Parenting is like running a marathon. It takes endurance, strength, and a whole lot of faith to make it along that journey.

On today’s show, Kelly is diving into five reasons why it might make sense for you to work with her on a longer-term, one-on-one basis while you run this life-changing marathon.

Five Reasons Why You Might Want Kelly’s Help Long-Term:

1. You have two or more major stressors happening at once.

   1. For example:

      1. You just moved to a new town AND have a new baby.

      2. You’re going through a divorce AND introducing a child to a new school.

   2. Situations like these can contribute to a child feeling unsettled and unsafe.

2. Your child has been exhibiting behavior for a long time that is not age-appropriate.

   1. Ex. Your eight-year-old has been having extreme tantrums for two years.

3. There is a really sensitive, complicated situation.

   1. Ex. Your child has a unique disease.

4. There are multiple professionals involved.

   1. This can include speech therapists, teachers, learning specialists, tutors, school administration, and even grandparents.

   2. Kelly will ensure that the child is receiving support from every other professional involved in the environment.

5. You have a family that has multiple ages in multiple stages.

   1. Kelly can help you navigate family dynamics, sibling conflicts, etc.

   2. Why was last week great and this week isn’t?

If you’re interested in working with Kelly long-term, check out:

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Ahh… the dreaded D word: discipline. Today, Kelly is offering tools to discipline effectively in every situation. However, the tools she offers are based on these two absolutes:

First, every child is unique. Many parents want one kind of discipline that will work for all of their children, but discipline is not “one size fits all”: it should be unique to each child.

Second, discipline should change as a child grows. A time-out may be effective for a four-year-old, but not for a fourteen-year-old.

Based on these Two Absolutes, Kelly is offering five tactics for effective discipline.

1. Mindset

   1. You have to be in the right mindset to be effective in your parenting.

   2. You’ve got to be firm, consistent, and constant.

   3. Focus: spend dedicated time on the discipline issue you want to correct.

   4. Discipline should be “as soft as you can, as much as you need.”

   5. If you threaten, follow through: don’t confuse your kids.

   6. Kids need firm boundaries to feel safe.

   7. Create effective, efficient, unique-to-my-child discipline.

1. Connect

   1. Speak about your children using positive words.

   2. Connection is key - when you connect with your child, they become open and receptive.

1. Family Meeting

   1. Let your kids know the plan.

   2. Give them a chance to suggest ways that they can show up well.

   3. Family meetings help your kids feel heard, even if you aren’t able to give them what they want.

These first three steps (mindset, connection, and family meeting) are all pre-game strategies. If you address these areas beforehand, you establish trust with your child before the issues arise, and harsh discipline won’t be necessary.

1. Explain the Plan

1. The Carrot

   1. Work with positive motivators.

1. Choose this thought: I’ve established boundaries and will hold firm, so that I can allow for flexibility.

   1. Be firm in your boundaries, but flexible in how you achieve them.

1. Rules for Negatively Disciplining

   1. Sometimes, even with all the prior steps, you still need to enact negative discipline. In that case:

      1. Make the discipline unique to that child.

      2. Understand that it needs to grow and change with him/her.

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Welcome to Part II in our two-part series on Safe Kids. In this episode, Kelly is discussing the one thought that will be a game-changer for the safety of your children. She then dives into three different scenarios to expound upon this point.

Most kids and adults think that the adult needs to protect the child at all times. This needs to be shifted. There are various situations when the child is capable of getting to safety without an adult’s help, and parents need to teach these skills to their children. And that’s where Kelly’s game-changing thought comes in. Ready? Here it is:

Protect kids by empowering them!!

