Respond Relationally

Coronavirus is this generation's 9/11. And anything sudden and tragic leaves trauma in its wake. When trauma is dropped in our laps, we have to find a good way to respond. If we're lucky, we find more than one way that works for us. Here are 5 ways to respond to COVID-19.

Why We Need to Respond to COVID-19

“This is going to be this generation’s 9/11.”

I said this to a few coworkers about one week before the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a worldwide pandemic.

In a matter of days, March became the month everything changed. Music festivals cancelled. Sporting events happened without live audiences then all of them were cancelled—even March Madness. Theme parks all over the country closed. Churches moved to online services with only a couple of days to figure out and manage complex communications channels. Gatherings had to be no more than 10 people and social distancing was highly recommended.

It felt like the world was hurdled into a left turn at a break-neck speed. It left us feeling unsettled, fearful, panicked, discombobulated.

In my memory, the last time the nation felt like this was 9/11. Except this time, it wasn’t just one nation. It was all of them. The entire world felt like it came to a screeching halt.

When the government began strongly advising employers to send employees home, I packed up the essential tools I would need to hunker down at home for however long. I set up a temporary workstation in my bedroom then tried to get comfortable—although that word seems like an ambiguous term considering the circumstances. I remember going on Instagram for a few minutes that day and I came across a post encouraging people to take care of one another. Without a second thought, I shared it to my story with a few words about how 9/11 stopped the world in its tracks, but the world seemed to change for the better on 9/12.

When the sun rose on September 12, 2001, it was with a renewed sense of unity, new gravity. Singers composed songs about going after what really mattered. People started acting like life was really sacred—as if simply thinking life was sacred wasn’t enough. They had to act on it. The nation became wary of security and fear was present, but millions pushed through to do something that tangibly mattered, that made the difference for someone else.

The COVID-19 pandemic is this generation’s 9/11. But we have it in our power to respond as if our 9/12 is right around the corner. And we will do this by finding ways to respond to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Caring for One Another in a Pandemic

As the rona built up speed and blazed its way through Italy, the world kept hearing that only a small percentage of people were at risk. Millions would surely contract it, but only some people were likely to suffer and die.

The elderly and the immunocompromised made up this small group. I have two of these people in my immediate family. I had fearful visions that at the end of this pandemic, when the worst was over, I would have to bury multiple family members and loved ones.

But no other person in my circle is more at risk than my sister.

Chelsea is immunocompromised. Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis years ago, she is the No. 1 person I know who is at the greatest risk right now.

That’s scary.

She and I have an Easter tradition. Since 2018 we’ve spent the holiday weekend together. It’s a few days we get to enjoy relaxing, talking, adventuring and drinking lots of coffee. I always fly to Austin, Texas, to stay with her. A couple months ago, I texted her and asked what I should do when the time finally came for me to fly there. What did she need me to do to keep her risk of exposure low?

I wouldn’t have been able to handle the heaviness of exposing my compr...

On Being Immunocompromised

The world was told in no uncertain words that if people weren't above 65 years old or immunocompromised, there was little risk of death if we contracted COVID-19. But what went through the minds of the people who did meet those criteria? This is the story of one person on being immunocompromised during COVID-19.

How did family members and loved ones respond? How have we circled the most at risk in our own circles? Are we responding at all?

These are the questions most circling my mind right now. And I want to offer my personal experience and commentary. COVID-19 is affecting everyone and it’s up to us to respond relationally—in a way that lets people know they aren’t alone, that we’re in this together.

I could easily say we’re in unprecedented times. But I don’t want to say that even though it’s true. Something about it sounds overused and wrung out. As everyone has adopted it into their language, it has lost its emotion.

When someone talks about COVID-19 and the uncertainty it has brought to everyone, it doesn’t shed light on the personal and emotional truths people are dealing with. It doesn’t paint a picture detailing the normal everyday doubts, fears, concerns, joys and triumphs of the effected—which is everyone.

Relationally Responding to COVID-19

So what is COVID-19 doing?

It’s changing our world. The world we knew before March 11, 2020, doesn’t exist anymore. For the first time in our lifetime, we have uninterrupted time to pay attention to things we’ve rarely paid attention to prior—and decide to work on things.

As with any tragedy, COVID-19 has brought people together. Families started talking as a whole unit on a regular basis. Individuals decided to step out and be uncomfortable to take care of their friends.

Relationships are becoming a bigger and bigger priority as coronavirus continues its trek.

While it continues its destruction and causes fear, I've taken the opportunity during this period of intense physical isolation to sit down and talk to my sister.

Back when coronavirus—or, the rona—was making its way to the United States, there still wasn’t much anyone really knew about the virus. You could argue there still isn’t much in the grand scheme of things.

However, the world was told that the majority of the people most effected were older, had preexisting health conditions and/or are immunocompromised. And the majority of people probably pictured what one of those people looks like. Being immunocompromised can mean you have a well-known disease such as diabetes, or a lesser known disease such as DiGeorge Syndrome.

When this news came out, the only guidelines being offered by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention was to treat the rona as you would the normal flu and take care to make sure you washed your hands regularly. Even for the immunocompromised and the elderly, there wasn’t much they were told to do to protect themselves from contracting the virus—a virus the majority of doctors and scientists didn’t know much about or how to handle in the first place.

“Being at Risk Looks Like Me”

My sister is in the immunocompromised group. Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in 2013, my sister Chelsea has gone through years of learning to understand her own disease. She's tried countless methods of treatment. And the journey kept going even while she dealt with flare ups.

