On today’s solo episode we have a casual fan interaction and questionnaire to start things but then we get into the  REAL REAL, and I’m talking R E A L with it. I don’t even want to spoil it. I barely want to put the names down but I feel I’d be doing a disservice to everyone if I didn’t source my shit so if they loved something they know what it is and its title and author. FUCK. What a dilemma. When I talked to Barbara Manatee, I knew we’d have a good time, but I didn’t know I’d have such a HARD time after(eyyo). Nah, credit where credit is due, if this solo episode is going to go down in history on Lotsa Pasta for going hard, I want to make sure I’m doing it right. Here’s the stories we’re reading today, some of the best of the best, the cream of the crop. Let’s do this.
The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe (1:08:04)

The Lottery by Shirley Jackson (1:25:55)

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? By Joyce Carol Oates (1:52:58)

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison (2:40:23)

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Featuring wonderful ambient music from our fam in Sweden: 
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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

Look at us, Ramses. Here, again, reading submissions from our once-loyal fan Danny boy. And here we are, again, looking for Danny. It’s been a couple months since Halloween and we still don’t have any sign of him. Is he out there? Hopefully. Is he still sending us requests? No, not at all. Do I miss it? Maybe. It’s hard to say if you miss something until it’s gone, right? At the time, I was like, why? Why keep sending me stuff that I don’t know if we’re ever going to read? Yanno know what I mean? But now, like the effervescent sunrise to sunset, you look out into the horizon and wonder… Where the fuck is Danny? What the hell, Danny. C’mon, man. Send me a message on Facebook. Send me an email ([email protected]). Danny come back. Any kind of fool could see. There was something in everything you sent us. Danny come back. You can blame most of it on me. I was wrong(maybe) and I just can’t live without you(I mean, I can, but it would be funnier if you sent us more stuff). 

Anna’s Gift (28:29) by Ben W. Degand
https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/Anna%27s_Gift

I’ve Met the Monster in my Closet (1:23:14) by F. Zaidi

https://www.creepypasta.com/i-met-the-monster-in-my-closet/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

What’s better than the beginning of a story? The end of a story. That’s right. I got you. You didn’t see that coming. You couldn’t possibly see that coming. Maybe you did, it is the finale episode for this story after all, we’ve been talking about it for a while. Maybe you did know. Maybe you knew too much. You know what they say about people who know too much. They suck. Yeah, I said it. I got you again, you fucking know-it-all. Anyways, Cannibal Siren and I are back to finish this fucking story once and for all. This one goes out to all the mentally ill both on an off this podcast. May we eternal R.I.P. And by that I mean, rest in pieces (of weed). That’s the real kicker here, after all. If this narrator had just taken a dab none of this would’ve happened. He would’ve been too stoned to read that note in the first place; Chucking that shit out like the junk mail it is. Does this ending redeem itself? Kinda. No spoilers, but KINDA. Let’s get into it. 

The Man in my Basement Takes One Step Closer Every Week(45:36) by Polterkites

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/istln5/the_man_in_my_basement_takes_one_step_closer/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

What a fun time we have together, Mr. SkellyBones. Let this be a chronicle of our friendship even when I’m long gone, dead and buried. Well, hopefully cremated with my ashes spread around some shitty location in Orlando, Florida that is not The Haunted Mansion found in the Magic Kingdom on Walt Disney World theme park property. Or Horrorland. If you can find it, let me rest there, if possible, cause I already live there mentally whenever I eat peanut butter now. Or whenever I watch any program with Gordon Ramsey. Anyways, we’re back to read more Goosebumps today but before that we’re going to take a brief dive into all things Attack on Titan, because the review has been a long time coming and some promises you make in Dead Space together need to be fulfilled if only to the amusement of one of us. This might be a podcast, but I’m not ALL TALK, everyone. 

Goosebumps: One Day at Horrorland (1:31:36) by R.L. Stine

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“Horrorland“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. That is clearly and respectfully due to the awesome artist that is POGO and I merely mention and feature his work here to pay the greatest amount of respect and to shed whatever light I can on his talent. Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

What the heck is going on in here? I mean, we keep ending up back in this basement despite all the shit going on and there is A LOT of SHIT going on. Let’s just say that this episode goes to places I never even knew possible, even considering the basement. When we’re not in the basement, who know’s where this is going. At least in the basement, we know where’s it’s going, right? WRONG. It’s going places. Other places. Not basement related places. At its best, this story provides surprises. At its worst, this story provides surprises. It’s a mixed bag, but no one knows where this is going, I assure you. Unreliable as ever, let’s get into it. Back into the basement we go. 

