Love In Practice: Couples Therapy Before the Crisis

This episode explains why rushing to apologize or repair after a fight can backfire when partners are still emotionally dysregulated. Building on the pursue-withdraw cycle, it describes how pursuers often move quickly toward reconnection to end discomfort, while withdrawers tend to avoid conflict and move on without discussion, and how couples can then fight about whose needs lead the repair process. The script offers readiness cues—deeper breathing, slowed thoughts, awareness of surroundings, steadier heartbeat, greater ability to empathize, and even playful banter—as signs you’re out of fight, flight, or freeze and can repair more authentically. It also recommends taking a contained break by negotiating a time to reconvene (e.g., 20 minutes) and using a quick check-in question: whether you can hear your partner out and stay curious, with couples therapy suggested for ongoing struggles.

00:00 Why Apologies Fail

00:39 Pursue Withdraw Cycle

01:57 Body Signs Ready

02:44 Humor After Conflict

03:26 Taking Breaks Safely

04:13 Quick Readiness Check

04:41 Wrap Up

Love in Practice is hosted by Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT, a California-licensed therapist specializing in EFT and expressive arts therapy for couples.

This podcast is for informational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy. If you're in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or your local emergency services.

Ready to talk to someone? Schedule a consultation at Stanza Family Therapy, Inc.

Subscribe wherever you listen, and tell a friend who needs to hear this before things get too big.

https://www.stanzatherapy.com · IG:@stanzafamilytherapy · Consultations

© 2026 Stanza Family Therapy Inc.

It's 3 AM, the baby's crying, and your shoulders are up by your ears before you've had a single thought. If you and your partner have been fighting more since becoming parents, this episode is about what's happening underneath those fights, starting in the body.

In this episode of Love in Practice, we look at how the nervous system responds to stress before we can make meaning of it, and how those split-second reactions turn into one of the most common conflict patterns for couples: the pursue-withdraw cycle.

In this episode:

• Why your body reacts before you decide how you feel
• What the vagus nerve does and how it connects your gut, your organs, and your brain
• Fight, flight, or freeze: how your stress response shows up in your relationship
• The pursue-withdraw cycle from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and why it doesn't matter who moves first
• Why both partners are usually trying to protect the connection, even when it doesn't look like it
• A simple exercise for mapping your conflict cycle together
• When couples therapy can help you see the pattern you're stuck in

Try this with your partner:
Pick a recent tough moment. One of you starts: "I felt ___, so I did ___." The other responds: "And because of that, I felt ___, and I did ___." Keep going until you've mapped the whole moment, start to finish.

A note on safety:
This exercise is for relationships where both people feel safe. If you're afraid of your partner, the problem isn't your nervous system, and you deserve support. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Work with Metaphor:
If you're navigating the transition to parenthood in California and want support understanding your cycle, [book a consultation](LINK + UTM).

Mentioned in this episode:

• Last week's episode on somatics in couples therapy frameworks 
• Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Therapy

Love in Practice is hosted by Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT, a California-licensed therapist specializing in EFT and expressive arts therapy for couples.

This podcast is for informational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy. If you're in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or your local emergency services.

Ready to talk to someone? Schedule a consultation at Stanza Family Therapy, Inc.

Subscribe wherever you listen, and tell a friend who needs to hear this before things get too big.

https://www.stanzatherapy.com · IG:@stanzafamilytherapy · Consultations

© 2026 Stanza Family Therapy Inc.

You walk in after a long day. The house looks exactly like it did this morning. Your partner has been home for an hour, and the tidying you both agreed on hasn't happened. Before you decide what to say, what is your body already telling you?

In this episode, we look at how four of the most widely used couples therapy frameworks understand the body's role in conflict, and why noticing your physical state before a hard conversation can change how that conversation goes.

In this episode:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): How Sue Johnson's model treats emotion as something felt in the body first, and why slowing down to notice a clenched jaw or tight chest can open the door to softer, more vulnerable feelings
• The Gottman Method: What "flooding" is, what happens to your capacity to problem-solve when your heart rate spikes, and why regulation comes before resolution
• PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy): Stan Tatkin's body-centered model, and the idea that partners can become experts at calming each other's nervous systems
• Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT): How rating your upset on a 1 to 10 scale creates enough distance to look at a conflict without getting pulled back into it, and the research on affect labeling behind it
• Everyday practices for building body awareness so you can catch dysregulation early

Practices mentioned:

• Taking a short walk
• Drinking a glass of water
• Setting reminders to check in with your body a few times a day
• The 5 senses grounding exercise
• Daily meditation and journaling
• Body mapping: drawing an outline of a body and marking sensations with colors, shapes, or symbols

Why this matters before the crisis:
Most couples wait until the pattern is entrenched to get support. Learning to read your own body is one of the earliest, simplest ways to interrupt a conflict cycle while it is still small. If you and your partner keep landing in the same argument, that is a good time to reach out, not a sign you waited too long.

