Make it Stop: A Bad Music Podcast

It's the Worst, Least-Wonderfulest time of the year. March was always a brutal month, but this one is definitely the Baddest on record - with a global pandemic forcing entire cities on lockdown, hospitals desperate for gowns, masks and ventilators, and scary spiky death graphs getting ever more urgently plotted. This is a Bad Time, #stoppies, but what are we to do in a crisis besides doubling down on this, our deepest dive so far into the most despicable, soulless, self-indulgent rock music ever made? As we stand here, dangling on the precipice of total destruction, our precious time on this planet is more important than ever. So relax, grab a tasty quarantine edible or two, and spend the next hour and 45 minutes with us as we argue over whether Nickelback or Imagine Dragons is more bad than the other one. Just like our toes dancing on that cliff's edge, it's a razor thin margin and a heckuva ride, #stoppies. Won't you join us from the safety of your own homes as we settle this, once and for all? Part of the Pantheon Podcasts Network.

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Just when you thought March couldn't get any badder, it goes ahead and gets way, way worse. Seriously, what the fuck? With a nation in turmoil, a pandemic growing exponentially more serious by the hour, and all of us confined to our houses in order to attempt to stave off an even more nightmarish dystopian timeline that seems more inevitable each day, what the fuck is a #stoppie to do? What we always do: eviscerate the most miserable audio excrement the industry has to offer. The second March Badness Semifinal round heats up with a head to head battle between horny late stage Warped Tour trashboys Hollywood Undead vs. the audio equivalent of a Crate and Barrel catalog, Imagine Dragons. Distract yourself from the sense of impending doom by deep diving with us and returning guest, dear friend of the pod Ben Stein to decide which stupid band is stupider. It's not like you have anything better to do. Part of the Pantheon Podcast Network.

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As podcasters we are the first line of defense against boredom in these unbearably trying times. As such we here at Make It Stop are *pleased* to bring you Part One of the March Badness Semi-Finals. This round pits Nickelback's 2014 post-butt experiment No Fixed Address against #1 seed Pitbull's 2014 album, which is literally called Globalization. Make It Stop mainstay Brandon Vallee jumps into the fray with Heather and Mike to tackle the nearly impossible task of determining which of these albums is worse. It's the closest match of the tournament thus far. Who will reign supreme!? Tune in to find out!

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Round 1 of the 2020 MARCH BADNESS TOURNAMENT continues, this time pitting butt rock legends Nickelback and their 2005 "classic" All the Right Reasons against radio pop stalwarts Maroon 5 and their 2015 album V. Heather and Mike are joined by Make It Stop returnee and extraordinarily funny comedian Katie McCarthy. Together they endure 22 terrible tracks and must make the dreaded decision of which artist has earned a ticket to the semi-finals to take on the first seed, Mr. Worldwide himself, Pitbull. What style of trash will win the day? The sleazy blowjob anthems of Nickelback or the tepid white boy dance pop of Adam Levine and his supposed "band"? Part of the Pantheon Podcast Network.

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Welcome to our nightmare, Stoppies! It's our first episode of the 2020 MARCH BADNESS TOURNAMENT, where the lowest rated artists from the past decade duke it out to be crowned the worst of the worst. Today's showdown begins with a familiar foe, bane of the pod Eminem and the 2009 edition of his perpetual tired ass comeback routine, Relapse. Facing off against Marshall is the milquetoast mason jar wedding band Imagine Dragons and their 2014 record Smoke + Mirrors, an album distinguished only by the fact that every song featured on it has probably washed over you in a dentist's waiting room at some point. Helping us navigate this miserable matchup are fellow bad music experts Patrick and Lilz of Jukebox Zeroes, who do their best to provide objective critique while we slowly descend into madness. Who will win (or in this case, lose) - the self deprecating, over compensating musical masochism of Eminem or the literal nothingness of Imagine Dragons? All we know is that no matter who wins in March Badness, we all lose. Part of the Pantheon Podcast Network.

