Making Wholeness Possible

Shame has a way of taking something that happened and turning it into a story about who we are.

I’m not enough.There’s something wrong with me.I have to prove myself.If people really knew me, maybe they wouldn’t love or accept me.

In this episode, Danae and Ken talk honestly about how shame gets formed, how it shows up through our inner critic, comparison, old labels, and the lies we learn to believe about ourselves.

Danae shares some of the ways she is beginning to recognize shame in her own life and Ken shares how shame quietly drove much of his life for years, and what has helped him begin to loosen its grip.

Together, they talk about courage, compassion, connection, and the ongoing practice of learning to believe what is actually true about who we are.

• Notice when your shame voice shows up.• Ask yourself: What am I believing right now?• What am I afraid this says about me?• Is this actually true?• Where did I learn this?• Pay attention to comparison and how quickly it can feed shame.• Practice naming the lie and choosing what you really believe instead.• Share what you are carrying with a safe, empathetic person rather than holding it alone.

You may not be able to silence shame overnight, but awareness can help you stop automatically believing the old story.

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

Also check out Brené Brown’s books, website, and podcast - a excellent resource! https://brenebrown.com/

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As our parents age, our relationship with them can begin to change in ways we may not be prepared for.

We want to love them well. We want to be there when they need us. But when health concerns, difficult decisions, anxiety, and old family patterns enter the picture, it can become hard to know where caring ends and overfunctioning begins.

In this episode, Danae and Ken are joined by their good friend Chad Crawford for an honest conversation about what self-differentiation looks like with aging parents.

Chad shares what he is learning as his own parents enter a new season of life, from navigating health challenges and medical decisions to recognizing his tendency to become the problem solver and emotional stabilizer when anxiety is high.

Together, they explore what it means to show up as an adult son or daughter, allow our parents to remain responsible for their own lives, manage our own anxiety, and recognize what is ours to carry and what isn’t.

Define how you want to show up.Take some time to ask yourself: Who do I want to be with my parents as they age? Consider writing a simple guiding principle to help you stay grounded when emotions or anxiety are high.

Get curious about their story.Ask your parents about the experiences that shaped them. What was their childhood like? What were their parents like? What experiences influenced the way they see the world today? Curiosity can help us understand our parents beyond our own experience of them.

Pay attention to your own patterns.When stress rises, notice what happens in you. Do you start fixing, controlling, withdrawing, overfunctioning, or taking responsibility for everyone else’s emotions? Simply noticing the pattern can help you begin responding differently.

Make room for grief.Aging brings loss, both for our parents and for us. Rather than avoiding that reality, allow yourself to acknowledge and experience the grief that can come with watching someone you love enter a new season.

And remember: you’ve never done this season before. There isn’t one perfect way to navigate it.

You can love your parents deeply, show up for them well, and continue learning what belongs to you and what doesn’t.

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

Get Into Action This WeekLearn More

What happens when someone else’s mood, approval, criticism, or disappointment starts shaping how you feel about yourself?

That’s where fusion can begin.

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken unpack the opposite of self-differentiation: fusion. They explore how fusion can show up in relationships, work, comparison, people pleasing, control, criticism, and even the way we measure our own worth.

Danae shares honestly about a past friendship where she slowly began losing pieces of herself, as well as the way fusion can still show up in her creative work when feedback feels personal. Ken explains why anxiety is at the center of fusion, why we all carry some degree of it into adulthood, and why becoming more whole doesn’t mean becoming disconnected.

It means learning to stay connected while becoming less reactive, less dependent on approval, and more grounded in who you are.

• Notice where you become reactive. Pay attention to the people or situations where you immediately feel the need to fix, defend, please, control, withdraw, or gain approval.

• Stop trying to make everyone think, feel, or act like you. Practice allowing other people to have a different perspective without making their difference a threat.

• Coach yourself through the anxiety. Ask: What do I actually think? What do I actually believe? How do I want to show up here?

• Practice tolerating emotional discomfort. Let someone be disappointed, disagree with you, or have their own emotional response without immediately trying to make it go away.

• Take a stand without cutting off. Practice being clear about what you think and believe while still remaining connected to people who see things differently.

Wholeness doesn’t happen by eliminating every fused reaction. It happens one small step at a time as we learn to recognize them, regulate our anxiety, and keep becoming more fully ourselves.

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

Get Into Action This WeekLearn More

What happens when you know who you want to be, but someone you care about disagrees with you, gets angry, or wants you to be different?

That’s where self-differentiation gets real.

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae shares a recent conflict where anxiety took over, she shut down, and afterward found herself wrestling with a familiar tension: How do I stay connected to someone I love without giving up myself just to keep the peace?

Ken and Danae talk honestly about the difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker, defining yourself instead of defending yourself, tolerating someone else’s disappointment, and learning to stay grounded when relationships become uncomfortable.

