of our daily choices, I underscore that even minor adjustments can yield profound transformations over time. It is imperative that we embrace the notion that our flourishing is intrinsically linked to the conscious decisions we undertake.

The conversation navigates the profound impact of choice on the quality of life, as articulated by Craig Van Slyke. Central to the discussion is the premise that the choices we make—ranging from our daily routines to our long-term commitments—are pivotal in determining our overall well-being and satisfaction. Van Slyke posits that individuals often overlook their inherent capacity to influence their circumstances through conscious decision-making. This episode serves as a catalyst for reflection, inviting listeners to consider how their choices contribute to or detract from their flourishing.

Van Slyke candidly shares his personal narrative of grappling with fatigue and the realization that his extensive workload is a result of his own choices. He emphasizes the importance of reassessing both minor habits, such as dietary preferences, and larger commitments, such as professional obligations. By doing so, individuals can initiate a journey towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. The episode concludes with a challenge to the audience, encouraging them to identify a single choice they can modify to align better with their desired way of living, thereby underscoring the theme that flourishing begins with the choices we make.

Takeaways:

• The choices we make, regardless of their size, significantly shape our life experiences and overall flourishing.
• To achieve a more fulfilling life, individuals must recognize and take control of their decision-making processes.
• Recognizing that many aspects of our lives are influenced by our choices can lead to transformative changes.
• Even small, seemingly inconsequential decisions can accumulate and profoundly affect our life paths over time.
• Individuals should reflect on their daily habits and choices, as altering them can lead to substantial improvements in well-being.
• Flourishing is a result of both major and minor choices; thus, one must strive to align choices with desired life outcomes.

Doom scrolling represents a pervasive phenomenon that imperils our quest for flourishing and well-being. In this discourse, I elucidate the insidious nature of doom scrolling, detailing how it infiltrates our lives and undermines our mental health. I share personal experiences that illustrate the detrimental effects of mindlessly consuming negative content online. More critically, I propose actionable strategies designed to mitigate the adverse impacts of this modern affliction, emphasizing the necessity of cultivating awareness and implementing deliberate practices. Ultimately, I assert that by reclaiming our attention and energy, we can combat the deleterious effects of doom scrolling and foster a life characterized by excellence and fulfillment.

Doom scrolling has emerged as a formidable obstacle to achieving a flourishing existence, a theme I explore in depth throughout this episode. I reflect on the pervasive nature of doom scrolling, sharing personal anecdotes that highlight my own struggles with excessive consumption of negative content. The discussion reveals that doom scrolling transcends mere habit; it is a societal affliction that undermines our mental health and well-being, often leading to increased anxiety and a distorted worldview.

I articulate the psychological mechanisms that facilitate doom scrolling, emphasizing our innate tendency toward negativity and the subsequent addiction to distressing news. The episode advocates for a dual approach to combat this modern scourge: cultivating awareness of our scrolling habits and implementing proactive measures to mitigate their impact. I present various strategies, including mindfulness practices and the establishment of clear boundaries for social media engagement. By fostering a deliberate and intentional approach to our media consumption, we not only reclaim our focus but also pave the way toward a life characterized by excellence and fulfillment. Through this exploration, I hope to equip listeners with the tools necessary to navigate the complexities of our information-saturated world, ultimately reclaiming their agency and emotional well-being.

The episode addresses the pressing issue of a mental health epidemic, a phenomenon that appears to be pervasive across various demographics within our society. Craig Van Slyke articulates the alarming statistics that indicate a significant rise in mental health challenges, with adult mental illness rates escalating from 19.1% in 2018 to 23.1% by 2022. Through a candid examination of daily conversations and observed trends, we delve into the underlying factors contributing to this crisis, including a growing sense of uncertainty about the future. Importantly, the discussion emphasizes that, despite the daunting nature of these challenges, there exists an avenue for hope and improvement through actionable steps, such as seeking professional help and fostering self-compassion. By acknowledging these mental health struggles and taking proactive measures, we position ourselves not merely to cope, but to flourish in our lives.

The current landscape of mental health is fraught with alarming statistics and a growing sense of urgency. The data reveals that mental illness among adults in the United States has increased markedly, with 23.1% of adults, equating to 59.3 million individuals, grappling with some form of mental health issue as of 2022. This trend is not confined to a specific demographic; it spans various age groups, genders, and socioeconomic backgrounds, suggesting a widespread societal concern that warrants immediate attention. Throughout the discourse, I reflect on my observations of the shifting attitudes towards mental health, noting a growing willingness among individuals to discuss their struggles and seek help. This shift, while positive, does not diminish the gravity of the situation, as the underlying causes of mental distress seem to be more prevalent than ever.

