Make Your Damn Bed

As someone who gets flustered and frustrated during confrontations, I tend to use humor as my first line of defense, which can be a powerful tool to disarm without escalating. But when people double down, I get flustered, especially when dealing with bad-faith arguments or deeply entrenched beliefs. I am focused on learning when to escalate, confront, engage, or disengage, and it has completely changed my perspective on what makes a "successful conflict".

Not every battle needs fighting. Ask: Is this person open to dialogue, or just looking to provoke? Will bystanders benefit from your response, even if the bigot won’t? Is your energy better spent elsewhere?

If they’re just trolling, sometimes the best response is disengagement. Read the room and react accordingly.

Further Reading: https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/escalation

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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"There is much unneeded suffering in the world and in our institutional life, much of it caused by our desire to have our own way or to adapt to what we don’t believe in. Collaboration with the enemy is one form of the politics we have been waiting for: a reachable way for power, love, and neighborliness to reshape our collective lives." - Peter Block

Adam Kahane's book: https://reospartners.com/resource-library/collaborating-with-the-enemy

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing. - John Stuart Mill

The resource from Henrik Karlsson: https://www.henrikkarlsson.xyz/p/unfolding

Part 2: “Becoming perceptive”

Part 3: “Rationality is an underrated way to be authentic”

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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"If a person can’t get out of bed, something is making them exhausted. If a student isn’t writing papers, there’s some aspect of the assignment that they can’t do without help. If an employee misses deadlines constantly, something is making organization and deadline-meeting difficult. Even if a person is actively choosing to self-sabotage, there’s a reason for it — some fear they’re working through, some need not being met, a lack of self-esteem being expressed.

People do not choose to fail or disappoint. No one wants to feel incapable, apathetic, or ineffective. If you look at a person’s action (or inaction) and see only laziness, you are missing key details. There is always an explanation. There are always barriers. Just because you can’t see them, or don’t view them as legitimate, doesn’t mean they’re not there. Look harder." - Devon Price

Devon Price's Blog Post: https://humanparts.medium.com/laziness-does-not-exist-3af27e312d01

Buy the book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Laziness-Does-Not-Exist/Devon-Price/9781797120591

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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“It is love that pushes us to face the journey toward justice without flinching, love that impels us to keep going on the long, hard road, love that provides the moral compass and the map.” - Carolina De Robertis, Radical Hope: Letters of Love and Dissent in Dangerous Times

The Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/557986/radical-hope-by-carolina-de-robertis/

Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund: www.pcrf.net

GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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There are thousands of alternatives and accommodations for those of us who can't physically attend a protest or rally. Some are less glamorous than others, but some will feel like the right fit. It's a long haul. Don't give up on the fight, just keep moving forward. Add a little good where you can and reduce a little bad where you can, but don't be too critical on yourself (or your community) if you're unable to do it all at once, or you need to take breaks. We will need breaks. We will need self-care. We will need community care. We will need to be patient and kind to ourselves in the process.

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Ways to Protest from Home by Chico Democracy: https://chicodemocracy.weebly.com/protest-from-home.html

@mochaeinstein27 thoughts on the Bake Sale: https://www.instagram.com/p/DF_TKjPP0NH/?locale=es_ES%2F

Reddit for filing a complaint with the Attorney General: https://www.reddit.com/r/50501/comments/1j5i2ag/we_the_people/

More Ethical Investing: https://www.ethic.com/

DONATE:www.pcrf.net

GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Remember, if you stay prepared, you don't have to get prepared.

If you're tear gassed:

Get out of the cloud of tear gas and away from the general area as soon as you can. Seek high ground.

Walk, don’t run. Running may cause you to breath more heavily, filling your lungs with more tear gas. Try to keep breathing even.

If your eyes have been exposed and are burning or blurry, flush them with water immediately. Try not to touch your eyes, nose, or mouth. Use water from your water bottle to flush. If you can find an open drinking fountain or sink in a public restroom, flush your eyes with water for 10 to 15 minutes.

There is no evidence that baking soda or milk is better than cool water alone. There is one small randomized controlled trial that found that baby shampoo is no better than water. Using baby wipes or makeup wipes if water is not immediately available may cause increased irritation.

If possible, and you are not affected yourself, help others by moving them to a clean and ventilated area.

Do not try to remove the tear gas canisters, as doing so may put you at an increased risk for further harm and injury.

