In our world, sex before marriage is normal, hooking up is normal, funky sex is normal, and pornography is normal. Normal is: sex is casual and inclusive, not exclusive and monogamous. In college, having a “body count” is normal.

Normal is riddled with shame and regret. Normal is broken. Normal is living in guilt. Normal is unchecked and distorted desires that make us more like animals than God’s prized creation. Normal is struggling dating relationships. Normal is struggling marriages. Normal is divorced. Normal is habitual sexual sin and sexual addiction.

Let’s not be normal! Let’s stop being normal, like everybody else! God made you for love—don’t settle for lust. The gospel is about freedom in Christ—don't settle for crippling addition.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” — Romans 12:2(NIV)

Join us this week on Locker Room as we talk about a subject that is eating men’s lunch: pornography.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

Scott shared a lot of startling statistics about pornography. Which stood out to you? What do these statistics reveal about our culture as a whole?

“And it’s not just the people in the world—it’s people in the church.” What do the stats about Christians using pornography reveal about the church as a whole?

“Sin will take us farther than we ever wanted to go, keep us longer than we ever wanted to stay, and cost us more than we thought it would cost us.” How have you seen this statement prove true in your life experience?

Read James 1:13-15. The Enemy is real and you will be tempted. How have you effectively fought temptation? Where do you need help?

Read Galatians 6:7-8. What are you currently “sowing” (planting) in your life? How have you seen that produce what you “reap” in your life?

Read 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. We have to leverage God’s promise of strength in the face of temptation. Do you really believe he will provide a way out of temptation? What tools does God give us to escape? What is your “why” for fighting temptation?

Read John 14:13. We have to leverage the power of prayer and the Holy Spirit’s activity in our lives. Have you been baptized and received the Holy Spirit? If not, that is your first step in fighting temptation. If yes, how can you practically utilize prayer and the Spirit to fight temptation?

Read Romans 6:1-7, 11-18. If we want to quit porn and fight for purity, we have to understand our new position in Christ. If you are a Jesus follower you are no longer a slave to sin. Do you believe that? How can you believe that truth?

Read 1 John 1:8-9. If we want to quit porn and fight for purity, we have to confess our sin and not conceal it. Is there sin that you have not confessed to a fellow believer? Why are you holding onto it? Who can you tell? How can this group help?

If we want to quit porn and fight for purity, we have to hate sin! What steps can you take to truly fight this sin? Do you need to sign up for Covenant Eyes or something like it?

Be honest and answer, “Left unchecked, what could your sexual sin cost you?” Based on your answer what do you need to do NOW?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Sign up for accountability with covenanteyes.com

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

If you are a parent and have kids in your home, you are passing on something to them. Whether you’ve been intentional or not, well-meaning or not, you are building a legacy. The question is, will that legacy you are giving them be good, healthy and eternal? Or is it something else?

John Sampson joins Scott on the podcast this week to talk about leaving a legacy for our kids of loving God and others, and preparing them for life as an independent adult.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

We started off with some fun in the podcast, which of the Chuck Norris lines did you like the most?

The role of parents is, “teaching and training our kids to love God, love people, and leave home.” After hearing that, does it change your view on what it means to be a parent?

A couple of acknowledgments have been made. 1. Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. 2. There are no perfect parents, no perfect children, and no perfect families. Does that reminder release any stress you have about either being a parent or potentially being a parent one day?

Part 1: Teach and train our kids to love God. Read Ephesians 6:1-4. What sticks out to you about that piece of scripture? What should be implemented into your role as a dad to help your kids grow in their love for God?

Part 2: Teach and train our kids to love people. Read Mark 12:30-31. With that verse and many others mentioned about how important it is to love others, what sticks out to you about that piece of scripture?

Scott and John talked about how important it is that parents know their kids' friends’. Also, about how important it is to know where those friends are in their “circles” of friendship. What are the best practices you’ve seen in this happening? What are the bad practices of this?

Part 3: Teach and train our kids to leave home. Scott talks through two critical actions: 1. Reinforce through training. 2. Cut ropes to prepare them for independence.

What are the hardest parts of helping your children become prepared to leave home?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• If you’re wrestling with Christianity, would like to become a Christ-follower, or need help figuring out your next step, email us at [email protected].  

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

Phones, technology and social media are simply tools for communication. The effects of using a tool depend on the purpose for which it is used, but the tool itself is neutral in origin. It’s similar to having a hammer. You can build something with a hammer. You can also destroy something or hurt someone. The tools are not the problem. How something is used is the problem. The same is true with social media and smartphones.

