The Hidden Lessons: How Critics and Enemies Sharpened My Growth

There are moments in life when feedback arrives wrapped not in kindness, but in hostility.

Sometimes, the most honest feedback comes laced with hostility—delivered by those rooting for your failure, whether out of envy, resentment, or their own woundedness. And yet, what they offer, often unknowingly, is something far more useful than a friend’s well-meaning silence: a truth you might otherwise overlook.

It took me time to see it clearly.

Criticism from those who disliked me often struck deeper, not because it was wholly wrong, but because it was unfiltered. There was no softening, no careful delivery. It was aimed to wound—but within the wound, there was often a mirror. A reflection of something I had been too comfortable, too tired, or too proud to confront.

Many years ago, sitting with this realization, I wrote a reflection.

I kept it tucked away.

But I return to it often, especially when a harsh word cuts deeper than intended and reminds me that even adversaries can become unwilling teachers.

I share it here now, exactly as I once wrote it:

My Enemies Love Me More Than Friends

Thanks for reading The Lovette Jallow Perspective! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

When Friends Heal You and Enemies Push You to Grow

At the time, I was grappling with a tension many experience but rarely name:

Friends see the best in us. They want us well. They affirm our goodness, our right to rest, our worthiness exactly as we are.

Enemies, on the other hand, see our weaknesses.

They highlight the gaps.

Whether consciously or not, they become invested in reminding us where we still fall short.

It would be easy to dismiss their words as bitterness—and often, that is exactly what they are. But buried within many of their critiques are things worth examining.

Not because enemies wish us well. Not because their motives are pure. But because the truth, even when spoken through clenched teeth, can still be true. Their feedback often came uninvited, delivered without care, and sharpened to wound.

Yet after the initial sting—once the defensiveness settled—what remained was often something I needed to face:

A reminder of an area I had been avoiding.

A bad habit I needed to abandon.

A skill I needed to refine if I wanted to outgrow the limits I had grown too comfortable within.

Growth Through Adversity: Recognizing the Different Roles of Friends and Enemies

Both were necessary, but they served different roles.

The danger lies in mistaking one for the other.

Mistaking a friend’s loyalty for a mirror, when sometimes it is a balm.

Mistaking an enemy’s sharpness for pure malice, when sometimes it is a torch—lighting the cracks we were too proud or too tired to see ourselves.

I have learned to be grateful for both. For the people who loved me into rest. And for those who, even without meaning to, pushed me into growth.

When Critics Imitate: Mimicry, Criticism, and Moving Forward

I have lived these lessons firsthand.

Years ago, when I was working hands-on to drive inclusion across Sweden’s fashion, beauty, and corporate industries—organizing events, consulting brands, creating opportunities, and directly challenging exclusion—a woman, also Black and active in some of the same spaces, went out of her way to slander my work.

I still do this work today, but at a higher level—building strategies, shaping policy, and guiding institutions from a position they once tried to deny me.

She dismissed what I was building publicly, but almost immediately began pursuing the same paths: fashion, beauty, visibility.

Later, when I authored my first book, she announced plans for her own—proposing a project titled “101 Black Women,” and contacting many of the same people featured in my work. The concept was widely declined; many felt it was derivative, and the idea of numbering Black women like collectibles left a bitter taste—drawing uncomfortable comparisons to Dalmatians rather than honoring individuality.

It became a pattern. Whenever I entered a new arena—whether beauty, publishing, or activism—there were efforts to undercut, discredit, or stir conflict.

What they did not realize was that each time they followed me into a space, it became a signal: my time there was complete.

It was time for me to move forward, to ascend into something new. When I shifted from frontline activism to writing my second book, the pattern repeated. They followed again still unaware that my heart had already grown weary.

Weary of the death threats.

Weary of always being on call.

Weary of managing crises across borders while trying to hold the center together.

By the time they tried to mimic the work, my decision had already been made.

I had chosen to leave. And I declared it clearly in my book, in a chapter where I wrote:

"Take it. Stand on the top of this mountain where every stone thrown will find you. Take from my work if you must—because racism never pauses, and neither can the work. But my rest is earned. My rest is deserved."

I never fought about it. I never stayed to wrestle over visibility or ownership. I moved forward—because my work has never been about staying in arenas where the goal is imitation or smallness.

Looking back, the pattern is even clearer.

Those who spent their time studying my work, reacting to my moves, and chasing the spaces I had already outgrown were never forging their own paths.

By focusing on me, they remained stuck—trapped in comparisons they could not escape, measured against a blueprint they did not create.

Meanwhile, I was minding my business.

And they were minding my business, too.

Two parties. One focus.

No wonder the work I built kept growing while they stayed circling the shadows of what had already been done.

In the end, their obsession became something I could use:

a form of unpaid feedback, revealing not just what they envied, but what I had already surpassed. They were trying to shadow what I was building. But their actions became confirmation that it was time for me to build something even bigger.