1. First Scenario - Protecting your child at home.

   1. Teach your child that they can remove themselves from a room that feels “unsafe.”

      1. Is it too loud?

      2. Is the movie too scary?

      3. Are there too many visitors?

      4. Did something upset you?

   2. Help your child find a spot in the house that can be their “safe spot.”

2. Second Scenario - Protecting your child at the park.

   1. Have a quick huddle-up when you first arrive at the park to establish a plan.

      1. Tell the kids to look for you occasionally while they’re playing.

      2. Make a plan in case they DON’T see you when they look up.

         1. Look for another mom with kids and ask her for help.

         2. Look for a security guard/police officer.

3. Third Scenario - Protecting your child in an unfamiliar place.

   1. Have a quick huddle-up to establish a plan.

      1. Remind them to keep an eye on Mom.

      2. Tell the young ones that it’s their “job” to keep an eye on Mom.

   2. A note about swimming pools:

      1. Do not send your child to a pool with anyone but you, if you do not have a child who can swim at least 30 feet independently.

      2. Even good swimmers can struggle if they get confused.

Link from today’s show:

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Today is the first episode in a two-part series about keeping your kids safe. In this episode, Kelly reviews the crisis of violence in schools and discusses ways to keep your children safe in an unpredictable world. Namely, she suggests three ways to create a safe space for your children… and it doesn’t actually start at home!

Three Elements to Creating a Safe Space - Even in the Car

1. Connection

   1. Your car after school is a safe space for your kids to connect with you.

   2. Connection - not control - is core to a healthy relationship.

   3. Without connection to their parents, kids do not feel safe.

   4. From ages 3-8, kids are wired to connect with their parents: this is how lifelong trust is built.

   5. Kids will try to connect with you in positive ways, like hugging, or negative ways, like misbehavior, just to try to feel safe.

2. Accept and Expect

   1. You will get your child’s worst: the unloading of emotions and energy.

   2. A child who is doing well in school is exhausted by the effort and needs a release.

   3. Let yourself be a safe space for them to release their pent-up energy and emotions: you are unconditional love to them.

   4. Unloading is okay - disrespect is not.

   5. Model unloading overflow in a healthy way for them: Ex. Taking a walk so you don’t lose your own temper.

3. Dialogue about Emotions

   1. Talk to them about all of the emotions, positive or negative.

   2. Process your own emotions out loud, so they can hear you do it in a healthy way.

   3. Be honest if you’re upset, in order to normalize that emotion for them.

   4. Show them that emotions are neutral: the actions are either good or bad.

   5. Check out Brene Brown’s book, Atlas of the Heart.

   6. If parents don’t acknowledge their own angry feelings, kids won’t feel safe to express their negative emotions to their parents.

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Do you ever feel overwhelmed? On today’s podcast, Kelly is talking about overwhelm and how to help you reach a smoother, struggle-free path with your kids.

How to Get Out of Overwhelm:

1. Brain dump

   1. Grab a pen and write down your thoughts.

   2. Write down expectations you have.

   3. Write out your own memories of childhood.

2. Finish this statement: If I had it all my way…

   1. Look at these statements and see where you can get support.

3. Transition time

   1. After the brain dump, choose several things you truly want to accomplish.

   2. Ask for what you need.

   3. Find a community of moms.

   4. Prioritize self-care.

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In today’s episode, Kelly is addressing the reality that healthy parenting is not about power, control, and instant obedience; we are not made to have power over our kids. We are made to be in community, connection, and partnership with them.

Here are three ways to remove power struggles from parenting:

1. Choices

   1. Give lots of choices about things you care nothing about.

   2. Letting them pick inconsequential things will feel like a win to them.

   3. We want them to experience freedom.

2. Freedoms

   1. Freedom does not mean all bets are off.

   2. We are going to hold very firm boundaries.

   3. We want them to know themselves.

   4. “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” -Prentis Hemphil

   5. Let your child have freedom to play within the integrity of your parenting.

3. Help and Contribution

   1. Let your kids help.

   2. Helping allows them to think “I get some control here.”

   3. Adjust your expectations to the child’s abilities.

4. Bonus suggestion - Motivate with fun!

   1. We are made for abundance.

   2. Allow each kid a day to set the schedule, choose the food, the activities, etc.

   3. Connect with your kids.

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Do you find yourself repeating yourself over and over again? Do you think your child will never listen? Try this counterintuitive suggestion: talk less, and they will listen more.

