By Mary Sue Rabe
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The podcast currently has 10 episodes available.
Freeing ourselves from something we got so acquainted with indeed requires a huge amount of will and dedication to succeed. Could it be a person, a moment, a former addiction, or whatever it is in that form, the battle won’t be an easy one to win over. Nevertheless, so as the saying goes, nothing is impossible with the Creator. It just needs a combination of His guidance and your effort, and in time, you’ll see yourself being freed.
“You know, what's your value system? What are you aligned with? Does that fit for you? And if it doesn't, then don't participate because you're not gonna feel good about it.”– Mary Sue Rabe
Having yourself overly enjoy things this world offers could be a death trap disguised as a gift. People often see an event as a necessity in the process of building the better versions they’ve thought of themselves as long as it made them happy at some point. However, not everything you’ve once thought is interesting can remain that way in time. This is where people face the challenge of letting go.
In this episode, Mary Sue shares the gifts of 35 years of sobriety together with someone who went through the same process – Carla. Learn the power of quitting drinking and its impact on your well-being.
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a free resource:
Topics Covered:
00:47 – Mary talks about the memory of how she was raised – taking responsibility and making an excuse; the lessons she realized afterwards.
05:20 – She shares the first gift of sobriety she’s learned: the highest good for you, is the highest good for everyone else.
06:24 – Another gift of sobriety: being vulnerable.
07:54 – Worry vs. Praying – which weighs more? No control, no action.
12:52 – She shares more about finding a community of people who can’t speak but she can really relate to; An appointment with Madame Hipple and her interest in tarot cards.
17:13 – The thing that bothered her the absolute most; A narrative back when she was five and her oldest sister was learning to drive; Her sister having intuitive thoughts.
25:03 – Talks about how when you drink, you create holes in your aura; the concept of alcohol spirits.
28:27 – Remembering the four steps: knowing you’re powerless over alcohol, asking God to help you, making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him, and making a searching and fearless moral inventory.
31:33 – The fifth step: are you willing to share it? Issues in life and family; a glimpse on her and Keith’s story in relation to her father’s response.
35:50 – Another learning: knowing your values; having an overgrowth of Candida.
40:07 – She shares about what she noticed with the change in her relationship with people; what she thinks around people who drink too much.
46:02 – False fun; Twelve stages of drunkenness.
49:43 – Her thoughts regarding people who think they are not alcoholic because they can handle it; the situation of someone who had hashimotos.
52:01 – Her thoughts about people who can’t put an end to drinking; A memory of talking about psychic things with mom and her psychic lessons with a friend who paved way for her to quit drinking.
59:42 – Last things to say about 35 years of sobriety; What she’s happy about.
1:02:00 – Another lesson learned: don’t judge people.
1:03:38 –The next steps for the episode; another thing to talk about: acceptance.
1:07:31 – Short narrative back when she was writing her fourth step.
Key Takeaways:
“The highest good for you is the highest good for everyone else.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“You take care of you and yourself and everything's gonna fall into place for everybody else. Otherwise you're trying to do everything for them and it doesn't work. You're not setting a good example for your children either if you don't take care of yourself.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“And it's not really the situation that you're in, but it's what you think about the situation. And if you think it's awful then it's going to be awful. But if you can look for the good in the situation and what do I have to learn from this, then you have a totally different attitude and you can withdraw your emotions from it, where you can make a rational decision instead of, you know, making an emotional decision.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“Don't go down that rabbit hole, don't take that option. And I think a lot of people don't realize that they have an option to don't think about whether the outcome’s going to be positive or
negative before they do something before they take an action. But to me, that was really helpful. It's like, that's not going to help until against the highest good for me. So it's best for me to not know what he's doing because I have no control over it anyway and it's just gonna be upsetting.