My grandmother’s words will forever guide me.Every year at midnight on my birthday—no matter where I was in the world—she would call and remind me:

"When a child is born, what is theirs is written across their forehead—what they shall achieve already placed in motion. No human is bigger than the universe that claimed you. We showed you to the world and welcomed you seven days after your birth. Let any man try to interfere, and they will tire. They will exhaust themselves against what was never theirs to change."

Ya Boye (mother in wolof)

Closing Reflection: How Criticism and Conflict Reveal Hidden Truths

There is no virtue in romanticizing hostility.

Not every wound is worth gratitude.

Not every critic deserves a seat at your table.

But when a blow lands—and something inside you recognizes a sliver of truth—pause, examine it carefully, and decide whether it is something to fortify, sharpen, or discard. In doing so, you reclaim your agency.

Even your adversaries become unwilling accomplices in your ascent, handing you, in their attempts to tear you down, the blueprints for building something stronger.

Thanks for reading The Lovette Jallow Perspective! This post is public—feel free to share it with anyone navigating hyperlexia or communication differences.

Work With Me: Inclusion Strategy, Keynotes, and Critical Conversations

In addition to writing, I work internationally as a neurodivergent inclusion strategist, keynote speaker, and consultant.

I help organizations move beyond surface-level diversity initiatives to create environments where neurodivergent, disabled, and marginalized individuals are genuinely supported.

If your organization, collective, or institution is ready to rethink accessibility, inclusion, and systemic accountability, you can book me for:

* Lectures

* Keynote speeches

* Panel discussions

* Workshops and trainings

🔹 Book me: lovettejallow.com🔹 Contact: [email protected]

Explore More from The Lovette Jallow Perspective

You can find more of my essays exploring:

* Neurodivergence, autism, and navigating public life as a Black woman

* Building true inclusion beyond checkbox diversity

* Reclaiming voice and agency across personal, political, and historical landscapes

* Racism in Sweden and systemic injustice

Each essay connects real-world experience with structural analysis—equipping individuals and institutions to think deeper, act smarter, and build sustainable change.

Who is Lovette Jallow?

Lovette Jallow is one of Scandinavia’s most influential voices on systemic racism, intersectional justice, and human rights. She is a nine-time award-winning author, keynote speaker, lecturer, and humanitarian specializing in:

* Neurodiversity and workplace inclusion

* Structural policy reform

* Anti-racism education and systemic change

As one of the few Black, queer, autistic, ADHD, and Muslim women working at the intersection of human rights, structural accountability, and corporate transformation, Lovette offers a uniquely authoritative perspective rooted in lived experience and professional expertise.

Her work bridges theory, research, and action—guiding institutions to move beyond performative diversity efforts and toward sustainable structural change.

Lovette has worked across Sweden, The Gambia, Libya, and Lebanon—tackling institutional racism, legal discrimination, and refugee protection. Her expertise has been sought by outlets like The New York Times and by leading humanitarian organizations addressing racial justice, policy reform, and intersectional equity.

Stay Connected

➔ Follow Lovette Jallow for expert insights on building equitable, neurodivergent-affirming environments.

🔹 Website: lovettejallow.com🔹 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lovettejallow🔹 Instagram: instagram.com/lovettejallow🔹 YouTube: youtube.com/@jallowlovette🔹 Twitter/X: twitter.com/lovettejallow🔹 Bluesky: bsky.app/profile/lovettejallow.bsky.social

Thanks for reading The Lovette Jallow Perspective! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

The Hidden Lessons: How Critics and Enemies Sharpened My Growth

There are moments in life when feedback arrives wrapped not in kindness, but in hostility.

Sometimes, the most honest feedback comes laced with hostility—delivered by those rooting for your failure, whether out of envy, resentment, or their own woundedness. And yet, what they offer, often unknowingly, is something far more useful than a friend’s well-meaning silence: a truth you might otherwise overlook.

It took me time to see it clearly.

Criticism from those who disliked me often struck deeper, not because it was wholly wrong, but because it was unfiltered. There was no softening, no careful delivery. It was aimed to wound—but within the wound, there was often a mirror. A reflection of something I had been too comfortable, too tired, or too proud to confront.

Many years ago, sitting with this realization, I wrote a reflection.

I kept it tucked away.

But I return to it often, especially when a harsh word cuts deeper than intended and reminds me that even adversaries can become unwilling teachers.

I share it here now, exactly as I once wrote it:

My Enemies Love Me More Than Friends

My enemies love me more than friends,
They point out flaws, show where to mend.
They highlight weakness, reveal the cracks,
The missing skills, the things I lack.
They push me higher, make me strong,
Break bad habits, prove me wrong.

