# The Unspoken Impact of Absence: A Mother’s Reflection
> Exploring fatherhood, absence, and the emotional scars it leaves.
In this heartfelt episode of Lola Speaks, Lola dives deep into a personal narrative that transcends her own experiences, touching on themes of fatherhood, absence, and the lasting impact these have on children.
## A Personal Dedication
Lola opens the episode by dedicating it to her son, celebrating the 19 years since she became a mother. She reflects on the complexities of motherhood, from the joy of watching her son grow to the challenges of ensuring he feels loved and supported. "Thank you for giving me one of the greatest titles I've ever had, the privilege of being your mother," she shares, setting the emotional tone for the discussion ahead.
## The Uncomfortable Conversation
As she navigates the topic of fatherhood, Lola emphasizes that this is not a father-bashing episode. "There are incredible fathers in this world," she acknowledges, while also urging the need to address those who choose absence. "Every child deserves parents who choose them, not just on the day that they're born, but every single day after that."
## The Child’s Perspective
Lola poignantly highlights how children perceive parental absence. They don’t understand adult problems; they only feel the void. "When children don’t have an explanation, sometimes they create one," Lola explains. This leads to a heartbreaking realization — children may start blaming themselves for their father's absence, thinking, "Maybe it’s me."
## A Call to Fathers
Lola directly addresses fathers, urging them to consider their children’s feelings. "Your child doesn’t experience your reasons for leaving. They experience your absence," she states. She encourages fathers to break the cycle of disengagement and to show up, even in small ways, because presence matters. "Children remember presence, and sometimes the smallest moments become their biggest memories."
## The Role of Mothers
Not forgetting the role of mothers, Lola calls out the need for collaboration in co-parenting. "Your child should not have to pay for the emotional bill of a relationship they weren’t a part of," she reminds listeners. The conversation extends to the importance of allowing children to love both parents freely, without guilt or pressure.
## Reflections on Healing
As the episode draws to a close, Lola reflects on the long-term effects of parental absence. She emphasizes that children grow into adults who carry the scars of their childhood experiences. "We're raising future adults, future husbands, future wives, future parents, and the things they experienced in childhood can follow them into relationships they haven't even had yet."
## A Message of Worth
For those who grew up without a father, Lola shares a powerful message: "You were never responsible for making a grown person choose you. You were worthy when you were five. You were worthy when you were fifteen, and you're worthy now."
In closing, she leaves listeners with a heartfelt reminder: "Show up for them. Heal what needs healing. Break what needs breaking. And don't hand your children wounds simply because somebody handed them to you."
This episode serves as a profound reminder of the importance of presence in parenting and the lasting impact our choices have on the next generation.
For a deeper dive into Lola’s thoughts and reflections, listen to the full episode.
