Living African

In this episode, we continue shedding more light on the story of divorce from a man’s perspective. But before that, I just want to make this clear - the purpose of this podcast is not to encourage divorce especially in situations that can be mended. The goal is to challenge the stigma of divorce, using lessons from real-life stories and to encourage anyone who is facing an unrepairable marriage to not feel trapped in the fear of judgment and know that there is life after divorce. 

I will be talking to an old friend who has chosen to be anonymous and will go by the name Olufemi - Femi for short. He chose to become anonymous because there are children involved. If you want to catch up with Femi’s story and how it ended up in divorce, please refer to Episodes 20 and 21 in the podcast directory.

[00:01 – 03:16] Opening Segment

• I Introduce our guest, Olufemi

[03:16 - 17:54] The Divorce Decision

• Olufemi shares what was the deal breaker
• The internal and external pressures to stay marriage

[17:54 – 31:12] The Divorce Process

• Going to numerous Court Sessions
• Producing countless documents
• The effect of divorce on the kids
• The cost of divorce 
• The constant twists and turns 

[30:12 – 40:45 ] Life as A Single Man & Lessons Learnt

• The healing process
• Putting the kids first
• Transitioning to being a single father
• Lessons learnt about Self Control
• Other lessons learnt

[40:45 – 54:06] What Olufemi Would Have Done Better & Conclusion Remarks

• Olufemi gives important keys we need for healthy relationships.
• Host Anyoh Shares some lessons she also took from the discussion
• Olufemi gives his final remarks.

Tweetable Quotes:

“I also learned that we need to find ourselves and be comfortable by being with ourselves before we go into relationships.” – Anonymous (Olufemi)

"You can't give what you don't have - you can't love someone if you don't love yourself.” – Anyoh Fombad

"Discernment can come through instincts or the guts and we need to pray for deeper discernment so we make better decisions.” – Anyoh Fombad

"I learned that the highest form of control is self-control because without it - you'll mess everything up." - Anonymous (Olufemi)

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out the best content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

Today we will be talking about intimate partner violence, which is a very important topic of discussion in the African community. Through the years, abuse has been somewhat normalized in relationships and in our community. There have been many examples of abuse that have led to a loss of life. Some 1.2 million women and 700,000 men experience domestic violence each year, according to the Office for National Statistics.  According to a study, Africa has some of the highest prevalence rates of intimate partner violence in the whole world. Today I will be talking to an old friend who has chosen to be anonymous and will go by the name Olufemi - Femi for short. He chose to become anonymous because there are children involved. 

[00:01 – 09:45] After The Violence

• Femi is Hospitalized
• He goes to court for a protective order
• Looking back at events that took place

[09:45 - 30:54] The Process of Divorce

• The court hearings for protection order
• What led to divorce
• Femi's then-wife abandons the kids
• They separate for one year
• Femi delays in filing for divorce

[30:54 – 1:05:2] The Adultery Part & The Community Response

• Femi shares the story of adultery
• How the community reacted
• The advice from friends
• How the church reacted

[1:05:2 – 1:15:55] Lessons & Closing Remarks

• Lessons He Learnt
• What men must know about intimate partner violence
• Closing Remarks 

Tweetable Quotes:

“If someone is not willing to change, no amount of good knowledge can help such a person.” – Olufemi

“There is this ideology in Africa that men don't show emotions - that is WRONG! Men have emotions and they need to show it when they are hurt” – Anyoh Fombad

"It is OK for men to be vulnerable. If you need to cry, then cry!" - Anonymous (Olufemi)

“We always create this ideology of who we want people to be that we get blindsided and refuse to accept people for who they really are even when they're showing it to our face.” – Anyoh Fombad

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out the best content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

Today we will be talking about intimate partner violence, which is a very important topic of discussion in the African community. Through the years, abuse has been somewhat normalized in relationships and in our community. There have been many examples of abuse that have led to a loss of life. Some 1.2 million women and 700,000 men experience domestic violence each year, according to the Office for National Statistics.  According to a study, Africa has some of the highest prevalence rates of intimate partner violence in the whole world. Today I will be talking to an old friend who has chosen to be anonymous and will go by the name Olufemi - Femi for short. He chose to become anonymous because there are children involved. 