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In the 1950s, wholesome whitebread protestants were terrified by the so-called "Race Records" of the likes of Little Richard, Charles Singleton and Nat King Cole. Enter Pat Boone, a palatable alternative to both black musicians and the gyrating hips of Elvis Presley. With his milquetoast covers of black artists' original compositions, Pat Boone quickly surged to superstardom, amassing millions of dollars, jumpstarting a career in film and television, and spreading the good word to his avowedly Christian Conservative audience. In 1997, at age 63, Boone decided to try his hand at an entirely new form of cultural appropriation by shedding his cardigan for a leather vest and choker, and recording In A Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy, an album of cover songs by the likes of Alice Cooper, Ronnie James Dio, Metallica, and his neighbor and friend Ozzy Osbourne. Mike D'Angelo and Ginny Nightshade of Old School Game Show join Heather and Mike to discuss this anomaly and its place in Boone's milieu. What exactly compels a Christian Conservative grandpa, birther and avowed homophobe to give a pass to the most Satanic genre? And is there any value to be found in an album made by such a wretched bigot? It's a long way to the top if you want to croon and crow. Part of the Pantheon Podcast Network.

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Despite institutional disdain and lukewarm critical reception, the Dave Matthews Band has maintained a ravenous and vocal fanbase for nearly three decades. Their patented blend of soft rock, smooth jazz and jam band wankery has wowed trust fund hippies and white hat frat bros for as long as most of us can remember. But even Dave's hordes of loyalists couldn't help but cast a weary side eye at the band's tepid crossover album, 2001's Everyday. Written and produced with the assistance of pop songwriting stalwart Glen Ballard ("Hand In My Pocket", "Man In The Mirror") after scrapping a set of beloved session tracks recorded by legendary producer Steve Lilywhite, Everyday is chock full of soaring choruses and easily digestible song structures while lacking the jazzy experimental jamminess and earnest acoustic guitar plucking that devoted Daveheads crave. Where does that leave Heather, Mike, and their guest and Stoppie for life Brian Melanson, who never cared for Dave anyway? Well, essentially, we also think this album sucks. Part of the Pantheon Podcast Network.

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Madonna Louise Ciccone has reinvented herself countless times. She's a diva, a gay icon, and a culture vulture of the highest magnitude. She redefined womens' place in popular music. Truly, she's nothing short of a legend. She's also a new age whackjob, neolib ghoul, and has literally stolen children from impoverished Africans. There is a whole lot to unpack with Madonna, and Heather and Mike tackle that undertaking on today's Make It Stop -- The Worst of Madonna. Through a career-spanning ten tracks, your hosts find Madonna trying on a bevy of ill-fitting musical costumes. Wokescold babbling with Latin influences? Check. Campy theatre jazz odes to spankings? Check. RAPPING? Multiple checks. Coming into the episode as avowed Madge stans, Heather and Mike soon learn just how horrific both her music and her personal life can get. Get into the groove and take it straight to the borderline, because it's gonna be hard to justify your love after this episode.

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The Beatles need no introduction. We all know them and their legacy. We all know how they shaped popular music for decades to come. But did you know that eleven years after the release of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band the forces of money and cocaine collided, causing a terrible supernova known as Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band -- THE MOVIE?! Helmed by a doe eyed Peter Frampton and the drug addled husks of The Bee Gees, masterminded by their manager, and rounded out with a cadre of cartoon voiced actors, Sgt. Pepper was a cultural and critical failure, earning the ire of movie and music critics alike, not to mention fans. Filtered through layers of blue eyed soul, vocoder and drug psychosis, the once iconic songs of The Beatles are hollowed out and butchered on the film's soundtrack. Joe Streeter (Have A Nice Life, Giles Corey, CONSUMER) joins Mike and Heather to endure this butchery. Now it's your turn.

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Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed guests, THE CHAMP. IS HERE. The Massachusetts-grown 10 time world champion, human meme, and all around beefcake John Cena is the subject of today's episode -- specifically, his 2005 rap album WWE: You Can't See Me. A time capsule of mid-aughts hubris, You Can't See Me is equal parts ghastly vanity project and ill-conceived showcase for Cena's dipshit cousin Tha Trademarc. The two MCs trade verses about shooting guns and flipping bricks as the eyes of every listener collectively roll deep into their skulls at the audacity and caucasity. Local filmmaker and wrestling afficionado Tony Fernandez joins Heather and Mike to analyze the merits and flaws of Make It Stop's latest white rap slog. You feeling froggy, Stoppies? THEN JUMP.

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