So just don't do it.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“And the other thing I learned is that you can't really look at things correctly because of alcohol. And so, to me, if you go to a party and you have more drinks than you want to, then you know you're powerless over it.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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• Book: Stand There and Look Pretty Darin’ : https://www.amazon.com/Stand-There-Look-Pretty-Darlin-ebook/dp/B07N3P49L3/
Forgiveness frees us from the chains of regret and burden. It may not be easy, and might even take a long time for us to open our hearts, but it will be worth it in the end. The shackles of the burden and negativity that you have been feeling will break once you open your heart and mind to forgiveness.
I do hope that this is the beginning of healing many race relationships, not just those that impacted me, but that have impacted many other people.
- Mary Sue Rabe
Carrying a burden is something nobody wants to do in their life. Apologizing or forgiving is one of the things you can do to release yourself from these things that are holding you back from happiness and growth.
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her experience of relief from asking for forgiveness for a past mistake she has made when she was still a little girl. Learn the power of being forgiven, and forgiving and its impact on you mentally.
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
Topics Covered:
2:01 - Mary shares a short background of her life as a little kid and her family’s business
2:36 - Bee and her three grandchildren, Johnny, Elton, and Alma Jean
3:18 - Mary talks about Johnny’s visit to their home when she was a little girl
5:11 - How Johnny’s visit soon became a burden to Mary even as an adult
5:55 - Mary shares how she started an organization called Women Healing the World and its mission
6:31 - The sudden reminiscence of the incident from Johnny’s visit and how it made Mary determined to reconnect with him
8:04 - Mary shares how her call with Johnny and asking forgiveness from him went
10:14 - Mary talks about how Johnny immediately forgave her with no doubt
10:57 - Mary’s visit to a personal growth salon and how it made her reminisce on her childhood life
11:55 - Johnny and Mary talk about the good old days back on the farm and how Johnny’s grandfather needs to be bailed almost all the time
12:54 - Mary shares the huge relief she felt after her phone call with Johnny
14:04 - Mary shares the body-mind connection she got and wondered if the people who tale care of her knew how much she loved them as well
15:40 - Mary says, “It’s a healing relationship for me.” after she has been freed from the burden by asking for forgiveness
Key Takeaways:
“How can your family always be so kind?" I asked. He said, "My mother was very religious, and she would always remind me that someday we would all know better. Well, hopefully, we all know better now and we're just treating each other better." - Mary Sue Rabe
“I truly felt the body-mind connection. I had stored guilt and shame in my body for 62 years. Truly amazing what joy I felt, and how glad I was that I had reached out and call Johnny to apologize.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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From a child’s point of view, especially back in the 50s when racism was at its peak, there was no invisible division between the white and the black. Mary, as a child, never saw any difference between the two and treated them equally. She loved her helpers, which were people of color, and was even able to create an impact in Mary’s life as a child.
“All these people helped to make our lives easier, and they also helped to shape my life in wonderful ways. I'll always be grateful to them.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
Racism was not a part of Mary’s vocabulary ever since she was a kid and still does not understand the point of bullying people of color. Growing up white, she was blessed with a kind family, a big home, and helpers. Though her helpers were people of color, she still loved them and treated them equally and with kindness.
In this episode, Mary shares how James, one of her helpers, has made an impact on her life as a kid. She also shares bits and pieces about Virgie, a very excellent cook for her family that makes her mouth water, and Mazel, a 17-year old who made her giggle all the time!
