Lotsa Pasta

The Deputy is back and he killed the Sheriff himself. What more need be said? A lot, I suppose. Join us for some NIGHT SWIM and join us for some more hard-boiled cops that play by the rules. No, nothing weird about that. Totally by-the-books procedural here. Nothing out of the ordinary going on. Just regular old story-time with Grandpa. Definitely no nightmare inspiring unsolved mysteries here. Definitely nothing that’s managed to haunt this old man until his final days. Definitely no dead kids, either. Who’s asking? Really? No, seriously. Now I’m concerned.  There’s nothing wrong with Grandpa OR his stories, okay? Now, tuck in for night-night, drink your glass of warm milk, and open up your butt, cause we’re coming in. 

My Grandpa, a Retired Homicide Detective, just Told Me the Case that still Keeps Him Up at Night(24:34) by Nickbotic

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/d1zd4f/my_grandpa_a_retired_homicide_detective_just_told/

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Featuring wonderful ambient music from our fam in Sweden: 
CryoChamber, givin' us all the ooky-spooky tunage. 
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Thank you!

“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

So, Slappy haunted my dreams as a kid, that’s no surprise. I’ll talk about that forever. I’ll talk about how the Goosebumps TV show haunted me as a kid. That’s fine. Curse me, if you will. But maybe it is all rose-tinted shades from here on out or really, what are a couple of 30-year old men doing reading Goosebumps anyway? Are we really that far out of the recommended audience to glean anything from these narratives? Yes. Yes, I think we honestly are. Does that mean we’re going to stop reading them? Of course not. It’s too funny to stop now. Plus, Mr. Skellybones and I are having one hell of a time doing so. Just pals pallin’ around, you know. Taking a dip in the cold lake together. Skinny dipping, as it were. And let me tell you, we’re not the only boners in this lake, either. Just another reason not to send your kids away to camp, right? How many episodes revolve around this, I mean - never mind. Let’s get to it. 

The Curse of Camp Cold Lake - Goosebumps #56 (21:26) by RL STINE

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

I’m gonna make that joke about how I drug myself every Christmas Eve, now. Well, I guess I already did, didn’t I? Christmas is supposed to be a day about getting together with the family or those close enough to be blood, and sharing some special time with each other where you don’t just sniff each others farts and lick each others assholes. I mean, if you end up doing either of those literal things,  good for you, but you can do that on any other day and it’d be fine too. Christmas, as I was saying, isn’t supposed to be about a gross amount of red spidery creatures attacking the neighborhood and scaring everyone, only to get mowed down in a second act effort seamlessly. Oops. Spoilers. Merry Christmas every one, I give you the gift of not giving a fuck. What can I say? I’m still pretty drugged up since Christmas Eve. 

Every Year on Christmas Eve my Parents Drug Us.  I Found Out Why(13:06)

By u/catinthecupboard 

https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/ro3z1q/every_year_on_christmas_eve_my_parents_drug_us/

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Thank you!

“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

I’d make a joke about how I drug myself every Christmas Eve, but it seems too easy. The truth is, I drug myself throughout this entire season. I can’t stand it, to be honest. The entire capitalist, competitive spirit of gift-giving mixed with overbearing debt and rising suicide rates and low mental health for the entirety of winter keeps me as dreary and bleak as the 5PM snow-blind darkness. But hey, yeah, let’s all pretend to be okay with one another and ourselves long enough to have a good holiday, yeah? At least I have my best friend by my side to read a wonderful two-parter with, right? This story is good, after all, and I’m glad we found it at the time we did - tis the season and all. What an apt title, after all. 

Every Year on Christmas Eve my Parents Drug Us.  I Found Out Why(42:21)

By u/catinthecupboard 

https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/ro3z1q/every_year_on_christmas_eve_my_parents_drug_us/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

BUT YOU’VE GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS. Ain’t that right people? Today’s episode introduces us to a new guest that needs a perfect introduction in an otherwise perfect little contained episode. Royale w/ Cheese wanted to get broken in on some of the King and who am I to supply him with anything but. This is the third time we’re reading King, as we’ve read The Jaunt and The Raft on two other episodes, but today we’re gonna read a couple of his shorter features off of well known collection. Royale w/ Cheese curated this episode, folks, so it really can’t be better. What a way to celebrate our SEVEN YEAR anniversary, huh? It may not look like it or even sound like it to everyone else, but the reason I chose to celebrate with Kitty aka Torus Filth earlier this month and then bring in a new player like Royale w/ Cheese is just to show how far we’ve come - these are two fans who started off as you: listeners of the show. I remember starting the show and doing the work as early as November 2016 and here we are in November of 2023 doing the LORD’S WORK, people. HAIL TO THE KING, INDEED. 