My friends wish me well, they want me to be,
The best of myself, in joy and in ease.
They offer feedback when I seek,
Their love and support steadfast, not meek.

But enemies, watching closer than friends,
Catch the slips, the gaps, the missing bends.
Sharp truths they hurl, meant to wound or slight,
Yet hidden inside, a sharpening light.

Unexpected gifts they send—
Lessons veiled from hidden admirers, not friends.

Still, I know where my true bonds lie.
I hold my friends close, and let envy pass by.
For wisdom learns not to mistake the two—
The ones who build you, and the ones who watch you.

Thanks for reading The Lovette Jallow Perspective! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

When Friends Heal You and Enemies Push You to Grow

At the time, I was grappling with a tension many experience but rarely name:

Friends see the best in us. They want us well. They affirm our goodness, our right to rest, our worthiness exactly as we are.

Enemies, on the other hand, see our weaknesses.

They highlight the gaps.

Whether consciously or not, they become invested in reminding us where we still fall short.

It would be easy to dismiss their words as bitterness—and often, that is exactly what they are. But buried within many of their critiques are things worth examining.

Not because enemies wish us well. Not because their motives are pure. But because the truth, even when spoken through clenched teeth, can still be true. Their feedback often came uninvited, delivered without care, and sharpened to wound.

Yet after the initial sting—once the defensiveness settled—what remained was often something I needed to face:

A reminder of an area I had been avoiding.

A bad habit I needed to abandon.

A skill I needed to refine if I wanted to outgrow the limits I had grown too comfortable within.

Growth Through Adversity: Recognizing the Different Roles of Friends and Enemies

Both were necessary, but they served different roles.

The danger lies in mistaking one for the other.

Mistaking a friend’s loyalty for a mirror, when sometimes it is a balm.

Mistaking an enemy’s sharpness for pure malice, when sometimes it is a torch—lighting the cracks we were too proud or too tired to see ourselves.

I have learned to be grateful for both. For the people who loved me into rest. And for those who, even without meaning to, pushed me into growth.

When Critics Imitate: Mimicry, Criticism, and Moving Forward

I have lived these lessons firsthand.

Years ago, when I was working hands-on to drive inclusion across Sweden’s fashion, beauty, and corporate industries—organizing events, consulting brands, creating opportunities, and directly challenging exclusion—a woman, also Black and active in some of the same spaces, went out of her way to slander my work.

I still do this work today, but at a higher level—building strategies, shaping policy, and guiding institutions from a position they once tried to deny me.

She dismissed what I was building publicly, but almost immediately began pursuing the same paths: fashion, beauty, visibility.

Later, when I authored my first book, she announced plans for her own—proposing a project titled “101 Black Women,” and contacting many of the same people featured in my work. The concept was widely declined; many felt it was derivative, and the idea of numbering Black women like collectibles left a bitter taste—drawing uncomfortable comparisons to Dalmatians rather than honoring individuality.

It became a pattern. Whenever I entered a new arena—whether beauty, publishing, or activism—there were efforts to undercut, discredit, or stir conflict.

What they did not realize was that each time they followed me into a space, it became a signal: my time there was complete.

It was time for me to move forward, to ascend into something new. When I shifted from frontline activism to writing my second book, the pattern repeated. They followed again still unaware that my heart had already grown weary.

Weary of the death threats.

Weary of always being on call.

Weary of managing crises across borders while trying to hold the center together.

By the time they tried to mimic the work, my decision had already been made.

I had chosen to leave. And I declared it clearly in my book, in a chapter where I wrote:

"Take it. Stand on the top of this mountain where every stone thrown will find you. Take from my work if you must—because racism never pauses, and neither can the work. But my rest is earned. My rest is deserved."

I never fought about it. I never stayed to wrestle over visibility or ownership. I moved forward—because my work has never been about staying in arenas where the goal is imitation or smallness.

Looking back, the pattern is even clearer.

Those who spent their time studying my work, reacting to my moves, and chasing the spaces I had already outgrown were never forging their own paths.

By focusing on me, they remained stuck—trapped in comparisons they could not escape, measured against a blueprint they did not create.

Meanwhile, I was minding my business.

And they were minding my business, too.

Two parties. One focus.

No wonder the work I built kept growing while they stayed circling the shadows of what had already been done.

In the end, their obsession became something I could use:

a form of unpaid feedback, revealing not just what they envied, but what I had already surpassed. They were trying to shadow what I was building. But their actions became confirmation that it was time for me to build something even bigger.

My grandmother’s words will forever guide me.Every year at midnight on my birthday—no matter where I was in the world—she would call and remind me:

"When a child is born, what is theirs is written across their forehead—what they shall achieve already placed in motion. No human is bigger than the universe that claimed you. We showed you to the world and welcomed you seven days after your birth. Let any man try to interfere, and they will tire. They will exhaust themselves against what was never theirs to change."

