Lotsa Pasta

What can I say about dead celebrities that hasn’t been said already? A lot actually. Which is why I’m not going to say anything. I’m really not. So anyways, we’re continuing the investigation we last left off with on the previous episode. I mean, we have our answers, we know where things are going, right? Maybe not literally but how could you possibly know where part three is going to end. Will our loose cannon cops play by the rules? Will they even fire their weapons at innocent minorities? Not a real story if neither of those things are happening. Vampires are real, though. I’m not budging on that one. But I am edging on it. Anyways, enjoy the rest of this story with these here boys. They had a good time, because I know they did. I made them. DUH-DUHN. 

So We’re About 99% Sure the New Guy in Town is a Vampire(20:33) by TheJesseClark

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7ipy4b/so_were_about_99_sure_the_new_guy_in_town_is_a/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
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What can I say about vampires that hasn’t already been said? Well, they live forever, so they have to be pretty savvy business men, right? Not what you expected me to say, either, huh? Well, it’s not what I expected to be reading with this group of jack-offs. Or should I say jack-ONS because they were on this shit like flies. By that I mean, they read and performed pretty damn well, in my opinion. It’s almost like they don’t listen to my show because they were surprised by my performance several times as well, not to toot my own horn or anything but I have been doing this for like 8 years. I kinda feel like a vampire, you know what I mean? Maybe you don’t. But you might. Anyways, what we expected was Fright Night and what we got was Law & Order. Am I complaining, not necessarily. Should I be? I’ll let you be the judge. DUH-DUHN. 

So We’re About 99% Sure the New Guy in Town is a Vampire(25:45) by TheJesseClark

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7ipy4b/so_were_about_99_sure_the_new_guy_in_town_is_a/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
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Everyone loves a good dog, right? I mean, if you don’t, I don’t trust you. I don’t think you deserve my trust if you don’t love a good doggo. I know someone who loves good pups: Midnight Bride. She’s got herself a good little goblin faced, Steve Buscemi of a dog. She’s a sweet lil sprinkle-bear. She can’t help that she was born with the face of a bat and the body of a chihuahua. But I digress, we’re here to talk about a couple things like young love and more importantly and often over-looked, young hate. I think we need to bring young hate back. Young hate doesn’t get enough attention despite being like the crux of a lot of good 80’s movies. There’s always like a nemesis or a bully of some kind and they always get their comeuppance, right? Well, let’s see if this story does more of the same, cause there’s a chance this can be sad. I hope this isn’t sad. I hope this is nice and fun and full of young hate. Fuck young love. What can I say, I’m Aerosmith; aka JADED. 

Good Dog(24:16) by Shannon Higdon

https://www.creepypasta.com/good-dog/

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What conclusion awaits us at the end of this thrilling chapter? Something trivial that will tie everything up way too nicely despite all the questions and remaining answers and issues are directly in front of our literal fingertips, right? No, again, no inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. Just Grimes. Just a big old bitch of a stone statue. The possibilities have been emptied with Ramses Vanderslice on today’s episode and as we come to an end, I can’t help but think that this is just Borrasca V all over again. This one just kinda ends out of nowhere for lack of circumstantial reasons, just like my relationship with my previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. I’m not gonna say it sucks. It doesn’t suck as bad as the last one. It’s hard to think that the same person who wrote part one and also wrote parts two and three, but here we are. I’m sure part three was thought up before part two was because it just moves better and tries its damndest to answer questions left by chapter one, but like… not in a great way. If you ask me, she should’ve just stayed home or moved on with her life after part one. This didn’t need a sequel. It’s like Prometheus or Alien Covenant. The Xenomorph is scarier when it’s not explained, just like Grimes. Stop milking Grimes. Let Grimes rest. Death of Deepwoods, PA(17:04) by The_Dalek_Emperorhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/29lk3l/death_of_deepwood_pennsylvania/NEW! Support us on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/LOTSA_PASTAAND KO-FI: https://ko-fi.com/lotsa_pastaMERCH: www.redbubble.com/people/elcapitanmuerte/portfolioYOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/channel/UCxoqIN-fkfdlmGEjWujypxwSOUNDCLOUD: www.soundcloud.com/lotsa-pasta/(But also available on all major platforms like iTunes, Spotify, Google, Amazon, etc!)FOLLOW ON FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/LPCaptainDeathFOLLOW ON REDDIT: www.reddit.com/r/LotsaPasta/Featuring wonderful ambient music from our fam in Sweden: CryoChamber, givin' us all the ooky-spooky tunage. Follow: @cryo-chamberThank you!“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

What mysteries lie in the fictional town of Lannenberg(burg?) Pennsylvania? Who knows because it doesn’t actually exist and I’m confused as to why this is a plot point when it could have just taken place in Harrisburg. No inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. But yes, yes, a giant demon statue made of stone and sin called Metar- I mean -GRIMBUS. The possibilities are narrowing with Ramses Vanderslice on today’s episode and as the chapters go on, my hope dwindles further, just like my previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. This one sucks, and not in the same way and not in a good way. Why does this chapter exist - ah, yes - to pad the plot of what the next part is because that was clearly thought up before this part was. Huzzah. Mystery solved. Why is our character motivated to this degree? Who knows. Trauma apparently works that way, says the author, but Trauma don’t work that way says me - but I’m not an author, I’m just some asshole online. Enjoy! 