Resources and references:

Christensen, A., Doss, B. D., & Jacobson, N. S. (2020). Integrative behavioral couple therapy: A therapist's guide to creating acceptance and change (2nd ed.). W. W. Norton.

Gottman, J. M. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail. Simon & Schuster.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (Rev. ed.). Harmony Books.

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown.

Johnson, S. M. (2020). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (3rd ed.). Routledge.

Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner's brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger.

Torre, J. B., & Lieberman, M. D. (2018). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling as implicit emotion regulation. Emotion Review, 10(2), 116–124. https://doi.org/10.1177/1754073917742706

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or individualized clinical care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).

Love in Practice is hosted by Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT, a California-licensed therapist specializing in EFT and expressive arts therapy for couples.

This podcast is for informational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy. If you're in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or your local emergency services.

Ready to talk to someone? Schedule a consultation at Stanza Family Therapy, Inc.

Subscribe wherever you listen, and tell a friend who needs to hear this before things get too big.

https://www.stanzatherapy.com · IG:@stanzafamilytherapy · Consultations

© 2026 Stanza Family Therapy Inc.

Most couples don't end up in therapy because of one dramatic moment. They end up there because a handful of small things quietly piled up for years before anyone said anything out loud.

In this episode, Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT walks through five patterns that show up in relationships that bring couples into therapy. Plus she offers one expressive arts exercise you can try with your partner tonight, limited art supplies required.

In this episode:

• Why couples tend to wait years before reaching out, and why that waiting doesn't make things smaller
• The five signs, and what they actually sound like in a real relationship
• A hands-on exercise for talking about a stuck pattern without it landing as blame
• What to do if only one of you feels ready for support

Try this: Instead of describing your stuck pattern in words tonight, each draw it. Two shapes, two colors, whatever represents how the two of you move when you're caught in it. Show each other before either of you explains.

Interested in group therapy? Check out: https://www.stanzatherapy.com/group-therapy

Love in Practice is hosted by Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT, a California-licensed therapist specializing in EFT and expressive arts therapy for couples.

This podcast is for informational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy. If you're in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or your local emergency services.

Ready to talk to someone? Schedule a consultation at Stanza Family Therapy, Inc.

Subscribe wherever you listen, and tell a friend who needs to hear this before things get too big.

https://www.stanzatherapy.com · IG:@stanzafamilytherapy · Consultations

© 2026 Stanza Family Therapy Inc.

Expressive arts therapy in California is practiced by licensed clinicians, like LMFTs, who complete additional training and hold the REAT (Registered Expressive Arts Therapist) credential. It's different from art therapy, which is its own licensed profession with a separate degree. In this episode, Jasmine McMeeking, a California-licensed therapist (LMFT) and Registered Expressive Arts Therapist (REAT) specializing in couples work, breaks down the difference and answers the real question underneath it: is this legitimate enough to trust with a relationship that's already struggling.

In this episode:

• The actual difference between art therapy and expressive arts therapy
• What the REAT credential means, and why it matters for who you're working with
• What a session with an expressive-arts-trained couples therapist actually looks like
• Why couples wait too long to ask for help, and what to notice before it gets that big

Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT, is a California-licensed couples therapist specializing in EFT and expressive arts therapy. Learn more or schedule a consultation at https://www.stanzafamilytherapy.com/contact.

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Love in Practice is hosted by Jasmine McMeeking, LMFT, a California-licensed therapist specializing in EFT and expressive arts therapy for couples.

This podcast is for informational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy. If you're in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or your local emergency services.

Ready to talk to someone? Schedule a consultation at Stanza Family Therapy, Inc.

Subscribe wherever you listen, and tell a friend who needs to hear this before things get too big.

https://www.stanzatherapy.com · IG:@stanzafamilytherapy · Consultations

© 2026 Stanza Family Therapy Inc.