Ya Boye (mother in wolof)

Closing Reflection: How Criticism and Conflict Reveal Hidden Truths

There is no virtue in romanticizing hostility.

Not every wound is worth gratitude.

Not every critic deserves a seat at your table.

But when a blow lands—and something inside you recognizes a sliver of truth—pause, examine it carefully, and decide whether it is something to fortify, sharpen, or discard. In doing so, you reclaim your agency.

Even your adversaries become unwilling accomplices in your ascent, handing you, in their attempts to tear you down, the blueprints for building something stronger.

Thanks for reading The Lovette Jallow Perspective! This post is public—feel free to share it with anyone navigating hyperlexia or communication differences.

Work With Me: Inclusion Strategy, Keynotes, and Critical Conversations

In addition to writing, I work internationally as a neurodivergent inclusion strategist, keynote speaker, and consultant.

I help organizations move beyond surface-level diversity initiatives to create environments where neurodivergent, disabled, and marginalized individuals are genuinely supported.

If your organization, collective, or institution is ready to rethink accessibility, inclusion, and systemic accountability, you can book me for:

* Lectures

* Keynote speeches

* Panel discussions

* Workshops and trainings

🔹 Book me: lovettejallow.com🔹 Contact: [email protected]

Explore More from The Lovette Jallow Perspective

You can find more of my essays exploring:

* Neurodivergence, autism, and navigating public life as a Black woman

* Building true inclusion beyond checkbox diversity

* Reclaiming voice and agency across personal, political, and historical landscapes

* Racism in Sweden and systemic injustice

Each essay connects real-world experience with structural analysis—equipping individuals and institutions to think deeper, act smarter, and build sustainable change.

Who is Lovette Jallow?

Lovette Jallow is one of Scandinavia’s most influential voices on systemic racism, intersectional justice, and human rights. She is a nine-time award-winning author, keynote speaker, lecturer, and humanitarian specializing in:

* Neurodiversity and workplace inclusion

* Structural policy reform

* Anti-racism education and systemic change

As one of the few Black, queer, autistic, ADHD, and Muslim women working at the intersection of human rights, structural accountability, and corporate transformation, Lovette offers a uniquely authoritative perspective rooted in lived experience and professional expertise.

Her work bridges theory, research, and action—guiding institutions to move beyond performative diversity efforts and toward sustainable structural change.

Lovette has worked across Sweden, The Gambia, Libya, and Lebanon—tackling institutional racism, legal discrimination, and refugee protection. Her expertise has been sought by outlets like The New York Times and by leading humanitarian organizations addressing racial justice, policy reform, and intersectional equity.

Stay Connected

➔ Follow Lovette Jallow for expert insights on building equitable, neurodivergent-affirming environments.

🔹 Website: lovettejallow.com🔹 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lovettejallow🔹 Instagram: instagram.com/lovettejallow🔹 YouTube: youtube.com/@jallowlovette🔹 Twitter/X: twitter.com/lovettejallow🔹 Bluesky: bsky.app/profile/lovettejallow.bsky.social

Thanks for reading The Lovette Jallow Perspective! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Feminism, Gynarchy, or Matriarchy? Lov(ette) or Leave It — Episode 4:

This episode is drawn from a recorded expert lecture on matriarchal governance, patriarchal systems, and feminist theory, originally delivered to researchers, policy advisors, and institutional leaders across three continents.

It challenges the growing misuse of “matriarchy” in Western feminist discourse and clarifies why true matriarchal systems reject hierarchy rather than rebrand it through optics.

Why Gynarchy Isn’t Matriarchy: Misreadings in Feminist Discourse

What many label “matriarchy” today isn’t liberation, it’s gynarchy: patriarchy repackaged in different attire.

In this episode, I unpack how Western feminist frameworks, institutional DEI efforts, and media misread matriarchal systems throu

gh a hierarchical lens. Drawing on African matrilineal traditions, oral governance models, and my consulting work with universities, NGOs, and equity-focused organizations, I offer a structural breakdown of care-centered leadership vs. control-based power.

We cover:

* Why replacing men with women in power doesn’t dismantle patriarchy

* How trauma-led leadership often reenacts institutional harm

* The difference between aesthetic feminism and matriarchal ethics

* How colonial frameworks obscure living matriarchal systems

* Why many are distancing from families and institutions where control—not care—was central

This isn’t theory. It’s lived. Practiced. Protected.

For scholars, educators, DEI professionals, anthropologists, feminist theorists, political scientists, and institutional decision-makers—this is essential listening.

🔊 Press play. Share intentionally. Cite with credit.

📌 If your feminism still clings to hierarchy, this episode will ask why.

📞 For keynote lectures, university partnerships, or equity training: [[email protected]]

Who is Lovette Jallow?