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
Topics Covered:
01:03 - Mary shares who James is and what significance has he brought in her life as a child
02:44 - Christmas and Mary’s $10 bill
04:19 - James and the brick wall that he built
06:41 - Who is Virgie and how did she make an impact in Mary’s family and household
08:56 - Mary shares who Mazel is
10:24 - Mary summarizes how James, Virgie, and Mazel played a significant role in her life
11:00 - Mary’s discovery of the hidden booze years later
Key Takeaways:
“I realized that I was not really angry either. If James needed Bob, I was glad to share it with him. But I was grateful that he made change, and I still had some money. $5 in the mid-50s would pay for lots of 25-cent movies.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“He did not react to me. He just went to work. If it had been one of my relatives, I would have been in big trouble, but James did not say a word. He just did his job. I cannot imagine being in his place when this thoughtless little white girl had just ruined his entire day's work. He was a good sport, but did he have a choice?” - Mary Sue Rabe
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Sometimes, when parents don’t have the time to care for their children or do errands around the house, they hire a housekeeper. Back in the ‘50s, when racial discrimination was at its peak, White people usually hired Black housekeepers to do the housework for them and take care of their white children. Because of the discrimination between these races, White parents were unable to recognize the connection that has been made between the White child and the Black housekeeper.
“It was the key ingredient of love. She knew how much we all loved her fried chicken and she loved making it for us.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
Back in the 1950s, it was normal for White people to hire Black people as workers or housekeepers. A thick line lies in between the two races. A hierarchy could also be seen between the two- the White people were on top, while the Black people were underneath.
In this episode, Mary shares the story of her unique connection with her housekeeper, Rody, and her undying love for her fried chicken. She shares fragments of her memories with Rody as she considered her as her second mother, a Black woman working for a White family. It wasn’t impossible for the connection to be pursued if not for the innocence of little Mary on racial discrimination.
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
Topics Covered:
00:33 - Mary introduces Rody, a Black housekeeper that became a second mother in Mary’s life
02:18 - Mary realizes the struggles of Rody being a Black housekeeper and a single mother, as Mary is a single mother herself
03:16 - Rody’s cooking: Mary shares how she loved Rody’s delicious fried chicken
04:17 - How Sunday nights were the best in their family
05:47 - When Mary hurt herself and Rody was there to hug and comfort her
06:24 - Mary shares her experience with Bill when they accidentally started a fire and Rody was there to stop it
08:54 - Mary talks about her birthday in Jack Tar
10:36 - How the innocence of a White child ruined the reputation of a Black housekeeper, Mary shares how Rody got fired because of her
14:22 - Mary shares the sadness she felt after Rody left and how White parents didn’t seem to care about the feelings of their children
Key Takeaways:
“When she was dismissed, part of me left with her. I do not believe that white folks, parents in particular, ever realized the importance of the relationship with the hired help, the deep love and attachment to these caregivers, and the impact they had on the children that they cared for. I was fortunate to have stable, trusted, honest, loving support from the help who surrounded me. For this, I am truly grateful. My life is much richer because of them.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“To this very day, I remember the pain and how Rody helped me handle it. She picked me up, hugged me, and rocked me until I quit crying and tell me everything would be okay.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“At an age when a small child is at the center of his or her own universe, Rody was part of mine.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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Growing up in a white family in the ’50s can sometimes lead to confusion about race, especially when racial discrimination was at its peak. How does color matter if everyone is the same- everyone is human. Black people aren’t supposed to be treated as downcasts in our society. And because of these discriminations in the ‘50s, children who are now adults end up in confusion as to why black people didn’t matter before when in the end, we were all human.
“Our relationship faded, but not really. Even though I did not see her. My memory of her is still deep in my heart. She helped me to always feel loved even if I had disappeared for hours riding my bike and caused her to worry. She always forgave me. This is one of my experiences.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
Growing up in the segregated south in the ‘50s has led little Mary into confusion as to why Black people weren’t treated equally as White people. How does it make sense to a child that the loving Black caregiver was not treated rightly by society and even her family?
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her own experience of confusion on how the people who loved her most were not treated equally. She also gives tribute to one of the caregivers who loved her the most, a loving Black woman named Bee.