Return to Deepwoods, PA(41:50) by The_Dalek_Emperor

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/29htgx/return_to_deepwood_pennsylvania/

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What mysteries lie deep in the woods of Pennsylvania. Inbred, redneck melon-heads? Regular old, garden variety homeless people? A giant demon statue made of stone and sin? The possibilities are endless here on Lotsa Pasta with our guest Ramses Vanderslice. I know we last had a really silly Halloween but Ramses is back to get into a multi-chapter story with me this time, reminiscent of our time checking out The Showers and I do mean THE Showers and not just any old shower. Go listen to those two episodes if you don’t believe me. They’re good! This one, also good! The restraint with chapter one or The Lost Town section of Deepwoods, PA is very entertaining. Let’s just see if the author can keep it up. Sounds like something my ex girlfriend used to say. Alls well that ends well, right? WRONG - never go in the secret basement hatch inscribed with latin. NEVER. Just like my ex-girlfriend’s place.

The Lost Town of Deepwoods, PA(34:12) by The_Dalek_Emperor

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/1xn677/the_lost_town_of_deepwood_pennsylvania/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
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Cannibal Siren and I are on another level today. We’re operating on a whole other spectrum. An AUTISTIC spectrum. No, not really. We just got that synergy going on. Oh, I mean, SINergy. Right, cause we both full of that godly No-No. What’s more in style with the kids now-a-days, being all shitty and stupid or being reliable and respectful. That’s not a question for a reason, we know the answer. Get to it, folks. We’re here reading a couple short stories from NoSleep because we would rather spend time NOT recording with one another. This isn’t the last time we’ll see Cannibal, in fact, I hear from her every week, but it is the last time I’ll see her IRL for a while, so this was happy time to spend with her. And her cats. It was a good time. 

My Sugar Daddy Asks Me for Weird Favors(48:05) by eaPAtbp

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/diuucz/my_sugar_daddy_asks_me_for_weird_favors/

The Limping Woman(1:09:26) by Pippinacious

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/731yoi/the_limping_woman/

My Student Submitted the Most Disturbing “Living History” Project I’ve Ever Seen(1:24:54) by gretelcat

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/72gvtc/my_student_submitted_the_most_disturbing_living/

Something Happened 63 Years Ago That’s Haunted Me my Entire Life. I’ve Never Told Anyone About It - Until Now(1:44:55) by Sergeant_Darwin

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/4ykg8g/something_happened_63_years_ago_thats_haunted_me/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
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We’re back in the kingdom of HO-HOs and Lititz, PA. Yes, that’s right, the SOFA Kingdom, to be exact. This time, joined by the royal family as Sofa Queen also joins us on spectator duty while the King and I have our jolly time. That being said, these stories were random as all hell but also fun as all hell and I blame all of that on Sofa King - he’s just that kinda guy. He read through my list, he checked it twice, he found these ones to be the weirdest and I’m just along for the ride. The same way you’re along for the ride. Well, not the EXACT same, but you get my point. Buckle in - we’re going places. Are they fun places? Not really. They’re dangerous and weird. But we’re INTO that. RIGHT? Right. 

10 Years as an Escort and this was Not in my Job Description(40:53) by EZMisery

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/4x2mco/10_years_as_an_escort_and_this_was_not_in_my_job/

I Found a USB Stick AKA The Long Face(1:10:29) by Fyve

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
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I meant to sing a little song to Scutch when I saw him a couple months ago and recorded this episode but I forgot. Of course, it’s because I got too drunk and because I was too excited to talk to him about Game of Thrones and Aliens. You know, the usual. Why wouldn’t I be excited about that, Scutch is one of my favorite people on the show because of his life experience and perspective on things and talking to people about Aliens(and Game of Thrones) tells you a lot about a person; Like, for example, if they suck or not. As you know or as you’re about to see, neither myself nor Scutch MacGee suck. We’re realistic and fun and think that Game of Thrones was ruined by two directors and their egos and that aliens absolutely exist and we’re just here for it. Any aspect of it, really. We’re here for all the tall and short fuckers out there as long as they’re spying on us, keeping us in check on a galactic level, and not being overtly weird about it. That would be hella awkward. We might actually care, then. Good thing we don’t. Good thing we care MORE about how much Game of Thrones sucks than about the existence of other life forms being 100% confirmed by our government. Yeah, that checks out. Here’s some stories: 

A Mist Between Blue and Grey(1:29:47) by Stu Haack

https://www.creepypasta.com/a-mist-between-blue-gray/

This is Not a Place of Honor(1:41:04) by Queen Iacomina

https://www.creepypasta.com/this-is-not-a-place-of-honor/

The Real Reason my Husband Shot Himself(1:55:58) by RedHotOwl

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/l80wn1/the_real_reason_my_husband_shot_himself/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.