Protest Preparedness: https://www.hrc.org/resources/tips-for-preparedness-peaceful-protesting-and-safety

Know Your Rights: https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/protesters-rights 

Digital Security Checkup: https://securityinabox.org/en/

Tear Gas Protocol: https://phr.org/our-work/resources/preparing-for-protecting-against-and-treating-tear-gas-and-other-chemical-irritant-exposure-a-protesters-guide/

DONATE:www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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Before the Protest:

• Burner Phone: Ditch smartphones (or remove batteries, use Faraday bags). Use encrypted apps (Signal, but assume it’s compromised).
• Buddy System: Assign check-in times with someone not at the protest. Share arrest plans (e.g., lawyer’s contact).
• Write Emergency Contacts on Skin: In Sharpie, under clothing. Cops tend to confiscate bags/phones.

During the Protest:

• Masks & No Distinctive Clothing: Cover tattoos, wear generic attire.
• Hands Visible, No Sudden Moves: Assume any interaction with police could escalate.
• Locate Medics: Find them early. Know basic first aid for tear gas (cool, clean water works best).

If Arrested:

• Say ONLY: “I want a lawyer.” Never talk to cops.
• Expect Isolation: Authorities aren't the good guys, designate an external person to sound alarms if you're arrested.

Protest Preparedness: https://www.hrc.org/resources/tips-for-preparedness-peaceful-protesting-and-safety

Know Your Rights: https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/protesters-rights 

Digital Security Checkup: https://securityinabox.org/en/

Tear Gas Protocol: https://phr.org/our-work/resources/preparing-for-protecting-against-and-treating-tear-gas-and-other-chemical-irritant-exposure-a-protesters-guide/

DONATE:www.pcrf.net

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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"There are no exact guidelines. There are probably no guidelines at all. The only thing I can recommend at this stage is a sense of humor, an ability to see things in their ridiculous and absurd dimensions, to laugh at others and at ourselves, a sense of irony regarding everything that calls out for parody in this world. In other words, I can only recommend perspective and distance. Awareness of all the most dangerous kinds of vanity, both in others and in ourselves. A good mind. A modest certainty about the meaning of things. Gratitude for the gift of life and the courage to take responsibility for it." - Václav Havel

“Nothing can burst the balloon of pomposity and dictatorial rhetoric better than comedy. Comedy brings religious persecutors, dictators and tyrants to their knees faster than any other weapon.” - Mel Brooks

THE RESOURCES:

Mel Brooks Interview: https://www.pbs.org/wnet/americanmasters/podcast/comedy-writer-mel-brooks/

The Politics of Humor: https://www.commonwealmagazine.org/whose-laughter-which-comedy

Theories of Humor: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theories_of_humor

Manifesto: Mad Farmer Liberation Front: https://cales.arizona.edu/~steidl/Liberation.html

Václav Havel: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/V%C3%A1clav_Havel

Whimsy in the Face of Fascism: https://pshares.org/blog/domestic-whimsy-in-the-face-of-fascism/

Humor against Hitler: https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20190829-how-britain-fought-hitler-with-humour

GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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This month's patreon episode is about: Raw milk, Instagram Face, and Manufactured Consent:  The relationship between the rise in homogeny, purity culture, and conservatism; and how we can reclaim our agency. The culture of “anti-cringe”, leads to a fear of standing out, which pushes us towards not just one type of look, but one type of ideology as well.

This pipeline, which mass-produces conformity, is exactly what authoritarian systems crave. Purity politics and rising conservatism aren’t just eroding individuality—they’re manufacturing consent for control. When we dress, look, crave, and think the same, we become self-policing agents of the authoritarian state. They don’t need to enforce rules; we do it for them. And when we do the work for them, we become much easier to control. 

“THE MASS MEDIA SERVE AS A SYSTEM FOR COMMUNICATING messages and symbols to the general populace. It is their function to amuse, entertain, and inform, and to inculcate individuals with the values, beliefs, and codes of behavior that will integrate them into the institutional structures of the larger society. In a world of concentrated wealth and major conflicts of class interest, to fulfil this role requires systematic propaganda.”

These 5 filters (ownership, revenue, sourcing, flak, and fear) ensure that the media marginalizes alternative viewpoints and reinforces the status quo and though they were talking about television media, news, advertisements, and movies, much of the same implications can be applied to the media we consume on the internet. In a lot of ways, the internet didn’t just continue the propaganda model—it optimized it.

Edward S. Herman + Noam Chomsky's Manufacturing Consent: https://chomsky.info/consent02/

Wiki for Manufacturing Consent: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manufacturing_Consent

Buy the book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/78912/manufacturing-consent-by-edward-s-herman-and-noam-chomsky/

Olivia Petter's article: Are we all going to end up with the same face? https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/beauty-features-same-face-instagram-b2534111.html

GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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