Love Hate Relationship

Andy takes a page out of Alex’s playbook this episode and does a love on music producer and songwriter Benny Blanco. He schools him on the man’s legendary credits, his hilarious turns on Dave and TikTok, and his ghoulish looks. Alex learns who Charlie Puth is sort of, and we all agree that Dr. Luke still sucks.

For this episode’s Hate, Alex calls out the poorly researched and more-than-slightly racist origins of discrimination against pitbulls. He gives history on the breed, why it’s ridiculous to pretend breed is a predictor of behavior, and yells about redlining again. Andy makes some time to crack wise on viscous, tiny dogs with aggression complexes, and Niko gets a shout out for being the best boy.

This episode’s question actually comes from Am I The Asshole, and has someone whose recent ex-boyfriend was weirdly insistent that periods occur from the butt rather than the genitals. Alex maligns the terrible sex ed in this country while Andy suggests cutting some losses, and we all learn a lesson about not making assumptions based on stuff you hear in high school.

Love: Public Libraries

Alex gets both nostalgic and literary for this episode’s Love where he dives into the history and benefits of public libraries. He talks up their value as a universal public good, the trouble they’ve been in over the years, and even calls out a book or two he would’ve never read without them. Andy meanwhile gets extra nostalgic, and everyone gets a reminder that the internet does not make everything obsolete.

Hate: Scott Cawthon

Andy takes his Hate time to discuss video game designer and right-wing dillhole, Scott Cawthon. He talks through his history in the industry, his record of donating just so much money to so many terrible people, and the general shrug from the public still consuming his media. Alex tells a heartwarming story about Five Nights at Freddy’s, we all get a refresher to not look to TikTok for the revolution.

Relationship: Lindsay Bluth (Arrested Development)

This episode’s Relationships.txt question has the asker looking for how to deal with their shopaholic sister who stole her debit card and is being coddled by her family instead of seeing consequences. Andy discusses the value of taking security measures against identity theft, Alex the necessity of separating finances from toxic family, and we all try to remember that there’s always money in the banana stand.

Love: The Expanse

Andy takes his Love to talk up the sci-fi masterwork, The Expanse. He talks the book and its authors’ connection to good old George R.R. Martin, the value of space zombies and class struggles, and why he thinks Jeff Bezos should just pony up for more seasons. Alex, meanwhile, gets weedy about hard vs. soft sci-fi and admits that Star Wars is neither.

Hate: Lawns

Alex takes a moment for a history lesson as he takes everyone through the problematic history of lawns. He discusses their roots as an aristocratic status symbol-turned-toxic suburban aesthetic, and better alternatives. Andy meanwhile acknowledges the crime against God that is grass in the desert.

Relationship: Monica Geller

A question-asker from Relationships.txt looks for advice about her friend being co-opted for right-wing, anti-vax propaganda. Andy takes time to discuss economic considerations for hot takes from small business owners, Alex reminds everyone that there is a right and a wrong way to handle medicinal side effects, and everyone agrees that you just lose some people by being honest.

Love: Tim Pierce

Alex starts this episode with the latest installment of his “People You Didn’t Know Made Everything You’ve Ever Loved” series to discuss session guitarist, YouTuber, and sweet old man, Tim Pierce. He relays Pierce’s understated journey to becoming one of the most prolific session players since the 80’s and his extensive work for everyone from Adele to Phil Collins on the Tarzan soundtrack. Andy, meanwhile, learns that the people in the band aren’t always the ones on the records, and that the guy who played the Power Rangers intro also filled in for Shinedown and played for Shakira.

Hate: The PMRC

Andy gives a music history lesson for his Hate to discuss the Parents Music Resource Center. He tells the story of how they attempted to (and sort of succeeded in) censoring music in the 80’s, their “Filthy 15” list, and the legacy of their Parental Advisory stickers. Alex meanwhile, rants about Dee Snider and John Denver, and we find one more reason to hate Mike Love.

Relationship: Hank Moody (Californication)

This episode’s question from Relationships.txt sees an asker trying to navigate the discovery that his hook-up from two years prior is his now-girlfriend’s mom (who never told him she was married). Andy sympathetically reminds him that he did absolutely nothing wrong, while Alex reminds him that doing the right thing frequently results in losing everything you love.

Love: Rum

Andy takes it alcoholic for this episode to discuss his favorite of all liquors, rum. He gives some chemical, geographic, and historical context for it, discusses its versatility, and even calls out a favorite brand. Alex tells a traumatic story of why he barely touched the stuff for over a decade, and we discover the three genders of Cowboy, Pirate, and Russian.

Alex takes his chunk of the episode to talk about everything Hate-able about Capital Punishment. He talks over its storied history, including exceptional past cases of its abolishment, the crappiness of the criminal justice system, and (obviously) the dangers of State Authority. Andy, meanwhile, reminds us of both spanking and Saddam Hussein.

From Relationships.txt, this episode sees a question-asker looking for advice on dealing with the fallout of her roommate walking in on some analingus between her and her boyfriend. Alex talks about the necessity for discussions of boundaries with communal spaces, Andy demands a steam-cleaning of the couch, and everyone agrees that eating ass is fine as long as everyone involved is consenting.

Love: 16-Bit Video Games

For Alex’s Love this episode, he takes it more than a little old school and outside of his usual wheelhouse to talk about 16-bit video games. He gives some history, both personal and non, talks up the accessibility and creative possibilities of the format, and talks about being a crappy high school math student. Andy, meanwhile, references games some of us have probably never heard of, and everyone agrees that Undertale is awesome.