[00:01 – 03:36] Opening Segment

• Introduction of guest and topic

[03:36 – 17:52] Meeting His Then-Girlfriend

• How Femi meets his then-girlfriend
• Starts with a long distance relationship
• The countless red flags
• The continuous manipulation

[17:52 – 38:29] Knowing The Wife

• Getting to know where she came from
• How her past affected her present
• Femi thinks he can change her
• The marriage becomes toxic 

[38:29 – 1:07:23] The Abusive Patterns

• The signs are being ignored
• She starts cheating openly
• She puts her hands on him
• He tries to help her
• She doesn't change 

Tweetable Quotes:

“If someone is not willing to change, no amount of good knowledge can help such a person.” – Olufemi

“There is this ideology in Africa that men don't show emotions - that is WRONG! Men have emotions and they need to show it when they are hurt” – Anyoh Fombad

"It is OK for men to be vulnerable. If you need to cry, then cry!" - Anonymous (Olufemi)

“We always create this ideology of who we want people to be that we get blindsided and refuse to accept people for who they really are even when they're showing it to our face.” – Anyoh Fombad

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out the best content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

Today, am talking with Susan Mancho who was born and raised in Bamenda Cameroon until the age of 10 when she later joined my mother in the USA Maryland in 1990. She obtained a master’s degree in Information Systems from Penn State University and worked in the IT field for over 20 years. She is a serial entrepreneur - Running a Financial Consulting Firm (CORE Financial Partners), A franchise gym (Anytime Fitness Jessup), and a Trucking Company (Faith Trucking).

She is a divorcee and we will be talking about Divorce and Life Thereafter to educate our community about divorce, how to mitigate through such situations, and how to live your authentic self.

[00:01 – 02:25] Opening Segment

• Introduction of Guest and Topic

[02:25 – 10:31] Meeting Her Husband

• How she met her then-husband
• How the community influenced their marriage
• When everything went astray

[10:31 – 20:30] The Divorce

• How they came to the agreement on a divorce
• The process of divorce 
• The difficulties of divorce
• How the children took it
• What she learned in the process

[20:30 – 46:53] Outro Discussions

• How women should see marriage
• Picking your light
• Set higher standards
• The Lessons everyone needs to hear

Tweetable Quotes:

“We were thought to put everyone first as African women. That narrative must change." - Anyoh Fombad

"For your marriage to work, you need two people willing to fight, and the minute one person is not willing to fight - there's nothing you can do." - Susan Mancho

"I was thinking about the years I have invested into the marriage, the kids, and how the community will perceive me until I said enough is enough." - Susan Mancho

"Sometimes, we just have to accept that we married the wrong people."- Susan Mancho

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out the best content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

Going back to an older conversation about Domestic Violence with an anonymous guest we call Vanessa. Though we're in our #pridemonth series, we had to add these conversations since it also falls in how we relate to people in the family.

Children really go through a lot when there is violence in the home but it's not talked about. We focus on the woman and men in those relationships but overlook the effects the violence has on the children. Let's listen to the full episode now.

[00:01 – 02:25] Opening Segment

• Introduction of Guest and Topic

[02:25 – 10:31] Our Guest (Vanessa) Shares Her Story

• How she came to realize her mom was being abused.
• How the family was broken
• The effects on the children

[10:31 – 20:30] The Experiences

• How the mom was engaged into saving the marriage
• How the society contributed to the abuse 
• The effects of this experience on the mom
• How the brothers took it
• How the experience affected her view on relationships.

[20:30 – 35:50] Outro Discussions

• How she started her healing process
• What lessons she has learned from the experience
• What the society can do better
• Anyoh shared things we can do stop Domestic Violence
• How the Mom is healing
• If you see something - you have to speak up
• Governments roles to play

Tweetable Quotes:

“If you see something, say something." - Anyoh Fombad

"When some men say if you see an abusive man then he has a verbally abusive wife - I ask where are their discipline and restraining strength?" - Vanessa

"She doesn't want to be called a divorcee so she tried to stay in the marriage." - Vanessa

"Children who experience abuse easily pass it to their relationships and continues the cycle." - Anyoh Fombad

"Most of these women are financially incapable so they contemplate how they're going to survive after divorce so they rather stay in the abusive marriage." - Anyoh Fombad

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out the best content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

As we continue honoring #PrideMonth, we will be having Marshall Ngwa also known as BeBe Zahara Benet is a Cameroonian-American drag performer, television personality, and musician best known for winning the first season of the reality-television drag competition RuPaul's Drag Race in 2009. 