Amidst these troubling trends, I strive to offer listeners a sense of empowerment and hope. I delineate several pragmatic steps that individuals can take to enhance their mental health, emphasizing that the journey towards recovery is attainable, albeit requiring effort and persistence. The importance of seeking professional help is paramount; I assert that asking for assistance is a courageous step towards reclaiming one's mental well-being. In addition to professional help, I advocate for the cultivation of self-kindness and empathy, as these attributes can significantly mitigate feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness that often accompany mental health challenges. By embracing the idea that it is acceptable to seek help and to be gentle with oneself during difficult times, we can foster a supportive community that prioritizes mental health.

The conversation culminates in a call to action, urging individuals to not only acknowledge their struggles but also to take proactive measures to address them. I share valuable resources, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and other helplines, underscoring the importance of reaching out for support when needed. Mental health is an integral facet of a flourishing life, and I stress that by addressing these challenges head-on, we can lay a foundation for a more fulfilling existence, characterized by strong relationships and meaningful pursuits. The nexus between mental health and overall well-being cannot be overstated; thus, I implore listeners to prioritize their mental health and pursue the steps necessary for improvement.

Takeaways:

• The current societal discourse reveals troubling trends in mental health, warranting our urgent attention.
• Statistics indicate a significant rise in mental health issues, affecting millions across diverse demographics.
• Recognizing the importance of seeking help is paramount; it is a courageous act towards self-improvement.
• Taking control of one's mental health involves acknowledging struggles and actively pursuing appropriate resources.
• Individual and collective actions can lead to meaningful improvements in mental well-being, fostering resilience.
• Empathy towards oneself and others is essential in mitigating the negative impacts of mental health challenges.

Resources

• The 988 Lifeline is like 911 for mental health. Calling 988 will connect the caller with one of 200 crisis centers who are ready to provide help.
• The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration operates a national helpline, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to speak directly with a counselor.
• The American Psychological Association has a directory of crisis hotlines and resources, go to apa.org/topics/crisis-hotlines

To live an excellent life, one must understand the foundational pillars that support true virtue, reason, purpose, and connection. In this discourse, we delve into these four fundamental elements that collectively foster a life of extraordinary significance. By exploring how these pillars interrelate, we illuminate the path toward not merely existing, but flourishing with intention and meaning. Our discussion aims to equip you with the necessary tools to embark on your personal journey toward excellence, whether you find yourself adrift in search of direction or striving for a more purposeful existence. We invite you to contemplate and develop these principles, recognizing that excellence is not a fixed destination, but rather an evolving journey that enriches every facet of life.

The pursuit of an excellent life encapsulates a profound inquiry into the essence of human existence. It is a question that transcends mere materialism, urging one to delve into deeper philosophical realms. The exploration begins with the identification of four cardinal pillars that serve as the foundational elements of excellence: virtue, reason, purpose, and connection. These pillars are not isolated constructs; rather, they interweave and support one another in the journey toward a flourishing life. Virtue emerges as the moral compass, guiding one’s actions and decisions, while reason provides the logical framework through which one can navigate complex situations. Purpose acts as a guiding star, illuminating the path of one’s endeavors, and connection underscores the inherent social nature of humanity, reminding us that excellence is seldom a solitary pursuit. The interplay of these elements cultivates an environment where excellence may organically manifest, fostering a continuous journey rather than a finite destination. This episode encourages listeners to reflect on their personal understanding of these concepts, ultimately guiding them toward a more intentional and meaningful existence.

Takeaways:

• Living an excellent life necessitates an understanding of the unique definition of excellence for oneself.
• The four foundational pillars of excellence are virtue, reason, purpose, and connection, which support one another.
• Excellence is not a fixed destination; rather, it is a continual journey of personal growth and development.
• Virtue serves as the moral compass, guiding our decisions and actions towards a life of integrity and meaning.
• Reason enables us to apply our virtues thoughtfully, ensuring our actions align with our moral values and goals.
• Purpose gives direction to our lives, acting as the guiding star that motivates our pursuit of excellence.