Lovette Jallow is one of Scandinavia’s most influential voices on systemic racism, intersectional justice, and human rights. A nine-time award-winning author, keynote speaker, lecturer, and humanitarian, she specializes in neurodiversity, workplace inclusion, and structural policy reform.

Lovette brings an unmatched perspective rooted in both lived experience and professional expertise. Her work bridges the gap between theory, research, and action, helping organizations move beyond performative diversity efforts toward sustainable, structural change.

Her expertise has been sought by global publications like The New York Times, on high-profile legal cases, and by international humanitarian organizations, where she has provided critical insights on racial justice, policy reform, and equity-driven leadership.

Follow Lovette Jallow – DEIB Strategist, Keynote Speaker & Humanitarian:

* Website: lovettejallow.com

* LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lovettejallow

* Instagram: instagram.com/lovettejallow

* YouTube: youtube.com/@jallowlovette

* Twitter/X: twitter.com/lovettejallow

* Bluesky: bsky.app/profile/lovettejallow.bsky.social

Feminism, Gynarchy, or Matriarchy? Lov(ette) or Leave It — Episode 4:

This episode is drawn from a recorded expert lecture on matriarchal governance, patriarchal systems, and feminist theory, originally delivered to researchers, policy advisors, and institutional leaders across three continents.

It challenges the growing misuse of “matriarchy” in Western feminist discourse and clarifies why true matriarchal systems reject hierarchy rather than rebrand it through optics.

Why Gynarchy Isn’t Matriarchy: Misreadings in Feminist Discourse

What many label “matriarchy” today isn’t liberation, it’s gynarchy: patriarchy repackaged in different attire.

In this episode, I unpack how Western feminist frameworks, institutional DEI efforts, and media misread matriarchal systems throu

gh a hierarchical lens. Drawing on African matrilineal traditions, oral governance models, and my consulting work with universities, NGOs, and equity-focused organizations, I offer a structural breakdown of care-centered leadership vs. control-based power.

We cover:

* Why replacing men with women in power doesn’t dismantle patriarchy

* How trauma-led leadership often reenacts institutional harm

* The difference between aesthetic feminism and matriarchal ethics

* How colonial frameworks obscure living matriarchal systems

* Why many are distancing from families and institutions where control—not care—was central

This isn’t theory. It’s lived. Practiced. Protected.

For scholars, educators, DEI professionals, anthropologists, feminist theorists, political scientists, and institutional decision-makers—this is essential listening.

🔊 Press play. Share intentionally. Cite with credit.

📌 If your feminism still clings to hierarchy, this episode will ask why.

📞 For keynote lectures, university partnerships, or equity training: [[email protected]]

Who is Lovette Jallow?

Lovette Jallow is one of Scandinavia’s most influential voices on systemic racism, intersectional justice, and human rights. A nine-time award-winning author, keynote speaker, lecturer, and humanitarian, she specializes in neurodiversity, workplace inclusion, and structural policy reform.

Lovette brings an unmatched perspective rooted in both lived experience and professional expertise. Her work bridges the gap between theory, research, and action, helping organizations move beyond performative diversity efforts toward sustainable, structural change.

Her expertise has been sought by global publications like The New York Times, on high-profile legal cases, and by international humanitarian organizations, where she has provided critical insights on racial justice, policy reform, and equity-driven leadership.

Follow Lovette Jallow – DEIB Strategist, Keynote Speaker & Humanitarian:

* Website: lovettejallow.com

* LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lovettejallow

* Instagram: instagram.com/lovettejallow

* YouTube: youtube.com/@jallowlovette

* Twitter/X: twitter.com/lovettejallow

* Bluesky: bsky.app/profile/lovettejallow.bsky.social

Self-Care That Makes Sense for Autistic and Neurodivergent Women

I’m Lovette Jallow, autistic, ADHD, and committed to sharing tools that center self-respect, not self-optimization. I write for those of us who live at the intersection of sensory overwhelm, survival planning, and emotional nuance.

This series offers short-form strategies rooted in lived experience, disability awareness, and autonomy designed for autistic and neurodivergent women who are tired of generic advice.

Take what works (Love it/Love(tte), you get it). Adapt what fits. Leave the rest (Leave it).

It’s not about performing wellness. It’s about protecting your peace.

Each piece offers direct, sensory-considerate, and emotionally honest practices that reflect how we actually live not how others expect us to.

If this is your first time here, welcome. And if it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, know it’s still for you.

Self-Care Across Time: A Life Hack for Autistic Women

My latest neurodivergent life hack?

Thinking of myself in past, present, and future tense. Not fixing things for others but just showing up for myself across time.

Here’s how it plays out:

Current me: “Oh no… future Lovette is due on in a few days.”

Cue action mode to mitigate and prepare:

* Fresh sheets

* Face masks

* Diapers/Pads stocked

* Cookie hidden by the bed

* Medicine and vitamins stocked.

