Locker Room Power

Hi, this is David Sammel with another podcast. I'm very tired, but I'm also very happy and delighted that Liam Broady, after our 3rd challenger together back in 2014, in Charlottesville, Virginia, lost his first final. Since then, he's made seven others and lost them all.
And finally, yesterday, he won his first challenger. Now, this is what resilience is all about. We all think that we are ready. And often before, we are not quite ready. And if I look back at all the finals he played, he wasn't favoured in any of them. Definitely one or two of them, he could have won the others, he just wasn't quite good enough. But today, he went in as the favourite and very calmly executed his game and the level that he had was good enough to win that final. And so he did. Resilience is it's a, it's a strange thing, really, because I think so much of it relies on getting up and going again after disappointment. But importantly, it's the way that you get up and go again, I know a lot of people who are resilient and that they keep going at something that they're trying to achieve. But they either feel sorry for themselves while they're doing it, or they're angry while they're doing it, or frustrated all the time, whilst they're trying to get things right. And the attitude at which you have resilience is so so important. In, in my opinion, that you get up and go again, of course, you know, after disappointment, you may be, you know, have a couple of hours of disappointment. But then when you go again, you need to do it happily. Because when you go about your work happily, there is a greater chance that you gain to learn faster. And also, why not, you know, if you're going to carry on, you always have a choice, you either carry on or stop. And if you're going to carry on, why not dirt with a sense of enjoyment? Otherwise, what are you doing it for? It's, it's, it's also a choice of attitude. And if you know, the right things to do, and you just got to get better at them. Why be miserable while you're doing it. Just put a smile on your face. And not every single day, of course, there are days where we've all fallen tougher than others days when we're a little bit tired or a little bit irritable. And that's normal. So, you know, this is not about being a saint, or, you know, smiley all the time and happy every moment because that's not reality. However, overall, you should be in a place where you enjoy what you do. And therefore, when you must have resilience, and you must keep getting up off the floor and going again, that you do it with a sense of enjoyment, and a sense of belief in your process that no matter how long it takes, you will get there. And of course, I have a saying that I put in my book, Locker Room Power - work hard, do the right things and good things will happen, you just never know when. Certainly, after that first final with Liam Broady seven years ago, little did either of us realise that it would take seven years before he wins a title. But you know what, we just kept going and now we're here. And, of course, it would have been nice if it happened earlier. But you know, this is the journey that we're taking, and who knows whether it's not ultimately a better journey, because of all the hardships that we had to overcome, and all the things that we learnt in overcoming hardships. So, signing off again today, and go out and have a week of happy resilience

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Hi, welcome to another episode of David Sammel nuggets. Today I'm going to talk to you about labelling. And we, you know, labelling can get a bad name. But actually labelling is very important to us as human beings to navigate life efficiently. When we hear that something somewhere is a good restaurant, in our minds, we are willing to try it because we heard that it's a good restaurant, and if we go, then it is, then we label it as a good restaurant. And you're the same as if we hear that someone's an athlete, or an artist or a sculptor, we know immediately what they do in life. But of course, this is superficial, because all these people are more than just artists, sculptors, or athletes, they do a lot of other things in life and are much more complex than that. But in terms of navigating life, quickly and efficiently, it really helps to understand quickly where people sit in certain boxes. But of course, when we want to get to know someone better, or we want to help somebody, then and all we want to teach somebody, then labelling can be very damaging. For instance, people who stutter cannot be labelled as stutters, they are just people who fall over their words. And a lot of research has gone into this and coaches are working with people who fall over their words will, we'll have to work with a family around them and friends around them to to not label them as doctors, but just people who speak normally, who fall over their words, and will learn how to breathe and do certain exercises and be given the tools in order to be able to overcome this impediment. And of course, they can and do overcome it very, very often. But it is far more difficult to succeed if they are labelled. And think about it. They've also done studies in schools where they've taken kids and labelled them as gifted. And they perform better than kids who are labelled as not very smart. And if you take the kids from the not very smart classes, and then put them in a new school where they get labelled as gifted, research shows that they immediately perform better. It is it is crucial in our own lives not to label ourselves. Because the moment you label yourself, you actually close yourself up to improvement. So rather than saying, Oh, I'm dumb, or I can't believe how useless I am, it is much more helpful to say, Gosh, yeah, that was a dumb mistake. Or in that situation, I have sometimes pretty useless, but I'm going to work to become much better in that situation. You know, if you label yourself as non athletic, that closes the door to becoming athletic. Whereas if you say, you know, I would like to be more athletic, and I'm going to work at it, then you're opening the opportunities to become more athletic. And let's be honest, every single thing in life that we work at, we're going to get better at. So therefore labelling someone and labelling ourselves is is very counterproductive. In in trying to learn and get better. But in terms of just pure efficiency in life, it can be very, very helpful. I hope that gives you a little bit of insight and make makes you think maybe a little bit differently about labelling. And I will speak to you again next week. Thank you very much. This is David Sammel signing off from a another golden nugget.