How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Unnecessary Words:

1. Connection

   1. Connection is the conduit to cooperation.

   2. Connection moves kids from a defensive state to a receptive one.

2. Music

3. Alarm Clock

   1. Create an environment where your kids can be independent.

4. Timer

5. Make a List

   1. If your child can’t write, let them draw a picture list.

6. Race and competition

   1. Who can get all the dirty clothes picked up fastest?

   2. Carrots over consequences: no empty threats

7. 911 scenario

   1. When you need instantaneous obedience:

      • Reconnect

      • Hug

      • Make eye-contact.

      • Understand their needs.

      • Make sure they understand your plan.

8. Play!

   1. Play is hardwired and God-given.

   2. “Scientists have determined that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in your brain, unless it’s done in play, which takes between 10 and 20 repetitions.”

   3. The virtue of eutrapelia is the virtue of right recreation.

   4. Bring play into whatever they need to do.

   5. Play can help parents de-stress.

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God designed us to communicate with our bodies first, to “make visible what is invisible,” as JPII said. If your child is throwing a tantrum, he/she is trying to communicate something to you through his/her body.

1st foundation: Who did God make us to be in our bodies?

1. The body was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world the mystery hidden in it.

2. In order to reveal ourselves, we have to understand ourselves: that tantrum is data!

3. Your child is reacting to the systems inside his/her body.

4. Know your own systems as well!

2nd foundation: God is love.

1. We’re the only creatures who can make a gift of ourselves to another.

2. We need to manage ourselves so we can be that gift.

3rd Foundation: Prayer

1. “Grace does not destroy nature, but perfects it.” - St. Thomas Aquinas

2. Grace is the change agent.

3. JPII said there were three key areas to living Theology of the Body:

   1. Prayer

   2. Eucharist

   3. Confession

4. Invite the Holy Spirit into your parenting.

5. Be demanding and recollect yourself in prayer.

6. Moms: pray for the superpowers God gave you!

   1. Receptivity

   2. Generosity

Questions, comments, or eager to learn more? Check out Kelly on Instagram!

Want stress-free, fun, enjoyable parenting? Book a coaching call!

Today, Kelly is debunking five thought errors and explaining why a parenting coach call is the best Mother’s Day gift.

Five Common Thought Errors Among Parents:

1. How I show up to my child won’t change.

   1. There is no child/parent dynamic that can’t be healed.

   2. You CAN change.

   3. You’ve already changed, adapted, and sacrificed.

2. I should know how to do this.

   1. How?

   2. A child’s system is complicated.

   3. The sensory systems greatly influence how 3-to-8-year-olds show up.

   4. You may need help!

3. Parenting is ALWAYS going to be hard.

   1. You get to do what works for you.

   2. Certain stages are more challenging.

   3. This is normal, age-appropriate behavior.

4. I should already be the expert on my child.

   1. This is a process.

   2. This is God’s design of intentionally growing YOU.

   3. An outside perspective can be HUGE to families.

5. I’m doing this alone.

   1. You are NEVER in it by yourself.

   2. God is always there.

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In today’s episode, Kelly is offering three alternatives to replace the classic “time-out” approach.

Three Alternatives In Place of Time-Out

1. Time-In

   1. A time-out removes - a time-in invests.

   2. Kids seek attention: even negative attention.

   3. Initiate connection.

   4. Invoke the Holy Spirit!

1. Time-EN

   1. Engage to find out what is going on in their world.

   2. Tell them exactly what is going to happen next.

1. Tune-in

   1. Get tuned in to what kids have going on.

   2. See their cues of getting tired/frustrated.

   3. Let them know that you see and value them.

   4. The Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart (1st Samuel 16:7).

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