* Kindle charged

* Favorite foods prepped and frozen

* House tidied, potpourri scented

Then the day arrives.

I’m tired. Overstimulated. In Pain. Emotional. Avoiding everyone.

But when I look around, past Lovette already showed up. She left snacks. She lit incense. She even placed a fresh “diaper” in reach, like the thoughtful autistic queen she is.

The foresight? Elite. The execution? Neurodivergent excellence.

She also blocked annoying people from my DMs, set auto-replies, and cleared my inbox. I didn’t have to ghost anyone—she already handled it. I uphold those boundaries so she doesn’t have to return and deal with repair, anxiety, or cleanup.

Creating an Internal Support System When External Help Is Lacking

Right now, I’m folding the softest PJs while watching Disney not just for comfort, but because past Lovette asked for it. She hates doing laundry when ADHD hits, but she’s great with dishes when my autistic texture sensitivities spike during chronic illness.

This is how I care for myself in shifts. It’s a partnership with myself. It’s practical love.

This Is About Safety, Not Productivity: Why I Build in Advance

This isn’t about being high-functioning, ultra-organized, or performing some commercialized version of self-care.

It’s not aspirational. It’s survival.

I’m disabled. I lack consistent support. So I’ve had to build systems that preempt collapse because no one’s coming to catch me when I hit the edge.

I developed this rhythm after years of burnout, shutdowns, and carrying more than I ever should have loving others in their languages while abandoning my own.

This is a trauma-informed, neurodivergent structure I use to protect my future self. To stay emotionally intact. To reduce overwhelm before it becomes crisis.

Recognizing Real Care: What Practicing Self-Compassion Taught Me

Whether you’re partnered, poly, or single by choice you are or can be the curator of your love language (non commercialized). And you practice it on yourself first.

My philosophy:

I care and show grace for myself across past, present, and future so I can recognize what real care feels like when it shows up—whether in friendship, business, or romance. I also know when it doesn’t, and when it needs gentle redirection.

What’s one small thing your past self could do for your future self this week?

Think sensory. Think soothing. Think realistic.

Try it once, and let yourself feel what it’s like to be cared for by you. How does your love feel to you?

That’s it for this round of Love(tte) or Leave It: Life Hacks: where you can love it and use it, tweak it to fit your life, or leave it for someone else who might need it.

Short. Sensory-safe. Neurodivergent-approved.

See you next time, when past you might just surprise you.

Want more writing on autism, burnout, and neurodivergent survival?

If this resonated, you might also appreciate these essays and podcasts on being Neurodivergent.

To book me for keynotes, panels, or consulting:

If you're an organization, institution, or collective committed to real change not checkbox diversity you can contact me directly: [https://lovettejallow.com/] | [[email protected]]

I speak internationally on subjects including but not limited to African matriarchal systems, Fulani governance, neurodivergence in pre-colonial societies, anti-racism, intersectionality, and structural violence.

My talks draw from lived experience, academic research, and cultural fluency across seven languages. I do not dilute or perform knowledge for spectacle. I teach from lineage, not theory.

Who is Lovette Jallow?

Lovette Jallow is one of Scandinavia’s most influential voices on systemic racism, intersectional justice, and human rights. A nine-time award-winning author, keynote speaker, lecturer, and humanitarian, she specializes in neurodiversity, workplace inclusion, and structural policy reform.

Lovette brings an unmatched perspective rooted in both lived experience and professional expertise. Her work bridges the gap between theory, research, and action, helping organizations move beyond performative diversity efforts toward sustainable, structural change.

Her expertise has been sought by global publications like The New York Times, on high-profile legal cases, and by international humanitarian organizations, where she has provided critical insights on racial justice, policy reform, and equity-driven leadership.

Follow Lovette Jallow – DEIB Strategist, Keynote Speaker & Humanitarian:

Website: lovettejallow.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lovettejallow

Instagram: instagram.com/lovettejallow

Self-Care That Makes Sense for Autistic and Neurodivergent Women

I’m Lovette Jallow, autistic, ADHD, and committed to sharing tools that center self-respect, not self-optimization. I write for those of us who live at the intersection of sensory overwhelm, survival planning, and emotional nuance.

This series offers short-form strategies rooted in lived experience, disability awareness, and autonomy designed for autistic and neurodivergent women who are tired of generic advice.

Take what works (Love it/Love(tte), you get it). Adapt what fits. Leave the rest (Leave it).

It’s not about performing wellness. It’s about protecting your peace.

Each piece offers direct, sensory-considerate, and emotionally honest practices that reflect how we actually live not how others expect us to.

If this is your first time here, welcome. And if it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, know it’s still for you.

Self-Care Across Time: A Life Hack for Autistic Women

My latest neurodivergent life hack?