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
Topics Covered:
00:58 - Mary shares how she discovered her father was a “plantation owner”, a job in which she was ashamed
01:21 - How Mary realized that their farm is a plantation wherein Black people work in
03:00 - How a loving black woman changed Mary’s life: the story of Bee
04:20 - Mary explained what Bee does around the house and when taking care of the children
08:28 - Mary tells about their cabin in Camp Creek
09:19 - Mary shares her experience in fishing with Bee and some of the sweet moments she had with Bee
12:10 - How fear came about at Bee when she couldn’t find little Mary Sue
13:39 - Mary shares the sad news about Bee’s death back when she was a junior in college
14:47 - Different races, same sweet memories: how Bee changed Mary Sue’s life and the memories kept within her heart
Key Takeaways:
“As a child, I witnessed that the people who cared for me and that I was very fond of, were not treated as equals. The situation has caused me much confusion about race.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“Her earrings were broom straws placed in the holes in her ears to keep them open. When our family went on a trip in 1960 we bought her some souvenir red ball stud earrings, which took the place of the straw. I don't know why it took us so long to get her some earrings.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“Considering I played with dolls so much, Bee decided to make a quilt for my baby dolls. Since the quilt was small, so were the strips of cloth that were used to make it. I still wonder how she did the sewing such small stitches with her bent, naughty, arthritic fingers. I still have this doll quilt.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“As my father employed a permanent housekeeper to live with us, Bee was no longer needed on weekends or so my dad thought, but I still needed her. I needed the stability of Bee on Saturday nights. My dad and I did not communicate about what I needed. And he was unaware of how important and how deeply connected I was to Bee. Not being with her on Saturdays was another loss for me.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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Feeling empathy, compassion, and guilt is normal but did you know that white people often feel these because of white guilt? Know more about what white guilt is and how it can be present in the everyday life of white people.
“One of my conflicts from early childhood has been race-relations. I witnessed the people who cared for me, and that I was very fond of were not treated as equals. It was very confusing. Still is.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
Almost everyone is aware about racial discrimination but are you also aware on white guilt is? Most white people have experienced this because of the past and present occurrences of inequality amongst the black people and white people.
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her own experience on feeling white guilt at an early age. Find out how racial discrimination is present in daily scenarios up until now through her story.
What you learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
Topics Covered:
00:29 - Mary talks about how she first felt white guilt in the early stages of her life, her childhood
1:55 - One of the first occurrences of white guilt in Mary’s life. The little girl she saw was getting a pail of water instead of playing
4:12 - Mary shares how their house was built in their family farm
8:28 - Mary tells her realizations on how she had so much power back when she was a white kid in a small community of black people
9:14 - How white guilt was present through the attention given by the black people to white people in young Mary’s perspective.
Key Takeaways:
“One of my conflicts from early childhood has been race-relations. I witnessed the people who cared for me, and that I was very fond of were not treated as equals. It was very confusing. Still is.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“Looking back at my childhood, I realized how much attention I received. I had all of these older people around me who treated me like royalty. Who knows if they even liked me? I realized now that I had a lot of power, unbeknownst to me at the time. I wonder how they felt, whether there was ever any concern about not pleasing me or one of my siblings.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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Millions of people have been and are being affected by this pandemic. Though times have been rough, we can still make use of this time to make the world right again. Here’s an insight on how in this time of a pandemic has made way for a slow change in everyone in the right way.
“We talked about how the world needed to change that all institutions and systems will have to crumble in order for us to be living the way that we should be living.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
The Coronavirus has brought everyone in a state of distress and sadness. Some have lost hope due to the rising numbers of cases and the hardships of living only through limited funds and scarce resources. However, we can still make use of this time to refresh and restart. There is still hope at this time that we can make the world right again.
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her own experience and realization on how this time of the Coronavirus can be significant for us in a way that can direct us to the right change. Learn how falling apart can result in the future rise and change in our world.
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
https://marysuerabe.com/
Topics Covered:
1:00 - How having everything turned into almost nothing. Mary shares how she realized she was spiritually bankrupt.
1:46 - From nothing to a new way of growth. She shares how finding her own tribe led to her feeling at home for the first time.