Currently, he stars in the TLC transformational makeover television series Dragnificent, as the event planning expert. He recently released an EP called Broken English, which is having a lot of great reviews and has a documentary called Being Bebe: The Bebe Zahara Benet Documentary, which premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival from June 19, 2021 through June 23, 2021.

Hope you enjoy this episode as much as we did. Please leave an honest review and get the resources you need in the information below.

[00:01 – 02:25] Opening Segment

• Introduction of Guest and Topic

[02:25 – 10:31] Our Guest (Marshall Ngwa) Shares His Journey

• The beginning of finding himself
• How the family supported
• The Experiences they (host&guest) had in the same school
• How the environment allowed him to be who be himself

[10:31 – 20:30] The African Mindset & Ways We can Change

• Ignoring our gifts
• Finding his purpose in college
• Setting the record straight about the Art of Drag
• How art saved the world
• The talent in Africa 

[20:30 – 42:00] Finding Bebe Zahara Benet

• Who is Bebe Zahara Benet?
• Marshall shares his current projects
• Final regards and laughs
• Discussions on myths & facts about the art of drag

[42:20: – 1:10:00] Finding Bebe Zahara Benet

• More on Projects
• Where to find his work
• Advice and inspiration
• Premier of his documentary

Tweetable Quotes:

"We ignore the gifts of our children instead of allowing them to explore that gift and see what it has for them." - Marshall Ngwa

"I am evidence that the arts can make you successful and more. Your gift can always make way for you." - Marshall Ngwa

"You need to come across life with an open mind. Take out the stereotypes, prior knowledge and be ready to experience people and life, then it becomes easy." - Marshall Ngwa

"Most of the time, it's not that the family doesn't want to be supportive to their LGBTQIA+ Community - but they don't understand and lack knowledge on what your authentic self is." - Marshall Ngwa

"We did Drag art unintentionally in our African Community. People dress up as women or men to make us laugh." - Marshall Ngwa

• Contact Marshall Ngwa - Instagram: @bebezahara, Facebook: Marshall Ngwa; get updates about his documentary Being Bebe: The Bebe Zahara Benet Documentary here.

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out the best content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

In continuation of the uncomfortable but necessary discussions we are having in honor of #PrideMonth, we are having a discussion with an LGBT+ Activist called Kiki Bandy.

She is a Cameroonian public figure, entrepreneur, and LGBT+ activist. She is the Founder of Kikum Consulting - a marketing and branding consultancy; Co-founder of Rem Clan - a gender-neutral online apparel clothing company inspired by everything LGBTQ. She is a Rainbow Migration Trustee, Black Beetle Health Trustee, Living Free UK Director, and above all, she is African.

Hope you enjoy this episode as the earlier ones, leave an honest review and get the resources you need in the information below.

[00:01 – 02:25] Opening Segment

• Introduction of Guest and Topic

[02:25 – 10:31] Our Guest (Kiki Bandy) Shares her coming-out story.

• The situations that led to her coming-out
• How the family responded
• The African communities reaction
• Death threats and warning of rape

[10:31 – 30:30] Kiki Bandy Shares her Experience in the LBGT+ Community

• The supportive community reception she had.
• The discrimination faced by Black Women in the LGBT+ Community
• How people denied her opportunities

[30:30 – 42:00] Closing Remarks

• The host encourages the quest to keep fighting
• The guest shares her projects
• Final regards and laughs.

Tweetable Quotes:

"What I can tell young people in the LGBTQIA+ community is that - coming out is not for everyone. You have to come out to yourself first and accept who you're first, that's the most important thing." - Bandy Kiki

Contact Kiki Bandy--- Mail:  [email protected].   Instagram: @bandykiki

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out great content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

In continuation of honoring Pride Month, we examine the complex, yet longstanding relationship between the LGBTQIA+ community and the African church.

In this Episode, our guest is Pastor Johnson Bong (one of the Pastors of Grace Community Church Outreach in Manchester, UK). He joined us as we spark uncomfortable, but very necessary, conversations that challenge how the Church treats the LGBTQIA+ in the African community.

[00:01 – 02:30] Opening Segment

• Introduction of Guest and Topic

[02:31 – 21:30] Pastor Johnson Talks About the Church's Perspective

• His Perspective and the Church's Perspective.
• How we're to treat the LGBTQIA+ Community.
• He explains Salvation in three Stages.