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I'm going to talk about comparison, and why you would do it to yourself. I had a client who was a Harvard graduate. And he came to me feeling like he was a failure. by a lot of people's standards, he was doing very well, but compared to some of his peer group that graduated with him from Harvard, he felt like he was falling behind. And that, you know, he wasn't achieving all these amazing things that some of his colleagues seem to be achieving. So I asked him this question, how much do you actually know about your your previous University colleagues? Do you know them very, very well? And he said, Well, I mean, obviously, at university, I knew them well. But now, yeah, you know, follow them on social media, sometimes have the odd conversation with them. And it seems like, you know, most of them are doing way better than I am. And I don't know what's wrong with me. And I said, Well, do you know what their relationships are like with their family? Do you know what their relationships are like with their colleagues? Do you know how popular they are with their colleagues? Do you know whether there are good at their jobs, actually, or whether the her they're great politicians? What do you really know about them? And the answers were very thin, very little. So basically, he was comparing himself to myths, he didn't actually know, you know, how wonderful or not their lives were. And the thing about comparison is, everybody's got stones in their shoes, everybody's got problems. And actually, we are best placed to solve our own problems. And therefore, comparing ourselves to others means that we think that their problems are less than ours, or somewhat, are somehow easier to solve than ours are. And we actually don't know that a good thing to think of is, would you really swap your problems for someone else's problems, without knowing what they were? I doubt that, because that would be very, very dangerous, he would not know health wise, you know, in in all sorts of different areas, that they might have problems that are, you know, far worse than yours, but on the surface, you would never know it. So, to wrap up, comparison, is a waste of energy, and also can make you feel awful. And it's based on assumptions, that these myths that you create in your own head, are actually true. And based on no reality, or fact. Now, if you know somebody even extremely well, you don't know their deepest and darkest, because that is something that we all hold within ourselves. And it's very rare for people to share absolutely everything about themselves. So even if you know someone well comparing yourself to them, is, is a dodgy business. Because you really don't know what goes on in their heads, or in their deepest lives, actually. So that's it for today. Stay away from comparison, apart from comparing yourself to yourself. If you're doing better today than yesterday, that's a win, you're doing great. So that is the healthiest comparison you can have with yourself, rather than with other people, allow everybody to live and do well or do badly or whatever happens. And you just can take care of your own lane, because that's the most important lane to take care of.

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Welcome to another episode of David Sammel nuggets. And today I'm going to talk to you about managing your energy. Taylor Welch from a company called traffic and funnels, uses the Four Seasons as an analogy. And I really do like it. Because effectively spring is a time where you bring a lot of energy and you're investing in yourself, and you're putting out and trying to get things going. And that takes enormous amounts of energy. The summer can be good times where you enjoy and reap the rewards of all that you've sown in spring time. And that is, you know, a time where life actually is going very, very smoothly. And autumn time is for reflection and learning and taking stock. And looking back and looking forward to what you want to do next. And this is a sort of like a medium energy time where you you're very alive in your brain in terms of planning, and thinking about the future, learning lessons from the past. And of course, there's winter. And winter requires resilience and accepting that things can fall apart. And there are tough periods in life to overcome. Of course, Hill life, the seasons rarely follow a methodical order. So you can move from spring to summer, to to winter, and then back to summer. And then, you know, all sorts of combinations. And they can all happen in one day or one week. So when you thinking about the seasons, and your energy, spring is very high energy, summer is enjoyable, and you know, riding a wave, autumn takes energy for reflection. And winter can take a lot of energy, because these are times of stress. And after a tough winter, you are going to have to maybe have a little bit of autumn time to recover before you go straight back into huge energy of spring. So invest, enjoy, reflect and endure and manage your energy during these different times in a sensible fashion, fashion. In other words, understand what season you're in. So you don't get too down because you know that the season will change. And you don't feel like summer is just gonna last forever, because that's just not life. So, thanks again for listening. These are all under five minute episodes. And I hope that they just bring a little bit of reflection to your lives. And if you know it helps one person on delighted and until next week. I will let you get on with your life.

