Love Hate Relationship

As Alex is wont to do, he takes his Love time to sing the praises of a behind-the-scenes shaper of awesome stuff, record producer/engineer/mixer extraordinaire, Andy Wallace. He dives into his moderately straightforward career path, from mixing for early Hip-Hop greats to basically every heavy band worth its salt through today, and what makes his approach standard. Andy is forced to adjudicate more than one mix of “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” and everyone learns why Rage Against the Machine is a standard-bearer. Many thanks to Rick Beato and Magic Jones for their contributions to this research.

Andy uses his hate time to talk about one of this summer’s great pieces of fascinating news, the assassination of Japan’s foremost fascist leader, Shinzo Abe. He talks about Abe’s history of defending his cruel and sadistic family members, his Japan-forward racism, and the hilarious way in which he was gunned down by a homemade blunderbuss. Alex gets educated, finds time to suggest killing isn’t good while dead fascists are, and everyone agrees its weird when your grandpa brags about his sexual history.

Coming this week from a random Reddit reposter on TikTok, this episode’s question sees the asker wondering what to do after getting into her twin sister’s dream school while she was summarily rejected. Andy reminds her that this is actually good news, Alex only briefly shows some bitterness about his educational past, and everyone is reminded that where you go to college ultimately doesn’t really matter that much.

Andy starts off this episode talking about the late and ludicrously magnificent comic artist, Tim Sale. He dives into Sale’s lengthy-yet-relatively small body of work, including classic works for Marvel and DC (alongside longtime collaborator Jeph Loeb), and even artwork for the show Heroes. Alex, meanwhile, rants about how good The Long Halloween is and drags everyone into verbal discussions of a visual medium yet again.

Alex turns his Hate over to the bastardly nuisance that are Crisis Pregnancy Centers. He dives into their tactics, ranging from lying about providing healthcare and what abortions are to stringing along desperate people in their communities for the sake of a few diapers. Andy remains unsurprised to hear that women of color get screwed the most by an institution, and everybody screams a little about public health funding.

Returning to Relationships.txt, this episode’s question sees an asker wondering what to do after discovering that his girlfriend released his dog in the woods while he was away on a trip. Andy unequivocally says to leave, Alex concurs while being only marginally nicer, and everyone agrees that communication about insecurities is better than puppy-cide.

For Alex’s Love this episode, he dives into the nicest reality TV competition show in history, The Great British Bake-Off. He discusses its format, it’s over-a-decade-long run, and the value of emotionally investing in people’s cakes with no cash or interpersonal drama to cheapen it. Andy gives some comparisons to some more shall-we-say American types of shows, and everyone agrees that Rahul was the best.

In an unplanned turn of events, Andy takes his Hate to talk about the streaming service that airs GBBO (at least in the US), Netflix. He gives some history on it, including when it previously sent DVD’s via the mail, and its latest forays into screwing over its employees and consumers alike. Alex gets a chance to be flabbergasted by Stranger Things and its dumb budget, and everyone briefly remembers when you could rent movies from Albertson’s.

Coming again from Am I the Asshole, this episode’s question comes from someone confused about why his girlfriend would be offended by his reading her teenage historical fiction smut and critiquing the anachronisms of its train system. Alex talks about autism while Andy finds a way to make things a little bit racial, and no one is surprised by the teenager-written erotica is bad.

Andy gets his schadenfreude on and spends his Love segment dunking on what he argues is the most sad-sack sports franchise in history, the Arizona Coyotes. He dives into their tremendous losing record, the hilarity of their presence in a desert state, and how they even marred Wayne Gretzky’s legacy for the brief period he coached them. Alex, meanwhile, learns how much money even losing NHL players make, and everyone feels sad.

Alex takes his Hate time to talk up the crap trend of actors who completely misunderstand Method Acting to cruel, often ridiculous results. He defines what The Method actually is and who is responsible for its creation and reminds everyone that suffering (or abusing people) for your art is crappy. Andy, meanwhile, learns a tremendous number of actors who purportedly “do Method,” and everybody laughs at Dustin Hoffman.