In this episode we’ll discuss how to use technology appropriately and navigating when and how to introduce technology safely into the lives of your kids.

Our guest on the podcast this week is Scott Harvey. Scott has 20 years of experience in law enforcement, specializing in hostage negotiations and communication. He is also a husband and girl dad, and author of the book, Silence Kills: Communication Tactics to Speak with Confidence and Build Your Influence.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

What was the first cell phone you owned? What year did you get it? What did you primarily use it for?

Which tool (literally or figuratively) do you find most valuable? What makes it so important to you?

Technology like a smartphone is a tool that can be used for good or bad. How has having a smartphone been good for you? How has it been bad?

Scott mentioned two points for determining when your child should get a smartphone: 1) Point of need. 2) Point of responsibility. What are good things to consider when making this decision? Did your parents utilize similar rules when giving you responsibility like this?

It can be easy to default to buying the newest, nicest thing. What are some healthy questions to ask yourself before you add any new technology (newest phone, VR, Gaming system, etc.) to your life?

In what ways have you used social media? What apps do you currently use? What do you enjoy about the apps you use? What issues have come about from social media?

Scott mentioned how we handle our kids’ minor screw-ups will affect how they approach major mess-ups. How do you react when your child disobeys? How can you start healthy lines of conversation now so that they can come to you in times of need?

What boundaries, time limits, etc. are healthy to set for your children’s phones? What about for your phone?

The episode discussed the dangers of pornography, sexting, and sextortion. What do we do with the information? How do we communicate this well to our kids? How do we provide space for confession when our kids make these errors?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

Parents work really hard to be intentional when their kids are young. In those early years we teach them so much: how to walk, talk, eat, have manners, to say they're sorry, to learn to play with others, to be grateful…all these things.

But the decisions our teenagers make in middle and high school have bigger consequences. The stakes are higher; the fallout greater. The decisions they make in these seven years set up their lives in college or young adulthood, and in turn can set the tone for the next forty years of their lives. So we want to do our best to take advantage of these seven years in middle and high school.

In today’s episode of Locker Room, we circle up with members of Southland’s Student Ministry: Connor Hall, Casey Whitehead and Peter Sohn to talk about some of the unique challenges facing our teens as they navigate our current culture.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

What were you like in your teenage years?

“Parents are primary, student ministry is secondary.” What encourages you about the partnership between you as a parent and the church’s role in ministry to your son or daughter?

This age range is where so much happens in a students’ life. How do you think you’ll react or how did you react to your son or daughter being in that age range?

Scott and the student team went through “dysphoria” specifically “gender dysphoria” and “transgender” and the definitions of those. Obviously a lot is going on in terminology for teenagers today but also for everyone. What has helped you as a Christian man to combat these topics?

There’s a lot of truth from the bible about what God says about who we are and what God says about life and who we are made to be. What can you do practically to share this with your teenager?

Scott and the student team talked about sex, dating, and marriage and how important it is to “not be late to the game.” How can you encourage a friend or yourself to do this before it’s too late to speak biblical truth?

Asking good questions was mentioned. What does it look like to really take intentional time to ask the right questions to your teenager?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• Go to southland.church/volunteer to sign up to volunteer in student ministry

• Resources

• Parenting by Paul David Tripp

• Irreversible Damage: The Transgendered Craze Seducing Our Daughters, by Abigail Shrier 

• Holy Sexuality and the Gospel:  Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God’s Grand Story, by Christopher Yuan.   

• Out of a Far Country:  A Gay Son’s Journey to God.  A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope. By Christopher Yuan & Angela Yuan.

• Gay Girl, Good God, by Jackie Hill Perry. 

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

This week on Locker Room we’re kicking off a four-part series on parenting.

In this first episode we are looking at raising littles: from babies up through elementary. If you’re a dad or a parent with little kids—you will find encouragement in our conversation today.

Next week we'll talk about raising teenagers (middle and high school) and we’ll navigate some really relevant topics that are on the forefront of culture right now.

In week 3, we’ll look at navigating parenting with smartphones and social media in a digital world.

Week 4, we’ll talk about raising girls.

Our guests around the table today are from our Southland Children’s team: Jason Byerly, Kelsi Collins, and Krista McCoy Tudor. Join us as we dive into the wild ride that is parenting littles!

Southland also has a Parenting Podcast that you can find at southland.church/podcasts or anywhere that you get your podcasts. Scott Nickell is leading that effort—it’s a great podcast that’s really encouraging for parents. You should check it out!

