Living From Happiness

Yes, it's possible to live well while holding our grief and sorrow for what's been lost, and knowing that we are simply mortal beings. And Martha Crawford is the perfect guest to share some big ideas and deeply personal experiences in this episode of Living From Happiness. Martha earned a master's degree in social work, followed by an advanced certificate in clinical social work from NYU. After working for 25 years in New York City, she relocated to Santa Fe just in time to hunker down when the pandemic took over the world. In 2016, she was diagnosed with a unique, unstageable, unprognosable cancer that transformed and reshaped her vocational goals, capacities and priorities. Martha now works as a mentor, teacher, writer, coach, psycho-spiritual director and as a group and workshop facilitator. This fascinating conversation ranges from archetypal and depth psychologies (curious about the Mad King and Dangerous Buffoon?) to the collective stressors we're all facing these days. "Privilege is eroding." "We're living in the crack between worlds." "Our problems are collective." These are just a few of the provocative ideas from Martha Crawford. It's a big-brain conversation you don't want to miss. Martha Crawford's website here: https://www.whatashrinkthinks.com/ Dr. Melanie Harth is a licensed psychotherapist in Santa Fe NM working with people who've lost their way. Her website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/

Kelsey Blackwell is a cultural somatics practitioner and author dedicated to supporting women of color to trust and follow the guidance of the body.

She's a facilitator, coach, and speaker who's brought abolitionist embodied practices to such diverse groups as riders on Bay Area Rapid Transit trains to students at Stanford University to the offices of LinkedIn.

She has a new book called "Decolonizing the Body: Healing, Body-Centered Practices for Women of Color to Reclaim Confidence, Dignity, and Self-Worth".

Finally, Kelsey believes that working towards personal and collective liberation must also bring joy.

She's one of the most thoughtful, engaging guests Melanie's had the pleasure of talking with.

This is a gentle conversation about what is too often conflictual and difficult with an important young voice in the worlds of happiness and healing.

Kelsey Blackwell website here: https://www.kelseyblackwell.com/

Dr. Melanie Harth website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/.

Cheryl Alters Jamison is the Queen of New Mexico food (at least, that's what Melanie calls her)! Cheryl is a 4-time James Beard award winning cookbook author. She's published 22 cookbooks, and sold over 2 million copies. Not one to rest for very long, she's also been voted Edible New Mexico's Local Heroes Best Food Writer award twice, is the founder of the online Excited About Foods community, a Contributing Culinary Editor for New Mexico Magazine, culinary tourism consultant, and a radio host at Hutton Broadcasting, where she has a show about food called Heating It Up. Finally, in her spare time she leads foodie tours to Europe and exotic places like Morocco. Some of the convo topics include food and travel and happiness, the ways in which cultures and foods are connected, the political and social power of food, how to keep going when we've lost a loved one, and yep … … chickens. This show is full of stories, and laughter, and a lot of living that Cheryl shares with y'all. Finally, you've got to listen to the 2nd half, when she shares a few names of in-the-news northern New Mexico places to eat (not all of them restaurants). Cheryl Alters Jamison website, Excited About Food, here: https://excitedaboutfood.com/ Dr. Melanie Harth, the Santa Fe Therapist website, here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/

Really! Melanie and guest Jon Baskin have a lot of fun talking about psychoanalysis in this episode. Things like what it is, why there are so many negative biases against it (at least on Melanie's part), and what motivated Jon to become a candidate psychoanalyst-in-training at the Chicago Psychoanalytic Institute. Jon Baskin is already a seasoned psychotherapist. He's a licensed clinical social worker, completing his bachelor's degree in philosophy at UCLA along with a master's degree in social welfare, also at UCLA. Over the course of his career, he's worked with children with neurodevelopmental disabilities; military service members, veterans, and their families; first responders; education and mental health professionals; teenagers and young adults; and those experiencing crises related to severe psychological distress. Jon's a warm, compassionate, engaging guest who's articulate about a sometimes confusing psychotherapeutic modality. The prominent psychoanalytic therapist, Jonathan Shedler, shares this sort-of description about how it works: "Our patients recreate their problematic relationship patterns with us in the therapy relationship. Our unavoidable participation in these patterns provides a crucial window into their inner worlds. "Our unexpected participation in our patients' problematic relational patterns necessarily stirs up difficult feelings for us. It is not a question of if we experience difficult feelings but of whether or not we can use them constructively, as a source of understanding." Come along with Melanie as she learns more about psychoanalysis in this light-hearted (honest!) episode. Jon Baskin's website here: https://www.baskinpsychotherapy.com Dr. Melanie Harth's website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com The Santa Fe Therapist I'm Melanie, and I love helping people who are ready to work with a trauma therapist. In balancing the science of therapy with the art of healing, I'll create an innovative program for you that sets you on a path of success from the very first session. My compassionate, creative approach weaves together my ability to hear below the surface of the words, advanced degrees, years of specialized training, professional experience, and my own healing around trauma. I use the latest neuroscience findings as I combine Western systems, Eastern wisdom, Earth-based practices, as well as creative, innovative ideas to help you process, heal and begin building your future. My hope for you is that you'll feel safe every step of the way as you transform "I don't feel safe" into "Yes, I'm safe and well and happy." If you'd like a free, 15-minute phone consult, just send me an email: [email protected].

