Love via HaShem

Is your desire for marriage? Or, do you just want a friendship, attachment of sometime, a physical thing, or something else? Casual dating, geared simply for the purpose of dating, may not be the thing that helps you reach your goals. We often have plenty of excuses for why we’re doing the casual dating thing. It gives experience, helps you know others, you get high emotional intelligence the more you do it, you can’t know unless you’ve been around, and the list goes on. The idea of ”growing in self-understanding and knowing what you want ” should not depend on casual dating, but rather your own inner-engineering that comes from critical thinking. Asking yourself crucial questions like - do I want to be married? You should know what you want and by asking yourself hard questions, you can get there. The reason why casual dating may not be a wise idea, is due to one key word - purpose. What is the purpose, and what is the purpose of the other person? In the world of casual dating, people often don’t have goals and don’t know what they want. So ask yourself, what do I want?

LVH 37 Ahava 19 DatingF1

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TobyMac - Lights Shine Bright ft. Hollyn is the name of the song. Have it a listen, I’m pretty sure you won’t regret it :) And … sure we can do a lot in this universe. It would almost seem like constrictions are being released and that we’re being freed to do as we please. But, are boundaries bad? Are limits and lines to be done away with? Definitely not. As such we should take care to look around an action, to see truly what it’s worth is. This skill is actually one of Critical Thinking. Are we questioning ourselves when we want to do something. Is what you are about to do going to build up, or tear down?

You receive the question from your partner whether they look fat. You know they need some more gym time *hint *hint … so what should you say? Truth or Lie … Well, keep this in mind before you answer, sensitivity, consideration, and love need to be part and parcel of every single thing we do. So, stay positive, and stay loving. ;D

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Here are some steps on how to support and display that to your partner.

Cut each other slack

Embrace the differences (and celebrate them)

Desire to grow with that person

Strive to see the world through their eyes

One way of being able to cut another person slack is to get a mashbia (a counselor) - someone who wants the success of your relationship and will give you good advice. When the problem is very serious, that person should be honest, but when you need to cut the person slack, and you’re not doing the right thing - having an honest tongue around you certainly means an outside influence for a change of heart.

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Yea … in a way, all of our mistakes are our own fault. We can’t say that the devil made me do it, nor can we say that Gd made me do it. Taking thought of how we got into the mess, and prayerfully developing a strategy to get out, we can learn to take responsibility and grow from the experience. G-d always intends that we grow somehow, so this is definitely a way towards that happening.

When we share we become one with each other. This is how the communion operates, as well as eating in general. Think of eating like heightening the spiritual connective tissues that bond us to everything involved in that thing. This means a bond with those sharing in that nourishment and our bond to that thing that we’re consuming, as well as with what that thing represents. It’s like how the old saying goes “you are what you eat!”

LVH 34, Torah 17, 1 Cor 10 Part 3

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When you invest in the child, you are giving .... & you start to love the child more and more. When you invest in others, they usually begin to notice and like you, but just the same, you start to like them more. It’s like the person who takes the teacher job because they just want money, and something easy to do. But, as they start to pour love, time, energy into the children, they start to like the the kids more, and their investments turn into their passion, their love grows. In a way, as we pour into our partners, we start to love them in way unimaginable. In fact, we find this even when the love isn’t reciprocated.

The second idea is that women need love and men need respect. Take a look at the book - “Love and Respect.” Somehow, if you take a gander at female and male energies, the majority of how humans interact allow for this system to play out nicely. Each of us contain within our neshamas these female and male energies within us, but the ratio / proportions are different depending on what HaShem decided to do. So, whatever the ratio is we still need those elements of Love (feminine) and Respect (masculine), but we need to balance them depending on our anatomy and our feeling of masculine vs feminine. In any case, this can be taken as a rule of thumb, and the implication is that we treat each other with these attributes to boost, edify, and build them up, as well as giving ourselves through the investments of word and action.

LVH 33 Ahava 17 Love And Relationship 4

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“The world” constitutes the theme that runs throughout our generations. The quests that you see people pursuing. It could be money, it could be sexual conquest, or even the most exotic and delicious cuisine. Gd’s people are influenced by all these things because we are really a part of this society that we dwell in, but our attention and our focus needs to be different.

We need to identify where we are in our stance with Gd. By looking within, and checking ourselves with the Torah we can get insight on our relationship status, and find out what can be tweaked. Overly focusing on anything that is not HaShem can lead our hearts to feel that that specific thing is the most important thing in the world. And then our mind and heart is consumed and wrapped up in a single-hearted non-God related thing. That, in turn, becomes like an idol, hence the word “idolatry.”

Testing HaShem happens when we continually lust after a thing, e.g. could money and the pursuit of riches, while having in full knowledge that that isn’t what we should be doing. Through our understanding of the Bible, we know that a continual focus on non-spiritual matters is unhealthy for our neshamas. However, please keep in mind that this translates quite differently when we are talking about marriage. Marriage is a representation of Gd and his people, that holiness means that focusing on serving your spouse and prioritizing their desires is never an idolatrous thing. It’s rather quite beautiful.

