I Kept Hoping She Would Change: When the Person Who Should Protect You Doesn’t

She told her mother she was being sexually abused. She thought that meant someone would finally protect her.

Instead, she spent years hoping the person who was supposed to protect her would change.

In this episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lee shares her experience of surviving childhood sexual abuse—and what happened when telling the truth didn't bring the safety, protection, or support she desperately needed.

Lee talks openly about growing up as the oldest child, being parentified at a young age, trying to protect her younger siblings, asking repeatedly for mental health support, navigating suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and continuing to hope that one day her mother would become the person she needed her to be.

We also explore something many survivors understand deeply: why we keep hoping.

Why do we keep waiting for someone to finally choose us?

Why do we convince ourselves that maybe if we explain it differently, try harder, need less, become easier to love, or give them one more chance, they'll finally show up?

And what happens when we finally realize we cannot make another person change—no matter how desperately we need them to?

Lee's story is also one of advocacy, finding validation, learning to extend herself the compassion she so easily gives other survivors, and discovering that healing doesn't mean forgetting what happened.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop asking, “How do I make them change?” and start asking, “What do I need now?”

CONTENT WARNING

This episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, self-harm, emotional abuse, neglect, medical trauma, and other potentially distressing experiences. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW NEEDS SUPPORT

🇺🇸 National Sexual Assault Hotline — RAINN
Available 24/7 for survivors of sexual assault and abuse.

Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
Text: HOPE to 64673
Online chat and additional resources: RAINN.org

RAINN provides confidential support, information, and connections to local resources for survivors and their loved ones.

💜 The Refuge Utah — Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Support

24/7 Domestic Violence Helpline: 801-377-5500
24/7 Sexual Assault Helpline: 801-356-2511
Spanish Sexual Assault Helpline: 801-924-0860

Learn more: therefugeutah.org

❤️ National Domestic Violence Hotline

Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
Online support: thehotline.org

Trained advocates can help with safety planning, identifying abuse, finding local resources, and exploring options.

🩵 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, or a mental health crisis:

Call or text 988

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency services.

You do not have to wait until your situation feels “bad enough” to ask for help. You deserve to be heard, believed, supported, and safe.

Living in the Aftermath shares survivor experiences to create education, awareness, connection, and conversations around trauma and healing. The experiences shared by guests are their own. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health, medical, or legal advice.

What if some of the things we were taught about love and relationships were never actually healthy?

“Marriage is hard.”
“If they’re jealous, it means they care.”
“Love should be unconditional.”
“Never go to bed angry.”
“People don’t change.”

We hear these phrases so often that we rarely stop to question what they actually teach us about love.

In this episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey is joined by Teal Christianson and Ash Hunsaker from The Refuge Utah’s Prevention Team for an honest, relatable conversation about what healthy relationships actually look like—and the relationship myths we may need to unlearn.

Together, they talk about the often-confusing space between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships, and why recognizing the difference can be difficult whether you’re a teenager navigating your first relationship or an adult who has been married for years.

They dig into boundaries, consent, jealousy, trust, healthy conflict, communication, accountability, emotional safety, and red flags—including why consent doesn’t disappear when a relationship becomes serious or turns into marriage.

And this episode is interactive.

Grab a piece of paper or your phone and rate yourself as you listen through questions about:

• Boundaries
• Communication
• Conflict
• Apologies and accountability
• Jealousy and trust

Can you say no without overexplaining? Can you hear someone else’s boundary without treating it as rejection? Can you disagree without trying to win? Can you apologize without adding a “but”? Can you communicate insecurity without creating rules for someone else?

This isn’t a test of whether you’re “good” or “bad” at relationships. These are skills—and skills can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.

The conversation also challenges some of the relationship advice many of us grew up hearing and asks an important question:

Is this actually love—or have we simply been taught to call it love?

Because healthy relationships don’t require you to lose your voice, abandon your boundaries, or sacrifice yourself to prove that you care.

Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is unlearn what we were taught.

The Refuge Utah is a nonprofit rape crisis center and domestic violence service provider serving survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, coercion, control, and lack of consent. Its mission is to empower survivors and increase emotional and physical safety through advocacy, education, and trauma-informed services.

The Refuge Utah provides survivor-centered services at no cost and offers prevention education in schools and throughout the community, including education about healthy relationships, safe dating, abuse warning signs, and how to help someone who may be in an unsafe relationship.