This episode takes a deep dive into healing the shame of childhood sexual abuse. National expert Beverly Engel is Melanie's guest as the two of them explore some of the many unhealthy consequences of shame. An acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, Beverly's a psychologist and best-selling author who's published 22 books, including four bestsellers on emotional abuse. Her most recent book is Freedom at Last: Healing the Shame of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Even though the subject matter may feel dark and heavy, the reality is that millions of people, both men and women, suffer deeply from the shame of having been sexually abused as children. And that shame can become an insidious self-saboteur, holding you hostage, never allowing you to live a full, rich life. There are many, often hidden, negative health consequences of having experienced childhood sexual abuse (CSA). As Beverly writes: "CSA survivors have a significantly higher risk of medical, psychological, behavioral, interpersonal, and social difficulties. Systemic reviews have also specifically established that CSA is a risk factor for depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dissociative patterns, sexual problems, relationship problems, sexual exploitation, intimate partner violence, suicidality, substance abuse, eating disorders, and educational difficulties. But all those effects and risk factors pale in comparison to one particular consequence of child sexual abuse—shame." The very good news is that there is so much hope and healing possible, which is what the focus of the show is really all about. Bad things happen to very good people. When you understand how much can be done to heal the shame of those early childhood wounds, your life will change for the better, in ways you may not even be able to imagine at this point. As Beverly wrote in Freedom at Last, "being reminded of your own abuse is not necessarily a negative thing. This is because many former victims are in so much denial that being reminded of what happened to them can help them get out of denial, a major problem for many former victims. The more you can face the truth about what happened to you, the healthier you can become." This episode takes a fearless look at the truth about what happened, and offers lots of ideas, suggestions, and evidence-based strategies to help folks begin the transformational journey of healing themselves into wholeness. Finally, please don't expect this to be a horrible downer of a show. These two women offer wide-open, heartfelt personal experiences and professional guidance into a taboo subject that must be openly talked about. For that is where the healing lives. Beverly Engel's website here: http://healmyshame.com/ Dr. Melanie Harth's website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/about-santa-fe-therapist/ You don't have to suffer alone anymore. If you're struggling with the shame of childhood sexual abuse, CPTSD, or any other traumatic experience, please reach out to Melanie for a free 15-minute phone consult: [email protected].

Who's the most fascinating French scientist-turned-baker in Santa Fe? It's Marcel Remillieux, of course!

This is a warm, gentle, delightful conversation about all things French and food (especially the sourdough bread) and families and growing up on the island of Corsica.

Marcel shares lots of stories about his family's legacy of baking, along with how he ended up as a scientist at Los Alamos National Lab for eight years.

He also gets up close and personal as he shares the story of why he chose to leave the Lab and take the huge risk of opening up a cafe and creperie, first in Los Alamos, and now in Santa Fe.

Marcel and Melanie have a lovely time together talking about:

• happiness
• emotional health and wellbeing
• French cultural traditions
• psychological resilience
• how to define success for oneself
• yep, sourdough bread and French baguettes

Merry Happy Holidays to everyone!

Mille, a French cafe and creperie in Santa Fe, website here

Mille's Facebook page here

Dr. Melanie Harth's website here

*the phrase Joyeux Noel is the one Melanie forgot to ask Marcel to pronounce, just in case you're still wondering what it was

Melanie shares several tips for enjoying the holidays in this episode. She also highlights some of the common holiday happiness traps that can cause folks a lot of sorrow, resentment and anger. As she says, "while almost everyone has fantastical dreams of perfect holidays that go all the way back before we were able to talk and encode explicit memories, almost as many of us are stressed, overwhelmed, sad or depressed, and can even become bitterly disappointed … every holiday season." There's a lot of good news, though! When you slow down and mindfully manage your holidays, you'll feel a lot better. And your beloveds will, too. (If they don't? They're not really beloveds, are they?) Melanie also offers the latest neuroscience research findings to help you feel more ease-full and peaceful this year. Her first tip? Don't give away your ability to choose how and with whom you spend your time. As she says, "You don't have to keep giving yourself, or your very precious time, or your emotional health and wellbeing away to ideas about how it's supposed to be, or to people who cannot see you, respect you and offer you, at the very least, kindness. "You don't have to choose to keep on doin' the holidays the same old ways it's always been done. "We're living in a new world. And to the extent we can accept that, even surrender to the new reality, then we've given ourselves some sacred space to begin building new rituals and ceremonies and traditions." Can you give yourself some sacred space and create new rituals and ceremonies and traditions that are in alignment with who you are and what you need? As usual, Melanie doesn't shy away from talking about the difficult things that most of us would rather not think about. Things like toxic families, grieving your losses during this supposedly "HappyHappy" time, and how to navigate the season as an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). And she also shares that a couple of the creative ideas that showed up surprised her, including her favorite, which she's calling The Soup Circle! She ends the show with a few poems to help sooth your nervous system and calm your weary mind, including this one entitled The Shortest Day, by Susan Cooper:

So the shortest day came, and the year died,

And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world

Came people singing, dancing,

To drive the dark away.

They lighted candles in the winter trees;

They hung their homes with evergreen;

They burned beseeching fires all night long

To keep the year alive,

And when the new year's sunshine blazed awake

They shouted, reveling.

Through all the frosty ages you can hear them

Echoing behind us—Listen!!

All the long echoes sing the same delight,

This shortest day,

As promise wakens in the sleeping land:

They carol, feast, give thanks,

And dearly love their friends,

And hope for peace.

And so do we, here, now,

This year and every year.

Welcome Yule!

More about Dr. Melanie Harth here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/about-santa-fe-therapist/

Silvia Stenitzer returns to the studio for this episode. Silvia's a licensed professional clinical counselor in Santa Fe. She has a private practice as a psychotherapist. And she also trains the trainers, offering continuing education workshops throughout the year for licensed counselors. She has specialized training in some important areas, including somatic therapy and interpersonal neurobiology. Melanie and Silvia share ideas about how to manage the holiday season when it feels overwhelming, or if you'll be spending time with toxic people, including family. Some of the topics include how healing can happen in relationships, and that sometimes the people who drive you the most crazy can be sources to help you deepen into your evolutionary journey. Narcissists and attachment styles are part of the discussion, as well. Melanie shares the 5 S's, from neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel. The 5 S's can be helpful to use when your nervous system has been activated, and you need some help with emotional safety and emotional regulation. The 5 S's are five fundamental needs that all humans have. They are:

"1) Be SEEN—meaning our inner life is perceived, made sense of, and responded to in a timely and effective manner. The attunement of others helps us "feel felt" in the world.

2) Be SOOTHED—meaning that our distress is noted and the interactions with others helps us to feel calmer, more at ease. This interactive soothing becomes internal soothing as we develop.

3) Be SAFE—meaning that we are protected from harm and also that those we care about are not the source of terror. This is how we come to have a sense of trust in others.

4) Be SECURE—meaning that we develop an overall internal model of solidity, enabling us to feel that in general, we are worthy of being seen, soothed, and safe and that we can rely on others for this important sense of connection.

In addition, a "fifth S" might be the notion of "SENSE-making"—meaning how we rely on our interactions with others to make sense of the world. This making sense process enables us to feel a coherence between what we experience ourselves and how we are told the world actually is. With a coherent sense-making experience, we have what some researchers term, "epistemic trust."

Furthermore, Siegel says "But if your family has not in the past provided these S's of security for you or others, then this list may be helpful to keep in mind as you enter this holiday season. We have a saying that you can 'name it to tame it,' meaning that if you name an emotional state it will help you create equilibrium in your life. If you are at the dinner table and Aunt Mary doesn't see you as you are discussing some important issues in your life, when the feeling of disconnection arises, say to yourself, with your inner voice, 'Ah—how fascinating—agitation from not being SEEN. That's one of those S's of security, fully missing here from her reactions to me, no wonder I have this unsettling feeling of disconnection.' You may not be able to change Aunt Mary, but you can change how you understand and respond to her non-secure ways of interacting with you. Finally, Siegel writes that you can be your own secure attachment figure. "You can see what is actually going on inside you with clarity and acceptance, you can soothe your own inner distress, you can keep yourself safe, and you can make sense of what is going on as you name it to tame it." https://drdansiegel.com/expanding-your-holiday-hub/ Silvia Stenitzer's website here: https://silviastenitzer.com/ Dr. Melanie Harth's website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/ Questions or comments about the show: [email protected].

Kimberley Brown is the guest on this episode which focuses on how to navigate grief and loss. Kim is a popular meditation teacher and author. She leads classes and workshops that emphasize the power of compassion and kindness to reconnect us to ourselves and others. She studies in both the Tibetan and Insight schools of Buddhism and is a Certified Mindfulness Instructor. Kim and Melanie talk all about her newest book, titled Navigating Grief and Loss: 25 Buddhist Practices to Keep Your Heart Open to Yourself and Others. She's a lovely teacher who's written a very accessible book to help guide folks through how to feel safe feeling all of our emotions and understanding how to be compassionate and kind to ourselves, no matter what shows up. For the truth is that this is when healing begins. Her book chapters are titled by different kinds of losses, including

• sudden death, or conversely,
• when you know it's coming,
• losing a child or grandchild,
• if your family disappoints you,
• grieving for strangers,
• and beloved pets, among others.