The Man in my Basement Takes One Step Closer Every Week(23:38) by Polterkites

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/istln5/the_man_in_my_basement_takes_one_step_closer/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

Well, this is surely a splendid evening with Mr. Heavyhands. We hold ourselves with the utmost decorum, and only the finest quality of conversation. You may say we’re gentlemen, but we claim to be normal folk, you can tell by our wit and our banter as such. We may be reading a story called Butcherface, but we’re also talking about shitting our pants and farting on the podcast. I know, I know. This is what you’re here for. Have you or a loved one ever shit your pants and tried to conceal it? Contact us at [email protected] to tell us your harrowing, close-shit experiences. We’re here for it. We’re here for shit. There really isn’t that much more to say. Harold’s a funny guy, I couldn’t help but put him on the shit-seat. 

BUTCHERFACE (46:41) by Dash32

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/iffgt/butcherface_part_1/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

On today’s episode we harken back to a simpler time, an easier time, a time of peace, a time of tranquility, a time of getting too high and reading random stories we found on the internet. This morning, join Midnight Bride, Afternoon Groom, and I for a quaint English breakfast where the only English muffin you’ll be getting are the words on this page spoken sensually to your ear-holes. Does Afternoon Groom speak sensually? You bet your butt he does. Does Midnight Bride speak sensually? You bet your front-butt she does. Do I speak sensually? TRICK QUESTION. RHETORICAL. OF COURSE I DO, HOW ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE GOTTEN ALL THE WAY TO EPISODE 292? I’ve lost the plot - Losta Pasta. Let’s figure it out together. 

:D (21:44)

The Crayons (29:16)

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/The_Crayons  

The Price of Sugar (35:18)

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/The_Price_of_Sugar by Cymoril_Melnibone

I See the Death of Everyone I Meet (53:50)

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/4m0vxv/i_see_the_death_of_everyone_i_meet/ by  JJX2525

Why I Didn’t Shower for 21 Years (1:11:23)

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/1ja4h9/why_i_didnt_shower_for_21_years/ by Red_Grin

Grandma’s Light is Always On (1:30:47)

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/75xw3d/grandmas_light_is_always_on/ by Saint_Entropy

TUG (1:40:59)

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/1zvxre/tug/ by Hall7

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It’s a new series with Cannibal Siren, folks! I know it’s what you wanted, what can I say, I know what the people want. Unfortunately, however, we’e not monster-fucking on this one. Oh, no. No, no. Not that way, at least. There is consent involved in what Cannibal Siren does. Let’s not get too far away from it, there is a monster in this one, and he’s getting close to us in all the worst ways; Non-consentually. There is so much to be said about this one, and we will say it. And you will listen. And we will say more next episode, and hopefully you’ll listen again. This is just part one of four, so let’s just say that there are a lot more steps involved, here. What is this, AA? No, not unless AA stands for anonymous antagonism. And it doesn’t. 

The Man in my Basement Takes One Step Closer Every Week(43:05) by Polterkites

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/istln5/the_man_in_my_basement_takes_one_step_closer/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

It was a cold, wintery night when Scutch MacGee stumbled through my door. He was confused, parked in the wrong driveway, and immediately remarked on how he almost got stuck in patches of ice. We greeted each other as brothers, arms wrapped in a warm embrace. We sipped on Whiskey based on his first-born’s namesake while we conversed about horror movies and shit to get excited about this upcoming year. Inevitably, a hush filled the room when he finally spoke up on what was on his mind. His kids. His kids and their ability to be startlingly spooky. He was joking, just like I’m joking now, but you look into a man’s eyes and you just know… Somethings are the truth, and they can’t be masked by humor. They’re all too apparent. Just like how he’s a parent: to some spooky kids. Anyways, then I made him read stories with me about creepy kids. LOL

I Had a Disturbing Conversation with my Seven Year Old (54:28) by samhaysom

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/fiz4d0/i_had_a_disturbing_conversation_with_my_7yearold/

I Had a Disturbing Conversation with my Neighbor’s Ten Year Old Son (1:01:11) by samhaysom

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/dp614a/i_had_a_disturbing_conversation_with_my/

My Son’s Camera Monitor Alerted in the Middle of the Night (1:14:24) by RisingMac

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/bsrmy5/my_sons_camera_monitor_alerted_in_the_middle_of/

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