2:42 - The start of a new friendship that soon led to many new ideas. Mary talks about how she and her friend, Pat, realized the world was upside down and is in need of change.
4:44 - How this time of the Coronavirus can be a way of rebuilding and changing our world.
5:53 - In the current state of the world due to the Coronavirus, it has also exposed the holes and faults of the current system we have.
7:03 - The possibilities of the new and better world after this eye-opening and changing time of the Coronavirus.
Key Takeaways:
“I never thought a virus would do it. But believe me, I think it's bringing or has brought people to their knees. If not yet it's coming.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“But really, and kind of exciting to think about all the things breaking down so that they can be rebuilt in a way that works for everyone.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“Maybe this could lead to a world where we continue to care for each other in this way where the vulnerable members of society are looked after. Where we recognize and appreciate the people who truly make a difference.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“My heart truly goes out to those who are suffering through this and to those who've been lost, lost their lives. But I try and imagine what we can build what we can create as a result of all of these tragedies. I will say there has been an outpouring of love. It does feel like hearts have opened. People are truly caring for their fellow men and not paying attention to gender, race, religion, party.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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Writing stories and examining them helps you know yourself better, and to see areas of your life that you need to change. When you start writing, you don’t know where it’s going to lead you. Many of my stories led to deep healing between myself and others, and within myself.
“One of the reasons, I wanted to write this book was to encourage other women to stand up. Because I know there are lots of other women who are struggling as I did, because we’re trained not to make waves.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
Experiences from our past either make or break us. And truly, the choice is in our hands for we steer the course of our destiny.
Whatever it was, negative or positive, we have the power to transform it into something we can learn a lesson from, heal from, and also be empowered on. And writing it into a memoir lets others get a glimpse into our world and inspires, as well as influence them to do the things that they ought to do and make a profound impact in this world.
In this episode, Mary shares what the content of her book is all about, from the challenges she faced as a child and as an adult, of finding her voice, taking a stand, and saying something to those happy memories of being loved by other people of color. And that of being grateful for what has life taught her and what has become of her.
What you will learn from this episode:
Link to a Free Resource:
Topics Covered:
02:01 - The challenges of finding her voice - what her book title is all about
02:37 - One of their missions in Women Healing the World is to heal race relations. When she didn’t know how to start it, she went on to write a blog as a tribute to African people who helped raise her
03:14 - The book brings with it memories for people, especially for women to think about things that happened in their lives that they might want to heal or that they might not have healed in the past. This closely relates to how things should happen in the organization she founded.
04:34 - When you haven’t expressed emotions to truly express your gratitude to people who have shown you love, somehow, this book relates the story of bringing back those memories and being grateful for it.
06:37 - Her vulnerability shows in the book: one mistake from her childhood that she regrets
08:58 - The healing power of forgiveness - that big relief of a feeling that you are forgiven
12:07 - Her stories of not only standing up but saying something for what you believe is right
13:41 - Doing the things not because you want it done but because you needed it for yourself. Being proud of standing up and not just looking at and standing there.
14:39 - What empowerment looks like - when you are making waves when most don’t do that
15:39 - Doing it for her daughters but taking all the risks
16:40 - Technique she uses that have been helpful in her life: 'The ho’oponopono' - Mary Sue's story of forgiveness brought about by this prayer
22:21 - Her thoughts on setting a new paradigm and magical story brought about by that
Key Takeaways:
“I do regret that I didn't express my gratitude to them more and so that was one of the reasons for it. Wanting to write a tribute to them and post it on the blog page so that people could see it or write a story in a book to put the energy out there of my appreciation for them.’ - Mary Sue Rabe
“With forgiveness, just like the weight of the world had been lifted from me and like, all the cells in my body were excited and relieved and juicy. It was an amazing experience.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“I had to get past the obstacle. I know that it was about the lesson and I wanted to learn the lesson.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“When I look back on that situation, I feel like we were setting a new paradigm. I know we were not the only couple in the world doing the same thing. But a lot of times families did choose sides or friends chose sides. And our goal was for that not to happen for us to have the type of relationship where we could be friendly towards one another.” - Mary Sue Rabe
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One of the most potent ways to free yourself from negativity is by forgiving ourselves and others. That way we can learn, grow, and move on and help make the world a better place when we do it.
