Living Inside Out with Toks

Often parents will purchase a pair of shoes for their growing child, a size or half a size larger because they know their feet will grow into it.

Do you create space to grow? In this episode, I share the subtlety and consequence of stagnancy. Personal growth is a phrase that's used a lot today, but the reality of its practice does not match our verbal usage. 

One reason we don't grow is that we don't create the space to grow, or we don't step into the available space. And the comfort zone is well, comfortable so there is no pressure to press forward either. Yet if you stay, you are robbing your soul and others. 

Here are three more reasons:

1. You were created for a specific purpose. 

2. Nothing around you grows unless you grow. In business we have a saying; you don’t do business with a company, you do business with people. That’s because a business is made up of different people working in different parts. 

3. We grow to bear fruit- and our fruit must feed others. I believe that there are people who are suffering needlessly because some of us did not step up to the plate. 

References:

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3: 18 NLT

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Do you stop to notice the signs of growth? In this episode, I share the importance of doing just that. I have found the fear and anxiety often show up at the point of making a decision that will move me forward. So when I was confronted with a new situation this week, even though it felt more like a threat, I recognised it as an opportunity for growth.

Taking that step forward does not immediately cure the anxiety, but it is certain to move you forward. Perhaps for you, it isn't fear or anxiety. Maybe it is self-doubt. Maybe an abundance of adrenaline, whatever the signs are, it pays to know what that looks like.

Here are three steps to take when life demands that you step outside your comfort zone.

1. Know your anatomy.

Understanding your mind and how it functions when you're under pressure will go a long way towards helping you progress. But that's not all, knowing the various parts that make up the challenge or obstacle is just as helpful. For example, you will begin to recognise the weak points where you can leverage your strength. 

2. Keep your vision in front of you

Often, we come so close to the obstacle that it obscures our view of the future we have imagined. Take a few steps back, and fix your eyes on your destination. Just like the sprinter who does not look at the hurdles in a race, he looks at the finish line- but for that to happen, there must be a finish line within view.

3. Revisit old landmarks

If you are going to play bigger, grow your business or leave your fulltime job to do what you've always wanted, life would have placed a series of challenges on your path and you would have overcome them.

What does that look like for you? Go back in time to see how past opportunities showed up. Did they come with fear? Anxiety? Self-doubt? And what did you do? Did you press through, get help? How you have dealt with past difficulties will be a clue on how to address future ones.

This week, I want you to dedicate time to be curious about the obstacles you are facing. Write out your vision in detail, and revisit previous landmarks to identify how you overcame them and what emotions came with the change.

Then bring it all together and make some new decisions to embrace and not run away from the challenge you have been staring at.

References:

Episode 2: The Rock Star Story: Rising above the challenge

Everyone dreams, but some are waiting to see the space where the dream will stand, before taking action to make it a reality.

Your dream has to be bigger than what your environment tells you. One of the most powerful lessons I've been privileged to understand has been learning to make plans not based on present resources, but based on God's promises; based on unseen future resources. 

We often draw conclusions based on what our senses pick up. That is natural because we are sensual beings. But that is also the way fixed mindsets work. A fixed mindset believes what they see is all they have. It concludes that the visible, the palpable is final, and there is nothing more in the future.

A growth mindset, on the other hand, trusts that the invisible is possible, and it strives to create it in the natural. This is necessary if we are ever going to see our imagined future manifested in the natural. 

If you are going to step into the growth zone, you have got to eliminate from your environment, every voice, memory, or suggestion that exists to shrink your aspirations. 

A growth mindset allows you to live beyond any limits. Your mind expands per your need. Better still, your need becomes swallowed up by the space that your mind has created for it. But this can't happen unless your mind actually makes the space. 

Here are three ways to create the space for your dreams to thrive in: 

• Know that God has a dream for you.

No matter how huge your aspirations are, understand and believe that God's plans for you are even more significant. The ideas and goals and desires you have been birthed out of a bigger dream. Your plan is a tiny piece, a fragment, a crumb from a giant cookie of God's plan for you. And If you believe God has a dream for you, it is not for you to simply feel good about it. You are supposed to grow into it. 