Thinking of myself in past, present, and future tense. Not fixing things for others but just showing up for myself across time.

Here’s how it plays out:

Current me: “Oh no… future Lovette is due on in a few days.”

Cue action mode to mitigate and prepare:

* Fresh sheets

* Face masks

* Diapers/Pads stocked

* Cookie hidden by the bed

* Medicine and vitamins stocked.

* Kindle charged

* Favorite foods prepped and frozen

* House tidied, potpourri scented

Then the day arrives.

I’m tired. Overstimulated. In Pain. Emotional. Avoiding everyone.

But when I look around, past Lovette already showed up. She left snacks. She lit incense. She even placed a fresh “diaper” in reach, like the thoughtful autistic queen she is.

The foresight? Elite. The execution? Neurodivergent excellence.

She also blocked annoying people from my DMs, set auto-replies, and cleared my inbox. I didn’t have to ghost anyone—she already handled it. I uphold those boundaries so she doesn’t have to return and deal with repair, anxiety, or cleanup.

Creating an Internal Support System When External Help Is Lacking

Right now, I’m folding the softest PJs while watching Disney not just for comfort, but because past Lovette asked for it. She hates doing laundry when ADHD hits, but she’s great with dishes when my autistic texture sensitivities spike during chronic illness.

This is how I care for myself in shifts. It’s a partnership with myself. It’s practical love.

This Is About Safety, Not Productivity: Why I Build in Advance

This isn’t about being high-functioning, ultra-organized, or performing some commercialized version of self-care.

It’s not aspirational. It’s survival.

I’m disabled. I lack consistent support. So I’ve had to build systems that preempt collapse because no one’s coming to catch me when I hit the edge.

I developed this rhythm after years of burnout, shutdowns, and carrying more than I ever should have loving others in their languages while abandoning my own.

This is a trauma-informed, neurodivergent structure I use to protect my future self. To stay emotionally intact. To reduce overwhelm before it becomes crisis.

Recognizing Real Care: What Practicing Self-Compassion Taught Me

Whether you’re partnered, poly, or single by choice you are or can be the curator of your love language (non commercialized). And you practice it on yourself first.

My philosophy:

I care and show grace for myself across past, present, and future so I can recognize what real care feels like when it shows up—whether in friendship, business, or romance. I also know when it doesn’t, and when it needs gentle redirection.

What’s one small thing your past self could do for your future self this week?

Think sensory. Think soothing. Think realistic.

Try it once, and let yourself feel what it’s like to be cared for by you. How does your love feel to you?

That’s it for this round of Love(tte) or Leave It: Life Hacks: where you can love it and use it, tweak it to fit your life, or leave it for someone else who might need it.

Short. Sensory-safe. Neurodivergent-approved.

See you next time, when past you might just surprise you.

Want more writing on autism, burnout, and neurodivergent survival?

If this resonated, you might also appreciate these essays and podcasts on being Neurodivergent.

To book me for keynotes, panels, or consulting:

If you're an organization, institution, or collective committed to real change not checkbox diversity you can contact me directly: [https://lovettejallow.com/] | [[email protected]]

I speak internationally on subjects including but not limited to African matriarchal systems, Fulani governance, neurodivergence in pre-colonial societies, anti-racism, intersectionality, and structural violence.

My talks draw from lived experience, academic research, and cultural fluency across seven languages. I do not dilute or perform knowledge for spectacle. I teach from lineage, not theory.

Who is Lovette Jallow?

Lovette Jallow is one of Scandinavia’s most influential voices on systemic racism, intersectional justice, and human rights. A nine-time award-winning author, keynote speaker, lecturer, and humanitarian, she specializes in neurodiversity, workplace inclusion, and structural policy reform.

Lovette brings an unmatched perspective rooted in both lived experience and professional expertise. Her work bridges the gap between theory, research, and action, helping organizations move beyond performative diversity efforts toward sustainable, structural change.

Her expertise has been sought by global publications like The New York Times, on high-profile legal cases, and by international humanitarian organizations, where she has provided critical insights on racial justice, policy reform, and equity-driven leadership.

Follow Lovette Jallow – DEIB Strategist, Keynote Speaker & Humanitarian:

Website: lovettejallow.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lovettejallow

Instagram: instagram.com/lovettejallow

ot everyone who calls you ‘sis’ or ‘bro’ actually means it.

Overfamiliarity is often a manipulation tactic—a way for people to fast-track relationships, bypass boundaries, and gain access to your time, resources, or emotional energy without actually earning trust.

For autistic individuals, who take words literally, this false closeness can be particularly disorienting. But this isn’t just a personal issue—it happens in workplaces, friendships, and cultural spaces.

