Luke and Pete Talking Sheet

Luke and Pete Talking Sheet

By Luke and PeteComedy
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Luke and Pete Talking Sheet episodes

  • “My Mum Said I Had a P*nis Reduction As A Kid” | EP217

    Luke finally asks his mum about the operation he had as a kid. Her explanation? “You had a penis reduction.” Pete isn’t buying it.


    Also this week: does interracial adoption work? And a dilemma from a woman who says she had the perfect marriage—but still left her husband.


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete



    0:00 Pete’s camp-ness was is getting out of hand + Pete’s bad behaviour as a kid 

    6:33 getting a joke years later makes you feel wiser 

    17:06 does interracial adoption work?

    24:23 top tier comment with a top tier reply 

    27:47 our top Sheetsters 

    33:24 charlottes got into an embarrassing situation 

    40:22 man uses remote working to have 5 jobs 

    49:46 threesome turns deadly over performance issues 

    1:00:18 “I had a penis reduction”

    1:06:23 Dilemma: I left my husband even though he did nothing wrong 

    1 hr 33 min
  • Would You Rather Be Rich or Respected? | EP216

    On this week’s episode, Luke asks Pete: would he rather be rich but respected by nobody, or broke but respected by everyone? The boys discuss the woman who woke up angry after a failed execution, and Luke enlightens Pete on how he would punish her. Plus, Pete has an interesting theory about today’s news—and what it would take to make us take the atrocities more seriously.


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete



    0:00 intro & Patreon teaser 

    8:58 death row woman wakes up angry + live stream execution?

    23:28 do we take the news seriously anymore?

    37:15 what’s more important money or respect?

    55:59 why does money change your relationship?

    1:02:46 could you handle being your parts nerd second option?

    1 hr 31 min
  • Your Wife Falls Into a Tiger Enclosure… Do You Jump In? | EP215

    Your wife falls into a tiger enclosure. Do you jump in?

    This week, the boys discuss the man who was killed after entering a tiger enclosure and question whether they’d be brave enough to help—or risk their own lives to save their wives.

    They also explore a murder case where the killer had the perfect alibi and debate whether school uniforms should be banned from adult content.

    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete


    0:00 Pete is extremely camp 

    2:33 black comedy shows don’t like stuff like…

    7:03 Man falls into tiger enclosure 

    28:08 pilot tried to K*ll co-pilot, how do we stop this?

    37:10 Man kills family but has perfect alibi 

    56:21 should we stop the use of school uniforms in adult content?

    1:11:55 my girlfriend cheated on me with my twin 

    1 hr 24 min
  • Woman Survives Botched Execution | EP214

    On this week’s episode of Luke & Pete Talking Sheet, the boys discuss the shocking story of a death row inmate who survived a botched execution, before acting out how they’d handle the situation themselves.

    Pete opens up to Luke about the embarrassment he felt after suffering a panic attack on the motorway.

    And this week’s dilemma comes from a man whose wife grew up in a filthy household. After spending some time staying with her family, she’s started picking up their old dirty habits, and he’s not happy about it.

    All this and more on this week’s episode of Luke & Pete Talking Sheet!

    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete


    0:00 intro 

    2:49 footballer knocks out sexual attacker 

    10:58 wrestling naked 

    23:38 panic attack 

    31:26 death row convict survives two injections

    53:19 dilemma: my wife and her family are unclean 

    1 hr 9 min
  • He Did Gay Scenes for Money But Swears He’s Straight | EP213

    On this week’s episode, the boys discuss influencer Big Stacks, who says he’s straight despite having appeared in gay adult films — apparently, it was all about the money.


    Meanwhile, Pete gets caught up in a three-way road-rage incident, and Luke somehow ends up in a fight over a pizza.


    What is wrong with these boys?


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete


    0:00 good looking Patreons 

    6:13 “my mum tries to join on the joke”

    8:13 argument in a pizza shop 

    15:02 Pete’s road rage again

    22:16 insight into male gynaecologist

    40:43 when you accidentally call someone gay 

    44:31 circumcision

    50:55 she sexted her friend and she sent it to her whole family

    1:15:24 sleeping with a man for money but you’re not gay “big stacks” the influencer story  

    1 hr 26 min
  • “I’ve Cheated on Every partner I’ve Ever Had” | EP212

    Guys, you have to listen to this one all the way through. Luke tests Pete with some riddles, then tells him the funniest story he’s ever heard. They tackle two dilemmas: one from a woman who can’t stop cheating on her boyfriends, and another from someone who’s been married for 14 years and is back in contact with an ex. Then Luke and Pete act out a scenario involving a teacher and pupil who’ve fallen in love.