24/7 Domestic Violence Helpline:
(801) 377-5500

24/7 Sexual Assault Helpline:
(801) 356-2511

If you are interested in bringing The Refuge Utah’s Prevention Team to a school, college, youth organization, church group, community organization, parent group, or other gathering, reach out to the Prevention Team at [email protected] for questions or booking information.

*Living in the Aftermath is a podcast about the ways trauma shapes us, the things we learn in survival, and what happens as we begin to rebuild. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health, medical, or legal advice.

What happens when a child becomes the parent?

At just 22 years old, Rhiannon has survived more than most people experience in a lifetime. Growing up with parents battling addiction, she learned to protect the very people who were supposed to protect her. After entering foster care as a teenager, losing her father to suicide, and navigating the grief of an estranged relationship with her mother, she found herself asking a heartbreaking question:

Who am I when I was never allowed to just be a child?

In this deeply honest conversation, we explore how childhood trauma doesn't end when childhood does. It follows survivors into adulthood through people-pleasing, hypervigilance, difficulty trusting others, and the overwhelming feeling of being responsible for everyone else's happiness.

Whether you grew up with addicted parents, experienced emotional neglect, or simply felt like you had to grow up too soon, this episode is a reminder that your survival isn't your identity—and healing is possible.

• Growing up with addicted parents
• Childhood trauma and emotional neglect
• Parentification and becoming the caregiver
• Losing a parent to suicide
• The lifelong impact of childhood abuse
• Child Protective Services (CPS) and child advocacy
• Trauma responses in adulthood
• People-pleasing and conflict avoidance
• Healing after childhood trauma
• Why survivors often become caretakers

If this conversation resonates with you, please consider subscribing, sharing this episode with someone who needs it, and leaving a review. Every share helps another survivor feel a little less alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or coercive control, support is available.

• The Refuge Utah

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or experiencing a mental health crisis, contact the 988

What if the person everyone trusted was the one who hurt you?

In this powerful episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey Hackford sits down with survivor and advocate Shannon Porter, founder of What They Don't Say, to explore the devastating reality that sexual predators often don't fit the stereotypes we've been taught to fear.

After losing her father and brother in a tragic plane crash at just 11 years old, Shannon spent years searching for safety, belonging, and approval. Then she met the man everyone believed was the "perfect Christian boy"—kind, respectful, faith-filled, and trusted by everyone around him. What happened next changed her life forever.

Together, Lyndsey and Shannon have an honest conversation about:

• How childhood trauma shapes our relationships
• Why predators often appear trustworthy
• Religious trauma and purity culture
• Consent, coercion, and healthy boundaries
• Why "good people" can still commit horrific acts
• How communities unintentionally enable abuse
• The long journey of healing after sexual assault

If you've ever questioned your own experience, struggled to trust yourself after trauma, or wondered how someone "so nice" could become an abuser, this conversation is for you.

Connect with Shannon Porter & What They Don't Say

• 🌐 What They Don't Say: WhatTheyDontSay.com
• 🎙️ Listen to the What They Don't Say podcast
• 📱 Follow What They Don't Say on Instagram & TikTok
• ☕ Support their work through Buy Me a Coffee
• 📧 Contact Shannon through her official links

All of Shannon's official resources can be found here:
What They Don't Say Linktree

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault or domestic violence, you are not alone.

💜 The Refuge Utah
Supporting survivors of domestic violence through emergency shelter, advocacy, counseling, and community resources.
https://refugeutah.org

📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 800-799-7233
Text START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org

📞 RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)
Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
https://www.rainn.org

If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency services.

🎙️ About Living in the Aftermath

Living in the Aftermath is a podcast hosted by survivor and advocate Lyndsey Hackford, exploring how trauma shapes decision-making, relationships, and healing. Through honest conversations with survivors, professionals, and advocates, this podcast challenges misconceptions about abuse while offering hope to those rebuilding their lives.

If this episode impacted you, please consider:
👍 Like the video
💬 Share your thoughts in the comments
📤 Share this episode with someone who needs it
🔔 Subscribe so you never miss a new conversation

#SexualAssaultAwareness #Consent #TraumaHealing #ReligiousTrauma #DomesticViolence

What happens when warning signs of domestic violence are ignored and family court fails to protect children?