DISCUSSION GUIDE

What’s the funniest story from your childhood or one of your kids? What were you like as a child?

What is a phrase you say over and over again? Whether to your kids or just in life.

Two truths were addressed at the beginning of the podcast: Parenting is the hardest job on the planet. There are no perfect parents, perfect children, or perfect families. Have you always believed this? Do you ever feel like you don’t measure up because you compare yourself to other “perfect” people/families?

Have you ever volunteered to work with kids at church or other areas? Why is it valuable to have men who invest in the next generation?

Our nursery and preschool focus is there is a God who made you and loves you. Our elementary focus is Biblical literacy, apologetics, & spiritual practices. How does that compare to what you understood about God growing up? Why are these important foundations for our kids to learn?

Read Deuteronomy 6:5-9. It’s the primary role of a parent to invest in the spiritual lives of their children. If you are a parent, how do you live out this passage? Is there anything you need to start doing and stop doing? If you are not a parent, how can you serve families who are trying to live out this commandment?

How were you disciplined as a child? How do you discipline as a parent? What was valuable from the podcast about discipline?

In what ways did you learn responsibility growing up? What is something you can do to help the next generation learn how to do hard things and build resilience?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

The Bible describes David as “A man after God’s own heart”, yet his life got sideways and there was a season where David lived a double life.

David wasn’t the only person on the planet that has lived a hypocritical double life as a child of God. No doubt there are some of us that are currently living a double life. We may be compartmentalizing our own sin and trying to manage our own darkness while projecting a different image towards others.

Our guest Alan Chan joins the podcast this week to talk about the process of overcoming past shame and embracing the transformation of walking a new path with Christ.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

If you could put together the perfect fast food meal what would it be? (Ex. Entree - Chick-fil-A chicken Sandwich, Side - Arby’s curly fries, Drink - McDonald’s diet coke, dessert - Cookout Milkshake)

What was your first full-time job? How did you connect with the other employees?

An invite to volleyball and Thursday night dinner connected Alan to the church. Who helped you connect to the church? Is there anyone you could invite to a church-related group or event?

Alan talks about how he lived a double life for a season. He went to church events but still partied throughout the week. Has there been a season where you have lived a double life? Are you living one now?

What effect does living a double life have on you? What effect does it have on people around you?

Read John 10:10. What areas of life are you letting the accuser steal from you? How can you step into the full life Jesus wants you to have?

Have you ever been confronted by a Christian brother on sin in your life? How did they handle it? How did you respond?

Read Psalm 32:1-5. What does this passage teach us about God’s grace and how he wants us to be honest with our sin?

Alan talked about rededicating his life, getting baptized, & being transformed by Jesus. Share about your baptism and how God has transformed you from your old life.

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

At some point in our lives, we all have to do battle with hard things.

 We’re back this week with Chris, Edgar, and Matt to share more of their stories. We’ll share stories of navigating the pain of divorce, choosing to partner with God on mission in your daily work, and the experience of walking through faith with a family member in the last steps of life.

If you missed last week’s episode, be sure to check it out first and come back here for part 2.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

What can we as men learn from Chris as he shared how he walked through divorce and healing from that?

Chris talked about how hard divorce was and how the enemy attacked him. How can men rally around other men going through this?

He talked also about how he was prepared for the hard moments going into dating and marriage again. What can we learn from that preparation even in the hardest things?

Chris mentioned his non-negotiables. These are super specific and deep. What challenged you about that list?

“Men, we are not our vocations.” How have you struggled with knowing that what you do for a job isn’t fully who you are as a man?

Southland has a strategy that we would be a church that encourages people to be “with Jesus, in community, on mission.” Edgar has the opportunity to do this in his work as a realtor. What encourages you to share Jesus even at your workplace?

There were stories shared about opportunities Edgar had to share the gospel and deepening relationships with people and families. How can you become more bold to share God with people you get an opportunity to work with?

Matt shared the gospel with his brother Mike. He was bold in faith to share with his brother Mike. What did you learn about how to be bold, even with family, for sharing the good news of what God has done for us with someone?

Our role as Christ-followers is to share our faith with others. What steps do you need to take to share the the good news of the gospel with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, co-worker, or is it a stranger?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

/* Revised version with complete episode */

Each of us has a story to tell from the battles we have faced in our life. This week on the podcast, Scott sits down with three guests to share from their experiences.

Chris, Edgar and Matt share their stories: fighting legalism and its ability to trip us up in our faith, stepping up as a new believer to become the spiritual leader of our home, and making a radical change of heart to quit taking grace for granted and start chasing after the things God has for us to do.