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Welcome to another episode of David Sammel nuggets. Today, I'm going to talk about how we speak to ourselves. And we've all heard and got experience of knowing that the way we speak to ourselves has a huge bearing on how we feel about things, how we feel about ourselves, and about situations. But there's something else that's involved. And that's the tone of voice that we use. tone of voice is very important as well. So as an example, if we say, Oh, I'm just totally useless. What do you actually mean? Are you useless at everything? Of course not. So one of the first things to really help you rectify your self talk, is to ask yourself some questions, such as, is this just an assumption? Am I being fair to myself? Is this a sweeping statement? Is this true? Because the reality is often when we say we're no good or useless, it's in a situation where we are beginners, just starting out. And of course, everybody starts at the bottom, when it's something new. And even if you've done it, two or three times, we all learn at different rates and speeds. And, and it's impossible to be good at something right off the back, you might have an aptitude for it and be reasonable, but you're not going to be an expert, or extremely good from the start. So we all have to go through a learning process. And during that learning process, you can say, I'm useless at the moment. But I'm practising and I will get better. Now that's a healthy statement. It's realistic, but healthy. The other thing is tone of voice, as I intimated to earlier, tone of voice, if you can think of say just a basic statement like this, oh my god. This tone of voice indicates panic. struggling, and to control any kind of emotions we have, you say, Oh, my God, the same words, but a different connotation to them, and maybe help keep you calm. A Yes. You know, you're saying that because you feeling under pressure or you know that things are going wrong. But if you speak to yourself in a calm tone of voice, it is easier to recover from tough situations, rather than to go into full panic mode. The power of words, and tone of voice cannot be underestimated. And I hope that just being aware of this is a little help to yourself going forward. If you want a deeper dive into any of the topics and nuggets that I bring to this mini podcast, why not go and check out www.mindsetcollege.co.uk where there is a lot of information in on many of these topics that can give you some further insights. Thank you and see you tomorrow.

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Welcome to the second episode of David Sammel nuggets. I'm going to talk to you today about failure. Another myth that I wish to dispel. Surely, everything changes in life, day by day. And if you are moving forward and doing things to improve, trying to get better as a person trying to get better at whatever profession you have chosen, or if you're a student, trying to just learn and improve your knowledge that in itself is going forward. 

Now, failure means that you have failed at whatever you're trying to do. Wouldn't it be better to set up the metric the way you measure yourself to "as long as I'm going forward I'm doing great". I'm succeeding and in everything in life, some people go forward faster than others, some people achieve earlier than others. 

But the game of life is not about how fast, how slow, how far you go. It's all about just going forward. And there are so many talented people in the world, that if you're comparing yourself to everybody, when you don't know anything about their circumstances in life. On the surface they might be succeeding fantastically in one area of their life, but you have no idea if they are doing poorly in another area of their life. So set up life for yourself and your own happiness, and for your own success, which is just moving forward every single day. And if you're doing that, you're doing great. Failure, for me, doesn't exist, unless you create it in your own mind. As long as you're getting up every day, and doing something, no matter how bad your situation is in life, just try to take a step in some direction that is positive. And one small step after another will take you somewhere. It's impossible to stay in the same place. If you take small steps forward, you will get somewhere different. And maybe that different place will be the opening to yet some bigger steps. Small steps are not failure. They are steps going forward and that in my book that is a success. 

Every single day. As long as you get up and do something to improve your life. You are succeeding. 

I wish you well. I wish you luck. I wish you take just any step that you decide to do today. A small step, go forward and pat yourself on the back as soon as you've taken a step forward. So thank you very much and speak again soon. 

 

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For a deeper dive into regrets and other self-awareness topics such as comparison, labelling and rejection visit https://www.mindsetcollege.co.uk/power-of-awareness-1

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