This episode’s question comes from Am I the Asshole, and sees the asker wondering if there’s something wrong with her not wanting to share her birthday with her mom, who traditionally is given as much or more attention and gifts on all of her children’s birthdays. Alex admits that while getting Mom a card on your birthday would be a cute tradition while Andy is absolutely and appropriately horrified at minor children being expected to gift $300 jewelry to their mom on a day that isn’t for her, and everyone remembers that some families suck balls.

Alex gets a little esoteric this episode and makes a Love out of talking about the classic two guitars, vocals, bass, drums, rock four piece set-up (think Beatles, Metallica, and Coheed and Cambria). He lists sonic reasons, both technical and vibe-based, for the superiority of this arrangement, while Andy gets to show him up with his oddly unique knowledge of Al Jardine.

Andy takes his Hate time to discuss his loathing for the 2000 Scientology adaptation/garbage pile, Battlefield Earth. He talks about the book’s ridiculous origins (with a surprise return from L. Ron Hubbard), and the film’s reputation as arguably the second worst film ever made according to the Razzies. Alex, meanwhile, tries to recall anything about the few minutes of it he saw on TV over a decade ago, and they even find time to talk about how great Roger Ebert was.

The Relationships.txt question this episode sees a doctor who hooks up with a dude wondering how hard she should try to push him to get a potentially cancerous ball-growth checked out. Andy talks about the kindness of strangers (and what reasonable limits for it may be) while Alex reminds people that insurance issues suck, and everyone wonders how the hell Grey’s Anatomy is still on the air.

Andy comes into this episode talking up one of the great comic book writes of the day, Kieron Gillen. He talks through his relatively late entry into the medium, some of Gillen’s best works, including The Wicked and the Divine and his Star Wars books, and cool stuff like his curated playlists for all of his works. Alex, meanwhile, learns that there’s another cool-ass music journalist/creative writer out there, and everyone who hasn’t read it gets to conjecture who Doctor Aphra may be.

With plenty of help from an article by Justin Bailey over at Flavorwire, Alex takes his Hate time to lament the largescale loss of mid-budget movies from the contemporary cinema marketplace. HE talks about what qualifies as mid-budget, gets into numbers, and even shares his Top Five movies of all time. Andy, meanwhile, recalls the existence of Event Horizon and gets undercut before he can talk up A24 again.

This episode’s question comes from Relationships.txt, where a Caucasian asker wonders if she’s a little racist for struggling with her partner’s Indian culture. Alex answers with a clear and concise “Yes,” mainly due to tons of implicit bias in her actual question, while Andy encourages savoring an opportunity for cultural exchange, and we’re all reminded that Kumail Nanjiani used to be funny.

Alex starts this episode up by talking up maybe the last great example of a smartphone app that does an unequivocal public service, Shazam. He talks about it’s tech bro origins, the game show based around it, and even tells a story involving “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies. Andy, meanwhile, learns that there are Shazams that are not DC Comics characters and is delighted by a Riker reference.

Andy takes his Hate time to talk down to billionaire author and awful TERF, J.K. Rowling. He discusses her admittedly unique and impressive backstory, her awful takes and queerbaiting edits to the Harry Potter canon, and what she has in common with Vladimir Putin. Alex takes a moment to remind everyone how she was mean to Stephen Fry and comments on the weirdness of mocking Hermione for wanting to free slaves.

From Relationships.txt, this episode’s question sees a wife dealing with her husband’s jealousy over her phone screensaver of Willem Dafoe. Andy calls out the weirdness of his taking this so personally, Alex calls out the toxicity of expecting your partner to be jealous like that’s indicative of how much you care, and there’s only minor implications made about Willem Dafoe’s enormous penis.

For Love Hate Relationship’s 85th episode, we come back with our second Triple Relationship Special!

We start with Jessica Day (New Girl) who wonders if she’s the asshole for peeing in the cat’s litter box when her boyfriend’s IBS forced him to hold the bathroom for a crazy long time. Alex makes a few confessions about his checkered past while Andy defends the notion of not locking doors in anticipation of desperate circumstances.

After that, we have Peter Parker (Spider-Man, specifically Tobey Maguire era), who made the terrible mistake of proposing to his partner by placing the ring in a brownie that she likely (likely) subsequently ate without noticing. Andy maligns him for not going with the still-stupid-but-less-disastrous ring-the-champagne-glass move, while Alex reminds him that it will be perfectly reasonable for his partner to expect him to get a different ring after getting this one removed from her bowels.

Next, we have Brandy (Joe Dirt) who is dealing with her husband making the idiotic decision to get drunk and have his friend give him a tattoo of the Sublime logo. Andy and Alex both agree that while the tattoo is objectively stupid and dumb, it’s the friend who decided to give the tattoo who is the real villain here.

After that, we have Brianna Hanson (Grace and Frankie), dealing with her father accidentally sending her some homemade gay porn her made of himself. Andy and Alex discuss the near-universal experience of witnessing parental coitus at some point in life, and the value of just biting bullets and having that one, god-awful awkward conversation, adult-to-adult, with the parent(s) involved.

That one’s followed by Ellen Parsons (Damages), contending with her sister’s outrage that her apology dinner was set-up as a potluck. Andy has to Google what an apology dinner even entails, Alex calls it some white people shit, and even then, everyone agrees that even so, one should apologize in a manner that the wronged party will universally feel.

Finally, we close with Daryl (Letterkenny), whose new girlfriend posted a video montage on social media loaded with pics of the ex who cheated on her. After confirming that she’d selected all of the clips herself, both Alex and Andy agree that all does not look like she’s over him, and that closure is ridiculously overrated.

Andy turns up the early 2000’s nostalgia to reminisce on the halcyon days of Cracked.com. He discusses the site’s history, including a weird pseudo-connection to Mad Magazine, the incredible careers it’s launched, and the bedrock it laid for Internet comedy as a whole. Alex meanwhile, uses the opportunity to lament the awfulness of venture capital and pivots to video (and not only because he could never get a pitch through to the site).

Alex uses his Hate time to talk about rapper and contemporary culture vulture, Machine Gun Kelly. He digs into his legitimately respectable Hip-Hop credits, his opportunistic shift to pop punk, and all of the reasons he’s kind of a douche. Andy gets a refresher on the Eminem feud and reminds everyone that better acts (like Meet Me @ The Altar) still exist.

This episode’s Relationships.txt sees an asker wondering what to do after her boyfriend alleged that she uses a “sexy baby voice” on a work call. Alex takes his chance to drag an insecure partner and people who don’t understand customer service voices, and Andy points out the value in being intentional about communication without just removing all humanity. Plus–misogyny!

Alex takes us back to the perfectly innocent era of 2001 to talk about one of his favorite underrated movies, Josie and the Pussycats. He, of course, spends considerable time on the incredible soundtrack, its underappreciated satire, and why it’s better than Fight Club. Andy meanwhile, tolerates him, but does learn who Babyface is over the course of the segment.

Andy delves into one of our darker Hates to talk about the entire grift-economy around rich people shipping their delinquent children off to be abused. He discusses famous offenders Synanon and the Elan School and their verbal, physical, and mental abuse on literal, actual children, along with a personal connection he has to the subject. Alex takes the opportunity to deconstruct the problems with a military lens and having too much money to deal with one’s own problems.

The Relationships.txt question this episode comes from a philosophy academic dealing with insecurity over his girlfriend being the main breadwinner for their household. Andy advises him on the value of non-monetary means of contributing to one’s family along with gentle rejoinders reminding the asker that he’s clearly loved and supported, while Alex tried not to scream at a man who has achieved the dreams of almost all actual academics.