Whose life is this? You built it. You chose it. So why doesn’t it feel like yours anymore? Maybe you checked all the boxes. Built the career. Created the relationship. Became the responsible one, the successful one, the person everyone can count on. And then one day you looked around and thought, Wait... is this actually what I want? That’s the uncomfortable realization at the heart of this episode. My guest, Growing Self therapist and board-certified coach Tania Chikhani, knows it personally. Before 30, she was managing a half-billion-dollar brand and headed toward an executive career. On paper, she was wildly successful. Inside, as she puts it, her “joie de vivre” was gone. Because sometimes the life you built was designed for an earlier version of you. Or around what your family wanted. What your partner wanted. What you thought you were supposed to want. And eventually, you have to ask: Who am I now? In this episode, Tania and I are talking about how to find yourself again when you genuinely don’t know what you want next. You’ll learn: Why the life you wanted can suddenly stop feeling like yours How to figure out what you actually like and want Why you can’t always think your way back to yourself How to reconnect with yourself through experimentation and experience Why your blind spots can keep pulling you back into the same patterns A powerful “Perfect Day” exercise to help you see what you really want next If you’ve been looking around at your own life thinking, How did I get here?, this conversation is for you. And if you’re ready to figure out who you are now and what comes next, schedule a free consultation with Tania at growingself.com/tania. Xoxo,Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

The world is already judging your appearance…but the real danger is when you start judging your worth by it, too. FYI: This is NOT in your head. The way you look really does affect how people treat you (unfortunately).Research shows that appearance can influence who gets hired, who gets helped, who gets the benefit of the doubt, and even the assumptions people make about you in a split second.But that doesn’t mean that you need to buy into the lies our culture is trying to hand you. In this eye-opening conversation, I sit down with psychologist and The Problem With Pretty author Dr. Allycin Powell-Hicks to unpack the uncomfortable psychology of beauty, appearance, and self-worth, and, more importantly, how to stop letting the mirror determine how you feel about yourself. You’ll learn: How your appearance can quietly influence so many shocking aspects of your life The consequences of being seen as “unattractive” (and how to overcome them) How beauty standards get tangled up with your confidence and identity Why tying too much of your self-esteem to your appearance is a dangerous investment How to build a stronger sense of self that isn’t dependent on how you look Your appearance may influence how the world sees you. It does not have to define your worth. If you’re ready to build deeper confidence, strengthen your sense of self, and feel more secure in who you are, schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self therapist or coach at growingself.com. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

What if the resentment you feel toward your partner isn’t actually about what they’re doing wrong…but about what you keep doing? You do the dishes. You make the bed. You remember everything. You fix problems before anyone asks. And then you quietly think: Why do I have to do everything around here? Here’s the twist: You may be blaming your partner for resentment that’s actually coming from how much you’ve taken on. That’s the realization that changed Alyssa Zander’s relationship. After four years of believing her partner needed to change, they broke up, and an unexpected encounter forced her to ask a much harder question: What was my part in this? Today, that same man is her fiancé. In this conversation, Alyssa and I unpack how over-functioning, unspoken expectations, and trying to manage your partner can quietly create the exact relationship dynamic you’re so angry about. You’ll learn: Why resentment may be a sign you’ve been doing too much How over-functioning can accidentally reinforce the dynamic you hate Why trying to fix your partner’s moods can push you further apart What to do when you’re thinking, “Why do I have to do everything?” How to ask for what you need instead of expecting your partner to read your mind Your resentment might not be asking you to try harder. It might be asking you to put something down. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self  P.S. If resentment keeps showing up in your relationship and you’re ready to understand what’s really happening (and how to change it), schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self relationship expert at growingself.com. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

You can navigate a difficult conversation with your boss, calm down a frustrated friend, and explain exactly how you feel…so why does one sentence from your partner turn you into someone who suddenly can’t communicate at all? Here’s the bombshell: You might not actually have a communication problem. Because the words aren’t the real problem. In this episode, I’m joined by Brandy Buckner, M.S., LMFTA, marriage and family therapist at Growing Self, to expose what’s actually happening underneath those impossible conversations: the communication styles you inherited, the attachment reflexes that take over when you feel threatened, and the private story running through your head before you shut down or lash out. You’ll learn: Why great communicators completely lose each other at home What’s really happening when one person pursues and the other shuts down The hidden feeling underneath anger that changes the entire conversation How to take a timeout without making your partner feel abandoned What to tell yourself when every instinct says, Get me out of here Why waiting for your partner to change keeps you both trapped Because sometimes the breakthrough isn’t learning what to say. It’s finally understanding what’s happening inside both of you before anyone says a word. And if you’re tired of having the same fight on repeat, schedule a free consultation with Brandy. She can help you change the pattern. She works with couples at Growing Self to uncover what’s happening beneath the conflict and build a relationship where you can actually hear, understand, and reach each other. Schedule a free consultation with her.  Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

If love makes you suspicious, compliments make you uncomfortable, and happiness makes you wait for something bad to happen…this episode might explain your entire life. Because what if your insecurity isn’t a personality flaw? What if your brain learned, somewhere along the way, that feeling good about yourself is dangerous? Psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Marisa Franco is back with fascinating new science about why insecurity can survive years of therapy, affirmations, self-help, and “working on yourself” (and what can finally begin to change it). Here’s the mind-bending part: Your memories don’t just record your past. They predict your future. And when your brain expects rejection, humiliation, or abandonment, even love and success can feel threatening. But those old memories aren’t necessarily fixed. Dr. Franco explains how the science of memory reconsolidation may help change the way the past continues to live inside you. You'll learn: Why compliments, love, and success can actually make you feel worse Why you can feel deeply insecure even when you can’t explain why How old memories can quietly shape what you expect from yourself and others How memory reconsolidation can begin changing the emotional impact of the past Why affirmations sometimes backfire when you have low self-worth How to recognize when deeper support may be the right next step If you’ve spent years trying to “love yourself” and wondering why nothing seems to stick, you need to hear this. You may not need another pep talk. You may finally need to understand what your brain has been trying to protect you from. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self P.S. Ready to stop letting old insecurities run the show? Book a free consultation with a Growing Self clinician and get matched with the right person to help you do this deeper work. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs

We can all spot controlling people seeking influence over us. But what about our blind spots?  What happens when other people are feeling controlled by us and we don't even realize what we're doing? Turns out what many of us call “helping” can feel controlling to our partners. This is not anything to feel bad about or ashamed of. It's just reality. Control issues rarely feel controlling when we’re doing it. They feel like being right. Keeping things on track. Getting your partner to understand. Making sure nothing goes wrong. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby sits down with Seth Bender, M.A., LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach at Growing Self, to expose what control issues actually look like — including the ones you may not recognize in yourself. You’ll learn: Why control itself isn’t the problem The hidden reason you need things to go your way How to recognize your personal “rattlesnake rattles” before you react When reassurance quietly becomes control Why trying to control your partner backfires How to stop managing them and start managing yourself Because sometimes the hardest relationship truth is this: You may not experience yourself the way your partner experiences you. And being willing to see that could change everything. If this hits close to home, Seth can help. He works with individuals and couples to understand these deeper patterns, rebuild emotional safety, and create real change without blame or shame. Book a free consultation with Seth at growingself.com/seth. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

You said yes. You smiled. You went along with it. And afterward, you thought: Why didn’t I say something? If you struggle to stand up for yourself, Dr. Sunita Sah has a surprising message for you: You do not need to become louder, tougher, or more confrontational. Defiance is a skill. And you can practice it. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Cornell professor and DEFY author Dr. Sunita Sah reveal how to stop automatically complying and start acting in alignment with what you actually believe. In this episode you’ll learn: Why staying silent can cost you more than speaking up The 3-question “Defiance Compass” for deciding when to act Why surprise makes it so hard to stand up for yourself The difference between compliance and a true yes How to practice speaking up before the pressure is on When “standing up for yourself” actually becomes false defiance You don’t need a bigger personality. You need to know what matters to you — and what you’re going to do when it matters. Ready to stop saying yes when you mean no? Let’s get into it. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby ⁠Growing Self⁠ PS: As you heard in this conversation, being able to know how you feel and set healthy boundaries with others has roots that go deep. We all have work to do around this. If you'd like to dig into this with an expert coaching therapist who can help you make these changes, get in touch. It all starts with a free conversation. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs

Your workplace feels wrong. But do you actually know what you’re dealing with? If you've been calling your job a hostile work environment, stop…because that phrase carries more weight than you might realize. It's a term with a specific meaning, and the words you use can change what happens next. Because “hostile” and “toxic” do not mean the same thing. One is a description. The other can raise a legal red flag. I didn't know the distinction either until my guest, clinical psychologist and organizational consultant Dr. Jennifer Wisdom, stopped me mid-conversation and explained it. And that wasn't the only moment that made me sit up straighter. HR is not actually there to protect you. If your workplace is making you miserable, you may feel like you have two choices: put up with it or quit. But there is an enormous middle ground between those two options, and you may have far more power than you realize. Listen to learn: The critical difference between a toxic and hostile work environment The 3 questions to ask when something at work feels seriously wrong What you need to understand about HR before asking for help How to recognize when workplace behavior may be crossing a legal line What you can do when quitting isn’t an option How to create change, even when you’re not in charge This isn't just a conversation about surviving a bad workplace. It's about what you can actually do about it. By the end, you'll have concrete moves you can start making Monday morning. No new title, no permission, and no resignation letter required. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

You love them. So why can’t you shake the feeling that something might be wrong? Nothing is bad enough to leave. There’s no glaring red flag. You’re happy… mostly. But when you imagine getting engaged, moving in together, having a baby, or saying this is my person forever, something inside you hesitates. Do NOT ignore that feeling. But don’t assume it means you should break up, either. In this episode, I’m sitting down with marriage and family therapist Dr. Benjamin Jones about the yellow, orange, and even beige flags that can leave you questioning your future together…and how to figure out what they actually mean. Dr. Ben offers a reframe that changes everything: Stop waiting for certainty. Start looking for confidence. You’ll learn: How to tell a solvable problem from a real deal breaker Why you should never marry someone expecting them to change The question to ask when you love someone but still aren’t sure Why confidence matters more than certainty Which relationship problems can actually get better with the right support Why waiting until after you’re engaged to ask the hard questions may be too late If you’re questioning whether this is really your person, listen to this episode before you make your next move. And if you want help figuring it out, book a free consultation with Dr. Ben at growingself.com/ben. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.

The feeling you can’t shake isn’t going away. And there’s a reason. The regret that keeps coming back. The boredom you feel in a life you actually love. The shame that whispers something terrible about you. Your instinct might be to fix it. Get over it. Make it stop. I want you to try something very different. In this episode, I’m talking with psychotherapist Daniel Smith, author of Hard Feelings, about the emotions most of us would happily delete from our lives, and why getting rid of them might be exactly the wrong goal. This conversation surprised me. Daniel says some things most people would never admit out loud. We get into regret, boredom, shame, anger, relationships, and the uncomfortable question that can completely change the way you understand what you’re feeling. You’ll learn: Why some feelings keep coming back no matter how hard you try to move on The surprising connection between boredom and the things you love most What may really be hiding underneath an old regret Why shame deserves to be questioned, not automatically believed When a dark emotion deserves your attention (and when you need to push back) The one question I want you to ask the next time a hard feeling shows up Because sometimes the feeling you’re trying hardest to escape is the one you need to understand. And once you hear what it has to say, you might see your life very differently. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.