In this powerful episode of Living in the Aftermath, I sit down with child safety advocate Hope Hooton to discuss the heartbreaking loss of her children, Alec and Lydia, and how unimaginable tragedy led her to fight for change.

Hope shares her experiences with coercive control, emotional abuse, isolation, and why survivors often stay in abusive relationships. Together, we discuss the realities of family court, the importance of putting child safety first, and the advocacy work that led to the passing of Arizona's Alec and Lydia Act.

This conversation is difficult, emotional, and incredibly important.

Topics discussed:
• Domestic violence and coercive control
• Family court and child custody
• Child safety and protective parents
• Emotional and religious abuse
• Why survivors stay
• Trauma and healing
• The Alec and Lydia Act
• Family court reform and child advocacy

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CONNECT WITH HOPE HOOTON
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🌿 Follow Hope's journey:
Hope's Linktree

📚 Buy Hope's book:
"There’s Still Hope: A Journey of Adversity, Tragedy and Unshakable Hope"

🎙️ Listen to Hope's podcast:
Voices Against Filicide Podcast

💜 Learn more about Hope's advocacy work:
Voices Against Filicide

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RESOURCES
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If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available.

💜 National Domestic Violence Hotline:
The Hotline
Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788

💜 The Refuge Utah:
The Refuge Utah 801-377-5500

💜 Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline:
Childhelp Hotline
Call or text: 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)

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If this episode moved you, please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, and SHARE. Stories like Hope's create awareness, start conversations, and have the power to save lives.

Every child deserves to be safe.

#DomesticViolence #FamilyCourt #ChildSafety #HopeHooton #ProtectiveParents #CoerciveControl #AlecAndLydiaAct #TraumaHealing #ChildAdvocacy #LivingInTheAftermath #LyndseyHackford

What happens when the system meant to protect children becomes the source of their trauma?

In this episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey sits down with Kitty Mayo, founder of Georgia Protective Parents, to discuss her family's experience navigating family court, reunification programs, child advocacy, and the fight to bring children home.

After years of advocating for her stepchildren following abuse allegations, Kitty and her husband found themselves facing a system they never expected. What followed was years of separation, staggering financial costs, profound grief, and ultimately a mission to help other families facing similar challenges.

Together, Lyndsey and Kitty discuss:

• Reunification camps and reunification therapy programs
• Family court and child custody challenges
• Protective parents and child advocacy
• The emotional impact of forced family separation
• Healing after family court trauma
• Finding purpose through advocacy
• Legislative efforts to protect children
• The importance of using your voice, even when the system tells you not to

This conversation explores difficult questions about child safety, family court reform, trauma, resilience, and what happens when children say they are not being heard.

Whether you are a survivor, protective parent, advocate, professional, or simply someone who cares about child welfare, this episode offers an important perspective on a topic many families never hear about until it impacts their own lives.

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Learn more and connect with Georgia Protective Parents:

Website:
https://georgiaprotectiveparents.org

Linktree:
https://linktr.ee/georgiaprotectiveparents

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/GeorgiaProtectiveParents

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/georgiaprotectiveparents

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RESOURCES

National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org

Call or Text: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

The Refuge Utah
https://www.therefugeutah.org

Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741
https://www.crisistextline.org

If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency services.

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DISCLAIMER

The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the host, production team, or affiliated organizations.

This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, mental health, or professional advice.

This episode contains discussions involving domestic violence, child abuse allegations, family court proceedings, trauma, coercive control, and reunification programs. Listener discretion is advised.

All individuals discussed are presumed innocent unless proven guilty in a court of law. Experiences shared represent personal perspectives and lived experiences.

In this powerful episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey sits down with survivor, advocate, and paralegal Lynn Stroud for a raw conversation about the warning signs of abuse that so many people miss until it's too late.

From childhood experiences that shaped her understanding of relationships to sexual assault, stalking, reproductive coercion, emotional abuse, family betrayal, and the failures of systems designed to protect survivors, Lynn shares the painful realities of what happens when trauma teaches you to question your own instincts.

Together, Lyndsey and Lynn discuss:

✨ Why survivors often trust everyone else's opinions over their own intuition
✨ Reproductive coercion and the hidden forms of abuse many people don't recognize
✨ Family members who defend abusers and silence victims
✨ Stalking, intimidation, and post-separation abuse
✨ Toxic messages like "Marriage is hard" and "Blood is thicker than water"
✨ The family court system and the challenges protective parents face
✨ Healing after abuse and learning to trust yourself again
✨ Building healthy relationships after trauma
✨ Breaking generational cycles and teaching our children healthy boundaries

If you've ever wondered why survivors stay, why leaving is so complicated, or how abuse can exist without visible bruises, this episode offers an honest look into the realities many victims face behind closed doors.

