Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months. Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time. People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness. As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal. Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life. And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January. Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis Seriously. Use it to your advantage.

• Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.

• Now is the time for a fresh start for your relationship: Talk about the things you haven't been talking about. If you can't talk about them productively, that's normal too -- that's what marriage counselors and relationship coaches are here for. Get in touch and we can help you communicate, reconnect, and work through it productively.

• Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.

• Educate yourself: I am re-releasing the podcast I created last year on this subject, "The January Relationship Crisis." (Now #63). Listen to it to get deeper insight into what's going on, and how you can work together to reconnect. While you're there, browse around the other relationship podcasts I've made to learn more. (And if you like the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast please subscribe and leave a review!!)
• Use the resources available to you: Sign up to get my free relationship advice freebie (www.growingself.com/avoid-january-breakups) and then check back here over the next few weeks for new posts on "How to Get Your Unwilling Partner to Go To Marriage Counseling," "How to Deal With a Partner Who Shuts Down," and "How to Deal With a Partner Who is Always Angry." (Don't miss these posts: Sign up for our monthly round up at the top right of my blog page (www.growingself.com) and I'll send them to you next month).

2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level. Happy New Year! -- Lisa Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"

Is "Be in a fantastic relationship" your #1 resolution for 2016? You're in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life. Jessica is an expert Dating Coach and the instructor of our strategic dating coaching class: Let Love In. She's chock full of great advice that you can put into practice right now to get better results in your dating life. She's even tackling some of your biggest dating questions like: 1) What's the biggest dating mistake you're making -- the one that happens before you even go out on a first date?
2) What are things you can do to make it a great first date... that leaves them wanting more of you?
3) How can putting a priority on "chemistry" distract you from the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship?
4) What's going on with people who just "disappear" after the first date?   Get Jessica's best dating coaching advice and learn how to connect with the one you've been waiting for in 2016.
Learn more about Jessica on our website: www.growingself.com. Interested in Jessica's dating coaching class? Learn more about "Let Love In" -- it starts on January 11th! How to "Find the One" in 2016: Listen Now   Music Credits: Shocking Blue, "Send Me a Postcard"

Is Your Relationship Just... Off? Have you been feeling worried about your relationship? Are you feeling resentful, or angry with your partner? Are you feeling hurt, or shut out? Do you feel like the person who should be your number one fan has recently turned into a source of pain and frustration? If so, you're not alone. All couples go through ups and downs, and drifting apart (and then coming back together again) is what it means to be in a long term relationship. But it still feels yucky when it's happening. And if disconnection and negativity has been going on for awhile, it can begin to make you feel worried that there may be more serious problems under the surface. Furthermore, it's hard to know how to reconnect when negativity has taken hold of your relationship. Every time you try to reach out and patch things up, it seems like a new hurt or disappointment is always bubbling up to the surface. It's enough to make you start to feel helpless. I'm here to help, and give you advice for how to get back on track with each other. And listen -- I don't want to scare you -- but the time to act is now. January is the most common time of year for breakups and divorces. People can grit their teeth and endure things to "get through the holidays" and then fueled by hopeful resolutions for a happier new year sweep a relationship out right along with the tinsel lint and brown pine needles. My very first piece of advice? If you're really worried about your relationship, pay attention to your intuition. Do things now to help show your partner that it can get better. Your putting effort and energy into your relationship NOW gives you the opportunity to turn things around before one of you starts to lose hope. Let's Talk About How To Fix Your Relationship On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm putting on my Marriage Counselor hat, and will be giving you some advice that will help you figure out whether this "rough patch" is an indication of something serious (or not) and what you can do to get things back on track. We're discussing the most common types of relationship disconnections, and some actionable advice that you can use in each situation to begin establishing open lines of communication, repairing hurt feelings, and solving problems together. I'll also be following up over the next few weeks with two "Communication 101" guides that will help you handle a partner who tends to withdraw and avoid talking about things, plus a tutorial on what to do with a partner who seems angry or critical. Don't miss them: Sign up for the Love, Happiness and Success Express to get a round-up from the blog once a month! Sign up at www.growingself.com What To Do When You're Worried About Your Relationship: Listen Now Next week: Unconditional love -- what it means, and how to cultivate it in your life.

Are You Thinking of Getting Help? Deciding to reach out for professional help is a big decision, and I know it's not one you take lightly. In fact, if you're like most people you've probably  been working for a long time to NOT get involved in Marriage Counseling, Therapy or Life Coaching, and instead been doing everything you can think of to help yourself: Reading books, trying different things, seeking advice from friends. But there comes a point where you've done everything that you know how to do on your own and you just feel stuck. The things you're trying to do just aren't working (or, not for long anyway). Or maybe you've had people encouraging you to "talk to someone." Maybe you've been inspired by someone else's successful work in counseling or coaching, and are hopeful that you could get good results too. But where to even start finding the right person? The sheer volume of options you have can be overwhelming. So now you're cruising around therapist's websites and self-help blogs, looking for direction. Welcome. I'm glad you've found this post. I'm glad you're doing your research. Because, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen is for someone like you to be so brave, muster up your resolve, and finally reach out for help... only to connect with the wrong person. What's Worse Than Not Getting Help? Reaching Out To The Wrong Person. It happens. Too often, actually. And the outcomes can be worse than not getting help at all. When people muster up their courage, and finally reach out, only to have an (at best) unhelpful or (at worst) bad experience, it has negative consequences. Not just because they didn't get the help they were looking for, but because it may lead them to believe that there is no help for them. Even more tragically, many couples seek counseling from a person who isn't qualified, and then when couples counseling isn't successful think that their relationship can't be repaired (and subsequently get divorced.) Yet another reason why finding the right kind of help is extremely important. You Don't Go To a Cardiologist For a Broken Leg, Either. I think one reason for this is that there is a big gap between the kind of help people really need, and the kind that they think they need. I have people from all over reach out to me asking questions, and advice. (Do you have a question for me to answer on my blog or podcast? I'd love to hear from you: email me). Recently I've had several people get in touch with me asking for help in how to manage pretty major issues -- major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse problems. Many of these questions would end with something along the lines of, "Yeah, so I was thinking it might be time for me to see a life coach..." Life Coach! Really?? It's becoming increasingly clear to me that many people don't understand the difference between a life coach and a therapist, what kind of help is appropriate for certain issues, or how to get connected with the right person to solve a particular problem. Knowledge Is Power So on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm here to help you understand what your options for help are, when NOT to go to a life coach, when life coaching is a great choice, what kind of therapist can help you fix your relationship (and who can't), where to go for medication, and how to get connected with a good, caring (and qualified!) therapist in your area. I'm throwing in some emergency resources too, just for good measure. All the best,  Lisa Marie Bobby Is It Time To Get Help? Do It Right. Listen Now. More questions about counseling, coaching or marriage counseling? Visit www.growingself.com, and read more on the "questions about___" pages.

Heal Your Broken Heart It's a bit embarrassing for me to say this, as a marriage counselor, but I know a lot about how to help you recover after your breakup. In fact, I've worked with many people as they walked through the anguish of rejection and loss. I've walked alongside countless clients as they manage the anxiety, the depression and the obsessions that always come after a cherished relationship is severed. I've even written a book on the subject of how to recover after a breakup. I know what you're thinking: "She must be the WORST marriage counselor ever." The truth is that many, if not most relationships can be mended if both people are willing to try. But the fact is that if one person is simply done, the best marriage counselor in the world can't put it back together. In these situations the best we can often do is provide comfort, support and guidance to the person who is left sitting on the therapy-couch, alone. And that is exactly what I've done for many, many people over the years. Now, I'm something of an expert on the subject of how to recover from a breakup. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be sharing with you what I've learned about why it's so hard to get over your Ex, why most people feel like they are going crazy after their relationship ends, and simple things that you can do to help yourself recover from a breakup. Because I have a book coming out on this subject in November called, "EXaholic: Breaking Your Addiction to Your EX Love" I'll be discussing this topic over the next month or so. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter, "The Love, Happiness & Success Express" if you want to get a round-up of all the articles send to you. Sign up on my website: www.growingself.com. All the best to you on your journey,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC www.growingself.com How To Recover From Your Breakup: Listen Now

Help For Your Relationship I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast. Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered. "How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)" "What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?" "How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?" "How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?" "What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?" "What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?" I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast! xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Listen Now. (Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")

Every good life coach and therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal transformation process. This is true for both individuals, and for relationships. Holding on to anger -- either towards yourself or someone else -- will only hold you back, and create more problems for you. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going there. I'll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness... and set yourself free. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com   (Music Credits: "The Fog," by The Amazing)

How to Make Your Blended Family Work Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families." Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out. In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be.  Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Sir John Hargrave about his new book, "Mindhacking." In it, Sir John takes a fresh and funny look at how our thoughts determine both our emotions, and our reality. Mindhacking is based on tried and true methods for learning how to create a "Happy Mind" -- Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness Training. Both are reliable, helpful strategies that have been used by decades by life coaches and therapists. But Sir John uses the metaphor of computer programming to understand how to reprogram your brain to get better outcomes. I really enjoyed talking with Sir John about his ideas, as we share so many of the same evidence-based views on how people change: • How self awareness of your "old patterns" is the first step in creating new ones
• How essential mindfulness skills are to feeling happy and well
• And how learning how to shift your thoughts allows you to create healthy new feelings AND behaviors. So listen to our conversation and learn how to improve your mental focus, "debug your mind" of problematic thoughts, and create your very own Reality Distortion Field -- just like Steve Jobs! Learn more about Sir John Hargrave and Mindhacking on his website: www.mindhacki.ng
Click here to pre-order your copy of Mindhacking (Due out in January) Find out more about Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and her Online Counseling and Life Coaching practice, or sign up for The Happiness Class at www.growingself.com.

SO many of our therapy or life coaching clients come to us with one core wish: To be happy. No matter what their current concerns, obstacles, or challenges, the hope of happiness is always the shining star that pulls them forward into life coaching. But sometimes it can be hard to know what being happy actually means. Truthfully, "happiness" means different things to different people.  Learning about other people who have followed their heartfelt values into genuinely happy lives can inspire us to do the same. The stories of others can light a lamp on our own path, and our own possibilities. Even if your values may be different, knowing that other people have taken bold action to create a meaning and joy can light a spark of inspiration for you to do some deep reflecting on what makes you happy -- and how you might take action to make big changes too.  On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking to a couple of Nomadic Souls who have discovered that for them, happiness is very much a journey rather than a destination. Listen to my interview with full-time travelers Kimberly Travaglino (Founder of Full-time Families) and Clementine Bakstein about how they and their families found happiness, meaning, and connection by following their values down the never-ending road.  All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com