Matthew looks for the beach at the Lompoc Federal Correctional Institution. Becky, meanwhile, co-wrote a book called Not One Shrine, while Matthew was away. It’s for sale now — go get it here.

This book was suggested to us by Elizabeth Chuang. Here’s a quick summary: One lady cop; One lady cop dog; One creepy sexist pig detective.

Next book: Punching and Kissing by Helena Newbury

Matthew gets slipped a card from a guy named Nico in LA. Then he gets wet. Becky faces her karaoke fears. We discuss why clowns are scary and make really weird clown sounds.

Because it’s awesome in all the right ways, I’m going to drop the actual book description in here: This is a full 50 k novel with a guaranteed HEA. It has violence, steam, a forbidden pregnancy and lots of hot shifter commandos that are sure to knock down all your walls. Read it as a standalone and fall for the scorching werecougar twins who know just what to do to save the day!

Next book: Paw Enforcement by Diane Kelly

Matthew crashes a science fair and discovers that cotton is absorbent. Becky takes a walk right into an urban bloodbath.

We read Nicholas Spark’s The Choice and while we don’t have much to say about the book, we have a lot of thoughts about Mr. Sparks.

Next book: Cats Got Your Tongue

Becky gets high and things are suddenly really funny. She feels the need to talk about it. Meanwhile, Matthew visits a new ice cream place called Hog-In-Dogs, gets free samples and leaves without buying anything, like a MONSTER.

We fall back into the Sherrilyn Kenyon well with this week’s book Night Pleasures and man, she does not disappoint. Another Greekish tale, promiscuous BFF, more GOD-like man candy.

In the first section we discuss the dramatic news that we have met our parallel universe twin — Adam Schwartz — who is running a Kickstarter to write his own romantic novel. LITBC fans, this guy has a comedy show where he pans romantic novels – I know, right? We both backed him instantaneously. He has the most awkward naked-ish picture of himself on the book cover and that, alone, is worth $10.

In this episode we talk about the book Steelheart and the characters DeathPoint and FaultLine and lots of other obvious superpower characters. Oh, and banks. Everything bad happens in a bank.

Next book: Night Pleasures by Sherrilyn Kenyon

P.S. Check out the video game that Matthew and I were addicted to in the 80s: Final Blow.

Matthew and Becky analyze a certain kind of Kickstarter campaign and try not to sound like arrogant douches and fail miserably.

In this book, Ms. Lovely, a teacher (and a VIRGIN, naturally), falls in lust with her pen pal Sergeant Major Mark Gunner.

Next book: Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson

Becky finds something mysterious in the bottom of her glass. You’ll never guess.

We review the free samples from 2 books this week. First, our own. Not One Shrine: Two food writers devour Tokyo (currently on Kickstarter until Feb 24th!) Brief summary: Matthew and I go to Tokyo. We do embarrassing stuff. We eat. We’re really, really white. It’s total rubbish. Back us!

Next we review Cars, Cats and Crooks by R.H. Carter. Brief summary: guy gets fired, opens detective agency. Cat gets lost. That’s it, so for the rest of the episode we play word games.

Next book: P.S. You’re Mine by Alexa Riley

Becky’s wife punks her at work, while Matthew meets someone really special on the bus. This week’s book is royally pucked up. Just listen to it, really. Or hey, if you want to (and here’s a line from the book) “take a shot from the orgasm bottle” just go buy the book and read it.

Next book: Cars, Cats and Crooks by R.H. Carter

Matthew gets gum surgery and talks about how his mouth is now a war zone. We discuss the possibilities inherent in having a second body to use and abuse, with none of the ethical considerations. Meanwhile, Becky gets way more than she anticipated with her daily coffee. This week’s book: Girl Jacked (Detective Jack Stratton Mystery Series) by Christopher Greyson. Missing girl, hunky detective. The End.

Next book: Pucked by Helena Hunting

We invite Professor of Literature at Seattle University Dr. Bryn Gribben to our show, hereby legitimizing LITBC until End Times.

To summarize this week’s choice: “This book is garbage.” Matthew Amster-Burton

Next book: Girljacked