This conversation is emotional, validating, and ultimately hopeful for anyone navigating life after abuse.

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING / DISCLAIMER

This episode contains discussions of:

• Domestic violence
• Sexual assault
• Reproductive coercion
• Stalking
• Emotional and psychological abuse
• Trauma and PTSD
• Family court challenges
• Post-separation abuse

Viewer and listener discretion is advised.

The information shared in this episode is based on personal experiences and opinions and is intended for educational and awareness purposes only. This podcast is not a substitute for legal, medical, mental health, or professional counseling services.

💜 NEED HELP?

Website: The Refuge Utah

24-Hour Crisis Line: 📞 801-377-5500

Text Line: 📱 801-368-7700

Website: National Domestic Violence Hotline

Call: 📞 800-799-SAFE (7233)

Text: 📱 START to 88788

Website: RAINN

24/7 Hotline:
📞 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📸 Instagram: @knowledge_exch_abuse_survivors

💼 LinkedIn: Lynn Stroud LinkedIn

Lynn is a survivor, advocate, and paralegal dedicated to helping others recognize the warning signs of abuse, reproductive coercion, coercive control, and post-separation abuse.

🎙️ Podcast Host: Lyndsey Hackford

📸 Instagram: @living.inthe.aftermath

🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Livingintheaftermath

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/living-in-the-aftermath-with-lyndsey/id1832389204

In this devastatingly honest episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey sits down with survivor, advocate, author, and mother Mae Scott for one of the most raw conversations the podcast has had to date.

Mae shares the unimaginable reality behind surviving years of coercive control, emotional abuse, marital sexual assault, violence, manipulation, family court trauma, and the psychological conditioning that made her believe the abuse was somehow her fault.

Together, Lyndsey and Mae unpack:

• Trauma bonds and why survivors stay
• The slow psychological destruction of emotional abuse
• Marital rape, coercion, and consent within marriage
• Post-separation abuse and court manipulation
• Parenting through domestic violence
• Fear, shame, guilt, and survival
• Learning what healthy love actually looks like
• Rebuilding identity after abuse

Mae is the author of An Embarrassment of Pandas: Exposing an Abusive Family and a Flawed System, a powerful memoir exposing the realities of domestic violence, institutional failures, and the long fight to reclaim safety, truth, and identity after abuse. Through her advocacy and storytelling, Mae is helping survivors feel less alone while pushing for awareness and systemic change.

This episode is emotional, validating, triggering, inspiring, heartbreaking, and deeply important.

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING / CONTENT WARNING:
This episode contains discussions involving:

• Domestic violence
• Sexual assault
• Marital rape
• Emotional & psychological abuse
• Strangulation
• Trauma bonds
• Court trauma
• PTSD & trauma responses
• Suicidal thoughts
• Manipulation & coercive control

Listener/viewer discretion is strongly advised.

Disclaimer:
The experiences shared in this episode reflect personal lived experiences shared for awareness, advocacy, and education. This podcast is not intended to replace therapy, legal counsel, medical advice, or emergency/crisis services.

💜 Resources & Support

The Refuge Utah

Supporting survivors of domestic violence through shelter, advocacy, education, and resources.

📞 24-Hour Crisis Line: 801-377-5500
📞 Toll Free: 1-800-899-5505
🌐 The Refuge Utah Website

National Domestic Violence Hotline

📞 Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
📱 Text: START to 88788
🌐 The Hotline

Sexual Assault Support

🌐 RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)

Follow & Support Mae Scott

📘 Author Website: Mae Scott Official Website
📸 Instagram: @maescottofficial
📖 An Embarrassment of Pandas: Exposing an Abusive Family and a Flawed System available now.

🎙️ Follow Living in the Aftermath for more conversations surrounding trauma, survival, healing, domestic violence awareness, and rebuilding after abuse.

What happens when everything changes in a single moment?

In this episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey sits down with Chell Bane, host of Beyond the Monsters, to share a story rooted in childhood trauma, abuse, grief, addiction, and survival.