In most stories where disease is a character, the disease often wins. The uncertainty the disease causes can wheedle its way into a relationship and reek destruction. It can break relationships as each partner tries to figure a way to survive—relationally, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

But in my sister’s case, her disease has only brought her and her husband Joe close...

Do you remember September 11, 2001? Were you alive when it happened? Old enough to remember what happened? Can you coherently recall what the United States was like after? It was a moment in time that forced everyone to slow down. Suddenly our relationships and families mattered in a tangible way.

COVID-19 is a defining moment, just like September 11 was.

Our world has changed. The world we knew doesn’t exist anymore.

We're left feeling unsettled. No one knows how long this is going to last—this being the pandemic itself, this also being the period of quarantine. Families are struggling to find a rhythm. Millions are unemployed. All of us are fearful of it getting worse, and for all of us I’m sure our worst fears look different.

In the first week after the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a worldwide pandemic, I felt numb.

In California where I live, the governor soon called for a statewide shelter-in-place order—meaning no one is supposed to leave their home. Most people—who still have jobs—now work from home. Kids of all ages had to stay home from school. Universities shut down. Life events were delayed or cancelled altogether.

Response to COVID-19

Since I don’t know when this will end, I decided there’s no time like now to declare to the world what Living a Relational Life is about. Because now more than ever we have unrequited time to care about and work on ourselves and our relationships.

The simple truth is we need people. We always have and always will. Right now, that need is glaring in our faces. It’s reality. It pulls at all the rules and guidelines put in place. While we need people, we’re simultaneously being stripped of the normal ways we meet those needs.

I live in San Diego. It’s a city teeming with young people. Millennials and Gen Z are social generations. And a city like San Diego accommodates our generational need to socialize out in the open. Going to quaint coffee shops, taking walks at the beach, hiking with our dogs, exploring downtown and Little Italy and North Park.

All of it was suddenly taken away on March 19.

With it, our normal mode of satisfying our need for relationship and connection.

Whether anyone wanted to face it or not, our city, our generation, our country and our world were suddenly confronted with restrictions. Adaptation would have to happen.

But how?

The how is why I felt compelled to abandon what I originally had planned for the launch of Living a Relational Life.

I now had to look at Living a Relational Life through the lens of COVID-19 and see what was there. Because, as I said above, there’s no better time than now to work on our relationships. This is the place to do that.

A few weeks ago, someone important to me asked: “Why do relationships matter so much to you? Of all the things you could be passionate about, why relationships?”

I’ve stewed on this question since then. I could’ve given a million easy answers, all of which would probably allude to the exact same thing. But I wanted any answer I gave to make sense, to ring true for people—not just myself. So, I thought. And thought some more. My thoughts churned out this answer, spurred by pandemic.

The Relationship Absolute

Relationships matter to me because until a connection with another human ceases to exist, everyone approaches their relationships as if they will always be there. As if their absolute existence should only be appreciated, not worked out, not pruned. It felt as if enough gravity was never assigned to this sector of our lives, the one that touches all the others.

Relationships are important. They should be treated with gravity, with the utmost respect and care. The health of the people involved should be of paramount importance.

Welcome to the Living a Relational Life podcast with Grace Allen! I am your host, and on this podcast, I along with guests will get real about relationships.

It is my vision for this podcast and all the content I create for you to provide you with a haven of sorts. Relationships take up a good chunk of our time and energy, so it's best to learn what we can to make them the best they can be, right? Here, I want you to find a place where you can be encouraged, assured and motivated in your relationships!

Why?

Healthy relationships seem to be more and more rare, especially among young Christians. Being a Millennial and a Christian encompasses gray areas that never existed before. Our relationships fall into difficulty and suffer and, as a result, we are left wondering how to recover, heal and move forward—and do it in a way that honors our faith. Relationships are the one sphere of life everyone has in common. Our connections with our loved ones can be the difference in surviving and thriving in life. But they can also be our greatest challenges. In both cases, I believe it's common for us to have questions about what we can do to make our relationships and ourselves as healthy as possible. A big part of that is having a place where we can examine our relationships and ask hard questions. This is the place to do that.

Find LARL online: www.livingarelationallife.com (https://www.livingarelationallife.com/)

Follow LARL to stay in the know: Instagram, (https://www.instagram.com/livingarelationallife/) Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/livingarelationallife/), Pinterest (https://www.pinterest.com/livingarelationallife/)

Introducing Living a Relational Life podcast with Grace Allen! This is the place to help young Christians create healthy relationships. I am your host, and on this podcast I along with guests will get real about relationships.

It is my vision for this podcast and all the content I create for you to provide you with a haven of sorts. Relationships take up a good chunk of our time and energy, so it's best to learn what we can to make them the best they can be. Here, I want you to find a place where you can be encouraged, assured and motivated in your relationships!

Why?

Healthy relationships seem to be more and more rare, especially among young Christians. Being a Millennial and a Christian encompasses gray areas that never before existed. Our relationships suffer and, as a results, we are left wondering how to recover, heal and move forward—and do it in a way that honors our faith. Relationships are the one sphere of life everyone has in common. Our connections with our loved ones can be the difference in surviving and thriving in life. But they can also be our greatest challenges. In both cases, I believe it's common for us to have questions about what we can do to make our relationships and ourselves as healthy as possible. A big part of that is having a place where we can examine our relationships and ask hard questions. This is the place to do that.

Listen to me introducing Living a Relational Life podcast now!

Follow LARL to stay in the know: Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest.

Join my email list and get help on the relational journey: Simply scroll a few inches down the homepage to sign up!