Freshly arrived in NC, Andy rails against the absolute horrors of a multi-state move. He calls out a particularly heinous offender by name (F*ck you, Interstate Moving Company), gives tips on how to avoid getting screwed, and reminds everyone that pizza and beer can be a small price to pay for a good experience. Alex opines the exhaustion with which he showed up on his doorstep, and shares his own pitiful tales of cramming all of his belongings into a single car.

A write-in to Relationships.txt has someone confused about his sexuality after being pressured into a threesome by his partner, and enjoying it. Andy rightly points out that it’s absolutely unacceptable for a partner to pressure someone into a sexual anything, ever, always, and Alex reminds everyone of how great George Michael is (shoutout also to Charles Blow and his memoir Fire Shut Up In My Bones).

Love: Michael K. Williams

Andy’s less-than-timely-but-no-less tragic Love for this episode is the late Michael K. Williams. He talks up highlights of his work, from the Trapped in the Closet video to Omar in The Wire to The Atlantic’s “Typecast” short film (which he asks all of you to check out here for the sheer excellence of Williams’s performance. Alex meanwhile re-remembers the song “100% True Love” (the video for which featured Williams’s dancing and choreography), and everyone gets a short PSA on the importance of testing your drugs and shaming people who shame those with addiction struggles.

Alex takes it back to Pride, Black History Month, and assorted other occasions for corporate entities to perform at support for marginalized communities without any material change for his Hate on Corporate Wokeness. He draws a line from the old 60’s/70’s commercials from GM and Coke about Civil Rights and littering to Pepsi’s idiotic BLM stunt, Andy talks the weirdness of rainbow-washed logos (looking at you, Oracle), and we all agree that Ben Jerry’s is good, but not great.

This episode’s Relationships.txt question comes from someone who seems to not understand the problem with spending his life savings on an NFT, and using that to propose to his partner. Andy reasonably asks if everybody has just plain forgotten that the Dot-Com Bubble ever happened while Alex gets into a rare rage about the idiocy of ever feeling particularly confident about investing, and we all struggle with comprehending that Doge-Coin even exists.

After a brief hiatus to relocate Andy up to the mountains of Western North Carolina, LHR is back with our first Triple (or maybe more like Sextuple) Relationship Special!

We begin with Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty, not the dead guy briefly played by Matt Smith on The Crown) who looks for some help with his partner’s sudden and concerning need to take in stray and wild animals. There’s some discussion of regression, some of respect of personal space, and even a little rundown on the Top Three ways to get rabies!

Next is Yugi Moto, whose real-life partner Joey thought enough to get her a puzzle for her collection, and it just happened to be one she already had. Apart from making anime shippers happy, Alex and Andy talk about the tribulations of lying to protect feelings.

After that, we have Zelda Fitzgerald and her fresh new potential boyfriend, who totally took credit for her awesome cooking skills on his social media, and she’s wondering how to respond. Andy rightly calls out some red flags, Alex weeds through the nuances of carefully structured second chances, and everyone agrees that there are too many dudes who pull this kind of crap.

For a quick two-fer, Homer Simpson and Stan Smith write in for perspective on renting a billboard to go after someone who owes him money and his wife making awkward suggestions that he bang old ladies for money, the answer to both of course being variations on, “No. Don’t do it.”

Finally, they close out with Buster Bluth, who looks for advice on dealing with her parents’ discomfort with her having a baby with her notably older husband, and it’s…a lot of no one looking particularly good at the end, y’all.

Love: Meet Me @ The Altar

Alex uses his precious Love time to talk up what he considers to be the most exciting new act in guitar-based music today, East Coast Pop Punk band Meet Me @ The Altar. He discusses their unique, internet-based origin story, their fresh take on a sort of Paramore sound, and why he thinks they’re going to be one of the newest, biggest acts in music. Andy, meanwhile, gets to be reminded that his favorite Fall Out Boy is nearly a decade old, and what that whole Fueled by Ramen sound did to us as teenagers.

Andy used his Hate to take to task everyone out there who hates on Subtitles in film and TV. He talks up some terrific works from other nations that are horribly missed by the general public, the lameness of excuses against them, and of course, racism. Alex, meanwhile, defends closed captioning and learns everybody a thing or two about anime dubbing.

The Relationships.txt question for this episode has someone writing in about her boyfriend’s weirdly obsessive, hyper Irish pride/British hate. Andy recs some good, good cinema to hopefully expand his horizons, and examples of healthy engagement with cultural heritage. Alex takes a chance to yell about the IRA and encourage mockery of unexamined patriotism.

Love: Warhammer

Andy takes his time this episode to discuss his Love of all things Warhammer. He explains the history and nature of the game, his personal attachment to the painting and construction of it’s (weirdly expensive) figurines, and his struggles with wanting to get back into it. Alex, meanwhile, offers a class dissection of who it’s maybe intended for, fails to ask more questions about Space Orcs.

Alex takes his Hate to discuss everything wrong with Dietary Supplements. He rails against their various dangers, inaccurate labeling, and all of the reasons why almost none of you should take roughly any of them. Andy meanwhile, reminds everyone of the time he did Keto, and is sufficiently horrified/satisfied when cancer comes up as expected, but in an unexpected place.

This episode’s Relationships.txt question this comes from a girlfriend dealing with her boyfriend’s father sending him random nudes of random women throughout the night. Alex reads it for the first time and obviously advises confrontation and communication about this super off dynamic, Andy ruminates on the sadness of parents whose only friends are their kids, and we all question the veracity of anyone claiming to have bunches of nudes of people they’re banging.