From experiencing abuse at a young age…
to navigating years of emotional trauma and survival mode…
to losing her husband in a sudden, devastating moment…

This conversation explores what trauma really looks like—
not just in the moment, but in the aftermath.

Because survival doesn’t mean you’re okay.
And healing isn’t always linear.

This episode dives into:

• Childhood trauma and long-term effects
• Domestic violence and emotional abuse
• Grief, sudden loss, and widowhood
• Addiction and coping mechanisms
• Trauma responses and survival behaviors
• Rebuilding life after loss and trauma
• Finding purpose after pain

If you’ve ever wondered how someone keeps going after everything falls apart—this conversation is for you.

🙏 SPECIAL THANK YOU

A special thank you to the Beyond the Monsters team for welcoming us into your space and allowing us to record this episode on your set. Your support, collaboration, and commitment to sharing real, meaningful stories made this conversation possible.

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

This episode contains discussions of domestic violence, abuse, trauma, addiction, grief, and suicide. Viewer/listener discretion is advised.

The experiences shared are personal accounts and are not intended to determine guilt, innocence, or legal conclusions. This conversation is a depiction of lived experiences only.

This content is not therapy, medical advice, or legal advice.
If you are struggling, please seek support from a licensed professional.

🆘 RESOURCES & SUPPORT

If you or someone you know needs help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline
📞 1-800-799-7233
💬 Text START to 88788
🌐 https://www.thehotline.org

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
📞 Call or text 988

Crisis Text Line
💬 Text HOME to 741741

RAINN (Sexual Assault Support)
📞 1-800-656-HOPE
🌐 https://www.rainn.org

SAMHSA National Helpline (Substance Use & Mental Health)
📞 1-800-662-HELP

The Refuge Utah
📞 (385) 472-4088
🌐 https://therefugeutah.org

You are not alone. There is support available.

🎙️ CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST – CHELL BANE

🌐 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/BeyondtheMonsters
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beyondthemonsters
🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondtheMonsters
🎙️ Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-the-monsters/id1778966880
🎧 Spotify: (available via Linktree)

If this episode impacted you, consider sharing it with someone who may need it.

Because when we talk about trauma, abuse, and survival openly, we make it easier for someone else to feel seen.

Trauma bonding doesn’t feel like abuse—it feels like love.

In this episode of Living in the Aftermath, Lyndsey sits down with Laura Richards to unpack the psychological grip of narcissistic abuse, the confusion of trauma bonds, and the painful belief that if you could just be better… they would finally love you the right way.

Together, they dive into:

• Why narcissistic relationships often start with intense connection and “green flags”
• How gaslighting slowly makes you question your own reality
• The cycle of hope, breadcrumbs, and emotional dependency
• Why leaving isn’t simple—and why staying doesn’t mean you’re weak
• The truth about being discarded and replaced
• How to begin healing, rebuild self-worth, and break the trauma bond

This conversation is raw, validating, and deeply personal. If you’ve ever felt like you were never enough—this episode will help you understand why.

⚠️ Disclaimer

This episode discusses domestic violence, emotional abuse, and trauma.
Listener discretion is advised.

The views and experiences shared in this episode are personal and are not intended to determine guilt or innocence in any specific situation. This content is for educational and awareness purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy, medical, or legal advice.

💜 Resources & Support

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available:

• The Refuge Utah
  24/7 Crisis Line: 801-377-5500
  Website: https://therefugeutah.org
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
  Call or text: 1-800-799-7233
  Chat: https://www.thehotline.org
• RAINN
  24/7 Support: 800-656-HOPE
  https://www.rainn.org

You are not alone. Support exists, and healing is possible.

🔗 Connect with Laura Richards

Host of That’s Where I’m At Podcast
Speaker | Author | Coach
https://bio.site/laurarichards

https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast

https://www.youtube.com/@thatswhereimatpodcast

https://open.spotify.com/show/0Lmc87ro6rDrHWtw4MXV1x?si=e204386b5e854387

📞 Resources

The Refuge Utah
24/7 Hotline: (801) 377-5500
Website: https://therefugeutah.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.)
Call or Text: 1-800-799-7233
Website: https://www.thehotline.org

RAINN (Sexual Assault Support)
Call: 800-656-HOPE
Website: https://www.rainn.org

🔔 Listen & Follow
Available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Follow along: @living.inthe.aftermath