-- A quick apology to our listeners: we misfired this week and released this episode incompletely. This release is an updated version with the full content!

DISCUSSION GUIDE

What is the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Where have you served/volunteered in the church? Where have you served/volunteered outside of the church

The men discussed the impact Fight Club has made on their lives. What group or team has made the biggest impact in your life?

The lie of legalism uses this equation: Salvation = Jesus + the good things I do. Why is this so dangerous? When it comes to your faith, what do you put your pride in besides Jesus?

Read Galatians 2:19-21. Legalism distorts the truth of the gospel. Speak to the impact of that passage and how it should crush our legalism.

Men have been called to lead their wives and families. What men have you seen do this well? What does it look like to lead your family well?

In what areas of your life do you lead? Are you leading in the way Jesus did? For the married men, are you the spiritual leader of your marriage? What steps do you need to take to do this better?

Have you ever been a “spiritually bankrupt grace abuser”? How have you compartmentalized your faith and okayed sinful behavior in other areas of your life?

Have you ever been “punched in the mouth by the Holy Spirit”? How has God radically transformed your life? Are you hungry to change and chase after God? What does that look like for you?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

Each of us has a story to tell from the battles we have faced in our life. This week on the podcast, Scott sits down with three guests to share from their experiences.

Chris, Edgar and Matt share their stories: fighting legalism and its ability to trip us up in our faith, stepping up as a new believer to become the spiritual leader of our home, and making a radical change of heart to quit taking grace for granted and start chasing after the things God has for us to do.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

What is the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Where have you served/volunteered in the church? Where have you served/volunteered outside of the church

The men discussed the impact Fight Club has made on their lives. What group or team has made the biggest impact in your life?

The lie of legalism uses this equation: Salvation = Jesus + the good things I do. Why is this so dangerous? When it comes to your faith, what do you put your pride in besides Jesus?

Read Galatians 2:19-21. Legalism distorts the truth of the gospel. Speak to the impact of that passage and how it should crush our legalism.

Men have been called to lead their wives and families. What men have you seen do this well? What does it look like to lead your family well?

In what areas of your life do you lead? Are you leading in the way Jesus did? For the married men, are you the spiritual leader of your marriage? What steps do you need to take to do this better?

Have you ever been a “spiritually bankrupt grace abuser”? How have you compartmentalized your faith and okayed sinful behavior in other areas of your life?

Have you ever been “punched in the mouth by the Holy Spirit”? How has God radically transformed your life? Are you hungry to change and chase after God? What does that look like for you?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS 

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups

• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

The wounds we receive from our parents send a message. This message is almost always a lie.

When we believe that lie, it drives a channel that confuses who we are, how we communicate and how we operate as men. The effects of these wounds include low self-esteem, a deep longing, deep emotional pain inside and a performance-orientation that makes us “doers” rather than “beings.”

This week on the podcast we are diving back in with our second episode in a series called Southland Men. Our guest this week, Jordan Moody joins in for a conversation about growing up in a broken home and how God can redeem the past and give us a new path to walk, going forward.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

Jordan and Scott mentioned their family to all of us. Share about your family with your group.

Scott helped us understand that “wounds create trauma.” What are things we can do as men to help care for our wounds or our friends' wounds?

Scott also talked about how wounds from family create 2 types of trauma. 1) The absence of good things that we need. 2) The presence of bad things that should have never happened. This trauma has a big impact on those affected. How can we help stop this from happening to future generations?

Read Romans 8:35-37. How can that kind of faith and belief encourage people to be “more than conquerors through Him who loved us?”

Scott brought up that he and Jordan texted about doing this podcast episode. This brought up a lie from the enemy about not deserving to have a seat at the table. Spend time praying against this mindset. How can we encourage men to look past this lie and share our testimonies?

This quote was mentioned multiple times, “You’re not responsible for what happened to you – you’re responsible for what you do with it.” As you take a second to think about that, what does that mean for you in your life?

“Boundaries are like good fences.” What are some good fences that you need to build in your life?

There was a specific callout to dads and how father wounds become inflicted on our kids. Spend a few minutes praying over father wounds in general for men. How has this affected you as either the son or the father? Remember Matthew 19:26 as you discuss.

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you?  What’s God asking you to do?  What does He want to give you?  What does He want you to lay down?

NEXT STEPS

- Spend time as a group praying over the Prevett family.

- If you’re wrestling with Christianity, would like to become a Christ-follower, or need help figuring out what’s next, email [email protected].

- Join a Group at southland.church/groups

- For any other questions or comments email [email protected]