[21:31 – 43:40] Pastor Johnson gives his opinion on some points

• He insists on not the importance of treating people well,  showing grace and having compassion just as Jesus will do.
• He shares his personal history and how the church originally receive him.
• He further gets into a debate with the host about the inclusion of the LGBTQIA+ in the church.

[43:41 – 1:09:23] The debate continues

• The host questions some biblical terms and languages.
• The host suggests the book: Is God Anti-Gay by Sam Allberry. 
• The difficult but necessary questions and conversations continue.

Tweetable Quotes:

“People keep pointing figures to the wrong of other people when they also have similar wrongs in their lives.” – Pastor Johnson Bong

“People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Pastor Johnson Bong

Contact Pastor Johnson Bong: [email protected]

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out great content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

 

In continuation to Part 1 of our discussion in honor of Pride Month, we discuss deeper issues faced by the extremely marginalized African LGBTQIA+ community, and how we as a community can treat everyone with kindness regardless of their sexual preference. The Solar Wilsons shared more stories about their experience as well as information on their charity, philanthropy, and current projects.

Jump on this Part 2 and let us ride on to finish up where we left on Episode 13. 

[00:01 – 06:40] The History of Homosexuality in Africa

• Sharing facts and knowledge on homosexuality in Africa
• How Governments treat the LGBTQIA+ community

[06:40 – 26:40] Behind the Scene Struggles of the LGBTQI+ Community

• The Wilson’s share their mentorship programs
• The causes of the rise in Suicide in the LGBTQIA+ community 
• Share some inner struggles and fights face by the LGBTQIA+ community

• Effects of social media abuse and hate.

[26:40 – 53:07] The African Village & The Wilson’s Current Projects

• How the African Village Started.
• Their current projects, achievements, and philanthropy work.

Tweetable Quotes:

“We [the LGBTQIA+] are in your families; we are your brothers, sisters, cousins, and parents. Someone in your family or even perhaps yourself is LGBTQIA+ so look into the mirror before you treat anyone unkindly because of their sexuality.” – The Wilsons

“At the end of the day, the most important thing is coming out to yourself and knowing that nothing is wrong with you.” – The Wilsons

Contact The Wilsons:

The Solar-Wilson Village: https://www.solar-wilsonvillage.com/

The Wilsons Email - [email protected]

Moji Solar-Wilson on Social Media:

Instagram - @mojisworld1

Facebook - Moji Solar-Wilson

You can reach out to Patience on Facebook or Instagram. Support the Free Minds Foundation, visit their Facebook page.

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out great content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).

 

In honor of Pride Month, members of the LGBTQIA+ community dust off their rainbow flags and douse themselves in glitter with parades, festivals, and concerts across the globe but not in our African Countries and communities where the LGBTQIA+ community is extremely marginalized, criminalized, and discriminated against on the daily basis.

In this Episode 13 {Part 1}, we had a very impactful conversion with The Solar Wilsons (the first Nigerian born-out legally married lesbian couple in the US) as we spark uncomfortable, but very necessary, conversations that challenge how we treat the LGBTQIA+ in the African community.

[00:01 – 02:35] Opening Segment

• Introduction of guest and topic

[02:36 – 21:30] The Wilsons’s Story

• The Wilson’s share their story – on discovering their sexuality as lesbians.
• How they came out to the world.

• The loss of friends and family relations.

• The support of some family members.
• The welcoming support of the LGBTQIA+ community.

[21:30 – 43:40] The Love Story & Wedding

• How they met and fell in love 
• The Viral Wedding that took over the internet in Nigeria
• How they overcame the attacks, betrayals, and abuse.
• How the Church treats the LGBTQIA+ community.

Tweetable Quotes:

“What I found out is that 80% of the 10% of Africans who are LGBTQIA+ are actually in the closet and most of them are actually married to the opposite gender.” – The Wilsons

“We’re Christian LGBQTIA+ people but when we came out, we were church shopping because every church you go to, you’re met with a different kind of hatred.” – The Wilsons

Contact The Wilsons:

The Solar-Wilson Village: https://www.solar-wilsonvillage.com/

The Wilsons Email - [email protected]

Moji Solar-Wilson on Social Media:

Instagram - @mojisworld1

Facebook - Moji Solar-Wilson

You can reach out to Patience on Facebook or Instagram. Support the Free Minds Foundation, visit their Facebook page.

LEAVE A REVIEW and tell us what you think about the episode so we can continue putting out great content just for you!

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or send us an email at [email protected]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).