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete



    0:00 Intro + funny racist comments 

    5:23 Pete try’s to solves Luke riddle 

    8:47 “funniest story I’ve heard in while” + abnormalities 

    24:38 fool me once…

    30:19 Pete has an Indian wedding and he is scared 

    44:43 German police hunt fake serial killer 

    49:21 this can’t be true 

    51:48 if your son was swapped at birth…

    1:00:08 I can’t stop cheating 

    1:07:16 married for 14 years but…

    1:15:44 if you was a teacher and… scenario 

    1 hr 27 min
  • “Why Men Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Choose Gifts” | EP211

    On this weeks episode Luke calls out Pete for the gift he bought his partner and Pete tells the hilarious story of a German man he played videos games with online who took it way to seriously. 


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete



    0:00 Intro 

    1:48 gorillas look human 

    6:32 Pete Bee facts or fiction 

    12:01 people who take video games too seriously 

    17:25 family stresses me out 

    28:01 someone crashed into my car and i gave chase 

    35:01 is ok to name call when angry?

    48:23 is he a selfish partner? 

    58:41 John gotti telling off his grandson 

    1:05:28 voice note story 

    1 hr 22 min
  • Teacher’s YouTube History Got Him FIRED | EP210

    This week, the boys discuss the teacher who was fired after his pupils discovered what he’d been searching for on YouTube. Pete argues that animal names are sexist, and an innocent man’s photo is mistakenly linked to one of the worst crimes imaginable.


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete


    0:00 intro + Pete taking shots at his brother 

    6:47 Pete’s theory: animal names are sexist 

    15:43 “woman turns me off by braking the 4th wall in p*orn 

    20:11 Pete thinks he is closer to white than black 

    26:04 teacher fired for YouTube history 

    32:05 mans image wrongly used for child p*rn news story 

    43:39 man stabbed and the injury didn’t kill him but…

    53:12 never sleep with a friends ex even if they say it’s ok 

    1:06:21 “I don’t know how to feel about same sex couples in church”  

    1 hr 18 min
  • “Why I Struggle With Having a Daughter” | EP209

    Luke explains why being a dad to a daughter comes with conversations no man is ever prepared for. Plus, we get into self-snitching, the Tupac murder trial, and why some people seemingly cannot stop providing evidence against themselves.


    Another episode of bad decisions, uncomfortable truths and conversations that probably shouldn’t be recorded.


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete




    0:00 intro 

    5:55 2pac murder trial + self snitching 

    17:57 “one of the reason I would never kill someone”

    21:02 most “gangsters” regret their choices eventually

    23:48 “if something happened to me would you avenge me?”

    27:14 if society broke down

    31:46 nobody get bail for murder except…

    37:37 “half my life is over if I’m lucky”

    39:18 Pete’s conspiracy theory of the week 

    46:42 Dilemma: I looked at my some camera roll and saw… 

    48:59 Awkward moments being a dad to a girl

    56:08 back to dilemma 

    58:40 homeschooling 

    1 hr 12 min
  • “She Snuck Me Into a Domestic Violence Safe House” | EP208

    Luke was dating a woman who snuck him into a domestic violence refuge — and all hell broke loose when they were caught.

    Pete wonders whether Chinese and Korean people can tell each other apart, leading to the incredible story of families separated by the Korean War finally being reunited decades later.

    And Luke tells the story of a man who spent 24 years searching for his kidnapped son.


    To be the first to know about Live Shows, Merch Drops and other cool Sheet go to our website www.Lukeandpete.com and signup to our mailing list.


    If you have any questions or dilemmas please send them to the Luke and Pete Hotline (+44)07932 633 553 or E-mail [email protected] or message us on any of the socials and we will help you out Luke and Pete style😜


    Joins us on Patreon for an Exclusive Patreon episode every week, early access to the public episodes and behind the scenes content you don’t want to miss  https://www.patreon.com/LukeandPete



    0:00 intro + “Don’t hate us because you don’t agree”

    15:15 anti violence protester arrested for having in gun he found 

    17:23 watching people secretly from your window 

    20:58 locking eye

    22:58 “ive been knocked out with a hammer”

    26:31 how dirty would a woman have to be to put you off?

    44:47 how Asians look a like + and reuniting with lost family after war

    54:33 Japan lets you “disappear” 

    1:00:25 “ A woman snuck me into a domestic violence refuge”

    1:05:53 “people I’ve know as a kid shot dead” 

    1:09:25 Pete get philosophical about parenting 

    1:25:28 woman found adopted sister but mum getting in the way 

    1 hr 39 min

About Luke and Pete Talking Sheet

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Honest, outrageous, distasteful, obscene, coarse and vulgar and that’s just what their friends say... Luke Craig and Peter Rethinasamy are two Stand-up comedians and best friends who are sick and…

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