One of the things that Buddhism teaches is that "everything is impermanent and death can happen at any moment, to anyone, at any age … it's the nature of life," as Kim writes. Further, "for us to live fully with this unsettling truth requires that we acknowledge impermanence and change, be willing to mourn loss and face grief, and meet the unexpected with gentleness rather than denial or blame." Kim and Melanie share ideas for how to deal with emotions such as anger, compassion, anticipatory grief, collective grief, and how to hold our grief during the holidays. This is a lovely show, with many ideas to ponder. Kimberly Brown's website here: https://www.meditationwithheart.com/ Dr. Melanie Harth's website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/ Questions or suggestions: email [email protected]

Grief Counseling in Santa Fe, NM

Sadness and loss are part of being alive. And grieving our losses is part of what it means to live a rich, full life. If you're stuck in the past and can't seem to move forward on your own, or living with ambiguous loss, please reach out to schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation: [email protected].

I'm Melanie, the Santa Fe Therapist. My compassionate, creative approach to grief counseling in Santa Fe NM weaves together my ability to hear below the surface of the words, advanced degrees, years of specialized training, professional experience, and personal experiences healing from loss.

I use the latest neuroscience research as I combine Western systems, Eastern wisdom, Earth-based practices, as well as creative, innovative ideas to help you process and heal.

Clients usually work with me once a week for 8-12 months. As we work together, you'll process your sadness and loss in an emotionally safe space, and begin learning how to step into the world again, on your terms.

Please know that I welcome ongoing conversations about making therapy the best experience it can be for you.

The Santa Fe Therapist Offers Online Counseling in Santa Fe, NM

Online therapy helps women who are struggling with grief and loss find the time away from day-to-day pressures to calm their nervous systems. It also makes it easy and convenient to process emotions and learn new neuroscience techniques cope with challenges, heal the past, and begin building your future.

I strongly believe in the power of online counseling. Along with the research that proves its effectiveness, I see the positive benefits for clients every week. Click here if you've got questions about online therapy.

Online counseling from anywhere in New Mexico, including Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Taos, Los Alamos, Pecos, Las Vegas, Tesuque and El Dorado.

How to Get Grief Counseling in Santa Fe NM

You don't have to suffer alone anymore. Please, send me an email, and let's schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation: [email protected], for grief counseling in Santa Fe.

Other Services From The Santa Fe Therapist

The Santa Fe Therapist specializes in several areas of health, wellbeing, healing and recovery. We know that one size never fits all. Our services are individualized to each client, and are based on your values, your needs and desires, and your goals.

We offer individual adult counseling and guidance in Santa Fe NM for:

• dealing with overwhelming angst and despair
• anxiety help
• depression help
• emotional and spiritual healing
• processing grief
• overcoming low self-esteem
• learning how to make peace with the present
• PTSD and CPTSD/trauma
• helping you manage stress

Have you ever been told that you're "too sensitive," thinking too much, or that you should be happy going to parties 'cause the more the merrier? Do you hide you who are because you've been shamed or told there's something wrong with you? You might be an HSP, a highly sensitive person. Melanie (Dr. Melanie Harth) explains what being an HSP means, and offers lots of ideas and strategies for coping with too much stress, overwhelm, and an over-stimulated nervous system. She references the work of the psychologist who developed the theory, Dr. Elaine Aron, author of several books on being highly sensitive, including her first one, "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You." One quote Melanie shares in this episode from the book is "If you are going to notice every little thing in a situation, and if the situation is complicated (many things to remember), intense (noisy, cluttered, etc), or goes on too long (a 2-hour commute), it seem obvious that you will also have to wear out sooner from having to process so much so thoroughly. Others, not noticing much or any of what you have, will not tire as quickly [or at all!]. "They may even think it quite strange that you find it too much to sightsee all day and go to a nightclub in the evening. … . Indeed this is often the behavior we and others have noticed most — that HSPs are easily stressed by overstimulation (including social stimulation), or, having learned their lesson, that they avoid intense situations more than others do." Melanie shares information about what being highly sensitive can look like in different people, along with ways that an HSP can cause problems for themselves. Other areas she covers include HSPs and narcissists, HSPs and shame, HSPs and psychological/mental disorders such as anxiety and depression, and ways to help soothe yourself. Dr. Elaine Aron's website here, including the free quiz: https://hsperson.com/ Dr. Melanie Harth's website here: https://thesantafetherapist.com/