Battleground(26:58) by Stephen King (Nightshift)

Strawberry Spring(53:46) by Stephen King (Nightshift)

The Ledge(1:24:30) by Stephen King (Nightshift)

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

The world is changed. I feel it in the creeps. I feel it in the pasta. I smell it in the weed. Much that once was across the fucking planet is now here, for those of us crazy enough to accept it. It began with the forging of a spooky podcast. Three close friends gathered, seeking immortality amongst the internet sovereign. Seven trolls, great trouble makers and jokesters of the caverns old. And nine or so or maybe some other number of regular ass people, I don’t know, I’ve lost count, who all else desired saving from their boredom. For within this podcast was bound some seriously listenable shit to govern the interwebs. But they were all of them deceived, for the biggest fan was waiting. Deep in the land of New Zealand, in the mountains of… well, New Zealand, the super fan Kitty aka Torus Filth forged a desire and into it poured her greatest stoner attributes and loving tendencies. One fan to rule them all. 

How to Survive in Hell(35:06) by Ratrotted

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/63ubzl/how_to_survive_in_hell/

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Featuring wonderful ambient music from our fam in Sweden: 
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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

Today is a personal episode for me. I don’t share much about my personal life and I do that on purpose as to not mix what it is about performing on this show with what it means for me to live my life as myself. You see, what I do here on this program is put on a performance, much like in my life, to display that of a regular, spooky-loving dude. But really, it is much more than that. I live the spook life. I am the spook. And this extends to my girlfriend, Alley Cat. She didn’t start out my girlfriend on the show, but she became my girlfriend during the show. It’s a long story in itself and it goes back almost 19 years, so I’m not going to get into it. What I am going to get into, however, is what we do in our spare time together and where we choose to spend our time together. One of those special places to us is Halloween Horror Nights. I came up with a ranking system, and we’re going to take a nice stroll down memory lane to discuss my first time going with my brothers in 2019 to my most recent trip to Orlando in 2023 with Alley Cat. I hope you enjoy this as this is a big part of our lives together and what you see here is just a snapshot of what it means to be a part of our spooky relationship. 

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Thank you!

“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

What can I say, I’m sentimental. I appreciate nostalgia. I like to get back to the classics every once in a while, remind myself where we came from and what we grew out of. And that’s why we’re going to read some dumb ass, stupid ass stories on todays episode. Really get the blood flowing, you know? These are all submissions and recommendations from a listener of ours Danny, and I hope he hears this(reads this). The stories you picked for us today brought us great joy. They’re awful. Mostly. They’re mostly awful. And we loved every second of it. Thank you, Danny. Whether that was your intention or not, thank you so much. Ramses and I hope you have a happy Halloween. 

Turn Me On, Dead Man(28:58) by CaptainCutler'sGhost

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/Turn_Me_On,_Dead_Man

Pass It On(44:21) by Emma Froh

https://www.creepypasta.com/pass-it-on-2/

Dead Man's Mouth(57:27) by Adam Bolander

https://www.creepypasta.com/the-dead-mans-mouth/

Neighbors(1:09:29) by REC

https://www.creepypasta.com/neighbors/

My Music Box(1:13:50)

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/My_Music_Box

The Dollmaster(1:18:59)

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/The_Dollmaster

A Small Piece of Lead(1:25:44) by EmpyrealInvective

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/A_Small_Piece_of_Lead

The Painting(1:51:21) by Meek

https://www.creepypasta.com/painting/

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So, the Devil walks into a bar. No, that isn’t the start to a joke or anything, I’m literally telling you the Devil just walked into the bar. Fine, don’t believe me. But let me tell you, she looks hot as hell. What can I say, a fiery redhead always makes my tongue dry. And what better to whet the whistle than some whiskey. That’ll do the trick. Let’s hear what she has to say, shall we? I hope it’s interesting. I hope she’s into me. I hope we can make some nice anti-christ babies together. Wouldn’t that be something. Shit, I’m getting ahead of myself. This meet-cute has gone off the rails and we only just met. How romantic. 

I Met Someone Who Claimed to be the Devil and I Think I Believe Them(18:24) by athousandrows

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/8chsch/i_met_someone_who_claimed_to_be_the_devil_and_i/

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Featuring wonderful ambient music from our fam in Sweden: 
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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.

I’VE BEEN AWAY. TO A DISTANT LAND. You might even say, WHEREAMI? No, really, you might say that, cause he is here too. Where? CALIFORNIA, BITCHES. We went to Disneyland cause he’s never been but ALSO we went to Super Nintendo World because that’s over here too. OH, NO, BUT REALLY, the thing that this episode is about - obviously. Look at the title. It was WhereAmI?’s first time going to Halloween Horror Nights and we decided California was the right place to take his cherry. You know, because of the previously mentioned birds we’re stoning. WHILE ON THE TOPIC OF STONING, holy shit. California. You’re nuts. The THC levels you guys are throwing around on the daily in your shops is fucking insane, no wonder you guys are so dumb. I took one puff of a dog walker and left the fucking planet. It brought a whole new meaning to Space Mountain. Anyways. Enjoy some rambling! No stories! Less work for me! Yay! 

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Featuring wonderful ambient music from our fam in Sweden: 
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Thank you!

“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership. 
Credit and All rights are reserved by the owners.