• Look for signs of Growth

You are growing, but you wouldn't know it if you are oblivious to the signs of growth. Running a business and not seeing any progress can be discouraging so make sure you take time out to recognise and celebrate your advancements in life and business. Don't dismiss changes in your life as hmm, that's just life. Recognise and celebrate your growth.

• Create a vision board and regularly visit it. 

A vision board is a pictorial version of the vision you have. The reason you need one is that your mind needs to be bombarded with the information of what you want it to create. Already it is being fed by your spirit, which is where the vision comes from. But imagine if you also feed it from the outside using your senses? You won't have any choice but to create what you can see. Now just imagine the effect curating your environment will have. Start by removing the negative and leaving only the right people to occupy your space. 

Growth Activities

• Create a graphic that really speaks to you; something that assures you, God, has a dream for you. 

• Share this episode with one person in your circle. Doing this sends a message that you are busy growing; you are becoming more of who you were created to be, and our authenticity gives others permission to shine.

I have created some printable affirmations which will be going out via email next week. If you'd like to receive it, make sure you join my mailing list at toksaruoture.com.

Resources:

Canva.com

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I once heard someone say everyone is in one of three stages, just come out of a trial, currently in one or about to step into one. We can agree that challenges are inevitable, but how can we go through the fire without giving up? In this episode, I share three mindsets we can adopt to help us journey through the difficult seasons of life.

Growth mindset.

Believe that these trials are permitted by God but it is only for a season. 

What do you say to yourself when you're discouraged? The words we hear on a daily basis determine the direction of our thoughts, and consequently our actions. What we listen to during intense situations carry enough power to stir you away from or into an emotional dungeon.

In this episode, I share some of my favourite quotes, mantras and scriptures that can help you start moving again when you feel stuck.

I Am the Captain of My Fate

Not as pompous as it might initially sound, especially if you believe in the superiority of God over your life, this statement is the last sentence in a poem by William Ernest Henley. It was penned during a long and difficult season of his life and is quite a heavy read. The sentence ends with a spirit of resilience and courage, one that recognises that in the end, no matter how challenging life is, we get to decide where our lives are headed and the destination we end up in.

This too Shall Pass

A Persian adage and the inspiration for another poem, written by Helen Steiner Rice. I use this poem when I feel stuck in a ditch or marooned to a problem I am unable to separate myself from. This too shall pass is a gentle assurance that like all other problems you have endured in the past, this one, too, shall pass. And you will breathe again. Think about a serious situation that had you frozen some time ago, and you now laugh at. You survived it, didn't you? If you are a female entrepreneur, you are familiar with that feeling of being stuck. This one will get you moving again.

Begin Weaving and God Will Provide the Thread

Entrepreneurship is a synonym for risk-taking. You believe in an idea that is visible to you alone, and then you invest time and money into it, expecting it to reap results. The modern-day version is; 'You don’t have to see the whole staircase. You just have to take the first step.' By Martin Luther King Jr. These two sayings are the entrepreneur’s mantra. You know that nothing in life is certain, except death and taxes- they say, so as an entrepreneur, you go out and strike with all your might, prepared to handle the disappointment of zero results. The absence of certainty causes many would-be businesses owners to stand and stall, waiting for a green light. You have to practice this and not merely say it loud. Taking a step when you don’t know where it will lead you to, or not knowing if you have the resources to see a project to the end requires some courage in the absence of the assurance we crave. This is one to memorise too, for those days when you start a new journey in your career which you feel under-qualified or under-experienced for. 

Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow You

I use this scripture to unlearn the lie that I had believed that trouble was following me. I chose instead to embrace this truth of being chased by goodness, and not trouble. If you've ever been in a situation where you seem to be encountering back to back problems, this verse will help you unlearn the lie that you are being chased by difficulties. When meditated upon, you will come to understand all about expectations. Rather than pulling down your expectations to meet your current situation, raise them to meet God's promises for you. The power that's found in your vision will pull you in the direction of its fulfilment, but this will only happen when you look up, not down.

I Am Not the Custodian of Your Emotions

One of the most freeing mantras that was birthed from my personal experience. Agreeing not to be responsible for the emotions that others display is a game-changer. No one is responsible for your emotions, and you, therefore, are not answerable to theirs'. Not inviting a certain friend or relative to a party? You are not responsible for the feeling of disappointment that will come from not having them over. As women in business, it is important that we don't carry emotionally clutter which will slow us down.