LVH 32, Torah 16, 1Cor 10 Part 2

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Getting the know the other person is so important in dating, relationships, and definitely marriage. Don’t go to a movie while you’re in the beginning stages of dating because you’re not going to be communicating or coming to know the other person. Something like a walk in the park, or benched face-to-face conversation is better. So this brings the question:

Why do we date?

We date for clarity.

So, if you’re involved physically, there’s a good chance that you’re not going to be thinking as clearly. If you’re doing things with the person that doesn’t allow you to receive adequate knowledge of them, it’s not bringing you that clarity. Check out the 36 Questions That Lead to Love when you can. It will certainly bring a better understanding of this other human.

Also, wanting marriage is essential. Determine, of course (step one), if that is what you want. And, if so, it is a good idea to bring up that subject to get the clarification from the other person, about their desires in light of the idea of marriage. Are they just playing the field, or do they desire the same thing as you? Maybe you both just want to mess around. Keep in mind, that these questions are not always the most comfortable, even if you’re very polite about asking, but their response, and indeed HOW they respond, should be quite revealing.

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It’s a shame that the Israelites did not have the Emunah to walk into the Promised Land, but in choosing not to, they pointed to a common trait that we all have. We have the inclination, the propensity, the yetzer hara (the flesh) to choose the wrong thing sometimes. And, unfortunately that can be more often than not. What decisions in your life, have had you picking something that was safe and easy, just because the task or the situation appeared daunting. I remember when there was an occasion when I saw a young Asian couple. I am studying Vietnamese, so there was a chance that I could practice my language with them and level up in a way. But, doing so would have made me uncomfortable, and that idea of discomfort kept me from starting that conversation, which in turn, led to me being able to use that story to encourage you …. To not do the same!!! Remember that the opposite of pain is comfort, and pleasure can be obtained... through effort, which often takes the form of pain. So, get uncomfortable, and go out there and conquer.

LVH 30, Torah 15, 1Cor 10 Part 1

Below are some audio notes:

//HISTORY Refers back to what happened. BE AWARE - Cloud and passed through the sea They were under the cloud - protection from the sun - guiding system - fog to blind the Egyptians (e.g. b4 the dead sea) Passing through the sea is a symbol of water baptism Coming out of the dead and into a new relationship with God. all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. To be baptized into Moses means to be identified with him and to acknowledge his leadership. Drink - from a rock, and that Rock was Christ. Come to drink of the water of life freely. 12 spies that reported which made the people fearful but Joshua and Caleb - YES, huge grapes people numbered 10

no faith - no trust shown - leading toooooo Longest funeral service in the world - 40 years waiting for all of them to DIE (except Joshua and Caleb)

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In order to present a nice introduction to this word, I’ve employed the help of some friends:

Moment Magazine’s article called Jewish Word | Beshert BY SALA LEVIN August 30, 2013 - Enjoy!

A Talmudic Date with Destiny Stroll Manhattan’s Upper West Side on a Saturday night and you’ll find yourself surrounded on all sides by prospective couples trying each other out. The last few years have seen an explosion in the neighborhood’s popularity among Jews in their twenties and thirties. For New York’s young Jewish singles, destiny—or beshert—has an address, and it’s west of Central Park. The term beshert is most often used to mean a soulmate: the one person whom an individual is divinely destined to marry… Though the term beshert can refer to any fortuitous event (“I missed the bus, but it must have been beshert, because I heard it broke down”), it’s most often used to mean a soulmate: the one person whom an individual is divinely destined to marry. The etymology of the Yiddish word—spelled, generally, either bashert or beshert—is something of a mystery. Some argue that the word comes from the German beschert, meaning bestowed or given. (Bescherung, a version of the word, is used to describe the exchange of gifts on Christmas.) Others say that it’s from the Yiddish word sher, meaning scissors or shears, the idea being that beshert is something that has been shaped in a specific way, as if cut out by a pair of unseen scissors.The concept of a soulmate is nothing new, or uniquely Jewish. In The Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present the idea that humans originally had four arms, four legs and one head made of two faces; Zeus split these creatures in half, leaving each torn creature to search for its missing counterpart. The widely used kismet—a Turkish derivation of the Arabic word qisma, meaning lot or portion—originated as the version of fate in the Arab world. The Jewish theory of soulmates has its roots in that most romantic of canonical texts: the Talmud. The sage Rav stipulates that “40 days before the formation of a child, a heavenly voice issues forth and proclaims, the daughter of this person is for that person; the house of this person is for that person; the field of this person is for that person.” This declaration is considered the origin of the idea of the soulmate in Judaism, although it is also discussed elsewhere, including Kabbalah, which teaches that husband and wife are plag nishamasa, or “half-souls.” The 13th-century scholar, ... (read onward @ https://www.momentmag.com/jewish-word-beshert/)

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