They also explore why emotional maturity is less about getting it right every time and more about noticing what happened, taking responsibility for your part, and getting back on the practice field.

Show Notes: 

Choose one relationship or situation where you tend to lose yourself, become defensive, withdraw, or feel responsible for keeping everyone happy.

Then practice these simple questions:

• What do I think?

• What do I believe?

• What do I want?

• How do I want to show up here?

• Can I allow this person to be who they are without needing to change them?

And when you don’t handle it perfectly, resist the urge to beat yourself up. Get curious about what happened, coach yourself toward how you want to respond next time, and keep practicing.

Bonus way to get into action this week:

Pay attention to where you are expecting someone else to be different than they are.

Maybe it’s your spouse, your adult child, a friend, a coworker, or someone in your family.

Notice where you are thinking, I wish they would think differently. Respond differently. Make a different choice. Be more like I want them to be.

Then practice letting them be who they are.

You can still have hopes for them. You can still have boundaries. You can still disagree.

But self-differentiation means allowing another fully functioning adult to make their own choices without making your peace dependent on them becoming different.

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

What guides the way you respond when anxiety, shame, or old patterns begin to take over?

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken continue the conversation about self-definition by exploring guiding principles: clear, intentional declarations about the kind of person you want to be and how you want to show up in the world.

Together, they talk about why lasting change requires more than willpower, how to practice a guiding principle until it becomes more natural, and why difficult days are not failure. They are simply part of the practice.

You will also learn how to recognize an area of your life that may need a guiding principle, how to create one that feels true and compelling, and why this work is easier when we do it in community.

Show Notes: 

Get into action this week

Think about an area of your life where you repeatedly react in a way you later regret. Ask yourself:

• What belief, fear, or old vow may be shaping that response?

• What do I want to believe instead?

• How do I want to show up when anxiety is present?

Then write one short, positive declaration that reflects the person you are choosing to become. Try it on, practice it, and give yourself grace as you learn to live into it.

You can also begin by naming three to five people you deeply admire. Write down the qualities you admire in them, and consider whether one of those qualities could become a guiding principle for your own life.

Learn More:

Faithwalking’s self-guided course, Guiding Principles: A Pathway to Becoming Your Best Self: https://faithwalking.com/courses/guiding-principles-a-pathway-to-becoming-your-best-self-seminar/

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

Boundaries can feel selfish, harsh, or like something that will create distance in our relationships. But healthy boundaries are not walls that shut people out. They help us understand where we end and another person begins, what belongs to us, and what we are no longer willing to give away.

In this vulnerable conversation, Danae shares honestly about her own struggle with boundaries and what she is beginning to uncover about why they can feel so difficult. 

Together, they explore how boundaries help us become more self-defined, why a boundary is about what we will do rather than controlling someone else, and why limits without consistent consequences are often only hopes.

Show Notes: 

Ways to Get Into Action This Week:

Start small:

• Notice one place where you are saying yes when you genuinely want to say no.

• Practice saying a clear, respectful no without overexplaining or defending your decision.

• Pay attention to how you respond when someone else tells you no. Can you allow them to hold their boundary without pressuring, withdrawing, or taking it personally?

• When guilt or discomfort surfaces, remind yourself that feeling uncomfortable does not necessarily mean you are doing something wrong.

No one can do the work for you, but you do not have to do it alone.

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

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What does it look like to stay grounded at work when emotions are high, conversations are hard, and people are looking to you to lead?

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken are joined by Kelly Andamasaris, co-owner and administrator of Absorbent Minds Montessori School, for a practical and honest conversation about self-regulation in the workplace.

Kelly shares what she has learned through nearly two decades of leading a school community, including how to pause before reacting, listen when others are emotional, hold compassion and boundaries together, and recognize when someone else’s anxiety does not have to become your own.

Together, Danae, Ken, and Kelly talk about the real work of emotional maturity: not shutting off your feelings, but learning how to steward them well so they serve the moment instead of controlling it.

This conversation is for leaders, teachers, parents, business owners, team members, and anyone who wants to show up with more intention when work feels personal, pressured, or emotionally charged.

SHOW NOTES:

Ways to get into action this week:

• Notice when you start taking something personally. Pause and ask, “Is this really about me, or could this be about their anxiety, worry, or fear?”
• Practice caring for others without taking responsibility for fixing everything for them.
• Pay attention to where empathy may be pulling you into someone else’s emotions instead of helping you stay grounded and present.
• Build your tolerance for emotional discomfort, both in yourself and in the people around you.
• Choose one hard moment this week to pause, calm yourself, think, and then respond from who you want to be.

Learn More

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here:

https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected]

Learn more about Absorbent Minds Montessori School:

https://thesmarterkids.com

Self-regulation is not about pretending you are fine, stuffing your emotions, or never feeling angry, anxious, afraid, or overwhelmed.

