I came across a post on my facebook feed that read, 'Shout out to all the dads out there who didn't walk out on their kids, but instead stayed, cared and loved them'. I read this post over several times, then I starting reading the comments and after a while I just realized I could not hold back how I felt. On the surface, this seems like kind words. However in reality, I have an unpopular opinion. My response to the post incited many responses and some backlash. So after taking sometime to really think about how I will respond to this, I wrote ...
Some dads stick around, love their kids and are still toxic. We really need to stop giving awards for dads that just stuck around. There are men out here giving themselves, pats on the back for "sticking around" meanwhile treating the mothers like crap. Not realising that these children are growing up in an environment assuming that this is love.
Well after posting that, I didn't expect so many responses. People accused me of being negative and discrediting the efforts of black fathers who chose to remain in their children's lives.
My response was not geared to discrediting fathers for upholding their commitment to being an active parent. I commend fathers who play a strong positive influence on their children.
However, celebrating dads for just 'sticking around' is complete BS. For example, I have a neighbor who has 4 kids with his girlfriend. He adores his kids and is very active in their life and daily activities. However, he treats the mother like garbage. In front of the kids at times. The kids love their mother but also have come to realize the father is the ruler of the house and doesn't shy away from emotionally and verbally abusing the mother. The mother enables his actions because she believes, the mere fact he is present and supporting the kids he is a good father.
Meanwhile the children are conditioned and influenced to believe this is love. Sorry, but just sticking around isn't enough. Listen to the podcast, and I will explain why.