🔹 In this episode, we break down:✔ The psychology behind overfamiliarity and why people use it✔ How workplaces manipulate employees with “we’re family” rhetoric✔ The cultural impact of terms like “auntie” or “queen”✔ Signs that someone is using overfamiliarity to manipulate access✔ How to set strong boundaries and avoid being emotionally drained

💡 Have you ever felt pressured into emotional labor or questioned someone's sudden closeness? You’re not imagining it—this episode will give you the tools to recognize it and protect your space.

🔗 Read the full breakdown on Substack → [Insert Link]

📌 Subscribe for More Insights:▶ YouTube:🎙 Spotify / Apple Podcasts:

🔔 New episodes weekly—stay tuned for more conversations on neurodivergence, boundaries, and emotional intelligence.

ot everyone who calls you ‘sis’ or ‘bro’ actually means it.

Overfamiliarity is often a manipulation tactic—a way for people to fast-track relationships, bypass boundaries, and gain access to your time, resources, or emotional energy without actually earning trust.

For autistic individuals, who take words literally, this false closeness can be particularly disorienting. But this isn’t just a personal issue—it happens in workplaces, friendships, and cultural spaces.

🔹 In this episode, we break down:✔ The psychology behind overfamiliarity and why people use it✔ How workplaces manipulate employees with “we’re family” rhetoric✔ The cultural impact of terms like “auntie” or “queen”✔ Signs that someone is using overfamiliarity to manipulate access✔ How to set strong boundaries and avoid being emotionally drained

💡 Have you ever felt pressured into emotional labor or questioned someone's sudden closeness? You’re not imagining it—this episode will give you the tools to recognize it and protect your space.

🔗 Read the full breakdown on Substack → [Insert Link]

📌 Subscribe for More Insights:▶ YouTube:🎙 Spotify / Apple Podcasts:

🔔 New episodes weekly—stay tuned for more conversations on neurodivergence, boundaries, and emotional intelligence.

Understanding Autistic Loneliness: When You’re Surrounded But Still Alone

I’m Lovette Jallow, an award-winning author, speaker, and consultant specializing in neurodiversity, intersectionality, and human rights. As a Black Autistic woman with ADHD (AuDHD), I know what it’s like to exist in spaces that don’t offer the same curiosity, care, or reciprocity that I extend to others.

Autistic loneliness isn’t about being physically alone—it’s about being surrounded by people who don’t really see you. If you’ve ever felt drained by one-sided relationships, exhausted by the constant expectation of emotional labor, or struggled with finding spaces that genuinely value you, this episode is for you.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

🔹 What autistic loneliness really feels like—and why it’s different from solitude.🔹 Why social exhaustion is so common for neurodivergent people.🔹 The impact of one-sided conversations and relationships.🔹 Unspoken societal expectations of emotional labor—and how they affect us.🔹 How to set boundaries and prioritize reciprocity in your relationships.🔹 Rethinking community care and creating spaces where neurodivergent people are valued, not just tolerated.

This conversation isn’t about fixing ourselves to fit into a world that was never built for us—it’s about recognizing what we need and making room for it.

🎙 Listen now to explore why autistic loneliness happens, how it affects neurodivergent people, and what true connection really looks like.

🔗 Links & Resources:

✅ Follow me on Instagram and Twitter for more insights on neurodiversity and intersectionality.✅ Read more on LovetteJallow.com.✅ If you enjoyed this episode, consider subscribing and sharing to help reach more listeners.

Understanding Autistic Loneliness: When You’re Surrounded But Still Alone

I’m Lovette Jallow, an award-winning author, speaker, and consultant specializing in neurodiversity, intersectionality, and human rights. As a Black Autistic woman with ADHD (AuDHD), I know what it’s like to exist in spaces that don’t offer the same curiosity, care, or reciprocity that I extend to others.

Autistic loneliness isn’t about being physically alone—it’s about being surrounded by people who don’t really see you. If you’ve ever felt drained by one-sided relationships, exhausted by the constant expectation of emotional labor, or struggled with finding spaces that genuinely value you, this episode is for you.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

🔹 What autistic loneliness really feels like—and why it’s different from solitude.🔹 Why social exhaustion is so common for neurodivergent people.🔹 The impact of one-sided conversations and relationships.🔹 Unspoken societal expectations of emotional labor—and how they affect us.🔹 How to set boundaries and prioritize reciprocity in your relationships.🔹 Rethinking community care and creating spaces where neurodivergent people are valued, not just tolerated.

This conversation isn’t about fixing ourselves to fit into a world that was never built for us—it’s about recognizing what we need and making room for it.

🎙 Listen now to explore why autistic loneliness happens, how it affects neurodivergent people, and what true connection really looks like.

🔗 Links & Resources:

✅ Follow me on Instagram and Twitter for more insights on neurodiversity and intersectionality.✅ Read more on LovetteJallow.com.✅ If you enjoyed this episode, consider subscribing and sharing to help reach more listeners.