It is about learning to notice what is happening inside of you, pause before you react, and choose how you want to show up.

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken continue the conversation on self-regulation by unpacking the five dimensions of self-regulation: emotional control, behavioral control, thought control, adaptability, and believing in yourself in a way that helps you become proactive.

Together, they talk about what it looks like to feel your feelings without being controlled by them, take responsibility for your role in a problem, live with integrity, manage distractions, pause between the demands of the day, and practice courage when fear is present.

This episode is a reminder that emotional maturity does not happen by accident. It grows through awareness, practice, responsibility, grace, and the willingness to keep choosing who you want to be.

SHOW NOTES: 

Ways to get into action this week:

1. Notice where you get triggered.Pay attention to the moments when you feel angry, anxious, defensive, overwhelmed, or afraid. What happened? What expectation was unmet? What story did you start telling yourself?

2. Monitor your reactions.Ask yourself: How do I behave when I get triggered? Do I fire off the email? Shut down? Withdraw? Overfunction? Blame? Try to control the situation? Talk about someone instead of talking to them?

3. Ask a responsibility question.When something feels hard or frustrating, pause and ask: What is my role in keeping this problem in place? Your role may be active or passive, but noticing it helps you begin to respond differently.

4. Practice a small pause.Before moving from one task, conversation, or responsibility to the next, take a moment to breathe, walk, pray, sit quietly, or do something that helps your brain and body reset.

5. Choose one small place to practice.Do not try to fix everything at once. Pick one area where you can practice self-regulation this week. Start with the easiest place, celebrate small wins, and let that growth begin to impact the rest of your life.

Learn More

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected]

In last week’s episode, we talked about what anxiety is and how it shows up in our reactions. This week, we’re taking the next step: what do we do when anxiety is actually happening?

Ken and Danae talk about how we begin moving from noticing anxiety in the rearview mirror to recognizing it in real time. They unpack the practice of stopping, calming ourselves, thinking clearly, naming the threat, and using guiding principles to help us show up as the person we want to be.

They also talk about repair, what it looks like to acknowledge when anxiety got the best of us, and how to take responsibility without blaming the other person.

This work takes courage, practice, and grace. The goal is not to get it perfect. The goal is to keep becoming more aware, more grounded, and more whole.

Show Notes: 

Ways to Get Into Action This Week:

Take some time this week to reflect on a moment when you felt triggered or anxious.

Ask yourself:

• When did anxiety show up?

• How did I react?

• What was I being threatened by?

• Was there something from my first formation or childhood that may have been stirred up?

• How did I try to protect myself?

• How do I want to show up differently next time?

Then, write a short guiding principle that can help you in that moment. Keep it clear, direct, and easy to remember.

For example:

• I am brave enough to talk about deep things with the people I want to.
• I am not threatened by my imperfection.
• I am present when things feel uncomfortable.
• I am honest without being reactive.

And if anxiety got the best of you, consider whether there is a repair conversation you need to have. That might sound like:

“I realized I didn’t show up the way I wanted to.”

“My anxiety got stirred up, and I reacted.”

“I’m sorry for the impact that had on you.”

“I want to keep practicing showing up differently.”

No one can do this work for you, but you do not have to do it alone.

Learn More

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

Anxiety does not always look like worry.

Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like keeping the peace. Sometimes it looks like venting, controlling, fixing, shutting down, or taking responsibility for things that are not actually ours to carry.

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken begin a new conversation around self-regulation and anxiety. They talk about the difference between acute anxiety and chronic anxiety, how anxiety shows up in our relationships, and why our reactions are often connected to a deeper sense of threat.

They also explore some of the common ways we miss anxiety in ourselves.

This conversation invites us to look beneath the surface of our reactions and begin asking a better question: What am I being threatened by?

The goal is not to never feel anxiety. The goal is to learn how to manage ourselves in the middle of it so we can show up with more maturity, honesty, courage, and love.

Show Notes: 

Ways to Get Into Action This Week:

Think about one moment this week when you got triggered, reactive, angry, defensive, shut down, or stirred up.

Then take a few minutes to reflect:

• Who was involved?

• What happened?

• How did you react?

• What did you think but not say?

• What did you feel in your body?

• What were you angry, afraid, or anxious about?

• What threat did you experience?

• Did you feel dismissed, controlled, unseen, blamed, exposed, abandoned, or afraid of messing something up?

Then ask one more question:

• How would I like to show up differently next time?

You may not catch your anxiety in the moment at first. That is okay. Start in the rearview mirror. Look back. Get curious. Practice one small step toward becoming a less anxious presence.

Thank you for listening to Making Wholeness Possible. Stay curious. Keep practicing. This is how wholeness becomes possible.

Learn More

Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.

Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected]