Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

If you want a secure bond but keep feeling activated or shut down, you’re not doomed.  A secure bond gets built through emotional intimacy, trust, and safe relationships, not willpower. Most people hear about attachment styles and think, “Okay… that’s me.” But insight alone doesn’t change your nervous system. And it doesn’t change your relationship patterns. In this conversation, Dr. Amir Levine and I are talking about secure attachment, what it really means, and how to become securely attached in the relationships that matter most. Knowing you lean anxious or avoidant is one thing. Creating emotional safety in relationships is something else entirely. When love starts to feel like chasing, bracing, second-guessing, or shutting down, that is usually not a character flaw. It is a pattern that can change. Dr. Amir Levine is a Columbia-trained psychiatrist and neuroscientist, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, and the coauthor of the multi-million-copy bestseller Attached. In his new book, Secure, he explains what a secure attachment style in relationships looks like, why attachment is not a fixed sentence from childhood, and how safe, steady relationships can help your nervous system move toward more trust and connection. We talk about anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment, the difference between attachment patterns and attachment disorders, and why security matters far beyond romance. You’ll also hear why avoidant attachment style communication patterns can leave both people feeling more distressed, how small moments of responsiveness build trust, and why some relationships keep your attachment system activated instead of helping you feel safe. As you listen, notice which relationships help you feel calmer, clearer, and more like yourself. Then notice which ones leave you spinning. That awareness can change a lot. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Knowing Your Attachment Style Still Leaves You Stuck 03:14 What Secure Attachment Looks Like in Real Life 06:31 Which Attachment Style Sounds Most Like You? 15:40 Why Secure Attachment Changes More Than Your Love Life 20:21 Can You Become More Secure Over Time? 26:55 The Five Traits That Create Emotional Safety 37:35 How to Ask for What Helps You Feel Safe 48:08 The Tiny Moments That Rewire Attachment 55:32 How to Break the Anxious Protest Cycle 1:02:17 When It’s Time to Get Support If this conversation brought up some clarity for you about your relationship patterns, attachment style, or the ways you long to feel more secure with the people you love, I want to offer you something. At Growing Self, we make it easy to find the right kind of support for exactly what you’re working through. You can answer three quick questions and we’ll help you book a free consultation with the expert on our team who fits you best. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. Whether you want help creating more emotional safety in relationships, breaking old patterns, or moving toward a more secure attachment, we’d be honored to support you. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Upwork - Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at Upwork.com — posting a job is free.

If parenting is bringing out anger you don’t recognize… you’re not alone. And if anxiety is riding shotgun in your nervous system, same. Today we’re talking emotions, conflict, and repair so you can stay safe and secure even when things get messy. In this conversation, I’m joined by Eli Harwood, known as the “Attachment Nerd,” a licensed therapist, bestselling author, and educator who specializes in attachment-based parenting and relationship guidance, helping families and individuals nurture secure attachment patterns. We’re talking about why parenting anger happens, what it may be trying to tell you, and how to work with it without shaming yourself or taking it out on your kids. If you’ve been looking for anger management for parents that feels compassionate, grounded, and actually useful in real life, this episode is for you. We also get into parental anxiety, emotion coaching, secure attachment parenting, and the kind of inner work that helps you stay steady when your child is anything but. Eli shares why anger is not the enemy, why repair matters more than perfection, and how your own childhood story can quietly shape the way you respond to stress, conflict, and your kids’ biggest feelings. In a lot of ways, this conversation becomes an anger management parents guide for the real moments nobody prepares you for. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: when your child is upset, what gets activated in you first: anger, anxiety, shame, helplessness, or something else? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Parenting Brings Up Old Patterns 05:10 Learning Emotionally Secure Parenting 10:15 Parenting Anger as a Signal 13:05 What to Do When Your Child Says “I Hate You” 19:55 Bedtime Battles, Screens, and Repair 24:56 Healing Your Own Story With Compassion 34:20 Why Parents Need Support Too 38:53 Managing Parental Anxiety 52:24 Dr. Lisa’s Reflections and Next Steps And if today’s conversation left you thinking, Yep… this is bigger than just bedtime and bad moods, I’d love to offer you a gentle next step. We created a simple, private way to help you find the right kind of support at Growing Self. Just answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you book a free consultation with the expert who fits you best. It’s secure, it only takes a couple of minutes, and it can be a meaningful first step if you’re ready to do the kind of healing work that changes not just how you feel, but how you show up in your relationships and your parenting, too. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free.

If you have communication problems, you’re probably not fighting about what you think you’re fighting about. And that’s good news. Because the real issue is usually conflict & repair, not the “topic” and with clear boundaries, you can start to repair trust instead of repeating the same fight. Dr. Lisa is joined by Mika Ross, a Nationally Board Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and relationship coach based in Missouri. Mika has over 18 years of experience in the field, specializing in individual and couples therapy. Together, they unpack what conflict resolution in relationships really looks like, why defensiveness in relationships keeps couples stuck, and how to stop arguing with your partner when every conversation starts feeling loaded. This conversation is full of real-life examples about the moments that so often turn into the same exhausting fight on repeat. Dr. Lisa and Mika talk about how to repair a relationship after a fight, how to stop fighting with your partner without chasing resolution too fast, and how to repair a relationship by getting underneath criticism and into the softer emotions that are usually driving the whole thing. You’ll also hear why even well-intentioned concern can land as criticism, why old conflict patterns have so much staying power, and what it looks like to come back together in a way that builds trust instead of doing more damage. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What are you and your partner really fighting about underneath the surface? Where are criticism and defensiveness getting in the way of connection? And what might change if the goal stopped being to win the argument and started being to repair the relationship? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You Keep Having the Same Fight 06:06 When Criticism Starts the Spiral 17:45 When Good Intentions Land Wrong 23:45 Boundaries, Hurt, and Repair 34:48 Why You Don’t Need to Fix It Right Away 43:23 What Healthy Conflict Repair Looks Like 56:18 Getting the Right Support And if this conversation brought up that tender awareness that you and your partner keep missing each other in the same painful ways, I’d love to offer you a next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team at Growing Self as a kind, thoughtful place to begin. It’s a private, secure space where you can share what’s been happening in your relationship, what you hope will feel different, and let us help you find the right support for you. Thousands of people have transformed themselves, their relationships, or their careers through Growing Self. You can too. Answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you get matched with the right expert. It only takes a couple of minutes. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

Therapy is supposed to be private—but AI is changing the rules. If you’re working with a psychologist or counselor, you deserve to know what happens to your words. This episode is a reality-check on human psychology, “AI therapy,” and safer, science-backed tools. There is a lot of buzz right now around AI therapy, therapy AI tools, and every new AI therapy app promising support, insight, and convenience. Some of that technology may become genuinely useful over time. Right now, though, this space is moving much faster than the guardrails around privacy, ethics, consent, and clinical care. In this episode, I’m joined by Candice Thompson, a seasoned licensed marriage and family therapist (MMFT, LMFT) practicing in Silicon Valley, for a grounded, honest conversation about what people need to understand before trusting an AI therapy app with their most personal thoughts. We talk about emotionally convincing tools that can agree with you even when you’re wrong, the risks around recordings, transcripts, consent, and AI therapy notes, and why human therapy offers something a chatbot cannot. If you’ve been curious about AI therapy, concerned about privacy, or wondering whether your therapist is using behind-the-scenes AI tools, this conversation will help you know what to ask and what to watch for. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why AI Therapy Raises Privacy Concerns 01:57 AI Therapy and the Future of Mental Health 08:59 Who Is Building AI Therapy Tools? 12:14 When AI Therapy Reinforces Harmful Thinking 20:41 How to Evaluate an AI Therapy App 35:08 Privacy and Consent in Therapy 43:29 The Risks of AI Therapy Notes 46:41 What Human Therapists Offer That AI Cannot 52:06 Why AI Cannot Be Your Therapist If this conversation stirred up bigger questions about trust, privacy, or what kind of support actually feels safe for you, I’d love to offer you a thoughtful next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or one of the wonderful experts on my team at Growing Self. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right support for you and connect you with the expert who fits you best. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

There are moments when you know something does not feel right, and yet you still hear yourself saying yes. You go along. You stay quiet. You tell yourself it is not worth making an issue of it. I’m revisiting this conversation with Dr. Sunita Sah because it speaks so clearly to that experience, and to the very real reasons it can be so hard to stand up for yourself. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, we talk about what gets in the way of speaking up, saying no, and staying true to your values when there is pressure to do otherwise. Dr. Sah, a physician, organizational psychologist, and author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes, shares why so many thoughtful, capable people struggle with assertiveness and personal boundaries, especially when being agreeable has been rewarded for so long. We also talk about the hidden cost of compliance, her research on “insinuation anxiety,” and what it looks like to practice speaking up in a grounded, honest way. This conversation offers a powerful reminder that standing up for yourself is not about becoming harsh. It is about staying connected to your values and trusting yourself enough to act on them. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Limits of Compromise 08:37 Why It Can Feel So Hard to Speak Up 18:30 The Fear Beneath Staying Quiet 27:09 Saying Yes When You Mean No 38:32 The Five Stages of Defiance If you’re noticing how often you override yourself, dismiss your own discomfort, or keep saying yes when something in you is asking for a no, this may be worth exploring more deeply. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what feels hard right now and what you want to feel different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can move forward with more clarity, confidence, and trust in yourself. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at Upwork dot com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit⁠ shopify.com/lhs⁠ to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

If burnout and stress are following you home from the workplace, you’re not imagining it. When your personal life starts shrinking, it’s often because your mind never truly leaves work. And if you can’t set boundaries at work mentally, your body stays in fight-or-flight after hours. In this conversation, I’m joined by Dr. Guy Winch Ph.D., an internationally renowned psychologist who advocates for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. We’re talking about what happens when work hijacks your mind, your energy, your relationships, and your ability to actually be present in your own life. If you’ve been trying to figure out how to stop thinking about work, how to leave work at work, or how to set boundaries at work in a way that truly protects your personal life, this episode is for you. We unpack why burnout is not just about long hours, but about rumination, emotional overload, and staying mentally switched on long after the workday ends. Dr. Guy shares practical ideas for burnout recovery, including how to stop ruminating after hours, shift out of autopilot, and create simple transition rituals that help you reconnect with yourself and the people you love. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 When Work Follows You Home 04:52 Dr. Guy Winch’s Burnout Wake-Up Call 10:11 Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Work 15:19 How to Stop Ruminating After Hours 21:56 How Burnout Hurts Relationships 31:17 How to Leave Work at Work 36:37 Why Autopilot Makes Burnout Worse 39:44 What Burnout Recovery Actually Looks Like 42:59 When Burnout Starts Affecting Love 48:58 Dr. Lisa’s Takeaways and Next Steps If this conversation felt a little too familiar, I’d love to offer you a next step. At Growing Self, we help people work through burnout, relationship stress, and the patterns that keep life feeling harder than it needs to. You can schedule a free consultation by answering three quick questions. It’s private, secure, and designed to help you find the right support for you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.comStrawberry.me — Career coaching that helps you gain clarity, build a strategic plan, and take confident steps toward the career you want with expert support. Get 50% off your first coaching session at strawberry.me/LHS.

Knowing how to love yourself sounds simple, but for many people, it feels confusing, frustrating, and just out of reach. You may understand that self love matters, but still find yourself stuck in patterns of self-criticism, relying on others for validation, or wondering why it’s so hard to feel okay on the inside. If that’s true for you, you’re not alone. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, I’m revisiting an essential conversation about how to love yourself in a way that is grounded, practical, and actually works. Because self love is not a feeling you wait for. It’s something you build through the way you treat yourself every day. We talk about what self love really is, and what it isn’t. You’ll learn why love is a choice, not a feeling, and how that shift changes the way you approach boundaries, self-talk, and daily decisions. We also explore the inner critic, where it comes from, and why relying on external validation can leave you feeling unstable in relationships. You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of how to love yourself in real life, including how to become more emotionally safe with yourself, take care of your wellbeing, and support your own growth over time. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why self-love feels confusing and hard to define 08:30 Why love is a choice, not a feeling 22:40 Romantic love, self-love, and common misunderstandings 38:30 What self love actually looks like in daily life 48:50 Boundaries, self-care, and protecting yourself 58:30 Where the inner critic comes from 01:05:00 Parenting, teens, and how self-love is taught 01:09:30 Therapy, coaching, and how self-love grows over time If you’ve been struggling with self love or feeling stuck in patterns of self-criticism, you don’t have to figure this out alone. This kind of work takes time, intention, and support. If you’re ready to learn how to love yourself in a more consistent and meaningful way, I’d love to connect with you. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s been feeling hard, what you’ve been experiencing internally, and what you want to feel instead. We’ll help you get matched with the right therapist or coach so you can build self compassion, strengthen your sense of self worth, and create a healthier relationship with yourself. You don’t have to keep doing this alone. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.comStrawberry.me — Career coaching that helps you gain clarity, build a strategic plan, and take confident steps toward the career you want with expert support. Get 50% off your first coaching session at strawberry.me/LHS

If you’re craving real closeness, this episode on friendships is for you. Because feeling lonely isn’t really about not having people in your life,  it’s about not feeling known. And that’s where emotional intimacy and real connection begin. Many people wonder, “Why do I feel so lonely even though I have friends?” or struggle with the quiet ache of feeling lonely even with friends. In this conversation, we’re exploring why adult friendship can feel surprisingly complicated, and why making friends as an adult often requires skills we were never taught. My guest, Barnet Bain, is an award-winning filmmaker, author, and teacher whose new book, How to Be a Friend (in an Unfriendly World), grew out of a Columbia University course he created for psychologists. Together, we’re talking about the real reason adult friendships can feel hard, why so many people struggle with how to make friends as an adult, and the powerful friendship skills that help create emotional intimacy and lasting connection. You’ll hear why feeling lonely even with friends is more common than you might think, how our modern world can unintentionally make adult friendship harder to sustain, and why building meaningful relationships is less about finding the right people and more about developing the inner skills that make connection possible. As you listen, I’d love for you to reflect on this: if you’ve been wondering why do I feel lonely even though I have friends, what might change if you shifted the focus from finding better friends… to becoming the kind of friend who creates deeper connections? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You Feel Lonely Even With Friends 04:44 The Friendship Skills No One Teaches Us 08:38 What Healthy Adult Friendship Really Requires 19:02 Why the World Feels More Disconnected 28:11 Friendship as a Practice (And Why It Matters) 34:48 Why Trying to Fix People Blocks Emotional Intimacy 44:16 How to Make Friends as an Adult 50:09 How to Build and Maintain Real Friendships 53:39 The Power of Being Fully Present If this conversation resonates and you’re realizing how much you want deeper, more meaningful relationships in your life, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team at Growing Self. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s been going on in your relationships and what you’d like to feel different. From there, we’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can build stronger connections and feel more supported in your life. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.comStrawberry.me — Career coaching that helps you gain clarity, build a strategic plan, and take confident steps toward the career you want with expert support. Get 50% off your first coaching session at strawberry.me/LHS.

Premarital counseling isn’t a “just in case” thing. It’s one of the smartest ways to protect a happy relationship before real life stress hits. These premarital tips can prevent years of communication problems and quiet resentment later. Want a stronger marriage? Start building emotional intimacy before you’re in crisis mode. Most couples don’t struggle because they stop loving each other. They struggle because no one ever taught them the skills that help love last. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, I’m talking with my colleague Jesse Stanley about what premarital counseling actually is, why it matters, and how learning relationship skills early can change the trajectory of a marriage. We explore some of the most important premarital counseling questions couples should ask before marriage, including how to talk about money, conflict, expectations, emotional intimacy, and the family patterns each person brings into the relationship. If you’ve ever wondered what premarital counseling is, or whether premarital and marital counseling can help couples build a stronger foundation before problems begin, this conversation will give you a very real and practical perspective. Jesse Stanley is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a military background who creates a judgment-free environment where growth and healing flourish. He helps individuals and couples build deeper, more satisfying relationships, navigate major life transitions, recover from heartbreak, manage stress, and create happier, more fulfilling lives. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Why Love Isn’t Enough for a Healthy Marriage 03:24 How Premarital Counseling Strengthens Relationships 10:44 What Good Premarital Counseling Should Cover 17:32 The Issues Couples Overlook Until It’s Too Late 20:18 How to Talk About Hard Things Without Blowing Up 31:40 What to Expect From the Premarital Counseling Process 47:43 Why Premarital Counseling Is Preventative Care for Marriage If this conversation resonated with you and your partner, I’d love to help you take the next step. At Growing Self, you can answer three quick questions and book your free consultation with the right expert for your relationship. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. Many couples start here when they want stronger communication, deeper emotional connection, and a healthier foundation for their future together. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com Strawberry.me — Career coaching that helps you gain clarity, build a strategic plan, and take confident steps toward the career you want with expert support. Get 50% off your first coaching session at strawberry.me/LHS.

Maybe you’ve had this thought late at night, or in the middle of yet another difficult conversation: How do you know when to call it quits in a relationship? Not because you hate your partner. Not because everything is terrible. But because something about the relationship feels unsustainable, and you’re wondering whether this is a rough season you can grow through… or a sign that the relationship may actually be over. In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we’re talking about one of the most painful and confusing crossroads people face in love. How do you tell the difference between relationship struggles that can lead to growth and the kinds of patterns that signal deeper relationship red flags? When is it worth trying to repair things, and when might it be healthier to move on? We’ll also talk about why many couples assume change isn’t possible before they’ve actually tried the right kind of help, what real relationship growth can look like, and how practical realities like finances, children, or co-parenting concerns can make the decision to leave feel even more complicated. If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, “Should I stay and try to work on this… or should I break up?”, this conversation will help you look at your situation with more clarity and compassion. Episode Breakdown: 00:01 When to Call It Quits in a Relationship 09:02 The “Mixed Bag” Relationship 15:53 Growth Opportunity or Deal Breaker 27:37 Can Couples Counseling Save a Relationship? 46:04 Relationship Red Flags 57:37 Leaving a Relationship and Feeling Guilty 01:04:20 Finances, Children, and Feeling Stuck If this episode stirred up questions about your own relationship and you’d like thoughtful support while you sort through them, I’d love to offer you something that can really help. You can book a free consultation with me or a member of my team at Growing Self. Think of it as a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s really been going on in your relationship and what you hope will feel different moving forward. Answer three quick questions so we can help match you with the right counselor or coach for you. Thousands of people have transformed themselves, their relationships, and their lives through this work. You can too. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to get started. Let’s find the right support for you. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.   Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com Strawberry.me — Career coaching that helps you gain clarity, build a strategic plan, and take confident steps toward the career you want with expert support. Get 50% off your first coaching session at strawberry.me/LHS.