There is something that forgiveness does to your inner peace. Either that be forgiveness to yourself or to the one who did you wrong.
Not letting yourself get stuck in negativity will let you attract prosperity, instead. And with the help of prayer, we keep affirming that inner positivity of life’s magical possibility.
Mary Sue Rabe is the Founder and Director of Women Healing the World–a creative community of women who want to make a difference for other women in our communities.
In this episode, Mary Sue shares her own struggle in finding herself and her inner peace. With the tumultuous chapter in her married life, she learned to forgive with the help of a prayer that took a life-changing part in her dysfunctional family dynamics, and which other people who observe it can only wish for themselves to happen.
What you will learn from this episode:
“Peace begins with me and this prayer is very helpful as far as achieving peace.”
- Mary Sue Rabe
LINKS:
Topics Covered:
01:08 - She felt hatred and anger towards her ex-husband. And eventually, a gradual letting go of something hurtful melted and something magical happened? A story told of how she stumbled on a ho'oponopono prayer in between these circumstances
08:11 - The effect the prayer has on her, meeting a counselor that would change her life forever and that of her ex-husband and the whole family’s lifestyle
11:11 - What forgiveness can do to have a nice relationship after divorce
12:31 - He sees you are at peace and he wants that peace, too. This what you call the law of attraction
13:00 - A story of unimaginable positive experiences unheard of any divorced couples
16:36 - Understanding the Hawaiian ancient culture background of ho'oponopono prayer
18:48 - Saying the ho'oponopono prayer and what is it about
23:38 - Which situations can you apply the ho'oponopono prayer
24:21 - Forgiveness towards yourself - most importantly this is where you need the ho'oponopono prayer
26:09 - Peace begins with me. That’s when you begin to create peace in the world.
29:31 - Women Healing The World - what it does, it’s vision, and things coming up
30:15 - What if the person I need to forgive has already passed away?
31:17 - I admit that when I first read the prayer I didn't feel anything but I just kept doing it. That’s what you do when you do the prayer and you don’t feel anything at first.
32:40 - What you need to take in mind when you say the prayer: You don't have to feel loving and you don't have to want to forgive. But you need to have the awareness that if you don't forgive, it's not having an impact on the other person. It's hurting you.
33:24 - See how people who've done a forgiveness process look like 10 years younger after they do the prayer.
34:21 - Her final encouraging thought: “Give it a try. It's really easy. And it is profoundly life-changing. At least it was for me.”
Key Takeaways:
“You don’t have to make the children take sides because when you think about the ramifications for children and friends and family if you do take on that, animosity happens.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“It's a program of attraction. That's what he saw. He saw that I had a lot of peace. And he wanted that peace.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“In some way or another just saying the prayer, gets you off that hamster wheel of negativity. And I don't know whether it's just changing your focus, but it certainly magically melted all my animosities away.” - Mary Sue Rabe
“Peace begins with me and this prayer is very helpful as far as achieving peace.” - Mary Sue Rabe
Connect with Mary Sue Rabe:
Welcome to “Living Your Authentic Life Podcast for Women Over 50”.
Mary Sue Rabe is the founder and director of Women Healing the World, a creative community of women who want to make a difference for other women in their communities.
Mary Sue Rabe shares life experiences and lessons learned such as finding your power, exploring issues of race, gender, and money.
She also offers tools to grow personally such as forgiveness, letting go, meditation, memoir writing, and journal writing.
She interviews other women of wisdom, exploring the challenges they’ve overcome and the contributions they’ve made.
Find out more at https://marysuerabe.com/
The podcast currently has 10 episodes available.